This Week In Tonight In American Idol [25 March 2008]

8:00 PM: We're back for more Idol live-blogging. Tonite's theme is "Songs From The Year You Were Born".

8:01 PM: First up is Ramiele, born in 1987. She's taking on "Alone" by Heart.

Ramiele starts off her usual moussy self. When the "rock" part of the song kicks in, she brings the power better than she has all season.

But she's waaaaay off pitch. And shouty.

Randy agrees: not the right song choice...a little too big of a song...not quite your thing...pitchy...
Paula: I'm glad America has heard your big voice...I hope you make it through, because you're a big talent in a small package...
Simon: I don't think it was as bad as Randy said...a little bit shrieky and shouty in the middle...but after surviving last week, I think you'll make it through on that performance...

And what up with those fingerless black "Breakfast At Meth-Head Tiffany's" gloves Paula is wearing???

8:10 PM: Next up is Jason, born in 1987. "I've been TOLD I'm an Aries". WTF??? Jason takes on "Fragile", by Sting.

Jason also is playing a guitar. He's better than he was as a kid, obvs.

I must admit I'm not familiar with the song. So I looked it up and found this interesting info at SongFacts: "People who dig this song also like 'Every Breath You Take', 'Shape Of My Heart' and '(I've Had) The Time of My Life'". RUH ROH!

There's a nice Spanish run that actually reminds me of Enrique Eglesias. To the judges...

Randy: one of my favorite songs...very good choice...didn't do anything different with it...I'm still waiting for that breakout vocal from you...nice
Paula: staying true to who you are...beautiful song...didn't see anything different that made us go "wow"...playing it safe...that's who you are...
Simon: you've had two bad weeks, and it's time you start taking this a little more seriously...that was the equivalent of someone singing outside the subway system...too clumsy, too laid back, too much in your own world...you're someone who's proved you're potentially a winner, but you're not gonna win if you keep doing that week after week...

I have to agree with Simon. Jason has talent, but his laid-back hippie-stoner schtick is only gonna take him so far on this show, and I can't see him developing much of an enduring following post-Idol with that.

8:16 PM: Next up is Syesha, who was born in 1987. Syesha takes on "If I Were Your Woman", by Stephanie Mills.

Okay, I already think this is the best performance of the nite so far, and it's just started.

I've been a bigger fan of Syesha than some of the other Idol boards have been, but that was really good.

Randy: the best I've ever heard you sing...stellar...I'm shocked, I'm lovin' it...another competitor in the competition...
Paula: this will be the moment everyone remembers where Syesha "flipped it" and became the Dark Horse...pitch-perfect...brilliant...
Simon: definitely the best so far...I don't think the ending was as good as Randy thought...there's a limit to your vocal, and that song stretched it...

8:26 PM: Next up is Chikezie, who was born in 1985. Chikezie takes on "If Only For One Night", by Luther Vandross.

Chikezie won't win this competititon unless he REALLY catches fire, but he could easily be what TPTB wanted Ruben Studdard to be -- a handsome, quality modern "true" R&B singer.

That was good, but I still think Syesha was better.

Randy: interesting that you followed Syesha with another old-school number...she moved it around and made it younger-feeling...but you just sounded old-school...i didn't love it for you...it wasn't that hip Chikezie full of energy...boring...
Paula: you are a throwback, but it's a good throwback...I think you did a great job...you did amazing with the textures of your vocals...
Simon: I think you sang it well...the performance was very cheesy...you have to show originality, and I didn't see anything original other than someone trying to copy the original...i miss your personality...

8:37 PM: Next up is Brook White, born in 1983. Brooke's parents are named Kaylene and Brad. It's important that you know that.

Brooke is taking on "Every Breath You Take", by The Police.

ZOMG! Brooke has turned this song into a Tori Amos song!!!

Okay, it's "beautiful", but HELLZ TO THE NO!!!

Also, something happened at the beginning, and she had to restart after a second or so. But she handled it with aplomb.

Randy: very interesting song choice...[compliments her on her professionalism in starting over]...I didn't like the arrangement with the bad...I wish you had continued with just you on the piano...it was just okay for me, a'ight...
Paula: I enjoyed this performance so much more than last week's...we've always wanted contestants who are unique, and have their own niche...and you do...it was consistent, great...
Simon: I totally agree with Randy...should have kept it a piano solo without the band...when the tempo picked up and the band joined in, it made it very old-fashioned...definitely good enough to keep you in for another week...first half with you alone was fantastic...better than last week...

