8:00 PM: Here we go again. Tonight, the final 10 women perform.
Recall that this is "dedication week".
8:03 PM: First up is Gina Glocksen. Gina dedicates her performance to her boyfriend. Gina performs Heart's "Alone". It's a bit of a shaky start, but the finish is strong. That's a good choice for Gina. Randy agrees, says she started out "pitchy" but "got it together". Paula calls it an "excellent job". Simon agrees it was a great song choice, but says he's "confused" about who she is. Simon thought she was more "edgy" than that. Simon tells her she can't outsing some of the divas, so she should bring out the edgy.
It escaped me last nite that first-up Phil Stacey dedicated his song to his Navy buddies. He sang John Waite's "Missing You". You know, with the chorus line "I ain't missing you at all". Just sayin'.
8:13 PM: Next up is Alaina Alexander. She dedicates her performance to her Mom. Alaina performs the Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready To Make Nice".
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR "I LOVE YOU, BUT I HATE YOU" SONG CHOICES??? DO YOU ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THESE SONGS WHEN YOU CHOOSE THEM???
Alaina blows it. This song is too big for her. Randy agrees. He says she was out of tune, he calls it "a mess" and "all over the place". Paula agrees that it was "off" but not as bad as Randy says. Paula also says "but you look great honey". Uh oh. Simon says, "it's like Randy running 100 metres [he spells it that way -- Ed.]. Three quarters of the way into the race, he would run out of steam. You ran out of steam." Simon thought the finish was terrible.
I thought Alaina did not have one of the best performances last week, and I thought she might be living on borrowed time after Thursday's results show. I think Alaina's run has come to an end. She's out.
8:18 PM: Next up is Lakisha Jones, who is the best singer in the competition. After that trainwreck, she could sing the phonebook and it would sound like genius. Lakisha dedicates her performance to her Grandmother. Lakisha performs Gladys Knight's "Midnight Train To Georgia". OMG, right after I made the "trainwreck" comment. This is one of my favorite songs. Lakisha nails it. Of course. But she dialed it back a little this week. She knew she didn't need to be 150%. Randy says he could tell she was nervous at the start, but that she turned it around. "That was hot." Paula loved it. Simon says it wasn't as good as last week, which is absolutely true. Simon advises Lakisha that she should start acting like the star she is -- which is also a comment about her nerves. Simon also doesn't like Lakisha's outfit.
8:26 PM: Next up is Melinda Doolittle. Melinda dedicates her performance to her two closest friends. She calls them her "Gayles". "I'm Oprah and you're my Gayles." Okay, so Melinda is gay??? Melinda performs "My Funny Valentine", the jazz and crooner standard that has been performed by lots of people. WOW!!! She didn't just hit that out of the park -- she broke a windshield in the parking lot!!! She has thrown down the gauntlet. The judges are nearly speechless. Randy says "she's in it to win it". Paula thought it was fantastic. Simon called it "without doubt the best vocal we've heard throughout the competition". I think the vocal was equal to Lakisha's vocal last week, but this was definitely the best *performance* so far. Melinda looked like a star. Simon tells Melinda that the quality they most like about Melinda is that they think she is genuine and would not "change" if she won.
8:37 PM: Next up is Antonella Barba. I missed to whom Antonella dedicated her song -- I'll find it and fill it in later. Antonella performs Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me". Did I say "performed"? I meant FUCKING BUTCHERED. THAT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLE!!! Randy agrees, says the song was "way too big for you", and was "all over the place". Paula says she was better than last week, which could not be hard, and may be true [she was horrible last week, but votefortheworst.com is pulling for her, and she's hot, so she made it through]. Simon disagrees with Paula -- he thinks Antonella was worse than last week. I didn't know that was possible. Antonella decides to pick a fight with Simon and says "Simon was wrong about Jennifer Hudson". All three judges take umbrage at that remark. Simon says, no, we got her to Idol, it was America that was wrong about Jennifer Hudson, not us. Simon, gentlemanly, says "if I'm wrong about you, and America disagrees with me, you'll be back next week."
P.S. There is no discussion about Antonella's racy pix. Idol has dealt with this. Let's all move on.
8:46 PM: Next up is Jordin Sparks. Jordin dedicates her performance to her younger brother. Jordin performs Christina Aguilera's "Reflection". Ballsy. Jordin is a little shaky. She's probably emotional and nervous. She's also probably just not up to this very difficult song. Yeah, she's missing notes now. Randy catches the nerves. Randy says it's a big, tough song. He says she missed a few notes, and it wasn't her best, but she'll be back. Paula agrees it wasn't her best and could tell the emotion of the dedication got to her. Simon agrees, not your best, but far better than some of the other performances. That comment was obvs aimed squarely at Antonella.
8:57 PM: Ryan tells us that Kellie Pickler will be the special guest on tomorrow's results show.
8:58 PM: Next up is Stephanie Edwards. Stephanie dedicates her performance to her Mom and Dad. Stephanie performs Beyonce's "Dangerously In Love". I don't think it's a good song choice, because it's not familiar to lots of people. BUT SHE FUCKING NAILS THE PERFORMANCE!!! When I wasn't looking at the screen, I could hear Beyonce. OMG, that finish gave me goose bumps! Randy says it was incredible and better than last week. Randy cautions Stephanie to *not* to try to sound like Beyonce but to sound like Stephanie. Paula says it was fantastic, and people love Beyonce, and now they'll love Stepanie. Simon says he agrees with Paula. Simon's quiet agreement with Paula's glowing review makes me think Simon had a reaction similar to mine.
Lakisha, Melinda, Stephanie -- folks, we got us a contest here.
9:08 PM: Next up is Leslie Hunt. Leslie dedicates her performance to her late Grandfather. Leslie performs "Feelin' Good", which as we know has been covered by several people. OMFG CAN WE PLEASE OUTLAW THIS SONG FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON??? A.J. DID THE SAME SONG LAST NITE!!! Leslie's twist was the jazzy style, with an a cappella beginning. I thought the performance was okay -- middle of the pack okay -- but not great. Randy didn't like it, he said she was pitchy. Paula thought it was great that Leslie got back to her strength. Simon said it was a good performance -- not great -- but that Leslie had the misfortune to follow some very excellent performances. Paula: "You know, it's like ice cream. Not everyone likes the same flavor." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. WTF WAS THAT??? Simon responds: "Yes, but I'm afraid that performance was very 'vanilla'."
[DHMBIB Poll Question O' The Night -- What is Paula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
a) "Vicodin-and-Zima"
b) "Quaalude-and-Bartles-&-Jaymes"
c) "Everclear-tini"
d) "LiLo-Fat French Vanilla Connection"
Leave your guesses in the comments.]
9:14 PM: Next up is Haley Scarnato. Haley dedicates her performance to her husband. Haley performs Whitney Houston's "Queen Of The Night". The performance is very energetic, but it's still not "there". Randy just wasn't feeling it, and he doesn't like the song, because of the prominence of the background vocals. Simon: "that's why she chose it". Paula thinks it was head-and-shoulders above last week's performance. Simon brings up the old "don't sing Whitney [Xtina, Celine, etc.] because you'll be compared to her, and your performance suffers in comparison". Simon says it just wasn't a very good performance and predicts she will be in the bottom three this week. Translation: "8) Haley; 9) Alaina; 10) Antonella. You'd better hope VFTW and the porn-loving douchebags don't pass Antonella through."
9:23 PM: Our final performance of the night is from Sabrina Sloan. Sabrina dedicates her performance to her Grandmother. Sabrina performs Whitney Houston's "All The Man I Need". This has gotta be killing Haley, to hear the NEXT PERFORMER show how to sing Whitney. It wavers a little, but it's better than Haley. Randy thinks it's a great performance, though it did waver in spots. Paula thinks she's definitely one of the best in the competition. Simon warns Sabrina not to confuse shouting with powerful singing. He gives Sabrina a half-hearted repeat of the Whitney speech he gave Haley. He said he preferred her last week, but she's definitely a contender and will be back.
9:30 PM: And so, tonite's performances are complete. Here is my ranking of the women tonite: 1) Melinda Doolittle; 2) Stephanie Edwards; 3) Sabrina Sloan; 4) Lakisha Jones; 5) Jordin Sparks; 6) Gina Glocksen; 7) Leslie Hunt; 8) Haley Scarnato; 9) Alaina Alexander; 10) Antonella Barba. I'll update this entry later with DialIdol's statistics.
[UPDATED 4:00 AM:] DialIdol has the women in the following order: 1) Melinda Doolittle; 2) Lakisha Jones; 3) Antonella Barba; 4) Jordin Sparks; 5) Alaina Alexander; 6) Sabrina Sloan; 7) Haley Scarnato; 8) Leslie Hunt; 9) Stephanie Edwards; 10) Gina Glocksen.
