Sorry, No Idol Post Last Nite

Hi all:

I had unexpected work and personal time commitments last nite, and I wasn't able to blog American Idol. I apologize for any "inconvenience" [ha!!! -- Ed.] this may have caused anyone.

I'll probably be up with my thoughts about Wednesday nite's show later on Thursday.

ciaobaby

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This Week In Tonight In American Idol [22 January 2008]

8:00 PM: Tonite, we're in San Diego for our 3d nite of auditions!

8:04 PM: First up is Tetiana Ostapowych. She's singing "Someone To Watch Over Me", a Gershwin classic taken on by many, including Ella Fitzgerald.

It's okay, but doesn't do much for me.

Simon says she's not as good as she thinks she is, which gets Paula and Randy's goat. Tetiana says, "Let me prove you wrong, Simon". He says "okay", and Paula and Randy provide enthusiastic "yes!" votes to get Tetiana to Hollywood.

8:08 PM: Next up is single-father Perrie Cataldo, who takes on "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men.

It sounds good, but to me it also sounds very "karaoke".

Simon, still shell-shocked from the horrible Dallas round, cuts him off for a fast vote, but still waves him through. Paula and Randy agree, and he's through.

8:12 PM: Idol returns with a very ill-timed performance from a 28-year-old from Australia [seriously? Do you need a link??? -- Ed.], Michael Johns. Michael takes on "I've Been Loving You Too Long" by Otis Redding. Taking on Otis is usually not a good idea, but Michael nails it, and he's through.

8:14 PM: Ryan tells us that the "California gold rush could not last forever", and we are treated to a montage of terrible singers...First up: Marat Hayrapetyan...[as you'll notice, we're not even bothering to tell you what these people "sang" -- Ed.]

8:15 PM: Christopher Mitchell...

8:16 PM: Tehilla Lauder...

8:16 PM: Next up is Valerie Reyes, who fancies herself as "the next 'Mariah Carey'". Valerie takes on -- and slaughters -- "Against All Odds", by Phil Collins. She's clueless, of course, and thinks she nailed it. Simon tells her she sounds like a Mariah Carey CD left out in the sun. Randy uses the word "terrible". It's 3 "no" votes for Valerie.

8:22 PM: Time for another montage of "suck". First up: Joseph & Juanita Mejia. Joseph (?) is wearing a poncho and sombrero. Juanita (?) is wearing mime-white-face, and...miming.

It's less entertaining than it reads.

8:23 PM: Ryan warns us against "gimmicks" in Season 7.

8:23 PM: "Gimmick-less" Monique Gibson takes on "I Believe In Miracles" by...wait for it...Whitney Houston. Are you surprised to hear that she is terrible? And she continues to break out additional songs, in the face of Simon's "you can't sing!"...And here come the waterworks!

8:25 PM: Christopher Gibson takes on "The Greatest Love Of All" by...wait for it...Whitney Houston. Ah, is that the theme for this segment? WHITNEY???

Terrible, of course.

Simon: "The reality is, there's not a single person on Planet Earth who would ever pay to hear you sing."

Gibson proceeds to try again. And again. And finally, the judges put us out of our misery.

NEXT!

Oh, wait -- I get it! Their "gimmick" was that they were a team (brother-sister? missed that) auditioning separately.

8:29 PM: Samantha Musa is the last audition on Day 1. Samantha brought her sister along with her, and Simon invites her to judge the audition along with him. She sits on his knee. Yowza!

Samantha takes on "Until You Come Back To Me" by Aretha Franklin. This is good. Maybe the best of Day 1. She's through with "4 yesses".

8:36 PM: Is Blake Boshnack our first "ringer" of the season? He tells us in his "backstory" segment that he's a serial auditioner, and his scrapbook shows us two golden tickets?

Blake takes on "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King. It's not terrible, but Simon cuts him off quickly, and Paula and Randy agree, no.

8:40 PM: Another montage of terrible singers...Sandra Ruiz...

8:40 PM: Sarah Long...Randy compares Sarah to William Hung, which Sarah likens to "the biggest insult ever"...

8:41 PM: We meet Alberto Hurtado, a hippy-dippy new-agey dude, who not only "is" "a big American Idol fan", but he has a "big fan" that says "a big American Idol fan". Alberto sings a self-composition, "Live".

Simon calls it "probably the most depressing song I've ever heard in my life"..."you were the equivalent of a storm cloud on a sunny day".

NEXT!

8:50 PM: Day 2 begins, and we are treated to another montage of bad singing. Aaron Garrett...

8:51 PM: We meet David Archuleta. Aaron is only 16 and has already survived "vocal paralysis". David takes on "Waiting On The World To Change" by John Mayer.

David is pretty good -- he even gets Randy to join him on backing vocals from the table. David also has an appealing backstory.