[behind the clock because of a phone call and a quick break]

Insta-ranking, the first five:

1) Syesha
2-3) Brooke, Chikezie
4-5) Jason, Ramiele

Looks like we're only 90 minutes tonite? Thank Gawd!

8:47 PM: Next is Michael Johns, who was born in 1978. Michael, obviously, is the oldest competitor in this year's competition. Will his older song choice be a handicap this week?

Michael is taking on "We Will Rock You", by Queen, and it's a good fit for Michael's style.

Oh, now it's a medley, with "We Are The Champions". Is that a good call???

That might be Michael's best performance yet.

Randy agrees: finally, you believed in yourself and used that voice you've got...for me, that was your best performance yet...
Paula: any time any one of us said you haven't found your right song, we can shut our mouths...fantastic...
Simon: this is the first time with you I saw star potential...tonite, you just got it right...comfortable...for me, the only memorable performance of the nite so far...

8:52 PM: Next is Carly, born in 1983. Carly's parents hadn't settled on a name before she was born. When they were on their way to the hospital, they heard Carly Simon on the radio, and decided that was the name.

Carly is taking on "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", by Bonnie Tyler. It's probably perfect for hear -- she's probably been singing it for years.

Carly is, of course, technically perfect. Do I hear a Celine influence there?

Carly gets the biggest crowd reaction of the nite so far...

Randy: very interesting song choice...liked it, didn't love it...a little harp on the final note...it was a'ight for me...
Paula: what I admire about you is that you could probably take every song I don't like it and make me a believer and make me go buy it...I loved what you did at the end...you stretch yourself...

Randy and Paula are bickering...Randy didn't like the run or the rock song choice...

Simon: something didn't quite work...you were tense, uptight...I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would enjoy it...you've got to lighten up a little bit...

Will Carly hit the bottom three again this week?

9:02 PM: Next up is David A., who was born in 1990.

Uh, yeah. 1990.

David is taking on "You're The Voice". The song was actually written and recorded -- and was a huge hit in Australia -- several years earlier. But David's hook is that it was covered by David Foster and Jeff Pescetto in America in 1990.

Hey! David Foster? Wasn't he just on Idol TWO FREAKIN' WEEKS AGO with Kat McPhee???

I am so bored by David Archuleta.

And this performance is doing nothing for me.

He's obviously safe.

Randy: strange song choice...but you can sing whatever...very nice...
Paula: all of us were trying to figure that out...you could sing the phone book and we'd fall in love with you...
Simon: I didn't like the performance at all...it was reminiscent of a theme-park performance...ghastly...I'd be amazed if you chose that song yourself, because it's not you...

9:12 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook, born in 1984. Kristy Lee is singing -- and I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP -- "God Bless the USA", by Lee Greenwood. This song is the worst "patriotic" song in the history of "patriotic" songs.

Kristy Lee's version is...what...somewhere below karaoke-rific??? Technically fine, but this song is supposed to soar, and that just...floated...

Randy: great song choice...a few pitchy spots in the middle, but a very nice performance...
Paula: very good choice...I've seen better performances from you, but your voice is sounding stronger...
Simon: your best performance by a mile...most clever song choice I have heard in years...Lee Greenwood, brilliant songwriter, brilliant song...a good performance that will keep you in the competition...

9:20 PM: Last up tonite is David C., born in 1982. David is taking on...wait for it..."Billie Jean", by Michael Jackson.

As has been noted elsewhere, David is not really covering Michael J.'s version of "Billie Jean". Instead, David is covering ex-Soundgarden and ex-Audioslave singer Chris Cornell's 2006 version of "Billie Jean", which version was brilliant, in my opinion.

David's performance is a perfect carbon copy of Cornell's performance. And even knowing that, I still think it was the best of the night...

Randy: you're probably the most original, most bold contestant we've ever had...on that performance right there, you might be the one to win the whole lot...HOT!!! BLAZING MOLTEN HOT!!!
Paula [giving standing ovation]...I'm blown away...I can't sit down...I gotta tell you how smart you are, how brave you are, and how willing you are to stretch the boundaries...and you do it right to the edge without going over...[incomprehensible gibberish]...
Simon: that was brave...it could have been either insane or amazing, and I have to tell you, it was amazing...

Insta-reaction, second five:

1) David C.
2) Michael
3) Carly
4) Kristy Lee
5) David A.