DialIdol's predictions should become less reliable every season, as more viewers vote by SMS instead of by phone. But if the actual voting results for Wednesday look anything like this, this is a travesty.
Tune in Thursday to find out how accurate DialIdol is this week.
*****
16-year-old Christina Aguilera was selected to sing "Reflection", the centerpiece song for the Disney movie Mulan, because her demo of Whitney Houston's [!] "Run To You" showed that she could hit the high "E" ("E" above tenor high "C") required for "Reflection". The rest is history.
Memo to American Idol contestants: do not sing Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, or Christina Aguilera if you cannot actually sing the song. It doesn't matter whether the song is a personal favorite of yours -- if you can't sing it, don't sing it.
Christina Aguilera - Reflection [mp3, via YSI]
Christina Aguilera - Reflection [mp3, via zShare]
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
This Week In Tonight In American Idol: 28 February 2007 Edition
Video Of The Day: Charlotte Church [28 February 2007 Edition]
Some readers may recall Charlotte Church as the teenage Welsh ingenue with the big voice who achieved worldwide acclaim for her unique renditions of classical arias. Well, our little girl is all grow'd up now.
A couple of years ago, Charlotte decided to take her singing career in a modern BritPop direction. She released a straight-ahead pop album that achieved only modest success in Britain and was never even released Stateside.
Last fall, Charlotte decided to put her stalled music career on hold in favor of a television variety show project. The Charlotte Church Show seems to be a distant relative of American-style "late night" "talk shows", as it features a mix of sketch comedy, celebrity guests, interviews, and musical performances. The show has been only modestly successful in Britain [it's up against a popular long-established competitor] but has been renewed for two more seasons.
One feature of the show is a closing musical performance featuring Charlotte and a musical guest. In her short time on the air, Charlotte has been quite adept at getting some A- and B-list musicians to join her, and the performances are usually quite good. Trust me -- I've seen a few.
I stumbled upon the clip below on YouTube while searching around for something completely unrelated. This closing performance from the 6 October 2006 show features Alesha, who is better known in Britain as a former member of the R&B trio Mis-Teeq -- yet another BritPop fave that never caught on in the U.S. [their only Stateside hit was "Scandalous", which appeared in the dreadful Catwoman movie]. Charlotte and Alesha [and Charlotte's house band] take on The Killers's "Somebody Told Me", and the sound is...well, about what it would sound like if a Pop/R&B singer did the song on one of our "late night" shows with the house band.
I approached the clip with trepidation, but I quickly found myself digging the reworked version with the horns and female backing vocals. I also found it interesting that the women decided not to change the gender roles in the chorus ["well somebody told me, you had a boyfriend, who looked like a girlfriend, that I had in February of last year"]. Depending on your perspective of the narrative -- even the original is eyebrow-raising in its own way -- that makes the female version hotter, or weirder, or possibly both.
Because I haven't had one of these in a while, I decided to make this my Video Of The Day. Enjoy.
NYTimes: Have You Guys Heard Of This "American Idol" Thing?
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.
Celebrities! They're Just Like Us!: Katharine McPhee & Tyra Banks (27 February 2007 Edition)
I deliberately did not post this "ahead" of time, because I saw no need to give Tyra Banks any more free publicity than she was already receiving over this.
*****
* Just like us!: Katharine McPhee has love handles:
*****
* Just like us!: Tyra Banks wants to cop a feel of Kat's girls:
[Sidra: "They're real, and they're spectacular."]
*****
In a transparent effort to goose ratings, Tyra Banks's people posted these videos and some still photos last week. Can you imagine the reaction of the affiliates and advertisers? "Gee, thanks, Tyra. Thanks for giving it away for free ahead of time. You know -- so no one would need to WATCH IT WHEN IT AIRS or anything!!! Thanks bunches!"
BREAKING: Antonella Barba Is Different From Frenchie Davis
American Idol Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe told ew.com that Idol would not take any action against [Catholic University coed] Antonella Barba as a result of the racy pix of her that have shown up online.
Best laugher in the report:
"Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says he has not seen any of the Internet pictures, and only learned of the sexually explicit shots from EW."
[Har, har, har! Stop it Nigel -- you're killing me!!!]
Asked to explain the difference between the Barba controversy and the racy photos that got Frenchie Davis kicked off AI2, Lythgoe replied: "Well, ya see, Antonella is a thin, hot, white girl. Idol viewers *wanted* to see these pictures..."
[Nigel Lythgoe did not say that. We made that up -- Ed.]
[We have deliberately not linked to any sites that have these very-NSFW pix. If you care to see them, try googling "antonella barba photos" and scan through the first few results -- Ed.]
BREAKING: Tired, Bored Oscar Viewers Turn Off Teevees Early
Because ABC told Nielsen that the official end -- for ratings purposes -- of Sunday nite's Oscar telecast would be 11:59 PM, the Nielsen "average" numbers released on Monday do not reflect the real ratings of the ceremony. It is widely-known in the biz that lots of viewers turn off the show if it runs past midnite, which Sunday's ran-til-12:22AM-snoozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzathon did. Including that lower-rated period would have lowered the broadcast's "average" ratings number.
I would assume that the networks pay Nielsen for something-like-reel-real-time-numbers, and knew from past experience that this would be the case. I would also assume that the decision to cut off the measurement at midnite was a desparate attempt to keep the average ratings from sinking below the average ratings for the AI6 season premiere, which would have been a disaster for ABC:
Oscars, 25 February 2007: 39.9 million
American Idol, 16 January 2007: 37.4 million
*****
Bonus: Sunday's Oscar telecast was the third-longest ever, behind only 2000 [12:41 AM finish] and 2002 [12:34 AM finish].
39.9 Mil, but Who's Counting? [washingtonpost.com -- first item]
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
This Week In Tonight In American Idol: 27 February 2007 Edition
We're back. 10 men and 10 women remain. Tonight, the men perform.
8:01 PM: Ryan sends a shout-out to Jennifer Hudson on her Oscar win on Sunday nite. Yeah, it was all us. HEAR THAT J.HUD??? YOU'D BE NOWHERE WITHOUT US!!!
8:02 PM: Ryan introduces the judges. Any advice for the men this week? Randy: "I know they'll be better than they were last week". It would be hard not to be better than that steaming pile of shite. Paula: "Just have fun". Simon: "Let's leave it up to the singing".
8:03 PM: This week's performances are "dedicated to the people who inspire us".
8:05 PM: First up is Phil Stacey. Phil dedicates his performance to the fine men and women who are protecting us overseas. Very nice. Phil performs John Waite's "Missing You". He nails it. Randy calls it "hot". Paula says "I can hear you right now on the radio". Simon says "I'm not jumping out of my chair". The audience groans. Simon calls Phil "completely unoriginal", "not unique", and "good karaoke" but predicts Phil will be back next week.
8:13 PM: Next up is Jared Cotter. Jared dedicates his performance to his Mom and Dad. Jared performs Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On". I'm not really digging it. It sounds like he's struggling to hit the right notes. His range seems to be limited. Randy says "it started rough" and calls it "pitchy", but he liked "the face move". Randy and Paula joke with each other, and Paula can't keep it together, especially after Simon tells her "you were funny there, for once". Paula completely trips over words but manages to tell Jared "you looked good". Uh oh. Simon takes over from the giddy Paula and says it "reminded me of the Love Boat", a "cabaret singer on the Love Boat". Randy says "that would've been a great Love Boat".
8:17 PM: Next up is A.J. Tabaldo. A.J. dedicates his performance to his Mom and Dad. A.J. performs Nina Simone's Michael Buble's The Pussycat Dolls' "Feelin' Good". Jimmeny Christmas, how many times are we gonna hear this song this season??? A.J.'s performance seems a little shaky but good. I didn't catch all the comments, and none of the judges are crazy about it, but the judges gave him credit for going out of his comfort zone. Simon liked it but was not crazy about it. My sister says, "nice try", which she thinks is bad news.
8:27 PM: Next up is Sanjaya Malakar. Sanjaya dedicates his performance to his Grandfather. Sanjaya performs Irving Berlin's "Steppin Out". He rocks a fedora. I'm not digging the fedora or the performance. He seems flat. His voice is too thin. Randy's not digging it either. Randy calls it "like a bad high school talent show" performance, and thinks it's an odd choice. Randy also says "I like you". Paula thinks it's a bad choice too. Paula thinks he should stick with songs that reflect his youth. Simon calls it "ghastly", "weird", and "like a lunch where after lunch the kids all dress up and sing". Sanjaya is in big trouble.