David is through to Hollywood.

Keep an eye on this one.

8:57 PM: Oh look -- it's "Carly Smithson". She used to be Carly Hennessy before she married a dude [to get that visa??? -- Ed.], with whom she now owns a tattoo shop in San Diego.

Carly reminds us that she was in America from her native Ireland 2 years ago when she auditioned for Idol and was passed through to the Hollywood rounds -- until she found out her visa didn't come through, and she had to withdraw from the competition and return home.

Carly takes on "I Will Always Love You", and, because we already knew she would, nails it, and she's through to Hollywood.

Simon takes a shot across the bow -- he tells her she was not as good now as she was 2 years ago. Let's keep an eye on this one.

Also, and it's stupid to ask, but it must be -- how will viewers react to her extensive ink???

9:00 PM: Carly is one of 31 auditioners from San Diego who get the golden ticket north. Tomorrow nite, we see what Charleston, SC, has to offer.

xoxo

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In Support Of Megan Carpentier

[image courtesy Wonkette / Huffington Post]

About six weeks ago, I began working on a post that I never finished, and thus never published. It was about a raft of personnel changes that had occurred in the previous several weeks/months over at Gawker Media, and speculated a bit about what was driving the changes.

In the days after I began working on that post, other news outlets / blogs ran with analyses that covered the story with more depth -- and insidery info -- than I could ever hope to match. So, there was really no point for my post, and it has languished since in "draft" form, serving mainly as a repository of links and such.

But the changes continue to roll in, and Friday 18 January saw a bloody massacre that left much of the bloggosphere in shock and outrage at a new high-profile change over at Wonkette.

And it's now time for me to write.

The HuffPo's Rachel Sklar has a very good, linkified piece detailing the staff changes among the Gawker Media blogs over the last six months here, so there's no need for me to delve into all of that in this space. Suffice it to say, Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton has made sweeping changes at most of his most-well-known blogs, in some cases editorially steering his writers to be more like traditional reporters (cultivate sources, generate original news reporting, etc.), and in all cases demanding that his writers be more interesting and entertaining. This strategy is all in pursuit of higher page view counts, and thus higher advertising revenues.

A recent change at GM's politically-focused blog, Wonkette, had until-then-professional-lobbyist Megan Carpentier [pictured above -- Ed.] join the staff as an Assistant Editor. Carpentier had previously contributed a "how the sausage gets made" column about lobbying and politics to the site under the pseudonym "Anonymous Lobbyist". When Carpentier joined the Wonkette team full-time, she thought it appropriate to "out" her identity and take editorial responsibility for her posts. I applauded this decision, even though it meant -- as she acknowledged -- that she would also be owning up to her past "anonymous" posts, and thus burning lots of professional bridges, should she ever be in a position where returning to lobbying professionally was back on the table.

Megan is an educated, opinionated, professional, modern, and smart-with-a-smart-sense-of-humor woman. And her posts typically reflected all of these qualities. Longtime Wonkette readers welcomed her insidery-and-XX-infused perspectives on politics and politicians. And it was also neither lost on nor trivial to said readers that, 18 months after founding editor Ana Marie Cox left, Carpentier finally brought the "-ette" back to "Wonkette".

On Friday 18 January, recently-returned Wonkette Managing Editor Ken Layne fired Carpentier, along with recently-sorta-promoted-from-Intern Greg Wasserstrom and longtime "picture-taking-person" Liz Glover Gorman [updated; apologies for the inaccuracy to all affected; H/T HOMOFASCIST -- Ed.].

When I first heard the news that Ken Layne would be returning to Wonkette after a brief sabbatical, I was ecstatic. Layne is one of the funniest bloggosphere-type writers I have ever read. His posts were always reliably not only funny, but spit-out-your-coffee-and-snort-it-out-your-nose funny. Probably 10 of the 20 funniest blog posts I have ever read were written by Ken Layne.

Layne was brought back to Wonkette by Denton as part of Denton's over-arching transformation of many of his blogs. I'll agree that there are many areas in which Wonkette could be "better" -- and thus "more page-viewable" -- and I'm sure that Denton has given Layne wide latitude to implement changes he thinks are necessary.

Carpentier finally opened up over the weekend about what went down, and why, on her personal blog. Please go read that post here. I'm not a fan of cutting-and-pasting wholesale from other blogs, but I want to highlight this part of what Megan had to say:

We [Megan and her Wonkette colleague Jim Newell -- Ed.] found out Ken Layne was starting about the same time everyone else did on January 2nd and were both really super excited. That wore off a little quickly for me, as it was obvious from the get-go that he was not a fan of my writing. He didn't think I was funny and he didn't like when I was serious or rant-y and it was pretty clear to me by last weekend that what happened was going to happen. I was still in the probationary phase of my contract (3 months and I'd get 2 weeks notice), but I figured that he might let that run down before letting me go. I was wrong.