* * * * *

So, I've gone back and listened to Chris Cornell's "unplugged" cover of "Billie Jean", and I actually think David C. got the better of Chris tonite. David C.'s rendition of the song might not have been "original", but most of the people who've heard Chris Cornell's haunting version no doubt consider themselves too cool to watch American Idol. So David C. will probably get lots of goodwill over the next few hours from voters who think he "took a chance" and nailed it.

I'm finding it quite the challenge to Insta-Rank the top 10 tonite. The first five to go were largely bland and forgettable, and there were some spectacular performances from the second five.

Biggest Improvement tonite were probably -- surprise! -- Syesha and Kristy Lee. Biggest Un-Improvement tonite were probably Jason and David A., who both continue to underwhelm me. Ramiele was just Ramiele, which means that she once again failed to bust out the big performance she SHOULD need to stick around much longer.

Insta-Rank The Idol Top Ten Performance Show:

1) David C.
2) Michael
3) Carly
[length-of-Soundgarden-era-Chris-Cornell's-hair-sized-gap here]
4) Syesha
5) Brooke
6) Kristy Lee
[length-of-Audioslave-era-Chris-Cornell's-hair-sized-gap here]
7) Chikezie
8) David A.
9) Jason
10) Ramiele

Insta-Prediction As To Tomorrow's Voted Bottom Three:

3) Carly
2) Syesha
1) Chikezie

* * * * *

Chris Cornell, "Billie Jean" (Unplugged) [mp3, via YSI]
Chris Cornell, "Billie Jean" (Unplugged) [mp3, via zShare]

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Diddy: Clever Or Stupid?

Spinal Tap lead singer David St. Hubbins once said, "It's such a fine line between clever and stupid". Was Diddy clever or stupid when he agreed to appear in a new commercial for the super premium Ciroc vodka with a soundtrack using...wait for it...Kanye West's "Flashing Lights"?


DHMBIB's answer: CLEVER.

And, STUPID.

The clever: Diddy had $100 million reasons to agree to someone else's soundtrack choice for his new commercial. And if that someone likes Kanye better than Diddy, well, money talks.

Or maybe the ad director simply can't tell one black hip-hopper from another???

[DHMBIB would never suggest that an ad director or marketing manager for a British liquor company would confuse one ultra-mega-maniacal hip-hopper with a different ultra-mega-maniacal hip-hopper -- Ed.]

As this "Behind The Scenes" video proves, Diddy knew they were using "Flashing Lights" at least to get the models grooving and moving:



Anyways, if you're too lazy to click the link above, Diddy has signed an agreement with Diageo PLC to...well...it's just so rich that we think the "brand's" MySpace blog says it best:

NEW YORK - Just five years ago, Sean "Diddy" Combs asked Busta Rhymes to "pass the Courvoisier." These days, it's all about the vodka.

The 37-year-old hip-hop mogul has inked a multiyear deal to develop the Ciroc vodka brand — one of Diageo PLC's superpremium lines — for a 50-50 share in the profits.

It's the latest agreement in which a celebrity is going beyond the typical endorser role to share in a brand's rise and fall, such as Jay-Z with Budweiser and 50 Cent with Vitamin Water.

Diageo said the agreement could be worth more than $100 million for Combs over the course of the deal, depending on how well the brand performs.

"It is not an endorsement deal," Combs told The Associated Press on Tuesday night. "This is something that will have my daily attention."

Combs said he wanted to work with Diageo because the company understood that "I'm not just a celebrity endorser, I'm a brand builder. I'm a luxury brand builder."

Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting "movers and shakers" to the line.

"They're looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle," he said. "It's that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who's looking for luxury and looking for something better."

Combs already has his own perfume and clothing line, and serves as chief executive of record company Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment.

"I can't overhype someone into loving vodka," he said. But once consumers actually taste Ciroc, "I think we can convert a lot of people."

I love this: "'It is not an endorsement deal...This is something that will have my daily attention.'" "Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting 'movers and shakers' to the line."

I love the thought of the following made-up conversation between Diddy and whichever member of Danity Kane he may be sleeping working with these days:

Diddy: [sigh]
Aubrey: What's wrong, Puffy?
Diddy: Diddy. My name is "Diddy".
Aubrey: Sorry. "Diddy". What's wrong?
Diddy: Oh, that liquor store at the corner of 3d and Park won't get rid of Vox for Ciroc.
Aubrey: ZOMG!!!
Diddy: I know, right??? And if that weren't enough, they insist on playing that Jay-Z album all the time, which of course sends the wrong subliminal message to shoppers.
Aubrey: ZOMG!!!

The stupid: Odd that he didn't insist his own music be used to promote the brand. Remember, "Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it."

