Kelly Ann Collins, a/k/a KAC, a/k/a k@c, a/k/a The Socialite, has long been one of our favorite DC-based bloggers [she's linked over in the left margin -- Ed.]. She takes a blogging-break every so often, but she's back again both on MySpace and with a new blog she calls "Long Live The Plastics" [the name of which we think has something to do with a Lindsay Lohan movie, but we know is not a flattering homage -- Ed.].
Anyway, the famously-club-hopping-socialite-and-charity-organizer rests and recreates at some of DC's finest nightclubs. Which frequently puts her in a position to rub elbows and noses with the glitterati who occasionally grace our fair city. Not letting us down, KAC reports in with a deliciously awesome sighting of...wait for it...XTINA AGUILERA IN DC over the weekend after a show in Baltimore:
You know I really hate to dish out all the "Dirrty" details about people [ha!!! -- Ed.], but come on! If you are too trashed to walk, don't show up at my playground -- even if you are Christina Aguilera.
[Saturday night], I found myself at Play Lounge ... next to Christina Aguilera.
* * *
Miss Thang couldn't talk clearly enough to say "take me drunk, I'm home." And she couldn't walk any better than a kid who'd just been hit in the head with a kickball....
[Xtina and hubby Jordan Bratman] didn't stay very long and didn't touch the bottle on their table ... which says one thing: Christina's limo must be stocked with some serious party gear. I mean, not even I can get that hopscotched up in an hour (the time it usually takes to get from the [1st Mariner] Arena [in Baltimore] to Dupont).
[we'd reprint more, but we don't like to just cut-and-paste other bloggers' posts; sure, we steal -- but we do have SOME morals; please head on over to LLTP and give KAC some love -- Ed.]
[P.S. One of the labels on the post is "like skank me out"...KAC -- will you marry us??? -- Ed.]
8:00 PM: Here we go again. Tonight, the final 10 women perform.
Recall that this is "dedication week".
8:03 PM: First up is Gina Glocksen. Gina dedicates her performance to her boyfriend. Gina performs Heart's "Alone". It's a bit of a shaky start, but the finish is strong. That's a good choice for Gina. Randy agrees, says she started out "pitchy" but "got it together". Paula calls it an "excellent job". Simon agrees it was a great song choice, but says he's "confused" about who she is. Simon thought she was more "edgy" than that. Simon tells her she can't outsing some of the divas, so she should bring out the edgy.
It escaped me last nite that first-up Phil Stacey dedicated his song to his Navy buddies. He sang John Waite's "Missing You". You know, with the chorus line "I ain't missing you at all". Just sayin'.
8:13 PM: Next up is Alaina Alexander. She dedicates her performance to her Mom. Alaina performs the Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready To Make Nice".
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR "I LOVE YOU, BUT I HATE YOU" SONG CHOICES??? DO YOU ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THESE SONGS WHEN YOU CHOOSE THEM???
Alaina blows it. This song is too big for her. Randy agrees. He says she was out of tune, he calls it "a mess" and "all over the place". Paula agrees that it was "off" but not as bad as Randy says. Paula also says "but you look great honey". Uh oh. Simon says, "it's like Randy running 100 metres [he spells it that way -- Ed.]. Three quarters of the way into the race, he would run out of steam. You ran out of steam." Simon thought the finish was terrible.
I thought Alaina did not have one of the best performances last week, and I thought she might be living on borrowed time after Thursday's results show. I think Alaina's run has come to an end. She's out.
8:18 PM: Next up is Lakisha Jones, who is the best singer in the competition. After that trainwreck, she could sing the phonebook and it would sound like genius. Lakisha dedicates her performance to her Grandmother. Lakisha performs Gladys Knight's "Midnight Train To Georgia". OMG, right after I made the "trainwreck" comment. This is one of my favorite songs. Lakisha nails it. Of course. But she dialed it back a little this week. She knew she didn't need to be 150%. Randy says he could tell she was nervous at the start, but that she turned it around. "That was hot." Paula loved it. Simon says it wasn't as good as last week, which is absolutely true. Simon advises Lakisha that she should start acting like the star she is -- which is also a comment about her nerves. Simon also doesn't like Lakisha's outfit.