8:36 PM: Next up is Chris Sligh. Chris dedicates his performance to his wife. Chris performs Ray Lamontagne's Taylor Hicks's "Saved By A Woman". Chris nailed that! Randy liked it and encourages Chris to "return with your big voice". Paula likes it but calls it "pitchy" and warns him "not to get ahead of the music". Simon says, "we passed you through because you were a good singer. Tonite, you were a good singer". All judges think it's the right choice for Chris. I thought it sounded very Taylor Hicks, and Ryan reminds us that Taylor did indeed perform this song last season.
8:46 PM: Next up is Nick Pedro. Nick dedicates his performance to his wife. Nick and his wife were apart on Valentine's Day, and he wants his song to be her VDay gift. Nick performs "Fever" by a hundred different people. I'm not really digging this. Randy says "that's the Nick we fell in love with" but also calls it a little "pitchy". Paula also says "that's the Nick we love" and that he should "go for it". Simon says he lacked "charisma". Simon says this is Nick's biggest issue. Ryan tries to bait Simon into a kerfluffle about how Simon would restyle Nick, but Simon is not in the mood for it.
8:55 PM: Next up is Blake Lewis. Blake dedicates his performance to his parents. Blakes performs Jamiroquai's "Virtual Insanity". This is completely off. His singing is way wrong. His record-scratch and Michael-Jackson-dancing are nice touches. But it's now very clear that he is not the second coming of Justin Timberlake. Randy loved it, but I think Randy gave him extra points for degree-of-difficulty. Paula calls him "unique". Simon will savage him. Here it is. Simon called it a "copycat performance" and "out-of-tune". Only the middle section was "original". Simon: "I was very disappointed with you this week." Ryan and the other judges all gang up on Simon. They all want Blake to stay because he is unique and cool. Simon refuses to back down.
9:05 PM: Next up is Brandon Rogers. Brandon dedicates his performance to his Grandmother. Brandon performs Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time". Interesting choice. Cyndi Lauper had some great songs -- if you could only get past that voice. Brandon reconstructs the song as an R&B slow-jam, and pulls it off well, though it is a little boring. Randy thinks the song didn't show what Brandon had. Brandon disagrees with Randy, which might not be a good strategy. Paula agrees with Brandon -- the sentiment was beautiful. Simon agrees with Randy. "This is a singing competition. That was rubbish." Simon warns him the competition is not about the feeling, it's about the singing. Brandon still wants to fight, and he wants to emote more. Simon makes fun of him. Brandon will be either in the top 3 or the bottom 3 this week, depending on how America feels about how Randy and Simon reacted.
9:11 PM: Next up is Chris Richardson. Chris dedicated the song to his Grandmother. Chris performs Jason Mraz's "Geek In The Pink". I don't like Jason Mraz, so my opinion may be biased. I don't like this at all. IMHO, Chris underwhelmed. Of course, I must be wrong. Randy says "Chris is in it to win it tonite". Randy said it was better than the original. Paula also loved it. Simon calls it the "best performance of the nite". I am very confused. I didn't like it at all. Are the judges pimping Chris because they want him to go deep???
9:19 PM: Last up for the guys is Sundance Head. Sundance dedicates his performance to his 2 1/2-month-old son, who was born after the auditions began. Sundance performs Wilson Pickett's The Commitments's "Mustang Sally". Sundance channels Taylor Hicks's spastic energy and gives the most dynamic performance of the nite. Randy loves it: "you dropped a bomb on them nite". Paula calls it "the best vocal we ever heard from you" but warns him that he can't have any more off weeks. Simon calls it "the Sundance we love" but says "I actually think you can do a lot better".
9:27 PM: The judges all agree that everyone was better this week. Even Simon is smiling.
9:30 PM: I know this does not match up with the overall tenor of the judges' comments, but "my" bottom four [okay, I'm cheating with five] tonite were: 7) Jared Cotter or Nick Pedro; 8) Nick Pedro or Chris Richardson; 9) Brandon Rogers; and 10) Sanjaya Malakar. Which means that all of them are safe, of course.
[UPDATED 1:30 AM:] dialidol.com has the men in the following order: 1) Sundance Head; 2) Sanjaya Malakar; 3) Chris Sligh; 4) Blake Lewis; 5) Phil Stacey; 6) Jared Cotter; 7) A.J. Tabaldo; 8) Chris Richardson; 9) Nicholas Pedro; and 10) Brandon Rogers. Figures that Sanjaya would do so well despite the fact that his performance was so crappy. He seems to have developed a fanbase based solely on the fact that he's "the young cute one". My sister calls him "this season's John Stevens".
*****
Tune in Wednesday for the top 10 women!
ciaobaby
Celebrities! They're Just Like Us!: Jessica Biel (27 February 2007 Edition)
Because I have absolutely no interest in seeing Jessica Biel side-boob -- much less BLOGGING ABOUT IT -- I couldn't come up with an angle on this Oscar Red Carpet photo that didn't make me look like some sort of dirrty purv...
[image courtesy egotastic.com]
...until my totes-NOT-closely-inspecting-eye caught this:
Q: What is that two-inch red mark on Jessica Biel's girl?
a) A chafe mark from the two-sided tape used to secure an early version of this dress -- removed because Jess wanted to let the girls roam free!!!
b) A chafe mark from the Sports Bra she was wearing when she jogged over to the Kodak
c) A chafe mark from the umbrella Britney Spears used to hit Jess after someone told Brit that Jess used to bring SexyBack with JT
d) What red mark???
Leave your thoughts in the comments.
*****
At the completely-other-end-of-the-spectrum:
[image courtesy flynet via tmz.com]
Q: What is Jessica Biel doing?
a) Picking up her dog's shit
b) Telling the papz to kiss her SexyBack
c) Checking out places where she could dump Scarlett Johansson's body
d) Who cares???
Again, leave your thoughts in the comments.
[Is it wrong that TMZ's post on this is titled "Doggy Style with Jessica Biel"???]
This Week In Lily Allen: 27 February 2007 Edition
[image courtesy idolator.com]
Lily Allen is just cute as a button [guv'na]!!!
DHMBIB <3's Lily Allen!!! Lily was anointed the indie-music-bloggosphere's biggest crush last year, and now she's crashing our shores.
Just cuz, I'm devoting a "This week In..." entry to her.
* BREAKING: Lily Allen Doesn't Care About Corrine-Bailey-Rae-Named People, Lady-Sov-Named People: 
[image courtesy myspace.com/lilymusic]
[Ironically, as I blog this, I'm watching Ellen DeGeneres dance around her set to Kanye West. How meta.]
12 February 2007:
Lily Allen: "Corinne Bailey Rae? I think she's a bit boring, sorry. She's a lovely girl but I don't think her music stands out and I'd be a bit annoyed if she won Best Female Artist [at the Brit Awards, the British Grammys]."
22 February 2007:
Lady Sov: "I'm not hating on her but someone like Lily Allen, just 'cause her dad's famous, doesn't have to work as hard as someone like me. You get some of the media hating people 'cause they're 'chavish' but she's the biggest chav going." [In the same interview, Lady Sov also called CBR "boring" -- Ed.]
22 February 2007:
Lily Allen: "Dear Lady Sovereign: In response to Miss sovereigns comments, I've spoken to my Dad and he says he'd be happy to adopt you if you think it will give you a leg up." [sic]
[Ooh, snap!!! -- Ed.]
* BREAKING: Lily Allen Doesn't Care About iTMS Bully People:
"...iTunes [is] kind of bullying people into corners by making sure they have extra, you know, extra songs so they can put them on the front page. And they won't [advertise] your album unless you kind of give them extra material and so on. And we've kind of been backed into a corner. We want to do this remix, but the remix isn't ready, but they need it delivered by today and blah blah blah. So I said, 'Okay, fine, give iTunes the rubbish remix, and then what I'll do I'll get the people remixing it to do a good remix and then we'll give it away for free on MySpace."
[Sound Opinions, via Idolator]
* BREAKING: NBC Uni Doesn't Care About "You"-Lily-Allen-Loving People:
Lily Allen was the musical guest on the 3 February 2007 show of Saturday Night Live. Lily's performances made it up to YouTube -- where, of course, they no longer are, because NBC Uni C&D'd YouTube. And, of course, guess which other site they're not on -- that's right, kids: NBC.
[NBC's SNL site lists the 3 Feb 2007 episode as the "next" episode. Douchebags.]
But a trailer is still on YouTube:
*****
[Smile, Lily!]
