This Week In Tonight In American Idol [1 April 2008]

7:55 PM: "Top 9 Week" is here, and apparently Country-Music-and-American Legend-Icon Dolly Parton is the first "mentor" of Season 7. This week's theme is "The Dolly Parton Songbook" or somesuch.

If you believe the spoilers -- hey! didyaknow it's April Fools' Day??? -- we have one Idol performing a completely obvious choice, and another Idol THANKFULLY staying away from a possible backlash-inducing choice.

7:58 PM (According to my PC clock, but, eh...): Ryan starts off with an obvious April Fools' joke about the show being pre-empted in favor of a celebrity Moment Of Truth starring Simon Cowell.

Ha ha.

8:02 PM: First up is Brooke White. Brooke will be taking on "Jolene", and maybe playing a guitar instead of a piano. Dolly thinks it's a good choice.

"Jolene" is the quintessential "singer-songwriter" song, so it's easily adaptable, but it's also perfect for Brooke.

Brooke is playing guitar, and is joined by a couple of other musicians doing violin and so on.

That was a good performance, but not great.

Randy: That was a good performance, but not great...pitch problems in the middle...but it was alright...
Paula: What's great about you is that you're consistent...you are who you are...you have an emotional connection with every song you perform...
Simon: I totally disagree with Paula, because I think what was lacking on that song was any emotion...I think all of you looked very odd together with a group...wasn't one of your best performances...

I have to agree with Simon -- and Randy -- it sounded fine, but emotionless...Brooke trades on her "emotional connections", and that was just...lacking...

8:08 PM: In case you didn't know, high-minded pop culture surrendered to brain-meltingly stupid pop culture today.

Today was the release of Alvin & The Chipmunks on DVD.

8:10 PM: Next up is David Cook. Ryan and David briefly discuss the kerfuffle about how he's been "borrowing" other rockers' "different" arrangements of well-known songs and all-the-while accepting praise for being "original".

David tells Ryan he'll be performing his own arrangement of "Little Sparrow" tonite. Dolly loves David's voice.

David is playing a guitar tonite.

That was a really good arrangement -- not "best of season" good, but really good.

I became impressed with David early. He's clearly this season's Chris Daughtry -- he has one style and he's really good at adapting songs to it. This is more than enough to get him through this week.

Randy: You know what I love that you've been doin? You're a rocker, but you've been showing you've got this unbelievable range...another hot, consistent performance...
Paula: I like your haircut...I've never heard a guy do that song -- it was fantastic...shows how well-rounded you are as an artist...
Simon: I'm not going to say it was as good as last week, but if you can make a song about sparrows good, which you did, congratulations...

8:14 PM: Next up is Ramiele Malubay. Ramiele will be taking on "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind". Dolly thinks it's a good choice for Ramiele.

Who exactly is styling Ramiele this season? Her "suspenders dress-over-white tee" thing is almost as bad as her "high-waisted-shorts" thing last week.

This is okay. Just...okay.

Randy: I wasn't jumpin' up and down, but I wasn't mad at you either...it was a'ight...you showed signs of strength, conviction...6.5 out of 10...
Paula: I'm proud of you, very proud of you...I was a little worried you weren't gonna connect, but you had a great 1:30 and you connected and you were having FUN...
Simon: We're not gonna remember this in 10 years, are we?...it was cute, you sang quite well...overall I think you sang well, but it was forgettable, and very reminiscent of something you'd see on a cruise ship...

Apparently, Simon takes a lot of cruises...

8:22 PM: Next up is Jason Castro. Ryan and Jason waste time by talking about Jason's fan mail.

Jason will be taking on "Travelin' Thru". Dolly thinks it's a great choice because he's going a little "outside of what he's been doin'".

Jason proceeds to do EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING MEDIOCRE THING HE DOES EVERY WEEK!!!

Oh, but the stoner-with-the-dreadlocks is soooooooooo dreeeeaaaaaaaaamy!!!!!!

Randy: It started rough, but by the time you hit the middle, you picked it up...singer-songwriter vibe...it was pretty good...you worked it out...
Paula: To me, one of your strongest performances...you seemed so comfortable, you let go, your voice was strong and rich...
Simon: This is the point where I lose my season-pass to Dollywood, because I didn't like that at all...it sounded like the same song from before...didn't sing it particularly well...this kind of music doesn't suit you...if this had been the first time I'd seen you or heard you, I wouldn't get it...sorry...

8:27 PM: Next up is Carly Smithson. Carly is taking on "Here You Come Again", which was not written by Dolly. Dolly thinks it's a great choice for Carly's voice, and says "she killed it".

Carly gives the song a Celine-in-Vegas-but-acoustic-laid-back-lounge arrangement.

AND SHE FUCKING KILLS IT!

In the good way.

The judges are practically speechless.

Randy: I do believe that that will probably be one of the better performances of the nite...nice job...
Paula: Glorious...such an amazing talent...and THAT VOICE!...
[then, Paula and Randy fight about Randy's criticism of Carly last week]
Simon: I thought it was good, I didn't think it was great...

Then, Simon launches into an odd attack on Carly's style, and I don't mean her vocals...

Simon: I also think that you've got to have a word with whoever's dressing you at the moment...I think at this stage -- without being rude -- you've got to start looking like a star, and I'm not seeing that progression at the moment...