I guess Diddy thinks Kanye can "sell" Diddy's vodka better than Diddy can.

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Video Of The Day: "IDK, my BFF Rose"

I'm normally not the kind of blogtard who would allow my blog to be used to shill for a commercial product, and that's not what this post is about.

But stick with me on this one. I do have some meta stuff I want to talk about.

Earlier this year, after completing their merger with Cingular Wireless, AT&T Wireless unveiled a series of commercials touting their wireless plans. One commercial [not included here] showed a "mother" chastising her "family" for "throwing away" their rollover minutes, represented in the ad by tiny analog clocks. A follow-up commercial showed a different "mother" chastising her "daughter" for running up the family's wireless bill through excessive text messaging:



This commercial, which has come to be known as "IDK, my BFF Jill", is probably the most polarizing commercial of the year. Everyone I know hates this commercial. Except for me. I love it.

Why? I use this kind of SMS shorthand all the time myself. Not usually in speech, sure, but that's the joke that makes this ad. No one "talks" like this. Now. But soon, we will.

In fact, it's already happening. Educators have already begun the teeth-gnashing and the hair-pulling and the whatnot over students who use SMS shorthand in essays. Some educators are even debating whether they should "teach" SMS shorthand as a way to control the monster that has already been unleashed. I'm not sure what they would "teach" exactly -- is it socially improper for youngsters to write, or say, "WTF" when communicating with their elders? -- but I'm sure we'll work it out. Whatevs.

It's okay, people. Calm down. Breathe. We'll survive this. INBD.

Anyway, most people hoped that "Mom" and "Beth Ann" had completed their nails-on-the-chalkboard reign over our airtime. But recently, AT&T Wireless unveiled a new add, "IDK, my BFF Rose". And, of course, it's my "Video Of The Day". NJOY:



* * * * *

Random thoughts about the above:

* The new [second] clip above was posted to YouTube by user "attmobility". So, AT&T Wireless. How do we feel about advertisers gettin' all up in OurSpace?

* The older [first] clip above was posted to YouTube by [presumably] a regular user. It and other clips of the same ad have already been viewed over 1 million times. Does that make my first question moot?

* The first clip is a rip from the teevee. The second clip comes straight from AT&T. The first clip comes with the Oasis sample still audible at the end. The second clip has the music excised. How do the Gallagher brothers and their record label feel about all of this?

* The actress who plays the "Mom" in these two adds is Orlagh Cassidy, who plays the character "Doris Wolfe" on the CBS soaper Guiding Light. [Don't ask me how I know that. Just know that whenever I see her on the show, I mumble under my breath, "Me paying this bill, that's what's S...NF".] Anyways, I've always been curious how much soap work pays. And how much commercial work pays. And now, how much AT&T Wireless had to pay to get her to come back for another go-round?

* * * * *

Bonus Fall Out Boy video, "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs":


[Note that the video is sponsored by Tag Body Spray. Sigh...]

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BREAKING: Area Blogger Makes Painfully Obvious Lindsay Lohan / Amy Winehouse "Rehab" Joke

Well, that didn't take long, now did it?

Less than 12 hours after Lindsay Lohan melted down again, was arrested for DUI, and was shipped off to rehab, some webtard had the genius idea of mashing up clips of our dear LiLo with Amy Winehouse's song "Rehab".

Actually, it's pretty clever -- and it's my "Video Of The Day".

Enjoy:

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BREAKING: Ask American Celebremag Covers No Questions And They Will STILL Tell You Lies

RELATED: Offer me $10K and I'll photoshop MYSELF to your specifications...

Fact No. 1: faithful readee Gawker Media recently inaugurated a new blog. Jezebel is a blog devoted to snarking about the world of women's fashion and beauty. Think Cosmo with "These 7 seven tricks WILL NOT blow his mind!!! But the truth about Atoosa Rubinstein just might!!!" [Maybe a LITTLE too inside??? -- Ed.] Their motto -- "Celebrity, Sex, Fashion. Without Airbrushing."

Fact No. 2: Faith Hill is a beautiful woman. Two months away from her 40th birthday, this Mother 0f three lovely girls [and Wife of Tim McGraw] should have no shame over a few lines here and there.

Fact No. 3: EVERY magazine cover you see when you buy your cold medicine and band-aids or whatevs at the CVS is so photoshopped it bears no resemblance to anything you or I would relate to "reality".

[uh...insert "break" here perhaps when this gets fixed -- Ed.]