*****
Here is the "rubbish remix" that those bullies at the iTMS insist you *must* hear:
Lily Allen - Smile (Mark Ronson Remix) [mp3, via YSI]
Lily Allen - Smile (Mark Ronson Remix) [mp3, via zShare]
Live-Blogging The 2007 Oscars: The After
I thought I would do a brief wrap-up of my post-Oscar thoughts. Thankfully, this will not be as long as my post on the show. And on that note...
Oscar has known for years that the primary complaints about the telecast are that it is WAY TOO FUCKING LONG and WAY TOO FUCKING BORING [and this year's telecast was maybe. The. Worst. Oscars. Ever.]. This has caused all kinds of problems for Oscar, the most important of which is declining ratings.
Okay, sure, Oscar still is the highest-rated awards show of the season. And lots of other shows would kill to be in Oscar's "precarious" position. But Oscar has to be worried about its longer-term slide. The future for Oscar is ominous.
Programming on television exists for ONE REASON ONLY -- to aggregate viewers in front of advertisers. That's it. Sorry to burst your bubble. [N.B.: Don't talk to me about "commercial-free" television that survives on government subsidies and corporate funding [*cough* "commercials" *cough*] such as PBS or "commercial free" television that survives on subscriber fees such as HBO.] There is no accounting for "high art" or "critical acclaim" here -- if the viewers don't show up, the advertisers won't show up, and the show is gone. This happens with all forms of entertainment television, including sitcoms [e.g., "Arrested Development"] and sports leagues [e.g., the USFL].
We hear a lot about how the multitude of entertainment options [DVDs, video games, the internet, cable/satellite, music, etc., etc., etc.] available to consumers has impacted the viewership of "the traditional networks", and that's absolutely true. But a dirty little secret of the networks is THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. All of the corporate-owned networks have their hands in multiple "traditional" networks, cable networks [general, specialty, and niche], movie studios, sports teams, etc., etc., etc. Many of these entertainment options have very small niche audiences, but that's okay -- there are still advertisers that will pay handsomely to target their advertising at these niche audiences with predictable interests.
The big albatross the "traditional" networks still have to deal with, ironically enough, IS the "traditional" network channels. Even though most Americans have easy access to dozens or hundreds of other choices, programming on these channels still is expected to draw multiple millions of viewers. If a show doesn't live up to these standards, it will either be cancelled or shipped off to one of the smaller-audience cable channels.
Rob, you're rambling on just like Oscar does. What does any of this have to do with Oscar?
Two words: Miss America.
Within the lifetimes of many DHMBIB readers, "Miss America" was the most popular program on television. In the mid-60's, the audience for the program began to erode, as the program's depiction of the "feminine ideal" was becoming increasingly out-of-step with changing cultural tastes [hmmm, sound familiar???]. Many attempts to revive the ratings only delayed the inevitable, and in 2004, Miss America's broadcast partner -- ABC [ahem!] -- dropped her.
Miss America now runs on...wait for it...CMT. FWIW, CMT is part of the MTV Networks family of cable channels.
So, Oscar, babe -- watch your back!
*****
As noted above, Oscar's ratings are still excellent. It will likely take many years for them to sag to Miss America territory. But American Idol is poised to overtake Oscar, and that is not good news for ABC.
Oscar's preliminary average rating this year was 39.9 million viewers, which was actually up slightly over last year and was double the number of viewers for either Grammy [CBS] or Golden Globe [NBC].
Meanwhile, American Idol [Fox] is bringing in 30+ million viewers twice [and sometimes thrice] a week.
I predict that this year's finale of American Idol will beat Oscar in the ratings. Write that down, and come back in late May and we'll talk again.
*****
So, I wanted to offer some ideas about things that Oscar can do to pick up its ratings. This will most likely be accomplished by shortening the show and perking it up.
Here are some things Oscar should do shorten the show, zip it up, and make it more appealing to viewers:
* Cut the show down to three hours: Heresy, I know. But it has to be done. Four hours is simply too long. Cutting the show down to three hours means Oscar will have to...
* Get rid of some of the categories: Oscar gave out 24 awards on the air this year, not counting "special" awards. Grammy gave out 11 awards on the air this year, again not counting "special" awards. That looks like Oscar was "more efficient" in giving out its awards, but it only looks that way. Grammy gives out many more "special" awards every year. And more importantly -- most of Grammy's non-award time is spent on musical performances.
Grammy also has lots more awards that it gives out than Oscar does. Grammy knows it can't put everything on TV, so it presents most of its awards before the ceremony and runs a graphic on screen announcing who won these awards. The effect actually makes the ceremony feel zippier, and the telecast looks more like modern TV with its bottom-screen "ticker".
Oscar needs to get rid of many of its awards. I'm not saying "a quarter", because I propose below some new awards be added. I started to make a list of the awards that should go, but I see it's easier to make a list of the awards that should stay: the Acting awards (both levels); Picture; Director; Animated (Feature); Song (Original); and Visual Effects. Yep, that's it.
My rule of thumb: If the average viewer won't recognize or hasn't seen the winner, the category should not be on TV. Which leads me to my next suggestion...
* Nominate some movies and actors that people know: How many Oscar discussions have you had where most of the participants said, "I haven't seen any of the nominated movies this year." Exactly.
Oscar should take a page out of Golden Globes's playbook and split its acting and film categories into Boring Drama and Interesting Comedy / Musical categories. Yes, that will add new categories, but will also lead to the nomination of a lot more movies and actors with which the average viewer will be familiar. It also will avoid the annual debates about whether movies like Dreamgirls or -- heaven forbid!!! -- Borat should be nominated for "Best Picture".
To accommodate these new categories, Oscar will need to...
* Get rid of the montages and "special" awards: We don't need a five-minute montage on the history of the depiction of the journalist in film. Seriously. We don't. Get rid of everything except for the people-we've-lost-this-year montage. That one is nice.
Also, Oscar should lose its "special" awards like "Lifetime Achievement" and that "Humanitarian" thing. It's fine to honor the recipients, but they don't need a montage and then an award and then a three-minute speech. Grammy has its award presenters announce these special awards before they give out the "main" award for which they are on stage. That's sufficient.
Together, these two changes will take out some of the most boring parts of the show and will give the producers huge chunks of time back. Time they can use to...
* Put something exciting on the stage: Oscar should do everything it possibly can to have five exciting and dynamic songs nominated in the "Original Song" category. That means, among other things: NO MORE RANDY NEWMAN OR JAMES TAYLOR. The nominees -- and the performers -- in this category should look more like the pop charts and less like the adult contemporary charts. Beyonce: good. Jennifer Hudson: good. Three 6 Mafia: good.
Seriously, the only time during this year's telecast that I put my computer down and actually WATCHED AND LISTENED was during the J.Hud-B "diva-off".
*****
Okay, I've already written too much. And I know I'm not the first person to recommend that Oscar make some of these types of changes.
Just my $.02
META: What Is A Live Blog?
Recently, I posted two entries that I labeled as "live blog" entries:
Liveblogging The 2007 Grammys
Live-Blogging The 2007 Oscars: The During
Put simply, a "live blog" is typically a blog of a live event -- such as an awards ceremony or a speech -- that is updated in real time as the event unfolds. Construed most strictly, a "live blog" post should end when the event ends. Many live-bloggers adhere very strictly to this idea of live blogging.
I have taken the editorial liberty with my live blog posts to go back after the fact and make changes to already-published entries. I have always noted that I have done this, but I rarely highlight specific entries that have been changed [or even added]. Does this mean I'm not really "live-blogging"???
Live-blogging is difficult -- much more difficult than creating a traditional blog post. Events unfold dynamically and quickly, and there is usually no time to step back and "add something that I forgot to add" or take a big-picture view of the event being blogged. Also, the mere fact that the blogger is adding to the post makes it very easy to miss new developments in the event.
I am not a fast or completely-accurate typist -- and my accuracy declines as I attempt to type even faster. My brain works faster than my fingers, and I find that in the heat of the battle I make a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, and I substitute words from my head with different words on the screen that I did not intend. When I have time to review my posts, which might be during the event or at the completion of the event, I see many errors I wish to correct. I consider these kinds of corrections harmless, and I don't hesitate to make them.
Live-blogs have two potential audiences. The first audience is composed of readers who "tune in" to follow the live blog in "real time". This audience is constantly "refreshing" the blog to see new entries. This audience probably wouldn't care very much if the blogger went back and changed -- or didn't change -- a few spelling errors.
The second audience is composed of casual blog readers who will read the live blog as just another post on the blog, perhaps the next day, the next week, or six months later. This audience obviously also wouldn't care very much if the blogger had "gone back" to correct errors. Indeed, this audience's opinion of the blog would suffer if it appeared riddled with obvious spelling and grammatical errors.
