This Week In Tonight In American Idol [11 April 2007]

9:00 PM: Top 8 results nite is here. Ryan teases us with the question "who is going home?" and then engages in a stare-down with Sanjaya.

Stop teasing us Ryan -- we all know Sanjaya's not going home tonite.

UPDATED: I've had a chance to review the results show, and I've complemented the blog with further information...keep reading...

9:01 PM: Ryan talks to the judges. Thoughts on last nite?

Randy: "...the songs were really tough for them...i think it was a tall order, but i think the kids did really good..."
Paula: can't find any words, must be "tired"...
Ryan-to-Simon: "...did you sleep at all last nite after complimenting Sanjaya?"
Simon: "yes, thank you"

9:03 PM: OMG!!! It's the return of "the group song". Our Idols sing Enrique Iglesias' "Bailamos".

It's pretty craptacular.

The producers have paired up Haley and Sanjaya. Their combination has to be heard to be believed. Thank your lucky stars, dear reader, that I haven't figured out how to embed audio just yet.

If I'm feeling frisky, I may try to rip the audio later [heh, heh, heh].

OMG! Phil is wearing a hat!!!

UPDATED: Here is the audio of the group song:

American Idol 6 Top 8 - Bailamos [mp3, via YSI]
American Idol 6 Top 8 - Bailamos [mp3, via zShare]

9:09 PM: This week's American Idol challenge...

"Which of these American Idol finalists performed with Meatloaf at last year's Season 5 finale?"

a) Elliott Yamin
b) Katharine McPhee
c) Taylor Hicks

9:10 PM: Let's pimp the songwriting contest!!!

9:11 PM: I'm glad to see we've expanded to a full hour, but man, we've got a lot of time to fill.

Ryan goes out in to "the street" to get fan "opinions". This is pretty lame.

BIG GAY AMERICAN IDOL HILITE-O-THE-SEGMENT:

Fan: "...that big girl wearing the all-red last nite..."
Ryan: "Simon"

9:14 PM: Okay, this is pretty cool. Ryan tells us we can go to AmericanIdol.com and vote for songs from "the top 50 from all the charts" that we want to hear, and AI will bring the performers in to kill time on these hour-long results shows.

This week, we have Akon performing the #1 song in the country, "Don't Matter".

That really is cool!

9:20 PM: Tonight's Ford commercial has the Idols singing The Turtles' "Happy Together". In it, the Idols are digitally morphed into each other in the cars. I've so totally never seen this 15 years ago:



9:21 PM: Let's pimp "Idol gives back"!!!

Okay, I can't let this go...prior to the video of Simon in Africa, Ryan says about Simon: "one of those two bulges in his chest...is a heart"...WTF does that mean?

Let's go to the tape...

The video shows Simon in Africa presenting a "school room in a box" to a group of African children...the children draw pictures of Simon...one of the children draws a picture of Simon with "man boobs"...he tells the child he's "not happy" about that...

Back in the theater...Ryan: "even in Africa, they think you need a bra..."

9:24 PM: Ryan tells us they found some "lost" audition footage "from the road". We take a look and see that Tony Bennett is auditioning before the judges -- he's singing "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" -- and is being ripped apart by Simon. This is only passably cute but is really just another pimp for "Idol gives back", because Tony's involved in that too.

9:30 PM: Let's go over last nite's highlights!

9:35 PM: We get to the results!

9:35 PM: Phil Stacey: BOTTOM 3!

9:35 PM: LaKisha Jones: "surprisingly...you are safe"...there goes those rumors!

9:36 PM: Jordin Sparks: SAFE!

9:36 PM: Sanjaya Malakar: "sit down for a moment"

9:36 PM: Melinda Doolittle: SAFE!

9:37 PM: Haley Scarnato: BOTTOM 3!

9:37 PM: Sanjaya, again: "sit back down...we're not ready for you yet"

9:37 PM: Blake Lewis: SAFE!

9:38 PM: Chris Richardson and Sanjaya...one is safe, one is Bottom 3...

Sanjaya Malakar: SAFE!

Chris Richardson: BOTTOM 3!

9:39 PM: Our Bottom 3 this week: Phil, Stacey, Chris.

No "surprises" there.

9:43 PM: Chris Richardson is SAFE!

OMG!!! Phil and Haley are BOTTOM 2!!! WHAT A FUCKING SHOCK!!!

Great dialog here:

Ryan: "...scale of 1-to-10, how nerve-racking?"
Haley: "Oh, my God!..."
Ryan: "...over 10?..."
Haley: "...yes, definitely..."
Ryan-to-Phil: "...you're still smiling though..."
Phil: "...we're just blessed to be here, man, seriously..."
Ryan: "...you always have the right thing to say..."

9:47 PM: This week's guest mentor Jennifer Lopez performs a song. Strangely, it's not in Latin -- it's in SPANISH!!! Kidding, kidding. J.Lo performs "Que Hiciste" from her new album Como Ama Una Mujer.

It's a nice performance from the notoriously bad-live-performance J.Lo.

9:55 PM: We're back to find out who's going home tonite.

After the highest vote of the season -- over 35 million votes...

Phil Stacey: SAFE!

Haley Scarnato: GOING "HOME"!!!

9:57 PM: Next week's theme is "Country Week" and our guest mentor is Martina McBride. This could be real trouble for Melinda and/or KiKi -- wasn't "Country Week" the theme week that killed Mandisa Hundley?

Poor Haley...

Okay, yes -- Haley Scarnato was the first AI finalist to make her sex appeal as much -- or more than -- a part of her "package" as anything else [yes, more than Kellie Pickler or Katharine McPhee]. But was it really necessary for AI, in her moment of defeat, to get all "T&A" and shit about her???

Exhibit #1: Here's a screen-cap from her "going home" montage that doesn't even bother to get the "whole Haley":


[this screen-cap appears to be part of a photo session, and she is panned -- just like on Tuesday nite...question: what were these photos for??? -- Ed.]

9:58 PM: Haley gets to sing "Turn The Beat Around" one more time. You know, when I'm not distracted by her cleavage and her miles-of-leg, I realize she's not really a very good singer! 1) Who knew??? 2) Wasn't that the point???