49th Grammys Wrap-Up, Part 2

[I had so much to say about the Grammys that I decided to split my wrap-up into two parts. Part 1, which focuses on the historic nite the Dixie Chicks celebrated on Sunday nite, is here.]

* Breaking: DHMBIB gets a few predictions right, most wrong: Okay, so I let me revisit my predictions to see how I did.

* RECORD OF THE YEAR. My prediction: Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"...The winner? Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice".

In my "predictions" post, I wrote: "'Crazy' is the most kryptonite-solid lock in this category since 'Hey Ya!' won in 2004. If 'Crazy' is not the 'Record Of The Year', then I know nothing about the Grammy's and should just give this up for good."

Feh.

No one predicted the Dixie Chicks "landslide" on Sunday nite, and I tip my hat to the Chicks on their historic achievement and the respect the academy gave them. Nevertheless, the academy got this one wrong. I feel bad for Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo for not getting the statuette they deserved, but they're laughing all the way to the bank.

* ALBUM OF THE YEAR. My prediction: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium...The winner? Dixie Chicks, Taking The Long Way.

My prediction was based on the assumption that the academy would disappoint me and give the honor to a safe choice like RHCP instead of the best album nominated, which was Justin Timberlake's FutureSex / LoveSounds. Again, I think the academy got this one wrong, and I understand why. But at least they didn't get it wrong the wrong way. I'll take one for the team for that.

* SONG OF THE YEAR. My prediction: Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice"...The winner? Dixie Chicks.

I called this one a lock the moment I heard the nominations back in the first week of December. Even before the rumors about a Chicks breakup first appeared. The breakup rumors only made this more likely, in my mind.

Patting myself on the back now.

* BEST NEW ARTIST. My prediction: Carrie Underwood...The winner? Carrie Underwood.

Carrie Underwood was so head-and-shoulders above these other nominees that I considered this a virtual lock as well. My only concern was whether the academy would exhibit any pro-Starbucks, anti-country / anti-Idol bias and give this award to Corrine Bailey Rae or James Blunt. Thankfully, I think the academy did the right thing here.

* BEST FEMALE POP VOCAL PERFORMANCE. My prediction: Christina Aguilera, "Ain't No Other Man"...The winner? Christina Aguilera.

Another one I the academy got right.

* BEST MALE POP VOCAL PERFORMANCE. My prediction: John Legend, "Save Room"...The winner? John Mayer, "Waiting On The World To Change".

Possibly the worst collection of nominees in the "Big" and "Pop" categories [irrefutable proof -- PAUL FUCKING McCARTNEY was nominated in this category!!!]. John Legend, John Mayer...Who really gives a shit???

* BEST POP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR GROUP WITH VOCAL. My prediction: Keane, "Is It Any Wonder"...The winner? The Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps".

I demand a recount. Academy, are you sure The Pussycat Dolls didn't get more votes???

As penitence for getting this one-wrong, I think I'll need to write "the Grammy-winning" whenever I write "Fergie" for the next two weeks.

* BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS. My prediction: Mary J. Blige & U2, "One"...The winner? Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder, "For Once In My Life".

I knew that neither of the two actual "Best" nominees -- "Promiscuous" and "Hips Don't Lie" -- in this category would win. So I predicted the "unique vocal event" produced by Grammy-beloved Mary J. and U2 would take the award. I wrote: "The academy will play it safe and go for Mary J. Blige-and-U2's 'One' [they performed it on last year's Grammy's, fercrissakes!!!]". In retrospect, I'm wondering if Mary J. didn't lose this Grammy by ham-handedly pushing Elliot Yamin out of the "duet" when they performed this song during the American Idol final last May. Or maybe the academy voters just said to themselves, "Ooh, look! It's Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder!!!"

META: I want someone to explain to me the exact differences between this category -- "Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals" -- and "Best Rap / Sung Collaboration" [N.B.: The BRSC award, deservedly, went to Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. for "My Love"]. Why was "Promiscuous" nominated in this category and not BRSC??? Why was "My Love" nominated for BRSC but not BPCWV??? Has anyone in the academy actually listened to pop radio in the last, oh, 5 years or so???

* BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM. My prediction: Justin Timberlake, FutureSex / LoveSounds...The winner? John Mayer, Continuum.

Shoot me. Now. PLEASE!!!

When I wrote up my predictions post, I ran out of time to make a few other predictions I wanted to record. However, I did write numerous times that the Chicks would win 3 awards, so I will give myself credit for getting Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal ["Not Ready To Make Nice"] and Best Country Album [Taking The Long Way] right. But to sorta even things out -- and to penalize myself for taking a couple of easy points -- I will also note that I made another prediction that didn't pan out. I predicted to myself that will.i.am would win the award for Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical [will.i.am not being the "Best", but maybe the "best nominated" -- hello? academy? where was Timbaland???]. Instead, the Chicks' halo helped Rick Rubin get this award.

Academy -- Wha, will.i.am's production on Busta's "I Love My B****" [that's the way it's listed on the Grammys site -- Ed.] wasn't good enough for you???

Okay, so by my count that's a record of 5-7. Ugh.

* Breaking: Long, boring Grammy telecast has few higlights:

The Grammys always have an auditorium full of marquee musical names. And usually, a nominee-roster full of most of the most popular and/or critically-acclaimed artists of the last year. So it's always disappointing when the performances aren't spectacular. Or at least fail to keep you awake.

Sadly, for the second year in a row, the musical performances mostly disappointed. Memo to the academy: figure out a way to nominate Kanye West for something EVERY YEAR.

For me, only three performances really stood out as memorable. The good kind of memorable, that is...

CHRISTINA AGUILERA

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Xtina absolutely brought the house down with her breathtaking performance of James Brown's "It's A Man's Man's Man's World". You could practically hear a pin drop in that auditorium during her performance -- which is not unusual, for when Xtina walks onto the stage to sing, the audience knows to shut up and listen.

Xtina's performance was the part of a James Brown tribute that immediately followed a series of performances that was supposed to honor R&B music throughout Grammy's history [Grammy producers: "we'll put all the Black people on around 10PM or so, work for you???"], so her performance looks even better when placed in the context of Smokey Robinson's and Lionel Richie's dreadful performances. But she also faced the challenge of following Chris Brown, who really raised the bar himself [see below].

There was some grumbling after the Grammys that Xtina was a poor choice to keynote the tribute to James Brown. But I think those sour grapes were more about the pathetic thinness of Grammy's tribute to the Godfather Of Soul [the Eagles get three songs and James Brown only gets one??? SHUT UP THE FUCK!!!] than about Xtina's resume -- what, you think it would've been better to have Mary J. over-ham this tribute??? -- or performance, which was stunning. Check out the footage, and keep an eye out for Jamie Foxx's reaction at the end. That said it all.



SHAKIRA & WYCLEF JEAN

Shakira & Wyclef gave the first electrifying performance of the nite. [Hey, if you were excited by THE FUCKING POLICE opening the show with ROX-FUCKING-ANNE, you are beyond any hope I can offer.]

Karla was deathly afraid Shakira would suffer a "wardrobe malfunction". Me, I wasn't afraid, but I was disappointed when no such malfunction ensued.

I'm just sayin'...



CHRIS BROWN

Best New Artist nominee Chris Brown was the last performer in the Grammy's tribute-to-R&B piece, and unlike Carrie Underwood a few minutes earlier, he actually got to perform his own song. Which was a good call by the producers. Brown's Stomp The Yard-style set re-injected some life into a moribund Grammys that had gone limp -- yes, "limp", pun intended -- since Shakira's non-lying hips shimmied off the stage an hour earlier.

Best part of Brown's performance for me: knowing that thousands of academy members were watching and saying to themselves, "WTF was that???"



And, sadly, that's about it for the real highlights...

* Breaking: Long, boring Grammy telecast has many lowlights, head-scratchers, "WTF was that???"'s:

Here are some of the more memorable lowlights, headscratchers, and WTF's of Sunday's ceremony, presented in order of show appearance...

* The Police, who are not nominated for anything, and who are booked by the producers to goose ratings, and who appear to goose attendance at their upcoming cash-in-on-Gen-X-nostalgia [the sequel to cash-in-on-Boomer-nostalgia] reunion tour, open the show with the 30-year-old song "Roxanne". Way to reach out to the target young demographic, Grammy producers!!!