Obvs, this all makes Carly very uncomfortable, but kudos to Carly for biting her lip...Ryan snips back about how people could say the same about Simon's style, and then they get into a snit about whether Simon doesn't like country music, about which we have spent 6+ seasons learning THAT HE FUCKING HATES "COUNTRY MUSIC" OKAY PEOPLE???

8:35 PM: Next up is David Archuleta. David is taking on "Smokey Mountain Memories". David brought Dolly to tears. Who knew Dolly was really just a 12-year-old girl under all that wig and makeup???

Dolly thinks he has "the voice to become a really great, great singer".

Do you think David's Stage Dadzilla tried to put the moves on Dolly? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Okay, this is good. David really CAN sing.

I still don't want him to win.

Randy: David is back tonite...I stand corrected -- that was THE BEST PERFORMANCE of the nite...
Paula: Amazing tone...strong...beautiful...glorious...
Simon: You know I had issues with your choice-of-song last week...this week -- absolutely. on. the. money...

8:39 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook. Kristy Lee is taking on "Coat Of Many Colors". Dolly thinks she "made it her own".

Dolly Parton is one of the best songwriters in American history. This is a song about Dolly's life growing up in poverty and literally how her mother made clothes from discarded rags, and about being proud that her family loved her so much to give her anything she needed, in spite of circumstances.

Kristy Lee "Lurleen Lumpkins" it up, like she does everything. But it's pretty good.

Randy: Country music is definitely your wheelhouse...very nice performance...this is kinda "the Kristy Lee week"...
Paula: You look stunning...your best performance...
Simon: I thought last week was your best performance...pleasant but forgettable...

8:47 PM: Next up is Syesha Mercado. To absolutely no one's surprise, Syesha is taking on "I Will Always Love You", because...

...THIS IS THE ONLY FUCKING DOLLY PARTON SONG SHE COULD SING.

AND SHE STILL HAS TO SING THE WHITNEY HOUSTON VERSION!!!

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Okay, this is just pageanty. But that may be the best Syesha can do.

OH! Nice job holding that note!

Randy: You took on the biggest tiger of the nite...and I think you did pretty good...but it's still hard for me to hear anybody else sing that song...it was alright...
Paula: You look gorgeous...velvety tone to your voice...growing and growing...connecting with the audience so much more...
Simon: You forget what a brilliant songwriter Dolly Parton is...this is one of the best pop songs ever written...I almost wish YOU had not gotten it in a strange way, because the first part was good, and the second part -- as I had a feeling, unfortunately -- paled to the Whitney version...I don't know if it really helped you that much...it was a good, not a fantastic version of the song...

8:55 PM: Last up is Michael Johns. Michael is a big fan -- American "country" singers are big in Australia. Michael is taking on "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right".

Dolly thinks Michael has a great voice, and she thinks she could write some "great songs" for him.

Michael goes with a Withers-via-Cocker-via-Botlon-esque arrangement, complete with gospel-esque backing vocals.

I'm actually digging this.

9 PM is approaching, and the judges are getting the "wrap" signal. "Top 9 Week" is hard, because there's not enough material to justify 90 minutes, but it's hard to squeeze in 9 performances in 60 minutes.

Randy: Bringing it up every week a notch...blazing hot...nice job...
Paula: You're a star, a rock star, a blue star!!!
Simon: Interesting nite tonite...the best I have heard you sing...

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INSTA-REACTION:

This is tough. I wrote elsewhere on Monday that I thought an all-Dolly theme tonite was a terrible idea. Not because I dislike Dolly -- LOVE HER!!! -- but she has few pop-ish hits that are familiar to a SIGNIFICANT portion of Idol's fanbase -- as well as to these contestants -- who, recall, were not terribly familiar with The Beatles' catalog. So, the whole nite consisted of much of Idol's audience saying to themselves, "WHAAA?"

I need a few minutes to review my notes and the performances. Come back in a few.

UPDATED: Back!

Wow, I'm still finding it hard to rate the Idols tonite 1-9. Let me try this insta-reaction, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER:

1-3-ish: Carly, David A., Michael
4-6-ish: Brooke, David C., Syesha
7-9-ish: Jason, Kristy Lee, Ramiele

I know that the only "Dolly Parton" song Syesha could sing is "the Whitney version" of "I Will Always Love You", but I really would've loved to hear Brooke, Carly or David C. take this on instead. I think the different arrangement would've made it fresh and interesting.

I think I was right that an all-Dolly nite -- as opposed to a "country nite" -- was not a great idea. Most of the idols struggled with material that was unfamiliar to both them and us.

The performances really bunched together tonite. Only Carly, the two Davids, and Michael gave performances that I feel confident in saying "safe" about tonite.

Which only means that the Bottom 3 will come from those 4.

Sigh.

* * * * *

Just a reminder: Idol Gives Back airs one week from tomorrow nite, on 9 April 2008. That's "two weeks" earlier than last season, if that matters to you. It's even on at a special time -- it begins at 7:30 PM EST, instead of 8 or 9 PM.

* * * * *

Remember when I noted that the show "started" at 7:58 according to my PC's clock? Well, Hell's Kitchen started at 9:01. So Idol ran over by 3 minutes tonite.

Yep, the DHMBIB archives prove conclusively that Idol always runs over by about 2 minutes on "Top 9 Performance Nite".

Also, that link has a photo of HALEY SCARNATO employing her "show 'em skin and they won't notice you can't sing" strategy of sticking around. She survived "Top 9 Week" but got the hook in "Top 8 Week" even tho she deployed the shortest shorts in the history of the show.

Ah, remember the days?