[image courtesy WireImage via TMZ]
So, TMZ [disclosure -- Ed.] posted this photo today, and the accompanying write-up made every obvious and unfunny joke that is already spinning through your brain, because Larry King is responsible for the post, obvs.
Disappointed at the lack of original wit at "my" company, I decided to open this photo up to a "Caption This" contest amongst my many faithful readers.
However, you cannot use any of these phrases / jokes in your efforts, because they are so obvious that even Wolf Blitzer has already thought of them:
* "glamorous"
* "The Duchess of York" / "The Dutchess of [Josh] Duhamel"
* my humps / "lovely lady lumps"
* "Fergalicious"
* "Sarah Ferguson" / "Stacy Ferguson" / "garwsh, ya mean they're both named 'Fergie'???"
* "flossy, flossy"
* "London Bridge"
Also, no tranny jokes -- Anderson Cooper already went there, too.
Now, I'm not a completely bad guy. Because I've declared so many jokes off limits, I'll give you a few more things I thought of that might help you out:
* "T-to-the-A-to-the-S-T-E-Y, girl you're TASTEY!"
* "D-to-the-E-to-the-L-I-C-I-O-U-S"
* anything having to do with Candie's; and
* anything having to do with Weight Watchers
[thank you! we'll be here all week! -- Ed.]
* * * * *
You may also get a few ideas from Fergie's [the singer -- Ed.] new video, "Big Girls Don't Cry". [or, you may just enjoy seeing Fergie in her undies. or, you may just enjoy seeing what it would look like if Fergie quit the Black Eyed Peas and joined Good Charlotte, or maybe Korn -- Ed.] Anyway, this is the song Fergie performed on American Idol on 18 April, and it's one of my favorite songs from Fergie's outstanding [no, really -- Ed.] CD, The Dutchess.
And because I haven't had one in a while, it's also my Video Of The Day.
ciaobaby
Friday, May 18, 2007
BREAKING: "Big-Time" Blog Posts Photo Of Two People With The Same Name, Makes Obvious And Unfunny Jokes
Monday, April 2, 2007
Video Of The Day: Runners-Up [2 April 2007]
The video we posted earlier of Alanis Morissette covering "My Humps" set the bloggosphere on fire today and is obvs the Video Of The Day. And we're glad for that, because we had a few videos gathered up over the last week and couldn't decide which one to make a "Video Of The Day", and they were starting to go stale because we got busy and couldn't post for a few days. Obviously, we could just post them over the next few days [time permitting], but we've just decided to put them up for your enjoyment now.
After the jump, they follow in the chronological order in which we found them...
* 28 March: Another Fergie "cover":
Julia Allison pointed us in the direction of yet another very awesome parody of "Fergalicious". Enjoy:
* 29 March: Three words -- Jessica. Biel. Stripping.:
Egotastic and IDontLikeYouInThatWay pointed us to the trailer for an upcoming movie called "I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry". The movie stars Adam Sandler and Kevin James as NYC firefighters who pretend to be gay partners so they can collect spousal benefits should either die. Jessica Biel plays an attorney they hire to defend them in an investigation into the legitimacy of their "relationship". Predictably, Adam's character falls in love with Jessie's character.
The movie must suck, because the trailer shows a lot of Jessica Biel. Jessica Biel in a pleather catsuit. Jessica Biel stripping down to her lingerie in front of the "gay" Adam Sandler. Jessica Biel inviting the "gay" Adam Sandler to feel her breasts to prove that they are "real".
Yes, we know -- we don't know anyone who would be interested in seeing any of that. But if you might be, enjoy this:
[nice tattoo -- a dove perhaps??? -- Ed.]
* 30 March: Lily Allen rulez!!!:
Stereogum pointed us to a video of the super awesome Lily Allen covering Blondie's "Heart Of Glass" at a recent concert. Watch -- it's worth it:
ciaobaby
Video Of The Day: This Is Why We Still Love Alanis Morissette [2 April 2007]
We here at the DHMBIB bar social club were big fans of Alanis Morissette's angsty Gen-X post-feminism 10 years ago. Sadly, she lost us with her last few albums, but we still from time-to-time wade into our CD collection to give Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie another spin [that CD was awesome!!! -- Ed.].
We also loves us some Fergie. Shut up. [pun completely intended -- Ed.]
So, it's not surprising that our hearts and ears and eyes were warmed today when we came across this video of Alanis channeling Tori Amos in a cover of the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps".
Seriously. We could not possibly make this up...
[Alanis: "Hey, Fergie! Tori! Go down on THIS in a theater!!!"]
Now, we're sure you're asking yourself, "How did DHMBIB possibly discover this gem???"
We were first tipped off to this by the fine folks over at Idolator. After watching it, we searched some of our other favorite music blogs to see if they had it too. Both Stereogum and Pitchfork have it as well.
Time stamps on blogs are notoriously unreliable as indicators of when a post was "posted", because some blogging software programs allow the blogger to "set" a time, and some blogs use the time of the host server, which may be in a different time zone from the blogger. So, determining who had this first is difficult to ascertain. Stereogum credits Pitchfork's "Forkcast" as their source. Pitchfork credits "[a tip] in our mailbox" as their source. Idolator credits "YouTube" as their source.
