This Week In Tonight In American Idol [17 April 2007]

7:58 PM: Top 7 week is upon is. Tonite's mentor is Martina McBride. Who just happens to have a new record to peddle. What a SHOCK!!!

UPDATED SHORTLY POST-SHOW [but you knew that, right??? -- Ed.]: We review the "tape", and enhance your AI-live-blogging-reading-experience...

UPDATED WED. AM: The DialIdol numbers are now in, and they offer us a glimmer of hope that Idol viewers are finally coming to their senses. Read on...

8:00 PM: Ryan is all subdued in his intro tonite in honor of the victims of the massacre at Virginia Tech. And that's completely appropriate.

Question: was yesterday's event the "9/11 of school shootings???" Discuss in the comments...

UPDATED: as a reminder -- my "quotes" of judges' and contestants' comments are not 100% literal -- I sometime paraphrase for clarity...

8:01 PM: We pimp Martina for a while. She speaks the truth -- these are great songs, don't get hung up on the "genre". "Great songs, with great melodies..."

Still, I think this week could spell trouble for a few of our contestants.

8:03 PM: First up tonite is Phil Stacey. Phil is performing Keith Urban's "Where The Blacktop Ends". Martina advises Phil to put some "soul" into his performance tonite.

Phil is not wearing a hat tonite, if you're scoring at home -- or even if you're all by yourself [whoa!!! -- Ed.].

Phil's performance is not bad, but it's not "wow" either, and he may suffer by being first.

Randy: "...you know what Phil? form an accomplished producer [WTF??? -- Ed.], you could have a career in country music. that was really good! who knew?..."
Paula: "...this may be your genre. you sounded good from beginning to end..."
Simon: "...i have to agree with the others...this is the only time i thought you chose a good song...and for the first time, we saw some personality..."
Phil-to-Ryan: "...this is my genre...i just went out there and had fun!"
Simon: "...i don't know if it will be enough to save you, but it was very good..."

I said it was not "bad" but not "wow" either. I said that because I expected Phil to fall apart, but he never did. That was pretty good from start to finish. Nice job, Phil!

8:11 PM: Next up is Jordin Sparks. Jordin is performing Martina's "Broken Wing" -- which is not the same song as Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings". Martina was really impressed by Jordin in rehearsals. Jordin wants to make Martina "proud".

Jordin doesn't look like she's only 17. She looks FABULOUS tonite!!! She actually looks a lot like Katharine McPhee tonite. Just sayin'...

WOW! This performance is fabulous! Dare I even say...FLAWLESS???

Randy: "...you just blow me away every week...another great performance...the bomb!!!"
Paula: "...you look gorgeous tonite...you just blew me away, another great performance...it was gorgeous...great job..."
Simon: "this is the first time since we met where i've actually believed, based on that performance, that you could win American Idol..."

OMG! I've never noticed how tall Jordin is. She's towering over Ryan -- by about the size of her heels. Just sayin', Ryan...

8:18 PM: Ryan tells us that next up is Sanjaya Malakar, and "he'll give 'em something to talk about". I hope he's not gonna sing that song -- I'd think I'd rather hear him sing "Boot Scootin' Boogie", as teh internets rumored earlier today.

8:20 PM: That looked like Constantine Maroulis in the audience, but don't quote me on that.

8:21 PM: Our first fan question of the week for Sanjaya. The question: "If you could have any of the judges sing any song, who and what would it be?" Sanjaya: "I would have Simon sing "Shiny Happy People", so he could show off his shear personality".

8:22 PM: Martina confirms that Sanjaya will be singing Bonnie Raitt's "Something To Talk About".

OMG!!! This is HORRIBLE!!! Oh, wait, it's Sanjaya -- it's TYPICAL!!!
Sanjaya has a Justin-Guarini-style hairstyle this week, and he's wearing a red bandana in his hair.

Randy: "...you know tha dog always keeps it real...that was karaoke, dude...it was very bland and boring...what are we doing up here?..."
Paula: "...well, we're watching somebody who loves adversity...you thrive on it, don't you? you love it...you're having fun...you're a lovable guy, Sanjaya, you are..."
Simon: "...utterly horrendous...i'm being serious...honestly, it was as bad as anything we've seen since the beginning of American Idol...
Ryan-to-Simon: "...Simon, Simon, Simon...even if it wasn't his best performance, you've never really liked this guy...so was it it the song, or you just don't like Sanjaya???"
Simon-to-Ryan: "excuse me, who rattled YOUR cage???...this is -- TO THE LEFT...TO THE LEFT ["everything you own in a box to the left" -- Ed.]. OH, SHUT UP, RYAN...what i'm trying to say is, i know this has been funny for a while, but based on the fact that we are supposed to be finding an "American Idol", it was hideous!...it was a ridiculous choice of song..."
Ryan-to-Randy: "Randy, if Sanjaya nailed it, would Simon ever really like it from there?"
Simon-to-Ryan: "i liked it last week, big mouth..."
Randy-to-Ryan: "he liked it last week..."
Simon-to-Ryan: "you obviously weren't watching last week -- watch the show last week..."
Randy: "...the singing was bad today, but i do like the scarf on the hair..."

