Oscars 2008: DHMBIB's Liveblog

Longtime readers may remember our terrible, boring liveblog of last year's Oscars. Our dear friend and faithful reader KG is hosting her annual Oscar party, and we're there.

So many questions this year! Will John Stewart be funny? Will this thing end before 12:30???

Find out with us, after the jump...

8:33 PM: The long death march begins.

8:37 PM: John Stewart gets off a great line about Hilary Clinton that I wasn't quick enough to record.

8:39 PM: And now, a great line about "staying the course" with Iraq war films, and not letting "the audience" win.

The verdict is in -- John Stewart is funny. This may be somewhat watchable.

8:42 PM: Wow!!! They're mixing it up this year. The first award is for Costume Design!!!

The whole room faints!

Jennifer Garner looks smashing in her own costume.

And the Oscar goes to...

"Elizabeth: The Golden Age"

8:47 PM: George Clooney!

He's funny too! He makes a joke about how long the ceremony always is!!!

And, we have our first -- trust me, not our only -- "let's look back at the last 80 years!!!" montage...

It's gonna be a long nite...

8:51 PM: John Stewart: "Our next presenter is one of the funniest people I know. And I think she's presenting with Steve Carrell."

Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell appear. The writers have a funny setup about the two of them awarding the "documentary" Oscar, except they're really presenting the "animated feature" award.

And the award goes to...

"Ratatouille"...SHOCKING!!!

8:55 PM: A very nervous Katherine Heigl is the appropriate choice to present the award for Makeup, as she typically wears more than was used in all of the nominated films.

ZING!

And the award goes to...

"La Vie En Rose"

"NORBIT" WAS ROBBED!!!

8:59 PM: Our first nominated song..."Working Song"...time for me to take a breakzzzzzzzzzzzz...

9:06 PM: Finally back from what seems like the world's longest commercial break, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson appears to present the award for "Visual Effects".

And the award goes to...

"The Golden Compass" FTW!!!

Everyone here seems to think that's an upset.

9:09 PM: Bang! Bang! Bang! If they keep giving out awards at this rate, they'll never make it to 12:30!!!

Cate Blanchett presents the award for Art Direction.

And the award goes to...

"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street".

Everyone here is doing equally poorly in our pools. Maybe I have a chance this year!!!

9:15 PM: The appearance of J-Hud must mean we're getting the "Supporting Actor" category now.

And the award goes to...

Javier Bardem, "No Country For Old Men".

No one here is surprised. I think we all got that right.

9:20 PM: "Oscar's salute to binoculars and periscopes"! FTW!!!

9:24 PM: That one actress fom "Felicity" introduces another nominated song. Everyone gets up to go to the bar.

9:29 PM: I missed the presentation, but the award for "Short Film -- Live Action" goes to...

"Le Mozart Des Pickpockets (The Mozart Of Pickpockets)".

9:31 PM: Jerry Seinfeld in bee character presents the award for "Short Film -- Animated" to...

"Peter & The Wolf".

I have no idea who I picked in these categories. A "short film" to me is a music video.

Uh...SNOOP DOGG WUZ ROBBED!!!

9:34 PM: Alan Arkin's appearance must mean it's time for "Best Supporting Actress".

And the award goes to...

Tilda Swinton!

Only one of us got that right. And it wasn't me!

9:44 PM: See, this is just mean. This is as close as Jessica Alba will ever get to an Oscar, and they don't even let her present anything. She's just announcing some of the "technical" awards given earlier in the evening.

9:46 PM: Josh Brolin and James McAvoy present the award for "Best Adapted Screenplay". No one here doubts the outcome.

The Coen brothers FTW!!! "No Country For Old Men".

9:50 PM: The Academy Dude introduces a video about "how the nominees are determined and the ballots are counted". Even THIS is funny.

Well done, Oscar. Well done.

9:53 PM: ZOMG!!! HANNAH MONTANA IS ON THE OSCARS!!!

Miley Cyrus, looking beautiful but talking like a 15-year-old ("awesome"), introduces another nominated song.

Don't be surprised if you see her on this stage many more times.

10:00 PM: Two of our party guests have gotten 8 categories correct out of 10.

I have 4 correct. I feel pretty good about that.