He very politely called me at 5:30 on Friday (which: standard HR practice, truly) to tell me that it had been my last day writing for Wonkette. He told me that the intention of bringing him back was to move the site towards being what it was under him and Alex [Alex Pareene, Layne's former cohort at Wonkette, now at Gawker -- Ed.] and that my voice and writing didn't fit with that vision -- and he's right, it doesn't. In that editorial environment, I would stick out like a sore thumb, and he said he wanted a more uniform tone. He said that I should finish what I was doing, write a goodbye and call it a day. Getting fired sucks, but he wasn't a dick about it.

* * *

So, to some of the stuff that's been said on the comment boards and others. It didn't feel, nor was it presented, like sexism and I doubt seriously that Ken was jealous of me, given that he comes with like 20 some years of experience and his own following. Ken's assessment of my fit with where he wants to take Wonkette is completely accurate, even if the results of that are personally devastating to me. I have no idea whether Nick Denton was informed of or gave any input to Ken about the decision to fire me, though my (admittedly limited) experience with him suggests to me that he was probably like "Do what you think best" if he was told.

Megan is tres cool to be so professional and "I really didn't fit in any more" and "Ken Layne was not a dick about this" about the whole matter, but, still.

Ken Layne, you made the wrong call here.

Ken, Megan was a much-appreciated and much-respected opinionated voice about politics here. Her sense of humor doesn't exactly jibe with your style. But that was okay for me, and, I know, others. Personally, I like what you and Megan both brought to the table, and I'm sorry to see her let go from Wonkette.

My posting will not bring Megan back. I know that.

And I will not be "boycotting" GM sites. Long-time readers and long-time-suffering-listeners know that I think Idolator is the best music-related blog out there [AHEM, the SECOND-BEST music-related blog...the first bestest music-related blog is here -- Ed.], and my first go-to website. And Wonkette is my second go-to blog.

But I do wish you had not made this call. I believe Wonkette's quality will suffer as a result.

I also wish Megan Carpentier all-the-best. Please, Dear Readers, keep up with her and her future exploits. She will continue to contribute to her collaborative "Oy vey! It's early and the coffee hasn't kicked in yet!" alterna-universe-version-of-The-View "Crappy Hour" posts on GM's Jezebel. And it's a sure bet that the brilliant-and-funny-and-talented Megan will end up with a full-time gig writing for Politico or Express or whatever soon.

Good luck, Megan!

-- Rob

READ MORE:

Megan's "Goodbye, Y'all!" post for Wonkette is here.

Megan's personal public blog, which discusses these events is here.

DC Blogger "Big Head Rob" [not affiliated with DHMBIB -- Ed.] has coverage of this story here.

DCist's coverage of the story is here.

Wonkette commenter "HOMOFASCIST" has started up a blog in support of Megan and in support of a reader boycott of Wonkette here.

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This Week In Tonight In American Idol [17 January 2008]

Hi.

I mistakenly was under the impression that Idol was already in 3-nites-a-week mode. It's not. Fox has Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader on tonite. With Miss America.

Good for all that.

More to follow...

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This Week In Tonight In American Idol [16 January 2008]

OOH! A computer crash not only prevented me from liveblogging the start of AI tonite, but because I use my Media Center PC as my "TiVo", I missed at least the first performer. Sorry about that.

I'll be back in a few minutes with more from Dallas.

8:20 PM [real time]: My MCPC keeps track of the "air time" of the programs it records, so I'll be able to associate my posts with "air time", even though it will take me a few minutes to catch up to "real time".

So, I guess you could say I'll be "tape-delay-blogging" for a bit.

8:05 PM: Some woman named Jessica, presumably the first woman named Jessica on tonite's show, is very excited to get the Golden Ticket To Hollywood. I didn't get to see/hear her, so, well, there it is.

8:06 PM: Next up is Paul Stafford. He is singing "Wait For You" by...wait for it...Elliott Yamin.

He is singing it very badly.

But he likes roller coasters! So he gets my vote!

But not the judges' votes.

b-bye

Paul: Simon didn't go down on me like I thought he would, but that's good, 'cuz he goes down on just about everybody.

Uh...

8:14 PM: A commercial for the United States Marine Corps.

IM ON YUR IDOLZ, MISING MY RECRUTING TARGETZ!!1!1

Last year, AI was charging $750K for a 30-second spot.

Your tax dollars at work.

Just sayin'.

8:16 PM: Next up is Beth Maddocks. She is singing "Beautiful Disaster" by...wait for it...Kelly Clarkson.

I'm not feelin' it. And neither are the judges.

Randy makes the painfully obvious "beautiful disaster" joke.

b-bye

8:18 PM: We're treated to a medley of "disaster auditions"...Esteban Deanda...