8:26 PM: Next up is Melinda Doolittle. Melinda dedicates her performance to her two closest friends. She calls them her "Gayles". "I'm Oprah and you're my Gayles." Okay, so Melinda is gay??? Melinda performs "My Funny Valentine", the jazz and crooner standard that has been performed by lots of people. WOW!!! She didn't just hit that out of the park -- she broke a windshield in the parking lot!!! She has thrown down the gauntlet. The judges are nearly speechless. Randy says "she's in it to win it". Paula thought it was fantastic. Simon called it "without doubt the best vocal we've heard throughout the competition". I think the vocal was equal to Lakisha's vocal last week, but this was definitely the best *performance* so far. Melinda looked like a star. Simon tells Melinda that the quality they most like about Melinda is that they think she is genuine and would not "change" if she won.
8:37 PM: Next up is Antonella Barba. I missed to whom Antonella dedicated her song -- I'll find it and fill it in later. Antonella performs Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me". Did I say "performed"? I meant FUCKING BUTCHERED. THAT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLE!!! Randy agrees, says the song was "way too big for you", and was "all over the place". Paula says she was better than last week, which could not be hard, and may be true [she was horrible last week, but votefortheworst.com is pulling for her, and she's hot, so she made it through]. Simon disagrees with Paula -- he thinks Antonella was worse than last week. I didn't know that was possible. Antonella decides to pick a fight with Simon and says "Simon was wrong about Jennifer Hudson". All three judges take umbrage at that remark. Simon says, no, we got her to Idol, it was America that was wrong about Jennifer Hudson, not us. Simon, gentlemanly, says "if I'm wrong about you, and America disagrees with me, you'll be back next week."
P.S. There is no discussion about Antonella's racy pix. Idol has dealt with this. Let's all move on.
8:46 PM: Next up is Jordin Sparks. Jordin dedicates her performance to her younger brother. Jordin performs Christina Aguilera's "Reflection". Ballsy. Jordin is a little shaky. She's probably emotional and nervous. She's also probably just not up to this very difficult song. Yeah, she's missing notes now. Randy catches the nerves. Randy says it's a big, tough song. He says she missed a few notes, and it wasn't her best, but she'll be back. Paula agrees it wasn't her best and could tell the emotion of the dedication got to her. Simon agrees, not your best, but far better than some of the other performances. That comment was obvs aimed squarely at Antonella.
8:57 PM: Ryan tells us that Kellie Pickler will be the special guest on tomorrow's results show.
8:58 PM: Next up is Stephanie Edwards. Stephanie dedicates her performance to her Mom and Dad. Stephanie performs Beyonce's "Dangerously In Love". I don't think it's a good song choice, because it's not familiar to lots of people. BUT SHE FUCKING NAILS THE PERFORMANCE!!! When I wasn't looking at the screen, I could hear Beyonce. OMG, that finish gave me goose bumps! Randy says it was incredible and better than last week. Randy cautions Stephanie to *not* to try to sound like Beyonce but to sound like Stephanie. Paula says it was fantastic, and people love Beyonce, and now they'll love Stepanie. Simon says he agrees with Paula. Simon's quiet agreement with Paula's glowing review makes me think Simon had a reaction similar to mine.
Lakisha, Melinda, Stephanie -- folks, we got us a contest here.
9:08 PM: Next up is Leslie Hunt. Leslie dedicates her performance to her late Grandfather. Leslie performs "Feelin' Good", which as we know has been covered by several people. OMFG CAN WE PLEASE OUTLAW THIS SONG FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON??? A.J. DID THE SAME SONG LAST NITE!!! Leslie's twist was the jazzy style, with an a cappella beginning. I thought the performance was okay -- middle of the pack okay -- but not great. Randy didn't like it, he said she was pitchy. Paula thought it was great that Leslie got back to her strength. Simon said it was a good performance -- not great -- but that Leslie had the misfortune to follow some very excellent performances. Paula: "You know, it's like ice cream. Not everyone likes the same flavor." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. WTF WAS THAT??? Simon responds: "Yes, but I'm afraid that performance was very 'vanilla'."
