This Week In Tonight In American Idol [13 March 2007 Edition]

7:55 PM: We're back for the start of the Finals of season 6 of American Idol.

We're down to our final 12 -- 6 men and 6 women -- who compete against each other each week.

After the jump, the live-blogging madness begins.

UPDATED: Plus, we have the latest DialIdol numbers, and they're not pretty.

8:00 PM: Ryan: "This...[pause]...[pause]...IS AMERICAN IDOL!!!"

8:04 PM: Ryan asks the judges what they think. Randy: "gotta be in it to win it". Paula: "I think the guys are gonna bring it". Simon: "this stage changes everything...it's a whole new ballgame".

8:05 PM: This week's "musical mentor" is Diana Ross. I think that means we'll be doing DR and Supremes songs tonite. I also think that's bad news for the guys.

Except maybe for Sanjaya.

8:07 PM: First up is Brandon Rogers. Brandon is performing "You Can't Hurry Love". I suspect he'll try to sound more like Phil Collins than Diana Ross.

Brandon sounds alright, but he is "pitchy", and his voice actually cracks in a few spots. OH NO! Brandon forgets the lyrics!!! And I was just about to say "he's safe tonite". Forgetting the lyrics is usually death.

The judges are not kind. Randy says he sounds like he "reverted to being a background singer" and castigates him for his flub. Paula says "you don't need us to tell you what you did wrong". Simon calls it a "letdown", points out the mistakes and tells Brandon he "sounded like a background singer for a background singer." "Not good enough, sorry."

8:17 PM: Next up is Melinda Doolittle. Ryan talks with Melinda and Melinda talks about how much she hates wearing heels. This prompts an interesting dialog between Ryan and Simon...

Ryan: Simon, any advice for Melinda on the heels?
Simon: You should know, Ryan.
Ryan: You stay out of my closet!
Simon: Come out!
Ryan: This is about the top 12, not your wishes.

I'll leave it to the reader to decode this exchange.

Finally, Melinda sings "Home" from The Wiz. It's an interesting choice -- not one of Diana's better songs, but probably well-suited for Melinda's voice and style. Frankly, I'm not really blown away by the performance, but it shames Brandon. Anyway, the audience eats it up.

The judges can barely contain themselves, they're tripping over each other to see who can praise Melinda more. Randy says it's not her best performance but still fantastic. Paula is crying. Maybe her cup is empty. Simon is sneezing, then laughing. He says she made a "boring song fantastic". He says Melinda reminds him of "a young Gladys Knight".

8:24 PM: Next up is Chris Sligh. He is performing "Endless Love". WOW! That was spectacular, IMHO. Chris has to switch up the song a bit. Diana warned him not to mess with it too much.

The judges are not kind. Randy says it reminds him of Coldplay, and he's not digging it. Paula tells him it's about the singing, not the song. She tells him not to worry about being "too contemporary" on every song. Simon says "he murdered the arrangement" and that it was "all over the lot". A few people in the audience boo, and Simon says "the boos are appropriate".

The pimping of the women and the hatchet-jobbing of the men has begun.

8:34 PM: Next up is Gina Glocksen. Gina is performing "Love Child". Diana advises Gina that she "must pronunciate everything". She uses "pronunciate" as a verb again.

This is not a very good performance. She's got pitch issues, and the vocal range of the song is too big for Gina.

Randy says it wasn't his favorite performance from Gina and calls it "pitchy" and "boring". Paula says Gina "is better than you were tonite" and warns her about shouting. Simon calls it a good song-choice but a "forgettable" and "mid-pack performance".

8:43 PM: Next up is Sanjaya Malakar. Sanjaya on Diana: "having Diana Ross mentor you is like having Van Gogh teach you how to paint." I'm not touching that one.

Sanjaya is performing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". It's excruciating. Sanjaya is actually managing to undersing Diana Ross, which is hard to do.

This performance is so bad, Randy is speechless. He calls it "almost unlistenable" and says "thank God for the background singers". But Randy totes <3's the hair. Paula can't say much more than her usual blather about how wonderful he is. Simon also is virtually speechless. Simon says Diana will "wail" when she hears this performance. He continues ripping in to Sanjaya until the audience starts booing, and then Simon tells Sanjaya that the only good part of the performance was "your hair".

This was one of the worst performances I've ever seen on Idol. So, Sanjaya will be in the top 3 this week and sail through, obvs.

8:54 PM: Next up is "Haley Scarnato!" Haley is performing "Missing You", which is Diana's beautiful ode to Marvin Gaye after his tragic death 23 years ago.

Idol is playing a cruel joke on us by having the two worst singers in the finals perform back to back.

This is yet another terrible performance. Haley forgets the words, her pitch is all over the place, and she both undersings and oversings the song. The judges are not kind. Randy says "you already know what I'm gonna tell you", and he proceeds to tell her. Paula tells her she's beautiful, and then repeats Randy's comments. Simon says "I didn't think it was that bad, actually". The audience -- pin-drop quiet during Randy and Paula's comments -- explode in applause. Haley starts crying. Simon tells her she showed excellent stage presence and that there were parts of the vocals that were "really good". Simon tells her that if she can "keep it together", she might actually end up in Hanes commercial in her bra. [DAMN! That j.love commercial is distracting me again!!!] Simon tells HALEY [he makes a point of remembering her name] that if she can "keep it together, you just might stick around".

9:04 PM: Ryan talks to "my nana", who is in the audience. She's lovin' it!