Simon: It was atrocious

Victoria Metz...

Randy: [shakes head and smiles]

Drucilla Wideman...

Randy: [looks away as if he feels the pain of "irregularity"]

8:18 PM: Next up is Alaina Whitaker. Alaina is singing "Stronger" by Faith Hill. Regular readers of this blog [all three imaginary regular readers -- Ed.] will recall that this is one of my favorite Faith tracks from her best album, Cry.

Wow, that was as good as the rendition performed last year by Baylie Brown [what is it with Texas-and-Oklahoma parents and the way they spell their daughters' names??? -- Ed.]. Baylie was more Faith-esque, while Alaina was more Carrie-Underwood-inspired.

Not surprisingly, the judges wave her through easily.

8:26 PM: Another round of "whaaa???"...Gregory & Mia Tobias...

Judges: [silent]

8:28 PM: Next up is 19-year-old Bruce Dickson. Bruce has never been "intimate" with a woman -- he's never even kissed a woman "on purpose". Bruce even made a "promise" with his father -- complete with a "key" -- that he would remain pure until his wedding day, so his first "kiss" with a woman would be "special", and the "key" would represent the "key" to his heart.

AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Bruce sings "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers.

It's a nice performance, but not good enough for Hollywood.

8:30 PM: Next up is Pia "Zpia" Easley. Pia is another "backup singer". She sings "My Imagination" by Gladys Knight & The Pips.

She nails it.

And she's through to Hollywood.

8:38 PM: Next up is Brandon Green, who says he wants to be a "role model", "not like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton or some of these people". Brandon sings "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates.

Simon calls it forgettable. Paula loves him, because she loves everyone. So, once again, Randy gets the tie-break vote, and Brandon is through to Hollywood.

8:43 PM: Next up is Kayla Hatfield, who is singing "Piece Of My Heart" by Janis Joplin [actually, Big Brother & The Holding Company, but who are "they"??? -- Ed.]. Kayla has a mousy speaking voice...

...and a HUGE singing voice...

...but it's not good enough...

...or is it???

It's one of the rare instances where Simon says "yes" and Paula says "no", and Randy breaks the tie in her favor.

Wow, were the Dallas rounds really that bad???

8:51 PM: Time for another "these people really suck" segment...Erick Mauldin...

Charles Markham...

Tristan Clements...who is channeling everything about Clay Aiken except his vocal abilities...

8:52 PM: Now comes the last audition of the first day. Kady Malloy specializes in doing celebrity "singing impressions". Her Britney is scary-on.

Finally, she sings "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

Simon calls it "the best so far" of all the contestants the judges have seen.

She is easily through to Hollywood.

8:55 PM: Ryan tells us that 12 people made it through on Dallas Day 1.

[times approximate from here on out -- Ed.]

9:01 PM: Next up is Douglas Davidson. Douglas idolizes Xtina Aguilera. Anyways, he sings "Livin' On A Prayer" by Billy Joel Bon Jovi.

It's terrible. But the judges give him another chance.

I have no idea what this, and I don't care.

He's terrible -- he's sweating, and talking to himself, he's drinking water.

Then he breaks into "Livin' On A Prayer" again.

Simon: no one in a million years is going to pay to hear you sing.

Please go away.

9:05 PM: Next up is Angela Reilly. Angela is accompanied by her husband Chad. These two are the "Heidi & Spencer" of AI.

Angela sings "Baby Love" by The Supremes. She's spirited but horrible.

The judges give her another chance. She sings "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar. She kills that too.

b-bye

9:09 PM: Next up is Kyle Ensley. Kyle is a politician who wants us to "vote for [him]" to be the next American Idol. Kyle sings "Somebody To Love" by Queen, and it's quite good.

Simon loves it, Paula loves him, and Randy calls it "glee club". Paula wants to know if he wants this more than being President. Simon wants to know if he'll turn into Clay Aiken. I guess that means Simon thinks Kyle is gay.

Kyle says things that are maybe close to what Simon and Paula want to her, but Dallas has clearly been hell to them, so he's through to Hollywood.

9:13 PM: Next up is Tammy Tuzinski. Tammy tells the judges she will be singing "The Power Of Love" by Celine Dion, to which their response is "big song". Maybe that scared her, or maybe she's stupid -- nah, she's just stupid -- because Tammy actually sings "If You Asked Me To".

She's terrible.

The judges stop her, and she asks if she can start again. The judges point out that she's singing a different song. They ask her which song she wants to sing, and she says "If You Asked Me To". It's a very awkward moment.

She starts over, and again, it's very painful.

Even Randy calls it "awful".

9:17 PM: Next up is Colton Swon. He sings "Boondocks" by Little Big Town. Wow, are they the go-to "country" artist this season?

He's alright, with a lot of heart and effort.