* The academy, still not gettin' that whole "appeal to the young demo" thing, award the Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals Grammy to hip young artists Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder. Tony Bennett thanks his sponsor Target in his acceptance speech. I swear I am not making this up.

* 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Beyonce makes one last pitch for the Oscar she so desperately wants by performing the down-tempo "Listen" from Dreamgirls instead of, oh, maybe, the GRAMMY-NOMINATED "Deja Vu" or, oh, maybe, "Irresistible", which has only been #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for THE LAST THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!! [N.B.: Yes, it was a pitch for votes. Oscar voting was still open on Sunday night. Sorry if that bursts your bubble or anything.]

* Mary J. Blige wins the award for Best R&B Album and proceeds to thank over 50 people by name. I swear I am not making this up.

* While performing "What Goes Around, Comes Around", Justin Timberlake picks up a handheld camera and films himself up close for the last couple of minutes of the song. Clearly, the producers have just heard of this YouTube thing and think this stunt will appeal to "the kids" or something.

* The academy finally gets around to honoring the work of Maria Callas with a Lifetime Achievement honor. Callas is not in attendance to accept the honor.

* The academy presents a tribute to two "sons of Texas", Bob Wills and Don Henley. Bob Wills, whose music is a key ingredient in Elvis Presley's rock-n-roll gumbo, gets a one-song tribute. Don Henley and the Eagles get three songs.

* Special Head-Scratcher -- "My Grammy Moment" Edition:

For bizarre and unknown reasons, the academy decided this year to tip its hat to You with an American-Idol-style "vote for an unknown to sing on stage" gimmick contest, called "My Grammy Moment". The [female] winner would perform on stage with Justin Timberlake [and T.I.].

Running the whole contest online was sort of "edgy", but they completely blew it during the "finals" by giving the teevee viewers only few-second snippets of the "finalists" along with the requisite "text your vote to ..." info. They should have at least given the three finalists a group performance that we could use as a reference for voting. You know, sorta like that one show on Fox.

The academy further blew this whole gimmick by having Jennifer Hudson announce the winner. Jennifer's presentation was terrible -- she stumbled badly over her lines and babbled on about second chances and such -- wait, wasn't she there to announce the winner of this contest??? By the time she finally announced the winner's name, the contestants, the audience in the auditorium, and the viewers at home had no idea what was going on. The whole thing came off very awkwardly. Sadly, Jennifer Hudson's stumbling, rambling presentation may end up costing her some Oscar votes [see, Beyonce, above].

And, Jennifer Hudson? Didn't she come in seventh in AI3? What, the Grammy producers didn't have any AI winners around who could handle these duties?



* Special Head-Scratcher -- Vice Presidential Edition:

This one really has me scratching my noodle. So, the producers have a real celebrity on hand, and they completely blow it. AL FUCKING GORE is on hand, and the producers have him present [with QUEEN FUCKING LATIFAH] the award for...wait for it...Best Rock Album. This is the second-to-last-award presented. The last award presented -- the "Big" "Album Of The Year" -- is presented by Don Henley and Scarlett Johansson.

Now, think about this for a moment. If you have the former Vice President on hand to present an award, why don't you give him the high-profile last award of the nite. And doesn't it make more sense to have Don Henley present the Best Rock Album award than, say, AL FUCKING GORE???

The only thing that makes sense to me is this: Al gore was scheduled to present the award for Album Of The Year...until the producers learned the Dixie Chicks would win this award, at which point he was swapped into the second-to-last spot. Either the producers did not want to "politicize" the award by having Al Gore present it to the Chicks...and/or, due to such politicization concerns, the producers did not want to hurt Al Gore in the minds of some voters by having him present the award to the Chicks.

Take your pick.

* Time to go Home:



Earlier in this post, I made a joke about the Chicks' "landslide" on Sunday. Consequently, because it makes so much sense, I leave you with the Chicks' "Landslide" from 2003's Home. This cover of the classic Fleetwood Mac track was the last Chicks song that received widespread country radio love.

Dixie Chicks - Landslide [mp3, via YSI]
Dixie Chicks - Landslide [mp3, via zShare]