But I have acknowledged that my edits of my "live blogs" go even further. I not only go back and fix spelling errors, I go back and add new content. Sometimes, this is something that popped into my head a few minutes after the appropriate "time" to write it had passed. Sometimes, though, this is "supplemental" information to which I did not have access at the time. Frequently, this includes links to external sites, or photos and video clips from the event that might not be widely available until the next day. Given enough technology, the blogger can have access to these things in real time, and thus blog them in real time. But I don't have this technology yet.
I add these things because I think they make my blog post more enjoyable, and the reading experience a better one for my audience. The "live blog" audience may object to this because it brings into question the whole label of "live blogging". The more casual audience may also be bothered by this -- for the same reason -- but I believe the extra context adds extra value both for the casual audience and for the live audience who may return for a second look.
I will continue my practice of "updating" my live blog posts unless I hear overwhelming objections to the contrary. I acknowledge that I should probably clarify what I am doing -- and when I am doing it -- and I pledge to make that clearer. This will include making it clear that I may add content after-the-fact, and that "live blog" readers are encouraged to check back the next day for additional information.
I hope you enjoy my blog. Please keep reading, and please feel free to leave me feedback in the comments or at my contact addresses above.
ciaobaby
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Live-Blogging The 2007 Oscars: The During
[Our wonderful hosts, KG and AC.]
[This entry will be updated after the Oscars for spelling, grammar, etc., missing information, and with photos, links, etc. I will not make note of these updates.
If you care about such things, I'm very sorry for you.
All non-party images courtesy oscar.com except as noted.]
7:55 PM: Here I am at my friends' [KG & AC] place. Get ready for a trainwreck.
Strangely, on a Sunday, I am drinking champagne. Good champage. Indeed -- the best champagne I have had in...weeks!
There is a lot of "oohing" and "aahing". But it has nothing to do with the Red Carpet. I field a lot of questions about "what is live-blogging???"
8:00 PM: We begin the telecast with that crappy animation starring Host Ellen Degeneres and those damn Penguins. Feh.
8:0-whatever PM: The stars are still arriving??? When is this snoozefest ceremony going to begin???
8:10 PM: KG explains the rules of our Oscar contest. Pick all the categories. Grade someone else's ballots [because we can't be trusted to grade our own]. Winner takes 80% of the "entrance fee". 20% of the entrance fee goes toward a trivia contest. I will lose both contests. Even though I am ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW.
8:0-whatever PM: Still on the damn red carpet!!! Party Guest HK gives us the bad news that the actual awards ceremony won't begin until 8:30. AWESOME!!!
8:25 PM: No one here is paying attention. We don't care what Helen Mirren is wearing. We are all eating and drinking.
8:30 PM: The telecast finally begins. Some sort of montage of nominees and former winners.
8:35 PM: We introduce "the nominees". Are they going to be on stage? No. They just stand up in the audience. There's Leo in the front row.
8:36 PM: Ellen Degeneres is this year's host. I like Ellen. And I think her low-key dry wit is perfect for the Oscars.
8:39 PM: Ellen makes a joke about all the "pressure" the nominees must be feeling. It's very funny but it goes on waaaaaaaaaaay too long.
8:40 PM: Ellen finally makes a funny: "It's not that we don't like acceptance speeches. It's that we don't like boring acceptance speeches."
8: 42 PM: Ellen makes another good funny -- comparing and contrasting Jennifer Hudson and Al Gore. Also, something about the difference between American Idol and the presidential election. Wait -- is there any difference???
8:45 PM: The first Oscar. Wait -- it's not "Best Supporting Actress"??? No, Oscar decided this year that the best way to combat declining ratings throughout the evening was to MOVE ALL THE AWARDS THAT ANYONE CARES ABOUT TO THE END OF THE SHOW.
[Which just means that a lot of people won't tune in until late. Which should even out the ratings a bit, as those late-tuner-inners balance out the I'm-going-to-bed-because-I-can't-watch-this-snoozefest-anymorers.]
So, Nicole Kidman & Daniel Craig present the award for "Art Direction".
It's going to be a long nite.
The winner: Pan's Labyrinth.
8:48 PM: Maggie Gylenhaal appears to talk about something about sound technical something or other. One of those "pre-ceremony" awards.
8:52 PM: Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly perform a very funny musical number about how Oscar doesn't like funny movies. It's all very funny -- everyone at the party and in the auditorium laughs.
I guess it's funny because it's true.
8:57 PM: Completely non-ironically, these three stick around to present the award for..."Makeup".
Seriously.
The winner: Pan's Labyrinth.
8:59 PM: Rob: "IT'S A SWEEP FOR PAN'S LABYRINTH!!!"
9:00 PM: Abigail Breslyn [Little Miss Sunshine herself] and Jaden Smith [Will Smith's kid, who plays...wait for it...Will Smith's kid in The Pursuit Of Happyness] bound onto the stage to present the nominees for...wait for it..."Animated Short".
GET IT??? "ANIMATED SHORT"???
The winner: The Danish Poet.
9:03 PM: The kids stick around for "Live Action Short".
GET IT??? KIDS??? "SHORT"???
The winner: West Bank Story.
9:12 PM: Some "group" of people called "Elements & Motion" "perform". Apparently, they are "famous" for making sound effects with their voices. Rob: "who are these people"? Party Guest: "Frankly, if you've never heard of 'Elements & Motion', you've lost all credibility as a blogger".
We all laugh. Because it's funny.
[And you can trust me when I tell you it's funny, because I'm a blogger. Seriously.]
9:14 PM: Steve Carrell and Greg Kinnear appear to present the award for...wait for it..."Sound Editing". They make jokes about themselves and the importance of sound editing.
It's about as funny to watch as it to read...or blog.
The winner: Letters From Iwo Jima.
9:18 PM: JESSICA BIEL and some guy whose name is actually "who cares?" appear to present the award for "Sound Mixing". [Actually, his name is "James McAvoy". But I was too distracted to hear that.]
[Regular readers know that DHMBIB <3's Jessica Biel.]
The winner: also is actually named "who cares?" -- JESSICA BIEL is presenting the award.
[Jess on the Red Carpet. The party consensus was that it was a "nice" dress and she looked very "beautiful". However, there was some dissent. I think from the ScarJo fans in the house.
Image courtesy jessicabielcentral.com. Seriously. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.]
Sorry. The winner: Dreamgirls.
[I am passing on the obvious opportunity to make a "Jess is my dreamgirl" joke. Thank me for it at your leisure.]
9:21 PM: Rachel Weisz appears to present the first "big one" -- "Supporting Actor".
Of course, Eddie Murphy will win.
The winner: Alan Arkin.
Is this the first "upset" of the evening? Was it the fatsuit???
9:28 PM: WTF was that??? An interpretive dance something. Time for a break.
9:31 PM: James Taylor and Randy Newman perform "Our Town" from Cars, the first of the "Original Song" nominees. We give the song a collective "thumbs down".
9:34 PM: Melissa Ethridge performs another nominated song, "I Need To Wake Up" from An Inconvenient truth. We all laugh at the "karaoke" going on behind her.
9:36 PM: Star alert!!! AL FUCKING GORE and LEO FUCKING DICAPRIO come on stage. Leo asks Al if he wants to announce anything. Al says, "Thanks, Leo, but I'm here for the movies". Leo then proceeds to kiss Al's ass in a big green way. Then something about the Oscars being green. No one here knows what that means.
[Classic style is always classy.]
Then Leo asks Al if he's sure there isn't something else he wants to say. Al starts into a very earnest speech, noting the historic nature of the occasion, the large audience, etc., and then "My fellow Americans..." And then the orchestra plays him off.
This gets the biggest laugh of the night.
Al and Leo exit stage right, congratulating each other on their funny.
9:41 PM: In honor of the Oscars being "green", Ellen "recycles" some jokes. They are supposed to be "old" jokes. They are not funny.
9:42 PM Cameron Diaz appears to present the award for "Animated Feature". [Get it??? She was the voice of Princess Fiona in the Shrek movies???] The "nominees" are shown in animated form in the audience. That is funny.
The winner: Happy Feet.
[The consensus of the group on this dress? Do I need to tell you???]
9:44 PM: KG breaks something in the kitchen. We all miss the Penguins' acceptance speech. THANKS KG!!!
KG's mishap forces her to change dresses. But fortunately for DHMBIB readers, she changed back after her dress dried out. Pictures to follow.
9:49 PM: Helen Mirren and Tom Hanks appear to present the award for "Adapted Screenplay".