All of the judges are borderline, but, clearly Dallas has been rough for them, so they let him through.

9:21 PM: Funny or cruel? Ryan introduces a "Texas -- where men are men" segment that highlights several transvestites and effeminate men. None are identified by name.

9:23 PM: Next up is Drew Poppelreiter. Drew sings "Check Yes Or No" by George Strait, and he's practically a voice-ringer for George Strait.

Very right-down-the-middle-but-smooth country crooning.

It's not Simon's thing, but Randy digs it, and Paula's on the verge of agreeing with SIMON, until Simon calls her out, and Drew calls her "ma'am", and she changes her mind. So Drew's through.

[hour 2 is very heavy on the back stories. Dallas musta been REALLY BAD -- Ed.]

9:27 PM: Next up is Kyle Reinneck, who is a camp counselor for K-2 kids. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But he still has creepy eyes.

Kyle sings "Never Again" by...wait for it...KELLY CLARKSON...which means there's no way in hell Clive's letting him get anywhere NEAR the finals.

Kyle strikes me as being Clay-esque, except more intense, and creepier.

Also, he can't sing.

Simon: it was a very disturbing, demonic audition.
Randy and Paula both agree that his "face" was wrong, what with the "guyliner" and the whatnot.

b-bye

9:32 PM: Hey! Does anyone remember Kelly Clarkson??? Wasn't she the one who got kicked off AI a few years ago for posing nude years earlier for a website or something? Anyway, we're back in her hometown, and we're treated to a montage of people who collectively butcher "Since You've Been Gone".

Simon: okay, I now officially hate that song!

9:35 PM: Next up is Nina Shaw. Nina is from Kelly's home town of Burleson, TX, and her appearance leads Randy and Paula to reminisce about how they knew that Kelly "had it" way back when, and how mean-ole poopy-headed Simon "didn't get her".

Nina also is abso-freakin'-lutely gorgeous, in a Rihanna-esque way. Which is to say, in an "abso-freakin'-lutely gorgeous" way.

Nina is singing "Run To You" by Whitney Houston.

Why??? Why do Idol contestants insist on taking on Whitney???

Simon calls it "old-fashioned". Paula calls it "pageant-like". The judges give her "two seconds" (Randy) for one more chance.

Nina goes retro-jazzy. Randy gets the first Amy Winehouse name-drop of the season. He likes it. Simon hates it. But Paula likes it, so she's through.

9:42 PM: The last contestant in Dallas is Ronaldo "Birdman" Lapuz. He's dressed up Liberace-style in a cape and furry hat. He sings a song that appears to be an original composition, "We're Brothers Forever".

The performance is a classic auditions-round trainwreck.

The song's lyrics are simple and repetitive, and Randy and Paula -- clearly happy to be entertained after a brutal Dallas stopover -- join Ronaldo on-stage while Simon just laughs.

Guess what the verdict was?

b-bye, but Thnks Fr Th Mmrs.

The segment seems to go on forever.

Prior to 10:00 PM-ish: Ryan tells us that 24 people made it through to Hollywood from the Dallas auditions.

Tune in tomorrow for the San Diego auditions!

xoxo

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This Week In Tonight In American Idol [15 January 2008]

7:55 PM: Live-blogging American Idol took a lot out of me last Winter and Spring. I'm a year older, and a year slower, but with all the crap on the teevee right now, I'm happy to see AI back.

Let's do this...

8:00 PM: "Time Has Come Today" by The Chambers Brothers opens the show. Let's rock!!!

8:03 PM: The new opening sequence is new...how exactly? Maybe some snazzier CGI???

8:04 PM: First stop on the AI7 auditions tour is Philadelphia. Maybe Boyz II Men or The Hooters will make it to Hollywood this year???

I spent three years in Philly, and I still have fond memories of the town.

8:06 PM: First up tonite is Jordan Joey Catalano, who lost 204 lbs. this past year. Thankfully, Joey does not threaten to beat up any of the judges.

He sings "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. He's quite good.

And he's through to Hollywood.

8:12 PM: Next up is Alaa Youakeem. He likes the Bee Gees. He sings "How Deep Is Your Love".

He's likable, but he's not getting through.

Simon-the-jerk puts Paula on the spot to uncomfortably convey to him how bad he was.

8:16 PM: Melanie Nyema is up next. She used to be a backup singer for Taylor Hicks.

She sings "Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield, a song that is like nails-on-the-chalkboard to me.

But she sings it credibly. Simon is skeptical, but Randy and Paula wave her through.

8:20 PM: Next up is James Lewis, who thinks he sounds like Paul Robeson or Eddie Vedder.

He's so bad he actually makes the judges openly laugh.

James pledges to come back next year.

8:27 PM: Here's a "medley" of really horrible singers...Nick Stano...Sybill White...Zhengzhong Yu...

