Liveblogging The 2007 Grammys

[Updated [Monday 2.12]: I have gone back and re-edited the live-blog to clean up some spelling errors and fill in some information I couldn't get my fingers on in the heat of the battle. Also, I've added purdy pictures, and it's all linkified!!! I have not marked the updated or changed information. Yes, I have changed history. If you care deeply about such things, screw you!!! get a life!!! try Google cache.]

Posts appear oldest-at-the-top...

8:00 PM: The Police reform, and to no one's surprise, they're performing "Roxanne". Feh.

8:05 PM: Jamie Foxx underwhelms the audience, who just want to hear some music.

8:06 PM: The award for "Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals" goes to...Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder for "For Once In My Life".... To absolutely no one's surprise. Stevie dedicates the award to his late mother. Tony thanks "the best sponsor [he's] ever worked for in [his] life", TARGET. TAR-fucking-GET!!!

I'm liveblogging this at my friend KG's place. KG is not a music person, but she was very happy that they won.

8:10 PM: Joan Baez introduces The Dixie Chicks. Hmmm, politics. Just wondering.... Anyways, The Chicks, looking absolutely fabulous, perform for the last time ever, probably. Look for The Chicks to take home 3 trophies.

8:18 PM: Prince receives the biggest ovation of the night [still young, yeah] when he introduces Beyonce. Wonder what that was about? Oh, maybe it has something to do with that Super Bowl thing. Beyonce sings "Listen" from Dreamgirls. Haven't seen it, sorry. KG, who is a movie person, hasn't seen it either. What does that tell you???

8:21 PM: The Black Eyed Peas announce that Booker T & MG's have received a lifetime achievement award. KG thinks that Fergie's dress is atrocious and tacky.



The BEPs then announce Mary J. Blige as the winner in the "Best R&B Album" category for the The Breakthrough. She then proceeds to thank everyone she has ever met. Except for Chevrolet. And Snickers.

8:33 PM: Justin Timberlake performs the excellent "What Goes Around, Comes Around". KG wants to know why he's still longing for Britney if he's bringing sexyback with Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson. Best performance of the young nite.

8:37 PM: The Grammys enter the YouTube age. Justin films himself finishing the track. How 2006.

8:39 PM: Pink and T.I. announce that The Doors have received a lifetime achievement award. KG: "But their lifetimes ended a long time ago!!!" Pink looks just as bored as KG.

Pink and T.I. also announce Mary J. Blige as the winner in the "Best Female R&B Vocal Performance" category. Mary J. wins another Grammy. Shaping up to be Mary J.'s nite.

8:47 PM: Stevie Wonder introduces three great singer-songwriters, Corrine Bailey Rae, John Legend & John Mayer. KG is very bored. John Mayer, what is up with that hair???

8:57 PM: Nelly Furtado, Natasha Beddingfield & Nicole Scherzinger [wait, who is Nicole Scherzinger again??? -- Ed.] -- get it? all of their names begin with the letter "N"...get it??? -- present the award for "Best Pop Vocal Album". Nelly says, "How can we follow that?" Could she possibly be referring to the singer-songrwiterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. What? The Grammys are on? Please, do better than that Corinne-John-John snoozefest. The award goes to...John Mayer. JOHN MAYER??? ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!! PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW!!!!

9:04 PM: Shakira & Wyclef Jean perform "Hips Don't Lie". Shakira and her non-lying hips inject a much-needed jolt of energy into the moribund proceedings.



9:09 PM: The first of "The Big Four"...Burt Bacharach and Seal announce the winner of the award for "Song Of The Year"...THE DIXIE CHICKS..."Not Ready To Make Nice"...Natalie Maines gets the first big laugh of the nite: "For the first time in my life, I'm speechless"...

9:17 PM CBS says, "Hey, watch our other shows!!!" Alyson Hannigan and Robin Sparkles Cobie Smulders, stars of "How I Met Your Mother" [the best sitcom on the teevee networks -- Ed.], announce that The Grateful Dead are lifetime achievement winners. KG refuses to make the same "lifetime" joke she made earlier. Then they introduce Gnarls Barkley.

WTF was that??? It most certainly was not "crazy", unless "crazy" is now a synonym for "lame". The Record Of The Year cannot be this boring!!!

9:25 PM: Kanye West and Common announce Ludacris as the winner in the "Best Rap Album" category. KG and I both agree that the rapper-turned-actor has done the best acting job of the night, making the audience and the cameras think he's looking at them instead of at his notes.



9:32 PM: Terrence Howard tells the academy it's hard out here for a pimp. He also announces that Maria Callas is a lifetime achievement honoree. KG: "Since when does opera have anything to do with the Grammy's???"

TH also introduces Mary J., who performs "Be Without You". Mary J. obvs got the memo -- keep it boring. Okay, nice finish, not that boring.

9:40 PM: Mandy Moore, Luke Wilson and Leann Rimes appear on the stage. KG is stunned to see how tall Mandy Moore is -- with her heels, she's even taller than Luke Wilson. Leann Rimes appears to be standing in a different zip code. They present the award for "Best Country Album" to...THE DIXIE CHICKS. Another non-surprise of which I heartily approve. Natalie relishes the opportunity to tweak country radio and country fans. Martie Maguire notes that the Chicks are "genre-less".