[DHMBIB Poll Question O' The Night -- What is Paula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
a) "Vicodin-and-Zima" b) "Quaalude-and-Bartles-&-Jaymes" c) "Everclear-tini" d) "LiLo-Fat French Vanilla Connection"
Leave your guesses in the comments.]
9:14 PM: Next up is Haley Scarnato. Haley dedicates her performance to her husband. Haley performs Whitney Houston's "Queen Of The Night". The performance is very energetic, but it's still not "there". Randy just wasn't feeling it, and he doesn't like the song, because of the prominence of the background vocals. Simon: "that's why she chose it". Paula thinks it was head-and-shoulders above last week's performance. Simon brings up the old "don't sing Whitney [Xtina, Celine, etc.] because you'll be compared to her, and your performance suffers in comparison". Simon says it just wasn't a very good performance and predicts she will be in the bottom three this week. Translation: "8) Haley; 9) Alaina; 10) Antonella. You'd better hope VFTW and the porn-loving douchebags don't pass Antonella through."
9:23 PM: Our final performance of the night is from Sabrina Sloan. Sabrina dedicates her performance to her Grandmother. Sabrina performs Whitney Houston's "All The Man I Need". This has gotta be killing Haley, to hear the NEXT PERFORMER show how to sing Whitney. It wavers a little, but it's better than Haley. Randy thinks it's a great performance, though it did waver in spots. Paula thinks she's definitely one of the best in the competition. Simon warns Sabrina not to confuse shouting with powerful singing. He gives Sabrina a half-hearted repeat of the Whitney speech he gave Haley. He said he preferred her last week, but she's definitely a contender and will be back.
9:30 PM: And so, tonite's performances are complete. Here is my ranking of the women tonite: 1) Melinda Doolittle; 2) Stephanie Edwards; 3) Sabrina Sloan; 4) Lakisha Jones; 5) Jordin Sparks; 6) Gina Glocksen; 7) Leslie Hunt; 8) Haley Scarnato; 9) Alaina Alexander; 10) Antonella Barba. I'll update this entry later with DialIdol's statistics.
[UPDATED 4:00 AM:] DialIdol has the women in the following order: 1) Melinda Doolittle; 2) Lakisha Jones; 3) Antonella Barba; 4) Jordin Sparks; 5) Alaina Alexander; 6) Sabrina Sloan; 7) Haley Scarnato; 8) Leslie Hunt; 9) Stephanie Edwards; 10) Gina Glocksen.
DialIdol's predictions should become less reliable every season, as more viewers vote by SMS instead of by phone. But if the actual voting results for Wednesday look anything like this, this is a travesty.
Tune in Thursday to find out how accurate DialIdol is this week.
*****
16-year-old Christina Aguilera was selected to sing "Reflection", the centerpiece song for the Disney movie Mulan, because her demo of Whitney Houston's [!] "Run To You" showed that she could hit the high "E" ("E" above tenor high "C") required for "Reflection". The rest is history.
Memo to American Idol contestants: do not sing Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, or Christina Aguilera if you cannot actually sing the song. It doesn't matter whether the song is a personal favorite of yours -- if you can't sing it, don't sing it.
[Let's see how long it takes the NBA to C&D YouTube over this version -- Ed.]
* And yesterday, she premiered her new video for "Candy Man" on TRL:
Four points to discuss about this last item:
1) I'm sure you're grumbling a little bit right now about how you're supposedly already "sick" of hearing this song. It's been so ubiquitous in 3 different national ad campaigns that you're probably saying to yourself, "You mean, there wasn't a 'video' already??? And what qualifies as a 'music video' nowadays, anyway???"
Whatevs. Stop fake-hating and enjoy.
[P.S. Our iPods have been rocking out to "Candy Man" since September, when our wise-beyond-her-years friend gave us Back To Basics as a birthday present.]
2) Vanessa Minnillo apparently has morphed into Katharine McPhee. Hey, Nick Lachey -- that might just qualify as an UPGRADE!!!
3) [Item #3 was supposed to be about how long this clip would last on Google Video given that MTV Networks parent Viacom has been C&D'ing Google recently because Google refused to pay them gobs of money over copyrighted Viacom material. But the internets reminded me that MTVN reached a separate agreement with Google last year that presumably makes this clip kosher. Move along. Nothing to see here.] And...
