This Week In Tonight In American Idol [06 May 2008]

8:00 PM: We're back, with our certain-to-be most challenging live-ish blog yet!

Hey, we've been under a rock for the last three months. Is there anything important happening in the non-Idol world tonite?

Trick question -- there is nothing important in the non-Idol world.

8:02 PM: Our theme tonite is the Rock-n-Roll Hall Of Fame's 500 most "influential" songs in shaping rock-n-roll, or some BS-y thing like that.

Basically..."Idols! Your choice!"

8:03 PM: In other news...With very few precincts reporting...

NC: Obama 66%, Clinton 32% (1%)
IN: Clinton 57%, Obama 43% (36%)

8:04 PM: Cookie draws the "ruh roh!" first spot tonite. Cookie will be taking on "Hungry Like The Wolf", by Duran Duran.

Need I remind anyone that Chris Daughtry was the "shocking elimination" in Top 4 week two years ago???

Honestly, that was just a'ight for me.

Randy: that was an okay song choice...solid performance...that was just okay for you, not amazing...
Paula: your "Hungry Like The Wolf" has left me with a big appetite...
Simon: i thought it was good...a little bit copycat (whaaaa???? copying whom?)...is it good enough to get through to next week? probably yes...

8:10 PM:

NC: Obama 65%, Clinton 34% (5%)
IN: Clinton 56%, Obama 44% (38%)

8:12 PM: Next up is Syesha. Syesha is taking on "Proud Mary", by Ike & Tina Turner. This is an excellent choice by Syesha.

15 seconds in, and I already suspect it'll be a top-3 of the nite performance.

Syesha wisely is wearing a Tina-esque dress that shows lots of her beautiful legs...rowrrr...

Okay, that was fantastic...

Randy: 3d week in a row that Syesha has showed up, and she's in the zone!
Paula: you look like a star...you've turned into a beautiful woman with a magnetic voice and presence...
Simon: a bad, shrieky impersonation of Tina Turner...i didn't have fun...

8:18 PM:

NC: Obama 64%, Clinton 34% (9%)
IN: Clinton 56%, Obama 44% (42%)

8:21 PM: Hey there's that Irish woman with the tattoos who is such a loser she could only manage 6TH FUCKING PLACE!!!

(pouring a little malt liquor on the curb for Carly Smithson...)

8:22 PM: Next up is Dreadlocky. Dreadlocky is taking on...wait for it..."I Shot The Sheriff", by some Jamaican dude and some English dude.

It's predictably shlocky.

Randy: karaoke Bob Marley...nothing special about it...wasn't good for me...
Paula: i wasn't crazy about the performance, or the song...you're so genuine blah blah blah...
Simon: "Jason, stand back"...that was utterly atrocious...that is a song you do not touch...the performing and the singing was as bad as i've ever heard...this was like a first-round audition massacre...

Simon is absolutely right. Is the fix in tonite???

8:27 PM: Last up in Round 1 tonite is Licky-Lips. Licky-Lips is taking on "Stand By Me", by The Drifters.

AND IT'S THE EXACT SAME G-D PERFORMANCE HE GIVES EVERY SINGLE G-D TIME!!!

Which means, stamp his ticket to the finals!!!

Randy: one guy who every time he hits the stage, is trying to win the whole thing! dude was hot!
Paula: you're way beyond your years...you're seasoned already...
Simon: you could've whistled a song and it would've sounded better than the last song...very good choice of song..struggled a little bit at the end..the best performance so far...

8:34 PM:

NC: Obama 63%, Clinton 35% (14%)
IN: Clinton 54%, Obama 46% (52%)

8:36 PM: Okay, I may be the world's biggest fan of The Who, and Cookie will be singing "Baba Fucking O'Reilly". How stoked am I???

So far, it's a little too Cornell-ishly emo for me.

Dude! Roger Daltrey practically SCREAMS this songs!

Okay, now he's picked it up a notch!

I'm liking it better, but I still think he missed a golden opportunity there...

Randy: something a little different going on with you tonite, but that's the David Cook i've grown to love...you're the resident rocker dude, live that out, have fun with that...just be you, cuz you were great...
Paula: i just want more! i want more David Cook! i'm really humbled to sit here and watch your soul (???)
Simon: welcome back, David Cook

8:42 PM:

NC: Obama 63%, Clinton 35% (15%)
IN: Clinton 54%, Obama 46% (54%)

8:44 PM: Syesha comes back with "A Change Is Gonna Come", by Sam Cooke. Another excellent song choice!

Which means Syesha's probably cooked this week. Because it's not one of Sam's better-known songs.

This is Syesha's best nite of the competition. Which means Syesha's probably cooked this week.

That was fucking outstanding!

Randy: i did not love as much as the first song...i didn't love the arrangement...i didn't even like the arrangement with the vocals...

Fuck you, Randy! Have you ever heard this song???

Randy:...felt all disconnected...trying to be something that it wasn't...
Paula: how you orchestrated your vocals -- beautiful...you turned this into a superstar performance...you HAVE changed...you are magnificent...welcome to your dream, Syesha, this is it for you!

At this point, Syesha breaks crying...Paula gives her a standing ovation...

Simon: i have to be fair, and i'm going to agree with Paula...

the audience erupts! and Syesha breaks down even harder...

Simon:...with all due respect, I think Randy got that completely wrong...

I'm going to say it -- that was probably the best performance by any contestant this season...

8:52 PM: Next up is Dreadlocky. Dreadlocky returns with "Mr. Tambourine Man", by Bob Dylan.

Dreadlocky is doing "the Dylan version", not "The Byrds version", complete with acoustic guitar.

And, right out of the gate...

HE FORGOT THE FUCKING LYRICS!

Which only means he'll be tonite's leading vote-getter.

Randy doesn't even bother with criticism...

Randy: tell me, how did you think that was??? (laughs) jason's not in the zone tonite...
Paula: it is what it is...obviously, it didn't blow us a way, but you blow me away...
Simon: Jason, i'd pack your suitcase...

8:57 PM: Last up tonite is Licky Lips, who returns with "Love Me Tender".

Licky-Lips is such a tool -- okay, a young tool -- that he's not even familiar with one of Elvis' most famous ballads.

For some unknown reason, David has decided to perform this song the way Brooke would've performed it if she'd survived last week.

Randy: another great performance...i love how you caressed each word...the hot vocals of the nite right there!
Paula: one of my favorite performances from you...i felt your heart...it was fantastic...beautiful...
Simon: David, you didn't BEAT the competition tonite, you CRUSHED the competition tonite...

INSTA-REACTION:

Based on the performances alone, this is an obvious rank:

1) David A. (barely)
2) Syesha
[big gap]
3) David C.
[WTF???-sized gap]
4) Jason

Jason has openly spoken recently of being tired of the weekly grind. He knows he's already established whatever fanbase (and CD-buying base, and concert-going base, and...) he possibly could. Did Jason tank it tonite?

I'll be back in a bit with more, but now I'm off to get election results.

NC: Obama 60%, Clinton 38% (26%)
IN: Clinton 53%, Obama 47% (68%)

* * * * *

UPDATED:

DialIdol is in with their numbers, and the numbers are not pretty for a certain be-dreadlocked sensitive dude:

1) David C. (safe)
2) David A. (safe)
3) Syesha (safe)
4) Jason (predicted to be voted off)

I haven't been following DialIdol "from Day One", but I have never seen any contestant get the dreaded red light. Whether you believe in conspiracy theories or not, it does indeed look like Jason will celebrate himself home this week.

Also...

NC: Obama +14%
IN: Clinton 51%, Obama 49%

It's over...