10:01: John Stewart announces Dame Judy Dench and Halle Berry. But out come Seth Rogan and some other dude I don't know who proceed to do a "I get to be Dame Judy. No I do." routine that's somehow less funny than my description.

And the award for "Sound Editing" goes to...

"The Bourne Ultimatum".

10:04 PM: The pair stick around for "Sound Editing".

WHY ARE THEY STILL DOING THIS UNFUNNY SHTICK???

And the winner is...

"The Bourne Ultimatum".

10:10 PM: Wait, what's Forrest Whitaker doing on the stage? It's only 10PM -- it's not time for Best Actress!

What??? BEST ACTRESS???

And the award goes to...

Marion Cotillard FTW!!!

Only one guest at the party called that.

10:18 PM: Colin Farell presents another nominated song. We all agree it's not entertaining.

10:22 PM: Jack Nicholson appears to introduce a montage about all of the "Best Picture" winners in Oscar's 80-year history.

We get to see every one of the 79.

EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN' ONE!!!

10:28 PM: Renee Zellweger in a beautiful dress and a short new bob presents the award for "Film Editing".

And the award goes to...

"The Bourne Ultimatum".

I'm "grading" the ballot of AC, wonderful husband of my dear friend KG. "The Bourne Ultimatum" seems to have been his favorite film this year, or maybe the only film he saw this year. Anyway, he's cleaning up over the last hour or so.

10:31 PM: Nicole Kidman presents the Lifetime Achievement Award to Robert Boyle, a famed Art Director.

This is the point in the evening when we play "The R. Bradley Koerner Memorial Trivia Contest".

CONTROVERSY!!! I am called upon to determine the source of the line "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". It is, in fact, originally from "The Bridge On The River Kwai".

10:42 PM: Penelope Cruz presents the award for "Foreign Language Film". Shockingly, I haven't seen any of the nominees.

And the award goes to...

"The Counterfeiters".

10:45 PM: Our last nominated song. Man, these songs are terrible. Didn't Beyonce perform a song in a movie this year???

10:50 PM: John Travolta presents the award for "Original Song".

FINALLY!!! NO MORE OF THESE "NOMINATED" SONGS!!! I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

And the award goes to...

"Falling Slowly", from "Once".

10:56 PM: One of the winners in the Original Song category didn't get to speak before the orchestra played them off. John Stewart called her back on stage and let her give her acceptance speech. Very classy.

10:59 PM: Cameron Diaz looks outstanding in that dress, and she presents the award for "Cinematography".

And the award goes to...

"There Will Be Blood".

Oddly, it's the first award of the night for the 8-time nominee.

11:03 PM: The "folks who left us this year" tribute. I missed the introduction, but KG was right about this -- the room was silent when Heath Ledger was shown at the end.

11:09 PM: Someone whose name I missed comes out to present the award for "Original Score".

And the award goes to...

"Atonement".

My man AC is cleaning up! He might win this thing.

11:11 PM: Tom Hanks comes out to introduce a group of soldiers in Iraq, who present the award for "Documentary Short".

This is really cool.

And the award goes to...

"Freeheld".

AND AC HAS TIED FOR THE LEAD!!!

Tom Hanks sticks around to present the award for "Documentary Feature".

And the award goes to...

"Taxi To The Dark Side".

No one here got that right.

11:24 PM: Harrison Ford presents the award for "Original Screenplay".

And the award goes to...

Diablo Cody for "Juno". Is this an upset???

11:30 PM: Helen Mirren walks onstage after a montage of Best Actor winners plays. I wonder what's happening now???

And the award goes to...

Daniel Day Lewis for "There Will Be Blood".

I'm hearing rumblings of a possible tie in the pool.

11:36 PM: ZOMG!!! ONLY TWO AWARDS LEFT! THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY FINISH UP ON TIME THIS YEAR!!!

11:42 PM: Martin Scorsese presents the award for "Best Director" after a nice "guys who won this earlier" montage.

And the award goes to...

The Coen brothers. No surprise there...

Stay on stage, guys. "Best Picture" is coming up.

11:44 PM: Denzel Washington presents the award for "Best Picture".

What, is Oscar renting the Kodak by the minute or something???

And the award goes to...

"No Country For Old Men". Again, no surprise there...

11:47 PM: ZOMG!!! IT'S OVER!!!!

What am I gonna do for the next 30+ minutes???