8:29 PM: Finally, Junot Joyner steps up with a fabulous performance of "I Guess That's Why They Call It Blues"...

8:30 PM: Jose Candelaria channels his inner Simon-beloved Il Divo and belts out a quality rendition of "Regressa A Mi", which is an Italian translation of "Unbreak My Heart"...

8:32 PM: Jonathan Baines delivers a nice version of "A Litle More You" by country crooners Little Big Town...

They're all through!

8:34 PM: Next up is Temptress Browne, who has a nice backstory -- her Mom is ill! She played football in high school! -- and ...

...a terrible voice. She butchers "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going", made famous most recently by Jennifer Hudson [why do Idol wannabes continue to perform songs that previous Idols have done better??? -- Ed.]. When the judges tell her no, she cries, and the judges hug her and go out to meet her family.

Cue the waterworks.

8:40 PM: Next up is Mark Hayes. Mark takes on "White Christmas".

It's another chuckle-inducing performance.

8:43 PM: Udgeet "Udi" Sampat is next. His friends tell him he sounds like Frank Sinatra.

He doesn't.

His rendition of "My Way" gets him a ticket...HOME!

Simon: Did you honestly think you had any chance of getting through and winning?
Udi: Yes I do.
Simon: Well then, you're nuts.

8:50 PM: Next up is Alexis Cohen. She's from Allentown, PA. She knows there was a song about Allentown that came out about 25 years ago, but she thinks it was written by Bon Jovi.

BZZT! That song was written by Billy Joel.

She thinks she sounds like Janis Joplin or Grace Slick. She performs "Somebody To Love" by the Jefferson Airplane. She channels her inner Grace Slick, but the judges are not impressed. They tell her she belongs in a cover band.

She doesn't make it through.

And then she melts down. And provides the first bleep-wprthy moments of the season.

Simon says she reminds him of Willem Dafoe. And he's right.

9:04 PM: Next up is Angela Martin. Angela is the focus of another extended backstory tell, another of this year's modifications to the formula.

Angela is a singer who takes on "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" by Stevie Wonder. The judges agree she has a good voice but too many "wedding singer" habits.

But she is very likable, and very good, so the judges pass her through.

9:14 PM: Next up is Alyse Wojciechowski...she turns out to be the first in a series of "shouty" singers...

Oy, my head is hurting...

9:16 PM: Teresa Anello keeps the shout going...

9:17 PM: Brandi Park...oy!...

9:18 PM: Next up is Milo Turk. He reminds me of Johnny Galecki's character on The Big Bang Theory.

He's also 39 years old. So, not eligible.

He sings a song of his own composition called "No Sex Allowed". It's awful.

9:20 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook. Kristy could kick the asses of everyone in the room with both hands tied behind her back.

Kristy sings "Amazing Grace", and she nails it both with power and grace.

She's very appealing and has a great voice. And she'll get to show it off in Hollywood.

9:28 PM: Next up is Ben Haar, who drops a cloak to reveal that he is wearing a Princess-Leia-in-Jedi costume. Randy and Paula tell him he can come back and audition if he gets rid of the chest hair. Simon is appalled.

Whilst Ben is off waxing [er... -- Ed.] we get footage of a few more horrendous auditions...

9:30 PM: Pedro Rivera...no!

9:31 PM: Shekhinah Bathyehudah...uh, no!

9:32 PM: Next up is Paul Marturano, who is very creepy. He sings a song he wrote about his "love" for Paula. It's very stalk-eriffic.

Wow, this is beyond creepy.

Yeah, the judges agree, and Simon asks security to escort Paul out.

9:34 PM: Next up is "a real stalker", Beth Stalker [seriously -- Ed.]. Beth performs the standard "Bewitched, Bothered And Bewildered".

It's a competent but not stand-out performance.

Simon rightly says she won't stand out, but Paula and Randy want to pass her through, so she's off to Hollywood.

9:41 PM: Ben Haar is back, and he's completely waxed but still in his costume. He starts to sing "Don't Cha" by [most famously] the Pussycat Dolls, and he get's about 5 words into it when Simon cuts him off.

Yeah.

Hey, did you know "Don't Cha" was actually written by Gnarls Barkley's Cee-Lo and Sir Mix-A-Lot? I know, right?!?!

9:42 PM: Next up is Chris Watson. Chris performs "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker.

Chris is good. This is really good. I have to call Chris Watson an early favorite to make the finals.

Chris even looks the part.

The judges pass him through easily and cheerfully.

9:49 PM: What is up with the Princess-Leai-worshipping tonite??? Next up is Christina Tolisano, who's also homaging PL, and who sings "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me", but not the Elton John version, "the Roger Daltrey version".

We've heard worse tonite, but it's quite mediocre.

And she's not making it to Hollywood.

