This Week In Tonight In American Idol [8 May 2007]

7:50 PM: Welcome to "Top 4" week. Tonite, I'm liveblogging from the beautiful home of my dear friend and faithful reader "KG".

The last time I did this I kept breaking the wireless connection. And losing my precious lifeline to you, Dear Reader.

There -- I just did it again.

7:55 PM: Hey! Look! KG got it back for me!!!

Hey, yaremember that rumor I blogged about last week -- about Kelly Clarkson's album being rejected by Clive Davis??? Yeah, well -- it wasn't true. ONLY IT REALLY WAS TRUE!!!

8:00 PM: Finally, it's time...30 million votes this week...Ryan is rocking the multi-day growth again...

[UPDATED Wed. PM -- just cleaned it up a bit -- really, it's okay to keep reading...]

8:02 PM: Tonite's mentor is Sean Connery. No, wait --

Barry Gibb...British pop star...disco blah blah blah...

8:04 PM: First up is Melinda. Melinda starts off with "Love You Inside Out".

I've seen the song list tonite, and it's interesting. Everyone has picked a good song and a "meh" song.

That was good, but it wasn't "Melinda" good.

Randy: "...this is gonna be an interesting nite, because i wanna see who's 'in it to win it'...that was another solid performance, but i wasn't jumping up-and-down...it was good..."
Paula: "...hard to critique you, because your vocals are always spot-on...but we're looking for something that's going to 'wow' us...but your vocals are great..."
Simon: "...what Paula was trying to say, she wasn't that impressed by that...i expect 'incredible' tonite...that was not 'incredible'...that was more of a 'backing vocalist' performance...you are better than that..."

8:12 PM: Next up is Blake. Blake starts off with "You Should Be Dancing".

Blake is rocking the blond streak and the red shoes.

Blake is also rocking the Barry Gibb falsetto. Except it's very "nasal-ly"...which, you'll recall, is a "style" of singing -- according to Chris Richardson.

Badly.

Wow, this is really weak.

Memo to AI -- maybe we should rethink the whole Bee Gees theme for next year.

KG says, "get him off!!! where's the hook???"

Randy: "...sometimes, when you do the beatboxing, it really works...tonite, it didn't work...i'm just keepin' it real...that made me feel like i was at some discotheque in some foreign country..."
Paula: "...pitch was off...you show true musicianship...didn't have the best nite with that song...but you did show that you're unique and why you're on that stage..."
Simon: "...it may have been 'unique', and this is a matter of personal taste, but it was absolutely terrible...sorry..."

8:18 PM: Next up is KiKi. Kiki is taking on "Stayin' Alive".

KiKi ignores BG's advice and doesn't hit the "falsetto" parts of the chorus...

It's pretty mediocre, but it's the best of the nite so far.

Seriously, AI -- CALL ME!!!

Randy: "...it's a good thing you guys got two songs tonite...these are GREAT SONGS -- you don't really need to change the melody to try to make it your own...baby, that wasn't working'...you've got too much goin' on..."
Paula: "...there's no need to take the tempo down...the audience is not rushing for the exits...they want to DANCE!!!"
Simon: "...LaKisha, no kiss tonite, baby...we're back to the shouting again...the performance was verging on 'scary' tonite...not great tonite so far..."

8:23 PM: Okay, we've got one more to go -- and it could be great -- but so far, the Idols are not showing us that they can connect with this music.

8:26 PM: Last up in "round 1" tonite is Jordin. Jordin tackles "To Love Somebody".

This is the best vocal of the nite.

But, as KG reminds me, "the bar is low".

Randy: "...the best vocal so far...an 'aretha' throwback...in it to win it..."
Paula: "...not just sorta-kinda the best vocal, it WAS the best vocal of the nite so far..."
Simon: "...good song choice, good vocal...back in the competition..."

8:35 PM: "Round 2" begins. Melinda gets the second Coke question commercial of the nite. Something about the "first tape or CD you bought?"...

Melinda answers that "it was definitely a tape, because i'm a little older", and then proceeds to identify that "old" tape as Michael Jackson's Bad.

I was in college when that CD came out...Thanks, Melinda -- now I feel "old"...

Melinda takes on "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart".

Why are the Idols singing so down-tempo tonite. This is a great song, but still.

Okay, Melinda is much better than she was the first time through.

Randy: "...second song -- much better, great song, beautiful vocal, beautiful ending...you're our resident 'pro'..."
Paula: "...you're a throw-back to Stephanie Wilson [does the "old" Melinda even know who Stephanie Wilson is??? -- Ed.]...we know you're the most brilliant technician...i'm just waiting for that --"
Simon: "...much better....the second-half of that song has put you in to the semi-finals..."

[does "semi-finals" mean "top 3" or "top 2"??? -- Ed.]

8:38 PM: Next up is Blake. Blake takes on "This Is Where I Came In".

Okay, I'm really not that impressed with Blake tonite.

The judges aren't either...

Randy: "...i do think that this was better than the first song, but you ain't gotta beat-box on every joint, dude...it's okay -- you don't have to do it -- we know you can do it...it's okay to sing it...it gets old..."
Paula: "...but if he can, he can...their ain't nothing 'old' about blake...you're the 'contemporary rebel' in this competition...i don't know that song, but i enjoyed you singing it, and it could be a contemporary song...you could have a hit with that..."
Simon: "...i don't know what that song was...i found it completely tuneless...i don't know why you chose it...i don't think you've had a very good nite, tonite, blake...i'm sorry..."

8:46 PM: Judge Judy???

JUDGE FUCKING JUDY???

AND JUDGE FUCKING JUDY KISSES SIMON???

AND THEN SIMON'S MOM???

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Wouldn't it be too bad if I "lost" the wireless connection again right about now???

8:48 PM: Next up is KiKi. KiKi is taking on "Run To Me".

I love KiKi's dress -- it's very flattering for her figure.

Did someone put Valium in the water at the Kodak tonite? Why is every performance such a fucking downer???

I have yet to hear a single performance tonite that approaches the "original".

KiKi seems to lose the last note.

Randy: "...you got a little horse at the end, but it was much better than the first joint...that was good..." [HA!!! -- Ed.]
Paula: "...don not beat yourself up over that...you're still a champ..."
Simon: "...it was much better than the first song...it still wasn't great...i think you and Blake are very vulnerable tonite..."

The judges are rather subdued in their comments -- as if they know that KiKi knows she's on the bubble and didn't "save herself" tonite...

8:56 PM: Last up -- THANK GOD!!!! -- is Jordin. Jordin is taking on "Woman In Love".

Jordin -- famously -- had never heard Jon Bon Jovi's music before last week. Has she heard any of Barbra Streisand's???

The best of the nite??? Perhaps...

Still a downer of a performance -- but, very faithful to Babs' rendition.

Randy: "...i don't think it was your best performance...kinda pitchy all the way through...but a great performance...we gotta give props to Barry Gibbs -- he had some amazing songs tonite..." [translation: "Barry Gibb FUCKING BLEW GOATS as a mentor this week!!!" -- Ed.]
Paula: "...you know...you know...i love you, but, you know..."
Simon: "...i loved the song...but i gotta be honest with you -- it was very pageanty...you're so young -- why make it so old..."

9:01 PM: WT[Margo] was that train-wreck of a show???

I'll be back with more of this obituary later.

UPDATED: On second viewing, this show was much better than I originally thought...no, it still SUCKED bigtime...I'll comment at greater length about this FUCKING HORRIBLE TRAIN-WRECK OF A SHOW ON THURSDAY...