Tonight In This Week In American Idol [10 May 2007]

Dear Readers...

I'm sorry I wasn't around to comment on Wednesday's results show in something like close-to-real time. But I have had a chance to review the proceedings, and I am now ready to share my ridiculous waste-of-time invaluable thoughts on the proceedings.

A few random thoughts...

* what was up with Paula and Simon "changing seats" tonite???

* why did an obviously drunk tired Paula feel the need to out one of Fox's "surprise" moments of the nite -- the presence in the studio of Jessica Alba -- WHO OMG!!! JUST HAPPENS TO BE IN A NEW MOVIE THAT AI IS PLANNING ON SHILLING TONITE???

* every week, the ratings Poindexters keep telling us that AI is sliding. So why do the vote totals keep going up-up-up??? Over 45 million votes this week. Wow. Compare that to the 70 million votes Idol got during their telethon and the 65 million votes they got the next week...

* ...and speaking of the telethon, I wrote about that show that Ryan made "a strange comment to an audience member" and that I would revisit that later. I never did. Fuck youz! Sorryz!!! The audience member was adorable young Ashley Ferl. Ryan's comment -- "i know you're confused -- i'll explain it to you later" -- was about the fact that the much-hyped Celine-Elvis "duet" video -- what, you thought they were doing that shit live??? [ha, "live" -- Ed.] -- was not completely appropriately edited...as it showed Sanjaya in some of the on-stage shots of the Idols dancing backup...[obvs, this video was filmed the prior week before Sanjaya's elimination, and he was edited out of some of the shots...but not enough...you may also see in the video that the Idols were standing on stage in a different order from how they were sitting...there, we've done it -- Ed.]


[image courtesy Fox, obvs, via rickey.org]

[hmmm...we can see eight people in white suits -- that Elvis impersonator singing with Celine, and seven people in the background...who is that person on the far left??? -- Ed.]

* ...and speaking of Sanjaya [WHY are we speaking of Sanjya??? please, do tell -- Ed.], why did the Idols perform The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" -- the subject of the absolute worst performance in the history of the finals [*cough* Sanjaya *cough* -- Ed.] in the Ford commercial on Wednesday??? And why was the video an homage to The Beatles' movie "A Hard Day's Night"??? There are so many things wrong with this:

-- the Idols' performance sounded as bad as Sanjaya's performance -- was his vocal mixed in as well???

-- was this "Fab Four" riff a way-too-lame pun honoring the Idol "final four"???

-- did Idol forget that there were only three Bees Gee [unless you also count that one who was snorting coke off the belly of a naked Pamela Ewing, in which case there WERE four Bees Gee -- Ed.]???

-- and finally, why didn't the commercial instead feature "How Deep Is Your Love", with Blake beatboxing his way through yet-another mediocre performance of a great Bee Gees song??? Oh, maybe it's because Ford didn't want to be associated with another video debacle like this one.

Oh well -- maybe they'll surprise us with a nice beatbox during the group number...

* ...and...they don't. But at least it's nice to know that Nigel reads DHMBIB, or it's sister-blog, "DHMBIB's sister occasionally blogs for DHMBIB". Ryan intro'd the group medley by calling out the Idols for really poor song choice and ignoring a whole bunch of excellent Bee gees songs. Randy concurred. So, the Idols come on stage to do their group number, and the first thing we hear is...nothing...because Beyonce obviously doesn't want Melinda competing with her for the starring role in Dreamgirls XI: This Time, It's SASSY!!! [damn, we really are channeling Defamer tonite, aren't we??? -- Ed.]

Here is what the Idols sang in their group medley: "Emotion", "Too Much Heaven", "Guilty" [Barbra Streisand], "Islands In The Stream" [Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton], "You Win Again", "Chain Reaction" [Diana Ross]...

Ahem...

* we got to waste more time with an extended commercial for Fox's new "The Fantastic Four" movie and OMG THERE'S JESSICA ALBA!!! I SO TOTES HAD NO IDEA SHE'D BE THERE!!!

* we didn't get a single safe/bottom 2 until 47 FUCKING MINUTES IN!!! Can someone tell us again why this show has to be one hour long???

In the end, Blake and KiKi were the Bottom 2, which surprised exactly ZERO people who have been watching Idol this season...And then KiKi went home, which surprised even fewer people...

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Bonus random thought of the nite -- in the last two weeks, our "top 2" -- and the two best remaining singers -- both made comments that rubbed certain people the wrong way...A couple of weeks ago, Jordin told Jon Bon Jovi that she had "never heard your music, but my parents love you". And this week, Melinda told us that the first "CD or cassette" she bought -- "cassette -- I'm old!" -- was Michael Jackson's Bad. UGH!!!

Discuss in the comments...

ciaobaby

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Destiny's Child - Emotion [mp3, via YSI]
Destiny's Child - Emotion [mp3, via zSHARE]

Tavares - More Than A Woman [mp3, via YSI]
Tavares - More Than A Woman [mp3, via zSHARE]

Wyclef Jean - Staying Alive [mp3, via YSI]
Wyclef Jean - Staying Alive [mp3, via zSHARE]

Yvonne Elliman - If I Can't Have You [mp3, via YSI]
Yvonne Elliman - If I Can't Have You [mp3, via zSHARE]