And then she melts down. She thinks they passed on her "talent" because of her outfit.

Yeah, you keep thinking that Christina.

9:54 PM: The last contestant to see the judges after 2 days in Philadelphia -- and the immediate successor to Christina Tolisano -- is Brooke White.

Brooke sings "Like A Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae.

It's a pleasant but not a stop-what-you're-doing-and-listen performance. But after the judges' miserable Philadelphia Experiment, Brooke is through easily to Hollywood.

9:58 PM: Ryan tells us that 29 people from the Philadelphia auditions made it through to Hollywood.

9:59 PM: Ryan tells us that tomorrow nite, we'll be in Dallas, hometown of AI1 winner Kelly Clarkson.

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The Year In Music, 2007: The Best Music Videos Of The Year

UPDATED

Hi, kids! Did you know that "record companies", to promote awareness and sales of their "records", used to pay tens of thousands of dollars -- and in some cases, even more than a million dollars -- to make mini-movies showing their "recording artists" lip-synching their "songs" while water-skiing or being trapped in the closet and miscellaneous whatnot, which mini-movies were for some strange reason referred to as "music videos"?

Isn't that just crazy???

I know, right???

Well, even though there are precious few outlets outside of YouTube for playing music videos these days, a few of them are still being made. Below are DHMBIB's favorite videos of 2007.

[Disclaimer: DHMBIB does not spend all our time watching YouTube. Accordingly, we did not see every video in 2007. So please don't write in complaining that we didn't recognize your favorite "Lil Wayne feat. T-Pain & Akon" video. kthxbai -- Ed.]

It's impossible to rank these in any meaningful way. So I'll simply present them in alphabetical order by artist, along with some thoughts about why I loved them so much.

[N.B. Some of the aforementioned "record companies" -- especially labels that are part of Universal Music Group (UMG) -- don't want their videos to be "freely available" on YouTube and other such sites, and they're pretty aggressive with takedown notices. They want to share in ad revenue, so they make the video non-embeddable from YouTube, or they require some sort of pre-roll ad on the video. We have tried to find "free" versions of the videos below, but in some cases we could not. We'll alert you where you face a required "look at this ad!", in case that sort of thing offends you. -- Ed.]

Alanis Morissette, "My Humps"



Back in April, if you asked a friend, "Have you seen the video of Alanis Morissette covering the Black Eyed Peas' 'My Humps'?", the response probably would've been a puzzled "Whaaa???" if your friend wasn't plugged in to the music and celebrity bloggosphere. But indeed, Alanis did record "My Humps", apparently completely on a lark and completely to mock this ridiculous paean to "lady lumps" [is it appropriate to say Alanis was being "ironic" here??? -- Ed.]. She also filmed a video and somewhat quietly loosed it on the world, and the meme exploded in the bloggosphere for a few brief moments in April.

Alanis' "My Humps" was certainly the funniest video I saw all year.

Amy Winehouse, "Back To Black"



The first time I heard this track from Amy's superb album of the same name [Back To Black] -- the first time I really heard it -- I literally stopped dead in my tracks. For me, this song is the centerpiece of the record, and the video does the track complete justice. Cinema verite -- check! Amy metaphorically burying her broken heart -- check!

A few other tracks from Back To Black gained wider public exposure in 2007, but none had a better video than "Back To Black".

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the best video from the best album of the year.

Cold War Kids, "Hang Me Up To Dry":



This is also one of my favorite songs of 2007. I absolutely love the movie-trailer concept and the black-and-white photography. Cinema verite is almost always a good choice.

Fall Out Boy, "I'm Like A Lawyer (Me & You)":

[if the video doesn't appear above, go here]

Even in an era of ladybag-flashing celebutards who are paid by papparazi to tip them off on the next time they'll be heading out to Starbucks or the next time they'll be passing out in the gutter outside that hot new night club, some celebrities insist on occasionally doing The Right Thing and employing their celebrity in support of a good cause. In 2007 emo-scene poster-boy band Fall Out Boy teamed up with the non-profit organization Invisible Children to raise awareness of civil war and forced child soldiering in Uganda. For their part, FOB went to Uganda to film a video for their song, "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)", a gorgeous Babyface-produced tune about love and heartbreak. But they turned the song's protagonist into a Ugandan boy trying to avoid conscription and certain death, just to be with his girlfriend. FOB mostly stay in the background and they thankfully dropped, well, some of the frivolous FOB-ness of the song's title. Throw in some outstanding direction and lush landscapes, and the video is one of the year's best.

Feist, "1234":



This Grammy-nominated video was reportedly shot in one complete take, which, if true, is both impressive and awesome. It is also notable for being the source of about a gajillion "is this a video or is it a commercial for The Gap?" jokes.

"1234" [or however it should be written -- Ed.] may be the most "entertaining" video of the year.