9:48 PM: Reba McEntire introduces Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts. They are to perform some kind of tribute to two sons of Texas, Bob Wills [yay!] and...wait for it...Don Henley [Don Henley??? - Ed.]. Carrie performs "Rose Of San Antone" as a tribute to Bob Wills. Rascal Flatts perform "Hotel California" as a tribute to Don Henley. This is about "Texas", which is why "Hotel California" makes SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE. Then Carrie returns to perform "Desperado". Because, yaknow, DON FUCKING HENLEY!!! Then Rascal Flatts & Carrie return to perform "Life In the Fast Lane". Damn, Bob Wills' estate must be pretty fucking pissed off right about now.

Three fucking Don Henley songs. Those are the five most depressing words I've written all nite.



KG: "WTF is Carrie Underwood wearing???"

10:00 PM Natalie Cole and Ornette Coleman announce another lifetime achievement honoree...it's Ornette Coleman!!! Carrie Underwood was still backstage, and she can be seen being hustled across the stage to her seat for the requisite nominees crowd shot. That must mean that Cole & Cole are ready to present the second of "The Big Four". Best New Artist. And the award goes to...CARRIE UNDERWOOD. Another well-deserved non-surprise.

10:08 PM Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci [of course!!! makes so much sense!!!] come on stage. KG reminds me that they are both in the movie "Black Snake Moan" with Justin. Of course. This segment has something to do with Motown and R&B. They introduce Smokey Robinson, who performs "Tracks Of My Tears". KG notes that we really don't want to "take a good look at his face". We both note that the intensive botox treatment makes it unlikely that he could even actually cry. Then Nicole Lionel Richie appears to perform the most awesome song in the history of R-and-fucking-B music, "Hello". Then, "Best New Artist" loser nominee Chris Brown appears and performs his hit "Run It". It's the best performance of the evening, which says more about the other performances than about Chris Brown.



10:17 PM Scratch that. Two words -- Christina. Aguilera. Xtina -- who obvs didn't get the memo -- brought the house down with a performance of "It's A Man World". Best. Performance. Of. The. Night.



10:25 PM: NARAS President Neil Portnow makes a pitch for music programs in schools and for kids. Thankfully, the words "file sharing" do not come up in his presentation.

10:30 PM: The people-we've-lost-this-year tribute ends with a bang-up tribute to James Brown. Was that Jamie Foxx dancing on-stage? Props to the academy for recognizing Ed Bradley as well.

10:38 PM: Rihanna and David Spade [isn't he another new CBS show, "Rules Of Engagement"? -- Ed.] introduce Mary J. [again??? -Ed.] and Ludacris, who perform "Runaway Love" from his record. Mary J. and Luda obvs got the memo -- keep it boring.

10:42 PM: James Blunt appears to perform "You're Beautiful", to let the three people who didn't hear this song this year know just how much he sucks. Strangely, Mary J. is nowhere to be seen.

10:52 PM: Jennifer Hudson announces Robyn Troup as the winner of the "My Grammy Moment" contest, which was some kind of lame reality-TV contest promising the chance to perform with JT. JT and Robyn then perform a medley of "Ain't No Sunshine" and "My Love". Robyn looks very nervous but acquits herself well. T.I. joins them for the performance of "My Love".

11:00 PM: Quentin Tarrantino and Tony Bennett award the third of "The Big Four", the "Record Of The Year" award. I've already said that if "Crazy" doesn't win this award, I'll have to give this up, because I obviously have no idea what I'm talking about. And the winner is...THE DIXIE CHICKS?!?!?!?!? The first big upset of the night. "Not Ready To Make Nice" is a great record, but it was not the ROTY. Sorry. Nevertheless, if any song other than "Crazy" is to win this award, it should be "Not Ready To Make Nice".

11:05 PM: THEY STILL HAVE TWO MORE AWARDS TO GIVE OUT??? AND ANOTHER PERFORMANCE??? DEAR GOD, WHEN WILL THIS SNOOZEFEST END???

11:08 PM: Chris Rock makes a "dick in a box" joke -- foreshadowing?? -- while introducing the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The RHCP then perform "Dani California" in the same "yeah, we got the memo" snooze-inducing manner as practically every other performance of the nite [but see: Xtina].

11:16 PM: AL FUCKING GORE and Queen Latifah present the award for "Best Rock Album". Why is this minor award still on the table? My hope -- the academy already scheduled the RHCP and then realized they would not win the AOTY award, and wanted to give them an award after they performed. Does this mean JT has a shot to win AOTY??? Stay tuned.

11:23 PM: Scarlett Johansson and Don Henley present the last of "The Big Four" -- "Album Of The Year". KG says, "I guess we know who was Justin's date to the Grammy's." I blogged previously that I hoped that the weird timing of the presentation of the "Best Rock Album" award indicated that the academy would give this award to JT. KG: "Wouldn't that be interesting to see ScarJo present the award to JT?" Yes, it would. And the winner is...THE DIXIE CHICKS?!?!?!? SHUT UP THE FUCK!!! The second big upset of the night. Natalie makes the best funny of the nite, in her 4th trip to the stage: "I'm ready to make nice".

Major props to The Dixie Chicks!!! Most people predicted ahead of time that it would be Mary J.'s nite, and for the first hour-and-a-half, it sure looked that way. But it was The Dixie Chicks who were the big winners tonite.

I'll have more post-mortem on the 49th Annual Grammys later.

ciaobaby

[pictures courtesy grammy.com, except Fergie Ferg (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)]