Fact No. 4: Jezebel famously offered a $10 thousand bounty for a major magazine cover pic "before" the requisite photoshop job. [sorry, we can't find the original offer now -- just trust us -- Ed.]

Fact No. 5: Nick Denton is cutting a check for 10-Large as I write this.

Yes, today, someone emailed Jezebel a "before" pic of Faith Hill on the cover of the July Redbook. And here's the before, along with the after [of course -- you can figure out which is which]:



[image courtesy Jossip via Jezebel]

This story blew up the celebribloggosphere on Monday. Take a look at the differences between these two photos. Among other things that are obviously different:

* the "eye bags"
* the "back fat"
* the right arm -- where is it in "the original" photo?
* the thinner left arm
* the freckles and moles on the left arm
* and, uh, why???
* no, seriously -- why???

Longtime-faithful readers know how much I hate gettin' all Jack Shafer and shit up in y'allz grillz and shit, but...

Assuming the "before" photo is real -- a big assumption -- Redbook -- and Faith Hill -- have lots of questions to answer -- the above questions, to be exact...

...But it also -- OMG totes coincidentally -- put [BRAND NEW!!! GAWKER MEDIA blog] Jezebel on the map...

...And we here at DHMBIB would never be so cynical as to suggest that a brand-new blog...

Two notes:

1) Okay, Jezebel, so you're OK! If you offered to pay me $10K for something bloggable, I might photoshop anything you wanted -- I might even "reverse-photoshop" Redbook's July cover, just for you and your $10K payday.

So, a little more disclosure would be a good thing...Just sayin'...

2) "On The Internet, Nobody Knows You're A Dog."

ciaobaby

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Caption This! Get Rich Or Die Tryin' [23 May 2007]

[image courtesy European Photopress Agency via NewYorkTimes.com via Wonkette]

Those eagle-eyed sexy-librarian-cat-lovers over at Wonkette spied this "photo" at NYT.com accompanying a story that was obviously submitted by some communist libtard who hates our freedoms and wants to force Rihanna to wear a burqa in her next Spanish-language video. I mean, c'mon people -- the photographer is European, so this is obviously a photoshop intended to deceive the American people and hip-hop fans about the widespread progress being made in Iraq!!!

Those defeat-o-crats at Wonkette had this to say about this obviously phony photo:

Representatives of the extremist “Guerrilla Unit” [link added -- Ed.] threatened to continue the attacks until American occupiers left Iraq and strict Islamic law was imposed on the country. They would, said one, “Get Fiqh or Die Trying.”

Because Alex and Ken obviously hate our troops and want the terrorists to win, I want to open this photo up to a DHMBIB "Caption This!" contest. As always, leave your comments in the...er, comments. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

* 50 Cent must fight Ja Rule and The Game over there, or else The Game will follow 50 Cent home and fight him here. Ja Rule, however, will stay over there, because he's a *****.

* We're only humans girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take / I love you like a fat kid loves cake / You know my style I say anything to make you smile.

* I don't know what you heard about me / But a ***** can't get a dollar out of me / No Cadillac, no perms, you can't see / That I'm a motherfucking P-I-M-P.

* Girl, I'd take you to the Candy Shop, but...well...ya know...

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This Week In Recently In Julia Allison's Life-Sized Cardboard Cut-Out [21 May 2007]

[serious "inside baseball" alert -- don't say we didn't warn you -- Ed.]

So, Julia Allison, you've had an awesome quarter [or so]...

...or, at least that cardboard cut-out of you that you trot out every so often when you're too busy to keep up with your social calendar has had an awesome quarter.

[Confused DHMBIB readers may want to take a few minutes to brush up on our dear Julia...

Back yet? Okay, let's go!!! -- Ed.]

Julia -- you the former AM New York dating columnist, current Fox News Channel Talking Head and Huffington Post Eat The Press correspondent, and brand new Time Out New York dating columnist -- not to mention Gawker's number one frenemy and the real-life inspiration for one of the most notorious campaign commercials in history -- you sure have been a busy social butterfly recently. So busy, in fact, that it appears you've had to resort to sending your cardboard-cutout "Julia" doppelganger in your place a few times.

Julia, there's no need for you to be so over-extended. Seriously, I can help!!!

Observe...

Here's your cut-out recently with Fishbowl NY Editor Dylan Stableford...



Obviously, you were also too busy to make the Radar release party, so you sent your cut-out to stand in for you with Chris Tennant...



...and Tinsley Mortimer [a/k/a "The Tinz"]...



and, finally, Defamer editor Mark Lisanti...