Justice, "D.A.N.C.E.":



I got nothing particularly profound to say about this video, the second on this list to be nominated for a Grammy. I just like it.

"Marshall Eriksen" [Jason Segel], "You Just Got Slapped":



If you don't already know what this is, I probably won't be able to explain it to you. Try going here or here.

My Chemical Romance, "Teenagers":



Hmmm...smells like homage.

Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z), "Umbrella":

[caution: kinda sorta possibly NSFW due to mild artistic sensuality and implied nudity]

["ad-free" unofficial version which may already be gone]


[30-second pre-roll ad-viewing required]

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[Click here for non-embeddable official version with 30-second overlay ad]

Really, any of Rihanna's videos from her outsanding 2007 record Good Girl Gone Bad could've ended up on this list. I went with "Umbrella" because its combination of outstanding direction [you almolst can't tell she's not really toe-dancing!], artsy sensuality [19-year-old Rihanna nude! covered only in silver body paint! and wait, is that side-boob at the end???] and Rihanna martial-arting away the CGI'd water to keep us all safe and dry combine to make it leap off the screen and instantly memorable. Plus, "Umbrella" is the song of the year, and this is its video.

Also, by choosing "Umbrella", I get to post this bonus video -- a hilarious cover of "Umbrella" by Italian emo-punks Vanilla Sky:



Snoop Dogg, "Sensual Seduction":



If you have just watched this video, you certainly don't need me to tell you why it's on this list. If you have not just watched this video, stop reading, watch the video, and come back. We'll wait.

Huzzah, sir Snoop!

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Diddy: Clever Or Stupid?

Spinal Tap lead singer David St. Hubbins once said, "It's such a fine line between clever and stupid". Was Diddy clever or stupid when he agreed to appear in a new commercial for the super premium Ciroc vodka with a soundtrack using...wait for it...Kanye West's "Flashing Lights"?


DHMBIB's answer: CLEVER.

And, STUPID.

The clever: Diddy had $100 million reasons to agree to someone else's soundtrack choice for his new commercial. And if that someone likes Kanye better than Diddy, well, money talks.

Or maybe the ad director simply can't tell one black hip-hopper from another???

[DHMBIB would never suggest that an ad director or marketing manager for a British liquor company would confuse one ultra-mega-maniacal hip-hopper with a different ultra-mega-maniacal hip-hopper -- Ed.]

As this "Behind The Scenes" video proves, Diddy knew they were using "Flashing Lights" at least to get the models grooving and moving:



Anyways, if you're too lazy to click the link above, Diddy has signed an agreement with Diageo PLC to...well...it's just so rich that we think the "brand's" MySpace blog says it best:

NEW YORK - Just five years ago, Sean "Diddy" Combs asked Busta Rhymes to "pass the Courvoisier." These days, it's all about the vodka.

The 37-year-old hip-hop mogul has inked a multiyear deal to develop the Ciroc vodka brand — one of Diageo PLC's superpremium lines — for a 50-50 share in the profits.

It's the latest agreement in which a celebrity is going beyond the typical endorser role to share in a brand's rise and fall, such as Jay-Z with Budweiser and 50 Cent with Vitamin Water.

Diageo said the agreement could be worth more than $100 million for Combs over the course of the deal, depending on how well the brand performs.

"It is not an endorsement deal," Combs told The Associated Press on Tuesday night. "This is something that will have my daily attention."

Combs said he wanted to work with Diageo because the company understood that "I'm not just a celebrity endorser, I'm a brand builder. I'm a luxury brand builder."

Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting "movers and shakers" to the line.

"They're looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle," he said. "It's that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who's looking for luxury and looking for something better."

Combs already has his own perfume and clothing line, and serves as chief executive of record company Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment.

"I can't overhype someone into loving vodka," he said. But once consumers actually taste Ciroc, "I think we can convert a lot of people."

I love this: "'It is not an endorsement deal...This is something that will have my daily attention.'" "Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting 'movers and shakers' to the line."

I love the thought of the following made-up conversation between Diddy and whichever member of Danity Kane he may be sleeping working with these days:

Diddy: [sigh]
Aubrey: What's wrong, Puffy?
Diddy: Diddy. My name is "Diddy".
Aubrey: Sorry. "Diddy". What's wrong?
Diddy: Oh, that liquor store at the corner of 3d and Park won't get rid of Vox for Ciroc.
Aubrey: ZOMG!!!
Diddy: I know, right??? And if that weren't enough, they insist on playing that Jay-Z album all the time, which of course sends the wrong subliminal message to shoppers.
Aubrey: ZOMG!!!

The stupid: Odd that he didn't insist his own music be used to promote the brand. Remember, "Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it."

I guess Diddy thinks Kanye can "sell" Diddy's vodka better than Diddy can.

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