This Week In Tonight In American Idol [18 April 2007]

8:58 PM: Okay, I expect we'll hear about "the eye roll" tonite. More on that later. Trust me.

UPDATED: I reviewed the proceedings, and I updated my post. I was much later than I wanted to be. Sorry about that. I've been extra busy lately.

9:01 PM: Ryan teases us: "is your favorite safe?" followed by a very uncomfortable moment of silence between Ryan and Sanjaya. Sanjaya is wearing a shirt that says "Life Is Beautiful".

9:02 PM: Ryan introduces the judges and immediately asks Simon about "the controversy". Simon says, "I would never, ever, EVER, disrespect those families or the victims in Virginia". Ryan shows us the video -- with audio -- of Simon's comments to Paula that prompted this whole thing. It clearly supports Simon's story that he was "not paying attention".

I can't find the video now, but I'm sure you've seen it already. Long story short -- Simon was talking to Paula and complaining about Chris' "'nasally' is a style of singing" bullshit. So he completely missed Chris' shout-out to the victims from Virginia Tech.

Someone smarter than I will have this video up tomorrow.

9:07 PM: Ryan does his "person on the street" thing.

9:10 PM: The Idols' "group song" tonite is Jo Dee Messina's "I'm Alright". I've always sorta liked this song. The Idols' version is "not horrible".

9:15 PM: "Idol Gives Back" is next week!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

9:17 PM: The American Idol "Challenge" question of the nite is:

"Of these Idol finalists, which one is considered this year's 'rocker'"?

a) Brandon Rogers
b) Stephanie Edwards
c) Gina Glocksen

uh..........

9:18 PM: We ask the finalists who they're listening to right now?

I'll have to review this and fill it in later...it's that craptacular...

UPDATED: Melinda: "...fred hammond...kirk franklin...i gotta get my jesus on during the day..."
Sanjaya: "...this week i've been 'downloading' [scare-quotes ours, not his -- Ed.] some country music...some blues..."
Blake: "...the new incubus album..."
Jordin: "...the new fergie song, "Glamorous"...it's really cool..."
Chris: "...a lot of maroon 5...jason mraz..."
Phil: "...i've really been listening to a lot of willie nelson lately..."
Chris [again]: "...my favroite thing in my CD player right now? peter noone [Herman's Hermits]..."
LaKisha: "...yolanda evans..."
Chris [yet again]: "...watch out for them...they really saved my life..."

9:19 PM: Ryan: "ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Idol stage...FERGIE!!!"

Fergie tapes performs her new single "Big Girls Don't Cry".

This is another one of these "pre-taped" segments that have been so controversial this season.


[image courtesy TMZ]

HEY! NO HATIN'!!!

This is a good song.

[seriously. we don't understand why so many people HATE fergie so bad. "The Dutchess" was not just a good album -- it was "top 5 pop albums of 2006" good. and we have high standards, people...SERIOUSLY! -- Ed.]

9:23 PM: Oh, wow, here's Fergie again -- schilling for Candie's shoes. This MUST be a complete coincidence. The soundtrack for the commercial is "Glamorous".

9:26 PM: The "Ford commercial" tonite has the Idols performing A Flock Of Seagulls' "I Ran". The video has a Matrix-meets-007 vibe going on. No -- it's even worse than you're imagining.

9:28 PM: We pimp "Idol Gives Back", yet again.

Ryan: "the most important event in American Idol history..."

Ryan: "...a duet you'll have to see to believe, as two of the biggest stars in musical history come together on our stage..."

[we'll blog about that before the show on Tuesday...it's lamer than you fear... -- Ed.]

9:33 PM: Finally, let's get to separating the wheat from the chaff.

Sanjaya, to the right.

Phil, to the left.

Jordin, to the left.

LaKisha, to the right.

Blake, to the right.

Chris, to the left.

Melinda gets the opportunity to announce who she thinks is in the bottom 3.

9:36 PM: Melinda...SAFE!

Ryan tells Melinda to pick which group she thinks is safe, and which group she thinks is the bottom three.

MELINDA SITS DOWN ON THE STAGE!!!

9:37 PM: Ryan asks Melinda to slide to her left.

Melinda, Phil, Jordin and Phil are SAFE!!!

Sanjaya, LaKisha and Blake are BOTTOM 3!

9:39 PM: Ryan asks the judges what they think about this result...

Randy: "...dawg, i can't believe Blake is up there..."
Paula: "...i can understand why two of you are up there..."
Ryan-to-Simon: "...simon, you're grinning from ear-to-ear..."
Simon: "...i'm beginning to sense something here..."

9:41 PM: Back from commercial, we waste more time pimping Fox Fox sponsors' properties. Up now: a commercial preview of Shrek The Third.

The Idols get the "opportunity" to "voice" the characters. The women voice Fiona, and the men voice Puss 'N' Boots. Antonio Banderas makes a "surprise" appearance and awes the Idols.

9:45 PM: OMG!!! WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE!!! ANTONIO BANDERAS IS IN THE HOUSE TONITE!!!

Of course, Melanie Griffith is there as well.

Jeffrey Katzenberg is also in the house. He gets the honor of introducing Martina McBride.

9:47 PM: Martina McBride performs "Anyway", which just coincidentally happens to be her new single from her new album. What would be the odds of that???

Of course, consummate professional that she is, it's a great performance.

9:50 PM: Martina's daughter Emma is on stage after the performance. Ryan tosses the softball to Martina...

Martina: "there are your bottom three..."
Emma: "yeah, i know, i know..."
Ryan: "i was talking to mom..."
Emma: "sorry, sorry...everybody's really good..."
Ryan: "thanks, paula...martina, who do you think is going home tonite?"
Martina: "well, i can't make that decision...we'll find out...after the break..."

9:54 PM: Back...HERE WE GO!!!

Blake Lewis...SAFE!

9:55 PM: After the biggest Top-7 vote in Idol history...over 38 MILLION VOTES...

SANJAYA...GOING HOME!!!

[DHMBIB falls to its knees and looks up at the heavens...]

LaKisha Jones...SAFE!

9:57 PM: Sanjaya gets to perform his craptacular version of "Something To Talk About" again.

Famously, he changes the lyrics: "let's give 'em something to talk about, other than 'hair'..."

SANJAYA for the last time on the stage on AI! YES!

[psst...until the finals -- Ed.]

D'OH!