It's awesome to hear Helen Mirren -- or anyone on the Oscar stage -- say these words: "Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan".
The winner: The Departed.
Oscar obviously does not know how to goose ratings.
9:55 PM: Chris Connelly takes us out to commercial with some sort of weird "horse-racey" thing.
Yeah, Oscar. That's what you need to do.
10:00 PM: Ellen walks out on stage with one of those front baby carriers holding an Oscar. The joke is not very funny.
10:01 PM: Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt come out and do some unfunny shtick that is supposed to remind everyone of The Devil Wears Prada. But they do make a joke about Meryl Streep's character, and the camera cuts to MS, who has an unhappy look on her face. Perfect acting. It brings down the house [the Kodak] and the house [the KG].
AH & EB present the award for "Costume Design".
The winner: Marie Antoinette.
[Apparently, Anne Hathaway was in the kitchen with KG during "the mishap" and didn't have time to change before her presentation. We aren't digging whatever was the idea behind this "costume design".]
10:05 PM: Tom Cruise comes out to present the "Jean Hersholt Humantarian Humanitarian Award" to Sherry Lansing. There is some very "inside-baseball" stuff associated with this, but I don't have the time or the inclination to do anything other than link to it. Something to do with "everyone hates Sumner Redstone".
We mute the TV for the trivia contest. I am ineligible for this because, you know, I'm on the googles...
10:10 PM: Ellen wanders in to the audience and finds Clint Eastwood. She sits in his lap and gives Steven Spielberg -- two seats over -- a camera and asks him to take their picture. Even without sound, it's humorous.
UPDATE: BREAKING: Ask A Muted TV No Questions And It Will Tell You No Lies...
DHMBIB operative Sttaci sends in this report:
" It's actually too bad you missed the Ellen & Clint Eastwood part, one of the funniest...she actually didn't sit in his lap. He asked her if she had a script for him like she did for Martin, to which she replied that she didn't and she actually was hoping to get a picture for her MySpace page and asked Spielberg to do it to make the comment cooler. She then made him take three pictures until she liked it...problem with parties, you never know if you'll miss the funny stuff...ah well. "
[Unfortunately, the "joke" falls a little flat in the Kodak because no one there knows what "MySpace" is -- Ed.]
10:12 PM: Gwyneth Paltrow appears to present the award for "Cinematography".
The winner: Pan's Labyrinth.
Some people think Gwyneth Paltrow was among the "worst dressed" of the evening. I didn't think it was that bad. She's been worse. What do you think?
[Image courtesy yahoo.com.]
10:21 PM: Naomi Watts and Hugh Jackman [sorry!] Robert Downey Jr. present the award for "Visual Effects".
The winner: Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's Chest.
10:23 PM: Rob blogs: "This party is better than this show." [How very meta -- Ed.]
10:25 PM: Catherine Deneuve and some other guy appear to present a "tribute" to "foreign language films". It's very long and boring. Everyone here thinks it's waaaaaaaaaay too long.
10:30 PM: Clive Owen and Cate Blanchett appear to present the award for "Foreign Language Film".
GET IT??? THEY'RE BOTH "FOREIGN"!!!
Oscar, you are splitting my sides!!!
The winner: The Lives Of Others.
10:31 PM: Heading to the commercial break, the weird interpretive dance people -- with the assistance of Ellen -- give a shout-out to Snakes On A Plane. I inquire and find that I am one of only three people at the party [out of 18 or so] who actually saw SOAP. One Party Guest suggests that the three of us should have our Oscar-Party passes revoked for this terrible transgression.
10:33 PM: George Clooney appears and makes a joke about "drinking backstage with Jack Nicholson and Al Gore. Apparently, he's not running for President."
GC presents the award for "Supporting Actress". FINALLY!
The winner: Jennifer Hudson.
10:36 PM: Jennifer Hudson gives the teariest acceptance speech of the nite.
[And I am telling you I'm not going...to stop crying anytime soon.
Obvious joke. Sorry.
Okay, I have to call a little "bullshit" on this whole "second chance at stardom" meme that has developed around Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer Hudson was one of three head-and-shoulders-above-everyone-else singers on AI3. But there can only be one "winner" of AI. So everyone else has to be "voted off". One of those "everyone elses" was Jennifer Hudson -- and the "winner" was at least her equal. "Dreamgirls" put Jennifer Hudson in front of people who *don't* watch American Idol. People who do watch American Idol already knew she was a star. End of rant.]
10:42 PM : Who are these presenters??? [UPDATE: We are reliably informed waaay after-the-fact that they were Gael Garcia Bernal and Eva Green -- Ed.] Anyway, they present the award for "Documentary Short".
The winner: The Blood Of Yingzhou District.
Yawn.
10:45 PM: JERRY SEINFELD??? Of course, that makes SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE!!!
Jerry makes a few good funnies. He calls the nominated documentaries "very depressing".
JS presents the award for "Documentary Feature".
The winner: An Inconvenient Truth.
[Everyone knew this was going to happen. I won't even bother with a "BREAKING" joke.]
KG, two weeks ago: "It's nothing more than a glorified PowerPoint presentation!!!"
Al Gore joins Davis Guggenheim et al. on stage. "We have everything we need to solve the global climate crisis, except for the will to act, which is a renewable resource."
Best line of the nite.
10:50 PM: Clint Eastwood appears to introduce a mongtage about some Italian Dude's scoring [Whoa!!! -- Ed.]. Everyone is bored.
[I have learned that Italian Dude's real name is Ennio Morricone. But I prefer "Italian Dude", so I'm sticking with that -- Ed.]
10:56 PM: Celine Dion sings one of said Italian Dude's songs. No one knows what it is.
11:00 PM: Said Italian Dude wins some sort of "lifetime achievement" award. His acceptance speech is in Italian. Clint Eastwood "translates" for him. He says "thanks".
11:04 PM: This speech is still going on???
11:05 PM: The modified GM-robot-that-commits-suicide ad runs. The modified ad is more PC but now makes no sense.
11:07 PM: Penelope Cruz and Hugh Jackman appear to present the award for "Original Score". They make a joke about one of the nominees coming "all the way from Baltimore". See, Italian Dude above.
The winner: Babel.
11:10 PM: Ellen introduces the president of the Academy [AMPAS], Sid Ganis. He does his "what is AMPAS?" speech in a taped piece that is sped up and slightly chipmunked-voice. This is a joke about how the ceremony is dragging. It is chuckle-inducing.
11:11 PM: Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire appear to shill for the next Spider Man film present the award for "Original Screenplay".
The winner: Little Miss Sunshine.
11:17 PM: Chris Connelly again. This breathless reporting thing is really unnecessary.
11:20 PM: Oscar-caliber actress [see: Gigli...Actually, better advice: don't see Gigli] JENNIFER FUCKING LOPEZ appears to introduce the Dreamgirls, who perform their three nominees for "original song".
This is definitely the highlight of the evening.
Oscar needs more of the dynamism of someone like Beyonce [and Jennifer Hudson as well]. Beyonce's take on "Listen" has given me goose bumps.
Even Ellen is applauding.
Here are JH and B doing "Love You I Do" and "Listen". There is a lively debate on the internets about which diva got the best of this duel. What do you think?
[AMPAS should change its bylaws to require that at least one picture every year feature a song performed by Beyonce or Jennifer Hudson. Or possibly Shakira. And that said song will be nominated in the "Original Song" category. And that said singer will be required to perform it at the ceremony. That would help TREMENDOUSLY -- Ed.]
11:28 PM: Ellen: "I'd hate to have to follow that. Ladies and gentleman, here are Queen Latifah and John Travolta." John Travolta: "It's nice to see a full-figured woman on the screen singing her heart out." Queen Latifah? Jennifer Hudson? No. "But enough about me".
It's a great line. Scientology has given John Travolta the strength to make fun of himself and all those pesky rumors.
QL & JT present the award for "Original Song".
The winner: "I Need To Wake Up" [Melissa Ethridge] from An Inconvenient Truth.
I'm doing poorly in the contest [of course]. But I got this one right. I always get this one right. Go figure.
Fuck you, Randy Newman!!!
11:35 PM: Will Smith appears to introduce another montagezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
11:42 PM: Kate Winslet appears to present the award for "Editing".
The winner: The Departed.
Okay. It's a lock. Martin Scorsese will finally win his damn Oscar and we can all stop talking about this.
11:48 PM: Jody Foster presents the "people-who-died-this-year" montage.
11:50 PM: BREAKING: OSCARS TO RUN OVER ALLOTED TIME SLOT
11:52 PM: Ellen jokes about the show running latezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
BREAKING: OSCAR HOST READS AREA BLOG, CRIBS JOKE ABOUT OSCARS RUNNING OVER TIME.