Sure, Xtina has had a few good things happen in her life the last couple of weeks. But, alas, she hasn't quite "done it all". Here are some of the things Xtina has NOT done in the last couple of weeks.
* Enter rehab and leave in less than 24 hours...
* Twice...
* Enter rehab for a third time...
* Shave off her hair to reassert control over her lifeto spite her mother to foil a threat to have her hair drug-tested...
* Make anyone think that KEVIN FUCKING FEDERLINE would be a better custodial parent than she is.
In 2000, Christina Aguilera defeated Britney Spears for the Best New Artist award. Xtina has since won 4 career Grammys and 1 Latin Grammy. Britney Spears has exactly 0 career Grammys on her resume.
In the time between my tracking down the limited availability of weekend musical performances online and my checking on the live-ability of my post, I found this with respect to my Xtina clip from the NBA All-Star Game:
"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by National Basketball Association"
And because the NBA is so You-savvy, the video is not even available on their site.
Over the weekend, I started thinking about how this was the best time of the year for big-time music stars. There are all sorts of opportunities to make high-profile appearances. Just in the last three weekends, we've had the Super Bowl, the Grammys, the Daytona 500, and the NBA All-Star Game. Next weekend is the Oscars. All of these high-profile teevee/entertainment events provide an excellent opportunity for big-name music stars to reach mass audiences to plug their new projectsshill for Oscar votes or record sales entertain us with their great art.
But I rely on You to record all of this for me so I can mooch off Your hard work and link to it.
Yes, I know. You think I could just do this myself. I know what You're thinking -- it's just as "easy" for me to record this, edit it, upload it to YouTube, etc., as it is for You. Except: 1) I don't have cable [or satellite, or carrier-pigeon-TV, thank goodness for that], which means I only get to see a handful of channels at home 2) with my crappy antenna, which doesn't produce good video, and 3) I'm usually not home when these events occur, because I want to see them clearly with friends, etc. So, You see, I can't really do this myself. That's why I rely on You to do this for me.
That's why I'm so disappointed in Your [lack of] efforts this weekend.
I was thinking over the weekend I would do a "high points and low points of musical performances over the weekend" post. But I can't find several of the key performances on YouTube or anywhere else. Big & Rich singing the National Anthem at the Daytona 500? Nope. Toni Braxton performing at the half at the NBA All-Star Game? Nope.
So, clip-challenged because of YOU, I decided to work with what I could find. So I present: This Week In Christina Aguilera & Christina-Aguilera-Wannabes...
* CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Regular readers of this blog should not be surprised that I have declared Christina Aguilera's half-time performance at the NBA All-Star Game to be the best of the weekend. Coming off her bringing-the-house-down performance at the Grammys one week earlier, Christina humbled Toni Braxton -- her "opening act" -- on Sunday nite with her performance of "Ain't No Other Man" and "Candy Man". Fortunately for You, someone else got the whole thing up on YouTube:
[Spoiler alert: Xtina was rocking platinum-blond hair and bright red lipstick during this performance.]
Yes, Xtina is singing live. And she obvs don't need no ProTools help. Unlike...
* KELLY CLARKSON
Well-known American Idol 1 winner and Xtina leech wannabe Kelly Clarkson was the "featured" pre-race performer at the Daytona 500 on Sunday afternoon. Apparently, there is a difference between the "studio" KC and the "live" KC. Kelly performed three songs -- the predictable "Since U Been Gone" and "Miss Independent", and, sandwiched between them, a new song called "One Minute". Kelly's performances of "Since U Been Gone" and "Miss Independent" were predictably jump-up-and-down-and-throw-your-hands-in-the-air-errific, but not equal to the "recorded" versions we all know and love.
And no thanks to You, only her performance of "One Minute" has made it to the internets.
What's that smell??? Smells like teen spirit record company viral marketing to me:
But I will give Kelly Clarkson mad props for this: she managed to grow 9 inches of hair in only 24 hours -- compare and contrast the Sunday video above with this photo from Daytona Saturday:
P.S. I actually liked Kelly's outfit on Sunday. I hope she remembered the sunscreen for her back -- she strikes me as the pale-skin-burns-easily type.