8:30 PM: Next up is LaKisha Jones. Kiki is performing Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take The Wheel". Wow -- that's [the girl equivalent of] "ballsy".

KiKi is wearing a lovely chocolate-brown dress that is very flattering for her figure.

Wow, I think this is the best performance KiKi has given in several weeks. She may also be a natural for this style.

UPDATED: my sister thinks she was "shouting" a little too much toward the end...

Randy: "...check it out, check it out...some pitch problems in the beginning...not my favorite vocal of yours...i think you could've made it more of your style instead of doing it straight..."
Paula: "...i have to agree with Randy...i believe this is the first time with the band, it may have sounded like you were shouting...but so what -- you're still brilliant..."

[Paula's "pills" have "kicked in"...she can barely hold herself up now -- Ed.]

Simon: "...it's like eating a hamburger for breakfast [what??? -- Ed.] -- it doesn't go together...and i think you and that song didn't go together at all...you absolutely blew us away 8 or 9 weeks ago with that Jennifer Holliday song -- you were the one to beat...you need to choose the right kinds of songs, and that was the wrong kind of song...sorry..."

Okay, I have to call BULLSHIT on this. The judges hit KiKi every week for NOT going out of her comfort zone, and now they're criticizing her for...going out of her comfort zone. WTF???

8:35 PM: Next up is Chris Richardson. Chris is performing Rascal Flatts' "Mayberry".

Okay, this is also very mediocre. It sounds like a karaoke singer trying to sound like Justin Timberlake trying to sound like Gary LeVox. Not very good.

Randy: "...it's like Martina said -- you sang it kind of nasally...i didn't feel any sense of connection, any emotion..."
Paula: "...the joy and the love that you have on stage didn't come through..."

[Simon chastises Paula for being..."ahem" -- Ed.]

Simon: "...sometimes, i think what the audience hears and what we hear are two completely different things...what i heard was a very non-descript, nasally, tinny vocal...completely and utterly insignificant..."

Chris proceeds to fight with Simon. Chris says he was trying to sound "nasally" -- " 'nasally' is a form of a singing -- i don't know if you knew that"...Simon rather sarcastically affirms with Chris, "oh, so that was intentional???"

8:46 PM: Next up is Melinda Jones [sorry, brain fart -- Ed.] Doolittle. Melinda gets our second "fan question of the night". Question: "have you ever run into any crazy fans on the street and what do they do?" Melinda tells a story about a fan who scares her and makes Melinda run away.

Guess what -- it's more of Melinda's "you mean I can really sing???" shtick.

Melinda is performing a classic from Julie Reeves, "Trouble Is A Woman". Martina doesn't know this song [WTF??? - Ed.]

WOW, that was a great, animated performance!!!

Randy: "...all i can say about that is, that's another solid performance from our resident pro..."
Paula: "once again -- a girl who knows how to pick the right song out and sing like there's no tomorrow..."
Simon: "...i'm about to complement you, and i'm gonna ask you to lose the 'surprise'...it was fantastic...it was a great choice of song, i think you looked much better than last week...i saw a little Tina Turner in that thing, going back to your southern thing...but you have to lose this 'i'm a great singer???'..."

8:54 PM: Our final performer of the nite -- in "the 'pimp' spot" -- is Blake Lewis. Blake is performing Tim McGraw's "When The Stars Go Blue". Martina says Tim told her he hoped someone would sing this. Blake says he loves to listen to country music. Yeah.

Blake is wearing a white button-down dress shirt -- untucked, of course -- and a sleeveless argyle sweater. Gayest. Blake. Outfit. Of. The. Season.

Randy: "...i loved your sense of style tonite...you picked the right song tonite...the arrangement suited you...you know who you are [OMG!!! -- did Randy just call Blake gay??? -- Ed.]...nice, very nice..."
Paula: "...you kind'of have the whole package [OMG!!! -- did Paula just call Blake bi??? -- Ed.]...you always pick the right songs, and this was the right song for you..."
Simon: "...it wasn't a 'jumping-out-of-my-chair' performance..."

Simon also gives a shout-out to the Va. Tech victims.

UPDATED WED. AM: The DialIdol numbers are now in, and they offer us a glimmer of hope that Idol viewers are finally coming to their senses: 1) Phil Stacey; 2) Jordin Sparks; 3) Chris Richardson; 4) Melinda Doolittle; 5) Lakisha Jones; 6) Blake Lewis; 7) Sanjaya Malakar.

Yes, you read that right -- DialIdol has Sanjaya going HOME tonite.

This is not quite the order I had the Idols in last nite -- I had this: 1) Jordin; 2) Melinda; 3) Phil; 4) LaKisha; 5) Blake; 6) Chris; 7) Sanjaya -- but it's not too far off. DialIdol also has Phil as the only "safe" Idol tonite. Although I agree that Phil completely amazed us all with an excellent performance last nite, I don't know how anyone can think that Jordin and Melinda were not even better.

Tune in tonite, and we'll find out whether AI viewers who still use "land lines" [what are those??? -- Ed.] are right.