11:53 PM: One of Oscar's finest traditions -- the winners of last year's Acting awards present this year's awards in the opposite sex category. Philip Seymour Hoffman appears to present the award for "Best Actress". Everyone notes that PSH's hair looks like he's just rolled out of bed. Or out of the gutter. Or maybe both, if he sleeps in the gutter.
The winner: Julianna Margulies in Snakes On A Plane.
No, seriously, the winner: Helen Mirren.
No surprise there.
11:57 PM: Helen Mirren introduces the audience to "the Queen". It's the Oscar statuette. Har har.
12:02 AM: Here's Reese Witherspoon. I think Reese is the first person to appear tonite that everyone at the party universally loves. This must be the "Best Actor" category.
The winner: Forest Whitaker. Again with the no-surprise thing.
Maybe Oscar could juice things up by giving us a few out-of-left-field surprises. Like: Best Actor - Sacha Baron Cohen.
12:07 AM: Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg appear to present the award for "Best Director". Gee, I wonder why these three guys would be chosen for this???
The winner: BREAKING: IN UPSET ABSOLUTELY NO ONE PREDICTED, MARTIN SCORSESE WINS FIRST OSCAR
12:13 AM: Diane Keaton and "Bald" Jack Nicholson present the award for "Best Picture". The consensus of the party is that Diane Keaton's dress is not "Oscar-worthy".
The winner: The Departed.
KG is seriously not happy -- she really wanted Babel to win.
12:17 AM: Ellen bids us all good nite.
Damn, those last four awards blew through fast. Did I say "damn"? Sorry, I meant "THANK GOD"!!!
Ellen Degeneres did a very nice job. This is one of the hardest gigs in showbiz, and she acquitted herself well. Her brand of comedy is funny enough for most viewers, but at the same time inoffensive to them and to the too-big-for-their-britches folks in the Kodak [see: Jon Stewart].
[KG, still looking red-carpet-tacular at the end of the night. Me, well, not so much.]
[Thank you for reading this far. Please feel free to leave comments.]
BREAKING: Area Blogger Who Knows Nothing About Movies To Live-Blog Oscars
My dear friend KG is [among other things] a movie person. Every year, she throws a big formal Oscar-nite party. I am committed to go this year, because she is my friend, because I promised her I would, and because I made her sit through the Grammys with me two weeks ago.
I am not a movie person and otherwise wouldn't care about the Oscars except for this party. So to make the evening more palatable for myself, I will be live-blogging the Oscars from KG's place.
My half-assed non-movie-knowledgeable blogging should be excruciatingly lame fun!!!
Check it out here in "reel" time.
[Get it??? Har har.]
Friday, February 23, 2007
This Week In Christina Aguilera: 23 February Edition
[Rob, didn't you already do a "This Week In Christina Aguilera" post, like, earlier this week???]
Okay, it's no secret that we here at DHMBIB <3-with-a-capital-"3" Xtina.
But seriously, is there anyone in music who has had a better two weeks?
Here are some of the things that Xtina has done in the last couple of weeks:
* Appeared as Ellen Degeneres's featured guest and musical performer on her 600th show:
[Holy flurking shnit!!! Check out those big-ass roses!!! -- Ed.]
[Try not to get turned on when Xtina talks about "Naked Sunday". Is it getting hot in here??? -- Ed.]
[Xtina can dress appropriately for daytime TV meant for stay-at-home Moms, retirees, and bloggers? Who knew??? -- Ed.]
* Brought the Grammy house down with a performance of James Brown's "It's A Man's Man's Man's World":
[Oh, yeah -- and she actually WON a Grammy. Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "Ain't No Other Man" -- Ed.]
* Brought the NBA All-Star Game house down with performances of her own "Ain't No Other Man" and "Candy Man":
[Let's see how long it takes the NBA to C&D YouTube over this version -- Ed.]
* And yesterday, she premiered her new video for "Candy Man" on TRL:
Four points to discuss about this last item:
1) I'm sure you're grumbling a little bit right now about how you're supposedly already "sick" of hearing this song. It's been so ubiquitous in 3 different national ad campaigns that you're probably saying to yourself, "You mean, there wasn't a 'video' already??? And what qualifies as a 'music video' nowadays, anyway???"
Whatevs. Stop fake-hating and enjoy.
[P.S. Our iPods have been rocking out to "Candy Man" since September, when our wise-beyond-her-years friend gave us Back To Basics as a birthday present.]
2) Vanessa Minnillo apparently has morphed into Katharine McPhee. Hey, Nick Lachey -- that might just qualify as an UPGRADE!!!
3) [Item #3 was supposed to be about how long this clip would last on Google Video given that MTV Networks parent Viacom has been C&D'ing Google recently because Google refused to pay them gobs of money over copyrighted Viacom material. But the internets reminded me that MTVN reached a separate agreement with Google last year that presumably makes this clip kosher. Move along. Nothing to see here.] And...
4) TRL is still on the air???
Sure, Xtina has had a few good things happen in her life the last couple of weeks. But, alas, she hasn't quite "done it all". Here are some of the things Xtina has NOT done in the last couple of weeks.
* Enter rehab and leave in less than 24 hours...
* Twice...
* Enter rehab for a third time...
* Shave off her hair to reassert control over her life to spite her mother to foil a threat to have her hair drug-tested...
* Assault an SUV with an umbrella...and,
* Make anyone think that KEVIN FUCKING FEDERLINE would be a better custodial parent than she is.
In 2000, Christina Aguilera defeated Britney Spears for the Best New Artist award. Xtina has since won 4 career Grammys and 1 Latin Grammy. Britney Spears has exactly 0 career Grammys on her resume.
In 2000, did Grammy make the right call???
Thursday, February 22, 2007
This Week In Tonight In American Idol: 22 February 2007 Edition
I'm not sure if tonite will provide much that is live-blog-worthy, other than the names of 4 people whose "journey ends tonight". But I'm here anyway.
8:00 PM: The first "results" show of the season. Two of the men and two of the women are going home tonight.
dialidol.com has Amy Krebs and Alaina Alexander going home for the women, and Nicholas Pedro and Paul Kim going home for the guys.
Recall my picks:
[women]: "Put a gun to my head. The bottom four should be: Antonella Barba, Leslie Hunt, Amy Krebs, & Nicole Tranquillo. If I had to pick 2 to go, I would say Antonella & Nicole."
[men]: "Overall, I'd say it was a pretty mediocre nite. If I were forced to predict who will get the boot on Thursday, I would say.... The bottom four will be: Sundance Head, Sanjaya Malakar, Nick Pedro, and Chris Sligh. Of the four, I think Sundance and Nick are the most likely to make it through."
8:01 PM: Ryan asks the judges what they think of the guys, who everyone with two ears knows were not as good as the girls. All of the judges find nice ways to say that the twelve guys all need to be voted off.
8:02 PM: Ryan announces some of the big-time musical stars who will guest on Idol this season: Diana Ross; Jon Bon Jovi; Jennifer Lopez; Gwen Stefani; Tony Bennett; Martina McBride; Peter Noone from Herman's Hermits; and Barry Gibb.
Okay, this list of guest stars is interesting. Jennifer Lopez??? Are you fucking kidding me??? And Gwen Stefani would not be allowed to even finish her audition song. Don't get me wrong -- DHMBIB <3's Gwenie Gwen, but she is NOT a "good singer".
8:07 PM: Ugh. I had forgotten about this terrible tradition. On "results" nite, the Idols get "one last chance" to perform in a big happy group number. Tonite, we get "Sowing The Seeds Of Love" by Tears For Fears. Idol Producers smartly put Lakisha Jones front and center.
8:13 PM: The [non-]whacking begins. We begin with the men. First up is Brandon Rogers. Safe.
8:14 PM: Sundance Head. Safe
8:14 PM: Chris Richardson. Safe.
8:15 PM: Nicholas Pedro. Safe
8:15 PM: Blake Lewis. Safe.
8:16 PM: Paul Kim. Going home. Damn, Ryan, that was cold.
8:18 PM: Another tradition I had forgotten about. The whackee gets to perform "his" or "her" song again. Paul Kim performs "Careless Whisper" and just butchers it. Obvs, his heart wasn't in it.
8:23 PM: We go to the girls. First up is Jordin Sparks. Safe.
8:24 PM: Leslie Hunt. Safe.
8:24 PM: Stephanie Edwards. Safe.
8:25 PM: Sabrina Sloan. Safe.
8:26 PM: Melinda Doolittle. Safe
8:26 PM: First shocker of the nite. Antonella Barba is SAFE!!!