[I had so much to say about the Grammys that I decided to split my wrap-up into two parts. Part 1, which focuses on the historic nite the Dixie Chicks celebrated on Sunday nite, is here.]
* Breaking: DHMBIB gets a few predictions right, most wrong: Okay, so I let me revisit my predictions to see how I did.
* RECORD OF THE YEAR. My prediction: Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"...The winner? Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice".
In my "predictions" post, I wrote: "'Crazy' is the most kryptonite-solid lock in this category since 'Hey Ya!' won in 2004. If 'Crazy' is not the 'Record Of The Year', then I know nothing about the Grammy's and should just give this up for good."
Feh.
No one predicted the Dixie Chicks "landslide" on Sunday nite, and I tip my hat to the Chicks on their historic achievement and the respect the academy gave them. Nevertheless, the academy got this one wrong. I feel bad for Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo for not getting the statuette they deserved, but they're laughing all the way to the bank.
* ALBUM OF THE YEAR. My prediction: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium...The winner? Dixie Chicks, Taking The Long Way.
My prediction was based on the assumption that the academy would disappoint me and give the honor to a safe choice like RHCP instead of the best album nominated, which was Justin Timberlake's FutureSex / LoveSounds. Again, I think the academy got this one wrong, and I understand why. But at least they didn't get it wrong the wrong way. I'll take one for the team for that.
* SONG OF THE YEAR. My prediction: Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice"...The winner? Dixie Chicks.
I called this one a lock the moment I heard the nominations back in the first week of December. Even before the rumors about a Chicks breakup first appeared. The breakup rumors only made this more likely, in my mind.
Patting myself on the back now.
* BEST NEW ARTIST. My prediction: Carrie Underwood...The winner? Carrie Underwood.
Carrie Underwood was so head-and-shoulders above these other nominees that I considered this a virtual lock as well. My only concern was whether the academy would exhibit any pro-Starbucks, anti-country / anti-Idol bias and give this award to Corrine Bailey Rae or James Blunt. Thankfully, I think the academy did the right thing here.
* BEST FEMALE POP VOCAL PERFORMANCE. My prediction: Christina Aguilera, "Ain't No Other Man"...The winner? Christina Aguilera.
Another one I the academy got right.
* BEST MALE POP VOCAL PERFORMANCE. My prediction: John Legend, "Save Room"...The winner? John Mayer, "Waiting On The World To Change".
Possibly the worst collection of nominees in the "Big" and "Pop" categories [irrefutable proof -- PAUL FUCKING McCARTNEY was nominated in this category!!!]. John Legend, John Mayer...Who really gives a shit???
* BEST POP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR GROUP WITH VOCAL. My prediction: Keane, "Is It Any Wonder"...The winner? The Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps".
I demand a recount. Academy, are you sure The Pussycat Dolls didn't get more votes???
As penitence for getting this one-wrong, I think I'll need to write "the Grammy-winning" whenever I write "Fergie" for the next two weeks.
* BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS. My prediction: Mary J. Blige & U2, "One"...The winner? Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder, "For Once In My Life".
I knew that neither of the two actual "Best" nominees -- "Promiscuous" and "Hips Don't Lie" -- in this category would win. So I predicted the "unique vocal event" produced by Grammy-beloved Mary J. and U2 would take the award. I wrote: "The academy will play it safe and go for Mary J. Blige-and-U2's 'One' [they performed it on last year's Grammy's, fercrissakes!!!]". In retrospect, I'm wondering if Mary J. didn't lose this Grammy by ham-handedly pushing Elliot Yamin out of the "duet" when they performed this song during the American Idol final last May. Or maybe the academy voters just said to themselves, "Ooh, look! It's Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder!!!"
META: I want someone to explain to me the exact differences between this category -- "Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals" -- and "Best Rap / Sung Collaboration" [N.B.: The BRSC award, deservedly, went to Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. for "My Love"]. Why was "Promiscuous" nominated in this category and not BRSC??? Why was "My Love" nominated for BRSC but not BPCWV??? Has anyone in the academy actually listened to pop radio in the last, oh, 5 years or so???
* BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM. My prediction: Justin Timberlake, FutureSex / LoveSounds...The winner? John Mayer, Continuum.
Shoot me. Now. PLEASE!!!
When I wrote up my predictions post, I ran out of time to make a few other predictions I wanted to record. However, I did write numerous times that the Chicks would win 3 awards, so I will give myself credit for getting Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal ["Not Ready To Make Nice"] and Best Country Album [Taking The Long Way] right. But to sorta even things out -- and to penalize myself for taking a couple of easy points -- I will also note that I made another prediction that didn't pan out. I predicted to myself that will.i.am would win the award for Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical [will.i.am not being the "Best", but maybe the "best nominated" -- hello? academy? where was Timbaland???]. Instead, the Chicks' halo helped Rick Rubin get this award.
Academy -- Wha, will.i.am's production on Busta's "I Love My B****" [that's the way it's listed on the Grammys site -- Ed.] wasn't good enough for you???
Okay, so by my count that's a record of 5-7. Ugh.
* Breaking: Long, boring Grammy telecast has few higlights:
The Grammys always have an auditorium full of marquee musical names. And usually, a nominee-roster full of most of the most popular and/or critically-acclaimed artists of the last year. So it's always disappointing when the performances aren't spectacular. Or at least fail to keep you awake.
Sadly, for the second year in a row, the musical performances mostly disappointed. Memo to the academy: figure out a way to nominate Kanye West for something EVERY YEAR.
For me, only three performances really stood out as memorable. The good kind of memorable, that is...
CHRISTINA AGUILERA
It should come as no surprise to anyone that Xtina absolutely brought the house down with her breathtaking performance of James Brown's "It's A Man's Man's Man's World". You could practically hear a pin drop in that auditorium during her performance -- which is not unusual, for when Xtina walks onto the stage to sing, the audience knows to shut up and listen.
Xtina's performance was the part of a James Brown tribute that immediately followed a series of performances that was supposed to honor R&B music throughout Grammy's history [Grammy producers: "we'll put all the Black people on around 10PM or so, work for you???"], so her performance looks even better when placed in the context of Smokey Robinson's and Lionel Richie's dreadful performances. But she also faced the challenge of following Chris Brown, who really raised the bar himself [see below].
There was some grumbling after the Grammys that Xtina was a poor choice to keynote the tribute to James Brown. But I think those sour grapes were more about the pathetic thinness of Grammy's tribute to the Godfather Of Soul [the Eagles get three songs and James Brown only gets one??? SHUT UP THE FUCK!!!] than about Xtina's resume -- what, you think it would've been better to have Mary J. over-ham this tribute??? -- or performance, which was stunning. Check out the footage, and keep an eye out for Jamie Foxx's reaction at the end. That said it all.
SHAKIRA & WYCLEF JEAN
Shakira & Wyclef gave the first electrifying performance of the nite. [Hey, if you were excited by THE FUCKING POLICE opening the show with ROX-FUCKING-ANNE, you are beyond any hope I can offer.]
Karla was deathly afraid Shakira would suffer a "wardrobe malfunction". Me, I wasn't afraid, but I was disappointed when no such malfunction ensued.
I'm just sayin'...
CHRIS BROWN
Best New Artist nominee Chris Brown was the last performer in the Grammy's tribute-to-R&B piece, and unlike Carrie Underwood a few minutes earlier, he actually got to perform his own song. Which was a good call by the producers. Brown's Stomp The Yard-style set re-injected some life into a moribund Grammys that had gone limp -- yes, "limp", pun intended -- since Shakira's non-lying hips shimmied off the stage an hour earlier.
Best part of Brown's performance for me: knowing that thousands of academy members were watching and saying to themselves, "WTF was that???"
And, sadly, that's about it for the real highlights...
* Breaking: Long, boring Grammy telecast has many lowlights, head-scratchers, "WTF was that???"'s:
Here are some of the more memorable lowlights, headscratchers, and WTF's of Sunday's ceremony, presented in order of show appearance...
* The Police, who are not nominated for anything, and who are booked by the producers to goose ratings, and who appear to goose attendance at their upcoming cash-in-on-Gen-X-nostalgia [the sequel to cash-in-on-Boomer-nostalgia] reunion tour, open the show with the 30-year-old song "Roxanne". Way to reach out to the target young demographic, Grammy producers!!!