And oh! The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner!!! I'm guessing you knew Rich Little was going to be heinously unfunny, so you sent your cut-out in your place, where "she" was photo'd with, among others...

...your-hometown-ragsheet's [Chicago Sun-Times] EIC Michael Cooke...



...and...TONY KORNHEISER???...



...and MISS FREAKING AMERICA [yes, we edit ourselves sometimes -- Ed.] Laura Nelson...



...and tsunami-and-James-Blunt-survivor Petra Nemcova...



...and even possibly the next losing candidate for President of the United States, former Tennessee Senator Fred "I'm not 'Tommy', I'm that guy on Law & Order" Thompson...



...and...and...OMG!!! LOL MY HEADZ EXPLODING!!!



And most recently, here's your cut-out at the Time 100 party a coupla weeks' ago...



...and here again with your sometime-boss-and-all-the-time-BFF, ETP's Rachel Sklar, at the same party...



Julia, I know you were pissed off about not getting a proper invite, so you ended up asking your cut-out to crash the party for you. But I woulda been happy to crash in your place, if only so I coulda been your "stand-in" in this awesome photo of "you" and fellow non-ivitee ANA MARIE COX!!!



Now, I realize that AMC is time.com's Washington "bureau chief" [and Wonkette's founding editor and -- still -- "Wonkette Emerita"], and as such could reasonably have expected an invite to this event. But I'm her "boss" [disclosure -- Ed.], and not even I got invited. Thus, I would've been more than pleased to be her partner-in-crime and stand in for your cut-out if you were too busy to make this soiree.

[long-time readers and/or friends know that we at DHMBIB seriously <3 AMC!!! -- Ed.]

Seriously, Julia, I know you've over-booked your social calendar recently. As a fellow Hoya, I would love to help you out of these sticky situations.

[whispering]Julia! Call me![/whispering]

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BREAKING: "Big-Time" Blog Posts Photo Of Two People With The Same Name, Makes Obvious And Unfunny Jokes

[image courtesy WireImage via TMZ]

So, TMZ [disclosure -- Ed.] posted this photo today, and the accompanying write-up made every obvious and unfunny joke that is already spinning through your brain, because Larry King is responsible for the post, obvs.

Disappointed at the lack of original wit at "my" company, I decided to open this photo up to a "Caption This" contest amongst my many faithful readers.

However, you cannot use any of these phrases / jokes in your efforts, because they are so obvious that even Wolf Blitzer has already thought of them:

* "glamorous"
* "The Duchess of York" / "The Dutchess of [Josh] Duhamel"
* my humps / "lovely lady lumps"
* "Fergalicious"
* "Sarah Ferguson" / "Stacy Ferguson" / "garwsh, ya mean they're both named 'Fergie'???"
* "flossy, flossy"
* "London Bridge"

Also, no tranny jokes -- Anderson Cooper already went there, too.

Now, I'm not a completely bad guy. Because I've declared so many jokes off limits, I'll give you a few more things I thought of that might help you out:

* "T-to-the-A-to-the-S-T-E-Y, girl you're TASTEY!"
* "D-to-the-E-to-the-L-I-C-I-O-U-S"
* anything having to do with Candie's; and
* anything having to do with Weight Watchers

[thank you! we'll be here all week! -- Ed.]

* * * * *

You may also get a few ideas from Fergie's [the singer -- Ed.] new video, "Big Girls Don't Cry". [or, you may just enjoy seeing Fergie in her undies. or, you may just enjoy seeing what it would look like if Fergie quit the Black Eyed Peas and joined Good Charlotte, or maybe Korn -- Ed.] Anyway, this is the song Fergie performed on American Idol on 18 April, and it's one of my favorite songs from Fergie's outstanding [no, really -- Ed.] CD, The Dutchess.



And because I haven't had one in a while, it's also my Video Of The Day.

ciaobaby

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Celebrities! They're Just Like Us!: Danica Patrick [7 April 2007]

Saw the above photo in a web ad today and spat my yoo-hoo all over my monitor. It's a virtual dead ringer for my dear friend Penelope:


[I don't really look this good, but the halo effect of having my picture taken with someone who's much better looking than I am makes me look much better -- Ed.]

Alas, the hottie in the web ad is not my dear friend Penelope -- it's actually Indy Racing League driver Danica Patrick, who is the new spokeshottie for internet registrar GoDaddy:



Can't believe I never noticed the resemblence until now. But hey, any excuse to dig up pix of Penelope is fine with me!!!

ciaobaby

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