9:05 PM: Next up is Phil Stacey. Phil is performing "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me". It's the best performance from the men tonite, but admittedly, the bar is low. Randy calls the "performance" a little boring but calls the vocals "the best of the nite". Paula thinks the performance should have been "more uptempo" but that the vocals were excellent. Simon goes the other way and calls the song and the performance "right for you" and warns Phil not to shout when he's reaching for the high notes. But Simon also says Phil was much better this week than last, which is very much the case.

9:15 PM: Next up is LaKisha Jones. LaKisha is performing "God Bless The Child". Wow, "KiKi" will be tackling Diana Ross tackling Billie Holiday. Talk about setting the bar high.

Two words: WOW!

Are Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones really in the same contest as Sanjaya Malakar and Haley Scarnato???

Randy calls it "sensational!" Paula must be getting tired -- she tells LaKisha she's beautiful. Simon says: "LaKisha, either you've got it or you don't. *You've* got it." SIMON TOTES STOLE MY COMMENT ABOUT MELINDA AND LAKISHA!!!

9:24 PM: Next up is Blake Lewis. Blake Lewis likes Michael Jackson and Prince -- surprise, surprise.

Blake is performing "You Keep Me Hanging On". Blake remixed the song on his iBook. Diana tells him she's looking forward to seeing what he would do with the song.

Blake really is unique -- in a way similar to how Taylor Hicks was unique. I'm digging the performance, but it's not close to Melinda or LaKisha.

Randy tells Blake he doesn't need to "Blake-ize" everything, and sometimes he just needs to let the song be the song. Paula actually likes it and says he could have a hit with it. Simon doesn't dig it. He tells Blake not to mess with the classics. All of the judges agree. Simon also tells Blake he'll sail this week. I think all of the judges agree with that, too.

9:34 PM: Paula is giving Ryan a lapdance or something.

9:35 PM: Next up is Stephanie Edwards. Stephanie is performing "Love Hangover", which has a great slow-burn beginning. Let's see what Stephanie does with that.

Stephanie keeps the whole song in the slow tempo of the opening, never amp'ing it up to the famous disco sound. The performance is good though.

The judges question Stephanie's decision on the tempo -- that's the part everyone knows, where was it? Everyone points this out. Randy also tells Stephanie it wasn't her best and she needs to step it up in the finals. Paula tells her it was good but not as good as she is. Simon says she wasn't in the same league as her rivals Melinda and LaKisha and really needs to step it up.

9:39 PM: Next up is Chris Richardson. Chris is performing "The Boss".

I think Blake and Chris are essentially the same singer, and there's not a whole lot room left for both. I'm just sayin'.

This performance didn't do much for me. The judges are not really underwhelmed -- maybe just "whelmed". Randy tells Chris there's an excellent chance for the men to step up and take the lead of their group, and he's not sure Chris is doing his best to take that lead. Paula loves the modern take on the song. Simon says, take out your personality and charm, that vocal performance was "dreadful".

9:49 PM: The last performance of the nite comes from Jordin Sparks. Jordin is performing "If We Hold On Together".

Wow, that was pretty good. Jordin is in 3d place right now.

The judges love it. Randy says: "a lot of people think this is a two-girl race. Tonight, with that performance, you made it a three-girl race." Paula doesn't know the song but thinks it was beautiful. Simon thinks the arrangement was a little syrupy but that the vocal was "fantastic". Simon also agrees with Randy -- Jordin has jumped up to the first tier.

9:59 PM: Ryan thanks Paula for his lapdance.

9:59 PM: Diana Ross will sing during tomorrow's results show.

10:30 PM: I needed some time to cool off and look at the big picture of tonite's show. I rank the performances this way:

1) LaKisha Jones
2) Melinda Doolittle [a close 2d]
3) Jordin Sparks [a close 3d]
=====
[a few unfilled slots go here]
4) Phil Stacey
5) Stephanie Edwards

6) Chris Sligh
7) Blake Lewis

8) Chris Richardson

9) Gina Glocksen
10) Brandon Rogers
11) Haley Scarnato
12) Sanjaya Malakar

Sanjaya should go this week, but I'm certain he won't. So I think the other three singers who gave the worst performances of the nite should be very scared -- especially Haley and Brandon.

I think no one in particular would benefit if Sanjaya, Haley or Gina go. But I think Phil Stacey and Brandon Rogers occupy the same basic "slot", so I think Phil would be the biggest "winner" if Brandon gets the hook this week.

I also think that Blake and Chris R. occupy the same basic "slot", but that neither is probably in serious danger this week.

I'll be back later with the DialIdol numbers.

[UPDATED] 1:30 AM: DialIdol's numbers are in, and...well...let's just look at them together:

1) Melinda Doolittle
2) Lakisha Jones
3) Sanjaya Malakar
4) Jordin Sparks
5) Phil Stacey
6) Gina Glocksen
7) Chris Richardson
8) Haley Scarnato
9) Blake Lewis
10) Chris Sligh
11) Brandon Rogers
12) Stephanie Edwards

America, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? I mean, seriously, ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK???

SANJAYA AT NUMBER 3??? STEPHANIE AT NUMBER 12??? Yes, Stephanie skipped "the good part" of "Love Hangover", but SANJAYA HAS SKIPPED "THE GOOD PART" OF EVERY FUCKING SONG HE'S SUNG!!!

Our only hope is that the SMS vote was so lopsided that Sanjaya got, like, ZERO SMS votes. Oh, wait -- that didn't happen.

Sanjaya is going to win this year, obvs.