* The academy, still not gettin' that whole "appeal to the young demo" thing, award the Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals Grammy to hip young artists Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder. Tony Bennett thanks his sponsor Target in his acceptance speech. I swear I am not making this up.
* 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Beyonce makes one last pitch for the Oscar she so desperately wants by performing the down-tempo "Listen" from Dreamgirls instead of, oh, maybe, the GRAMMY-NOMINATED "Deja Vu" or, oh, maybe, "Irresistible", which has only been #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for THE LAST THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!! [N.B.: Yes, it was a pitch for votes. Oscar voting was still open on Sunday night. Sorry if that bursts your bubble or anything.]
* Mary J. Blige wins the award for Best R&B Album and proceeds to thank over 50 people by name. I swear I am not making this up.
* While performing "What Goes Around, Comes Around", Justin Timberlake picks up a handheld camera and films himself up close for the last couple of minutes of the song. Clearly, the producers have just heard of this YouTube thing and think this stunt will appeal to "the kids" or something.
* The academy finally gets around to honoring the work of Maria Callas with a Lifetime Achievement honor. Callas is not in attendance to accept the honor.
* The academy presents a tribute to two "sons of Texas", Bob Wills and Don Henley. Bob Wills, whose music is a key ingredient in Elvis Presley's rock-n-roll gumbo, gets a one-song tribute. Don Henley and the Eagles get three songs.
* Special Head-Scratcher -- "My Grammy Moment" Edition:
For bizarre and unknown reasons, the academy decided this year to tip its hat to You with an American-Idol-style "vote for an unknown to sing on stage" gimmick contest, called "My Grammy Moment". The [female] winner would perform on stage with Justin Timberlake [and T.I.].
Running the whole contest online was sort of "edgy", but they completely blew it during the "finals" by giving the teevee viewers only few-second snippets of the "finalists" along with the requisite "text your vote to ..." info. They should have at least given the three finalists a group performance that we could use as a reference for voting. You know, sorta like that one show on Fox.
The academy further blew this whole gimmick by having Jennifer Hudson announce the winner. Jennifer's presentation was terrible -- she stumbled badly over her lines and babbled on about second chances and such -- wait, wasn't she there to announce the winner of this contest??? By the time she finally announced the winner's name, the contestants, the audience in the auditorium, and the viewers at home had no idea what was going on. The whole thing came off very awkwardly. Sadly, Jennifer Hudson's stumbling, rambling presentation may end up costing her some Oscar votes [see, Beyonce, above].
And, Jennifer Hudson? Didn't she come in seventh in AI3? What, the Grammy producers didn't have any AI winners around who could handle these duties?
* Special Head-Scratcher -- Vice Presidential Edition:
This one really has me scratching my noodle. So, the producers have a real celebrity on hand, and they completely blow it. AL FUCKING GORE is on hand, and the producers have him present [with QUEEN FUCKING LATIFAH] the award for...wait for it...Best Rock Album. This is the second-to-last-award presented. The last award presented -- the "Big" "Album Of The Year" -- is presented by Don Henley and Scarlett Johansson.
Now, think about this for a moment. If you have the former Vice President on hand to present an award, why don't you give him the high-profile last award of the nite. And doesn't it make more sense to have Don Henley present the Best Rock Album award than, say, AL FUCKING GORE???
The only thing that makes sense to me is this: Al gore was scheduled to present the award for Album Of The Year...until the producers learned the Dixie Chicks would win this award, at which point he was swapped into the second-to-last spot. Either the producers did not want to "politicize" the award by having Al Gore present it to the Chicks...and/or, due to such politicization concerns, the producers did not want to hurt Al Gore in the minds of some voters by having him present the award to the Chicks.
Take your pick.
* Time to go Home:
Earlier in this post, I made a joke about the Chicks' "landslide" on Sunday. Consequently, because it makes so much sense, I leave you with the Chicks' "Landslide" from 2003's Home. This cover of the classic Fleetwood Mac track was the last Chicks song that received widespread country radio love.
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