Wait, all 6 of these women are safe?
8:27 PM: Amy Krebs, who is still sitting down, is going home. Damn, Ryan, that was cold. Amy's performance of "I Can't Make You Love Me" is as lifeless as Paul's goodbye performance.
8:34 PM: Ryan tells us about some stupid contest called "American Idol Challenge" that would be a "challenge" only to a caveman. Seriously. The question is: "Which American Idol's album was called "Breakaway"?" The choices are: Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, and Fantasia Barrino. Do I have to tell you the answer???
8:36 PM: AI3 winner Fantasia Barrino performs a new song, "I'm Here". Quincy Jones is in the house, because, you know, he's Quincy Jones. Also, Fantasia has been working with him.
Not surprisingly, Fantasia's performance is the best of the nite. She gets a standing ovation from the judges.
IMHO, the performance was good. But the song was feh.
8:44 PM: Back to the girls. Haley Scarnato. Safe.
8:45 PM: Lakisha Jones. Safe. Duh.
8:45 PM: Gina Glocksen. Safe.
8:46 PM: The last two women are Nicole Tranquillo and Alaina Alexander. Alaina is safe. Nicole is going home.
8:48 PM: Nicole once again butchers "Stay". Jimmeny Christmas, is anyone going to sing well tonite???
8:53 PM: Back to the men. Chris Sligh. Safe.
8:53 PM: Phil Stacey. Safe.
8:54 PM: Jared Cotter. Safe.
8:55 PM: A.J. Tabaldo. Safe.
8:55 PM: The last two men are Rudy Cardenas and Sanjaya Malakar. Ryan tells us that one of these two was in the top 4 of the men. Rudy is going home. Sanjaya is safe.
8:56 PM: Paula <3's Rudy. Also, Paula may be drunk.
8:57 PM: My sister was right -- Daughtry's "Home" is the official "whack" song this season.
8:58 PM: Rudy Cardenas gives the best performance of the whackees. In fact, I'd say he sounded better tonite than he did last nite.
9:00 PM: The O.C.??? This show is still fucking on the air??? Oh, it's the series finale. I haven't seen this show since...okay, I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS FUCKING SHOW!
And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going...to start watching it now....
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
This Week In Tonight In American Idol: 21 February 2007 Edition
Okay, I'm back.
8:00 PM: Let's recap last nite, The guys sucked. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
8:06 PM: Ryan decides to pick a fight with the judges. They were too harsh last nite. Theme of the season. Simon: "Looking back at the performances, I couldn't remember half of the performances."
If you need a recap, your 12 final women are here. And here is my wrap-up of "semifinal 24" nite 1.
8:10 PM: votefortheworst.com, a website started 3 years ago to encourage AI viewers to, duh, "vote for the worst", to keep them around torturing America, have Antonella Barba & Sundance Head on the front page. For what that's worth.
8:15 PM: Finally, we start singing. Up first is Stephanie Edwards. She performed a song with which I was not familiar, but might have been Alicia Keys's Prince's [thanx, Sttaci!!!] "How Come U Don't Call Me". It's an awesome performance. All of the judges called it gutsy [you know, the girl version of ballsy] but good. Randy called it a "little pitchy in spots" but good. Paula called her "a star". Simon called it "a million times better than anything we saw last night". "You looked like you came out and said, 'I want to win American Idol'".
8:24 PM: Melinda Doolittle and Amy Krebs both lie through their teeth and say that the guys on Tuesday did a great job and "set the bar high". For Verne Troyer, perhaps.
8:26 PM: Amy Krebs is up next. She performs "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. Amy also does a great job. The bar is higher tonite. But Randy calls it "boring" and "safe". The audience boos. Paula agrees [with Randy, not with the booing crowd]. Randy says: "she's better than the song she chose". Simon says she has "the personality of a candle". I love candles. I have lots of candles. None of them have personalities other than "Moody", "Relaxing", and "Spiritual". Simon doesn't like her, and he obviously wants her to go.
8:31 PM: Next up is Leslie Hunt. She performs "You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)" by Aretha Franklin. Very ballsy gutsy. Randy is disappointed. He brings out the "that song was too big for you" criticism again. Paula calls it "great" but also warns on the song choices. Simon says Leslie looks "embarrassed and ungainly" when she performs. Randy calls in Ryan to save Leslie.
8:41 PM: Next up is Sabrina Sloan. Sabrina performs "I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)" by Aretha Franklin. Randy calls it "the one to beat". Paula calls it "hot". Simon calls it "the best performance so far".
8:46 PM: Next up is Antonella Barba, the good singer but mean girl who got Baylie Borwn booted off. She performs butchers yet another Diane Warren song, "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing." Yes, this Oscar-winning piece of shiite was written by Diane Warren. Back to the judges -- Randy "keeps it real" -- "it was pitchy". Paula agrees it wasn't good, but calls Antonella "beautiful". Simon agrees "it didn't work -- it was way, way, WAY too big for you".
Memo to future AI contestants -- DO NOT sing Diane Warren songs if you are not Christina Aguilera, Sara Evans, or Steven Tyler, or maybe Phil Stacey. [See here: last item, "Phil Stacey".]
8:57 PM: Next up is Jordan Sparks. she performs "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. Wow, that's a singer whose work doesn't appear on Idol too often, eh? All three judges are a little underwhelmed, but call her poised and comfortable and predict she'll make it through.
9:06 PM: Next up is Nicole Tranquillo. She performs "Stay" by Rufus & Chaka Khan. I think the performance is good, but my theory is that any song I have to Google is not a good choice. Randy doesn't like it either. He calls it "not a good choice". Paula agrees that it was a bad choice but a good performance. Simon makes it unanimous -- bad song choice. "It was not you". Randy adds that it was "too urban", which makes my head explode because "Mr. Dog Pound" is calling something "too urban".
9:16 PM: Next up is Haley Scarnato. Haley performs the craptacular "It's All Coming back To Me Now" by Celine Dion. Randy schizophrenically calls it "a good choice" but says Haley didn't "wow" him. Paula also criticizes the song choice. Simon says she sounded like a hotel singer. He says she has a good voice but sounded "old" on this song.
9:26 PM: Ryan spills the beans that AI3-winner-and-Oscar-nominee-Jennifer-Hudson-hating Fantasia Barrino will perform during tomorrow's results show. My sister said something "big" was in the works. I told her it couldn't be "too big", as it was only the first elimination show. Fantasia -- you tell me.
9:27 PM: Next up is Melinda Doolittle. Melinda performs "Since U You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson Aretha Franklin. Randy says she has "the natural gift". Paula calls her "a front-runner". Surprisingly, Simon agrees. He calls her one of the best of the first 2 nites and tells her he hopes she does well.
9:35 PM: Next up is Alaina Alexander. Alaina is a professional singer. Alaina performs "Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders. I was never a fan of this song when I was a young lad, but I think it's a bad idea to cover Chrissie Hynde. Sorta like covering Whitney or Xtina. Randy says it "was not great". Paula says she didn't make it her own. Simon agrees: it wasn't "special".
Memo to AI contestants -- do not sing Chrissie Hynde. Ever.
In the after-judging-takedown, Ryan asks the judges what Alaina could do to make it through next week. Simon asks Ryan if he's "trying to date her". HA!!!
9:41 PM: Next up is Gina Glocksen. Unless you've been sleeping under a rock for the last few weeks, you know that Gina Glocksen is the most experienced Idol wannabe in this competition. Gina performs "All by Myself" by 100 different performers. Randy was pleasantly surprised. Paula too. Simon thinks she didn't nail it, "Celine Dion-wise", but it was "okay".
Gina Glocksen is the woman to watch.
My sister and I both agree that Gina has a higher bar to cover than the other competitors.
9:49 PM: Last up is LaKisha Jones. LaKisha does the ballsiest gutsiest thing of the first week -- she performs the Oscar-nominated "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" made [recently] famous by AI3 7th-place finisher Jennifer Hudson.
It is the best performance of the nite year.
She not only nails it, she...
Well, she nails it.
All of the judges love it. Simon calls it the best of the 24.
Which means she'll be gone in about a month.
Ladies and Gentleman, please allow me to introduce you to AI Season 6's "Mandisa Hundley"
*****
I agree with the judges and my sister -- the women are much better than the men this year. Let's see how that plays out over the next couple of months.
*****
Put a gun to my head. The bottom four should be: Antonella Barba, Leslie Hunt, Amy Krebs, & Nicole Tranquillo. If I had to pick 2 to go, I would say Antonella & Nicole.
*****
Tune in Thursday nite, and see how I did.