We're not sure which is funnier -- this video, or the idea that the Idolators -- and perhaps the Pitchforks and Stereogums -- possibly spend their day searching for the following tags on YouTube: " 'Alanis' 'Morissette' 'My' 'Humps' 'Black' 'Eyed' 'Peas' 'Fergie' "
YMMV
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
BREAKING: Area Music Blogger Posts Positive Review Of "The Dutchess"
One thing we at DHMBIB always look forward to at the start of a new year is The Washington Post's "What's Out and What's In" list for the New Year. The list is always too much of a mish-mash of trying-too-hard-to-make-a-clever-joke-and-missing groaners ["Out: Bible study group...In: Iraq Study Group"] and we're-waaay-cooler-than-you cultural [pop and otherwise] references ["Out: Marchesa...In: Sophia Kokosalaki"] to be taken too seriously, even when it is on the mark ["Out: Anderson Cooper...In: Keith Olbermann"]. And in that respect, this year's list doesn't disappoint.
But one particular entry on this year's list caught our eye: Out: Fergie...In: Lady Sov.
Our friend Chris Cernoch thought this was quite funny, which prompted us to share our belief that "The Dutchess" was, in fact, one of the best mainstream Pop/R&B records of 2006.
Not to take anything away from Lady Sov, who looks to have a legitimate breakout year in the US in 2007. But Fergie's not going anywhere. In fact, we predict that Fergie will remain the go-to Pop/R&B dance Diva through at least the first half of 2007, and that "The Dutchess" will be mined for several hits and will serve as a blueprint for mutliple copycat records yet to come. Nicole Scherzinger, we're looking at you.
Okay, we can already hear you groaning and see you rolling your eyes, but this record really blew us away. Admittedly, Fergie may have benefitted from "the soft bigotry of low expectations", as we only reluctantly clicked "Buy" at the iTMS because we feared the record would contain 13 different mixes of "London Bridge", which was totally annoying us back in August. But we suspected this record would be a huge hit, and probably contained some reasonably good danceable Pop/R&B we could use in some of our DJ gigs.
Boy, were we ever wrong. And were we never so glad to be so wrong.
Beyonce's 2003 smash record "Dangerously In Love" initially set the standard for post-Britney Pop/R&B Divas to follow. [N.B. We place Christina Aguilera in a whole different category of untouchable Pop Diva-ness here at DHMBIB. Hate us if you want.] Beyonce deserved those 5 Grammys she won in 2004. But Gwen Stefani picked up that gauntlet and threw it back down with authority with her 2004 smash "Love. Angel. Music. Baby." "L.A.M.B." was so good, it completely redefined the genre and the public's expectations of early 21st-century Pop/R&B dance Divas.
We were very interested when we heard that Fergie planned a solo record of her own. After all, whatever the haters want to say about Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas, Fergie is the only reason the BEPs are where they are, and why anyone continues to care about them. And will.i.am is an undeniably talented producer. "London Bridge" made us very anxious about the potential disaster ahead, but we at DHMBIB love us a good redemption story, so we decided to give "The Dutchess" a chance.
And boy are we glad we did.
"The Dutchess" has completely reset the bar once again. Go back and listen to "L.A.M.B." again now, and note how outdated and, well, so 2004 it already sounds. In our not-so-humble opinions, "The Dutchess" was even the main reason why Beyonce's latest effort, "B'Day" stumbled so badly -- whatever happened to "Ring The Alarm", anyway??? And you simply cannot hear Gwen's latest effort, "The Sweet Escape", without hearing Fergie's influence -- and Gwen's not-so-subtle attempt to regain her lost ground -- all over the place. "Wind It Up" and "Yummy", anyone???
will.i.am told us with "Pump It" how much he loves to mine "oldies" [in that case, Dick Dale's "Misirlou"] for their potential sample value. On "The Dutchess" he folds part of Little Richard's "The Girl Can't Help It" [although, interestingly, not any part with Little Richard singing] into the brilliant track "Clumsy". It was precisely at the moment when we heard "TGCHI"'s signature horn-and-drum intro, and then again when the classic "she can't help it, the girl can't help it" vocals appeared, that we knew we were listening to something special. Later on in the record, will.i.am reworks The Temptations classic "Get Ready" into the brilliant "Here I Come".
The whole record just overflows with confidence. Fergie knew they had something special here. By the time you get around to the closing track [on the CD -- prepurchasers at the iTMS got 3 bonus tracks!!!] "Finally", you hear Fergie even confident enough to take a shot toward Christina's undisputed place at the top of the pop Diva pedestal, with a well-delivered piano-and-strings-backed torch song.
There are so many good tracks here, it's almost a shame to single out any for sampling. Below we've linked the afore-mentioned "Here I Come" as well as what may be our favorite song on "The Dutchess", the gorgeous love song "All That I Got (The Make Up Song)", which grabs its "money shot" hook from Michael Jackson's "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)".
Of course, we may be completely out our minds when we call "The Dutchess" one of the best of 2006. Feel free to savage us in the comments or in in your own blog.
Fergie - Here I Come [mp3, via YSI]
Fergie - Here I Come [mp3, via zShare]
Fergie - All That I Got (The Make Up Song) [mp3, via YSI]
Fergie - All That I Got (The Make Up Song) [mp3, via zShare]
Michael Jackson - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) (sample) [mp3, via YSI]
Michael Jackson - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) (sample) [mp3, via zShare]
