Tonight In This Week In American Idol [4 May 2007]

Someone, please remind us to call and THANK our friend April [actually, we could just go visit her -- Ed.] for having her birthday and her birthday party on Wednesday nite [more on that to come -- Ed.]. If we hadn't been committed to that, we would have been forced to live-blog Idol's Wednesday results show this week -- which would have caused us to be committed!!!

Where to start with this shit-tacular show??? Ryan's i'm-gonna-regret-this-in-the-morning promise of "no filler"??? Paula-and-Ryan-and-Simon's "fight" about puppets and girlfriends and fiancees blah blah blah??? The-reappearance of the who-the-fuck-are-they??? non-famous Idol people [Ruben, Fantasia, Taylor]???

That new Panic! At The Disco! Idol group video Ford commercial set to "Paint It Black"???



ROBIN FUCKING THICKE??? [Robin Thicke will obviously never get the Republican nomination for President, if that's any consolation -- Ed.]



Jon Bon Jovi 3.0 [1.0 = classic '80's Bon Jovi; 2.0 = Ally-McBeal-era-JBJ; 3.0 = Jennifer-Nettles-and-country-radio-era-JBJ -- Ed.] singing a "country" ballad instead of one of his "classics" like the Idols sang on Tuesday nite??? [obvs, because he's got a new record to sell...DUH!!! -- Ed.]

Yeccccchhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Because we don't want to be completely negative, we will say this -- Phil's "going home" rendition of [ironically???] "Blaze Of Glory" was his best performance of the season. Where was this passion when, yaknow, it mighta made a difference???

Also, Phil clearly was well-loved by his fellow Idols. The tears of Jordin and KiKi when Phil was performing for the last time were not fake. That was very sweet.

But, P.S. -- Why was Phil's "going home" montage music "I'll Stand By You"???

I'll also say that Ryan's "immediate" sparing of Jordin was humane and right -- he was unnecessarily harsh to her during the telethon last week, when he made her believe that she was going home in "the most shocking result in Idol history".

Finally, I'll say that the "bromance" between Blake and Chris was very sweet. I truly believed that either would go home to save the other.

In the end, we see Phil and Chris going home, leaving our three divas [Jordin, KiKi, and Melinda] and Blake around in the final four-- which result just about everyone in the known universe has been predicting for about 2 months or so. Next week's mentor -- Barry Gibb -- and theme -- songs of the Bee Gees -- would seem to play to the divas' strengths. But I can also see Blake taking another big "risk" and as the only guy remaining managing to outlast one of the more-talented divas.

I'll predict a Blake-KiKi bottom 2 next week, with KiKi going home.

*****

Some Idol miscellany for ya:

* The hottest Idol-related rumor on the internet this week was that Clive Davis is so unhappy with Kelly Clarkson's new album that he's scrapped it and she's scrambling to record some new material before her scheduled tour begins. Yeah, we don't believe it either. The Idolator editors and their commenters do a great job breaking it down here...

* Why was Antonella Barba in the house on Tuesday nite? Is it because she's bumping uglies with Blake Lewis???

* Even Sanjaya's hometown is embarrassed by Sanjaya...[second item]

* And finally -- what the hell ever happened to Taylor Hicks???