This Week In Last Night In American Idol [7 March 2007 Edition]

I miss-timed my dinner while I was trying to watch and live-blog American Idol last nite, so my live-blog came out a little thin. Sorry about that!

But fortunately for DHMBIB readers, faithful reader [and sister!] Kimberly sends in the following report about the final girl-on-girl show -- at least until the finals, when all the sucky guys are eliminated in the first 6 weeks.

After the jump, veteran AI-watcher Kimberly gives us her take on last nite's performances...

*****

We're down to the top 8, which translates to "We're down to the top 6,
plus two scrubs." Paula is absent in the opening seconds of the live
show, which Ryan notes as we go to air.

Credits. Could they have picked a LESS flattering Taylor Hicks clip for
the crowd shot? Yikes.

Paula shows up on time. #insert joke about them being late checking her
out from rehab here#

Thankfully, we do NOT get an overview of the guys' mess last night.

Continuing in secrets tradition, Jordin is a football maniac and paints
her face in support of her local sports teams (which look like Arizona
teams). #insert AB joke about showing or needing support here#

Jordin sings "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar. She's manic, falls behind the
beat a lot, and loses her breath. That said, she puts her all into it,
and it's not that bad. I think she messes up the end verses. Randy
thinks it's "weird, a different show" when the girls perform and thinks
she was "Dope". Paula praises her "artistry". Simon didn't like that it
was manic, shrieky, etc. but thinks she'll "100 percent be here next week".

The diet coke commercial singer is better than all the guys last night,
BTW.

Red Room chat. Ryan touts Carrie Underwood on Thursday. Presses the gals
on whether their praise is a blessing or curse. Gina says blessing and it
makes them take their game higher and higher. Sabrina babbles same.

Sabrina was a college sports journalist and hosted a campus tv show called
Diablo Heat. #insert AB joke here#

Sabrina does "Don't Let Go" by En Vogue. She sounds great. She looks like
she's wearing stretch silver mylar and it's wrinkled. Randy's not fond of
it (the song, not the outfit). Paula loves it ("you can sing, sing,
sing"). Simon thinks she's a "great singer" but "lacks emotion" and was
"robotic". Reminds him of a
hotel resort performance. Those of you keeping track of Simon's
commercial venue slams can add "hotel resort" to the list.

Antonella plays the violin. She says she hasn't had time to practice and
is rusty. #insert AB joke here#

AB's wearing all-black and singing Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records
On". I hate to say it, because I can't stand her, but it's the best she's
sounded all competition. Randy thinks she's a better singer than she's
shown. Paula thinks it was the right song choice "with your range". Simon
is struck speechless, then slams Antonella hard and insists to the
audience (strikethrough) voters her that "you've gone as far as you can
go". Simon praises her performance in the
face of all the public criticism, but notes that he wishes she could sing
"better". "Let's get real," he responds when she answers Seacrest's
prodding to talk back to Simon. The judges hate her.

The singing on the "Life Takes Visa" commercial was better than all the
guys last night. Just sayin'.

J.Lo.Hew is prancing around in Hanes underwear and bras. The Hanes
singers sound better than all the guys last night.

Daughtry sounds better than all the guys last night...wait, no, he doesn't.

I am smarter than a 5th grader, thank you.

Haley was a teenage gymnast but her "body started giving out". #insert AB
joke about putting out here#

Haley sings "If My Heart Had Wings" by Faith Hill. It sounds like you'd
expect from an AI contestant singing Faith Hill--not all that bad, but
pales next to the original. Randy thinks it was "interesting" but "ok"
and "pretty much in tune" and "no pizzazz", "needs some 'yo'". Randy
needs a new dictionary. Paula agrees that this song choice reflects "who
you are" and that "you sang it well". Simon thought it was "terrible" and
"a ghastly high school talent show performance".
He gives her his worst diss ever: "I don't even know your name." Let's
play "Guess who TPTB want us to vote off this week", shall we? Haley says
she's gotten bad reviews every week from Simon, who responds that "what
could be your final performance" did her "no favors". Ryan is rocking the
facial stubble and
turtleneck tonight, I must say.

Stephanie says her parents would ask her to sing in front of folks at
parties and she'd run away to her room. #don't insert AB joke here 'cuz
it's played out#

Stephanie sings "Sweet Thing" by Chaka Khan. She's wearing a black slip
trimmed in turquoise satin. (Seriously.) She's not bad, and better than
all the guys
last night. Randy gives her an "A for effort" but gives the standard
"Chaka/Whitney/Celine/etc" critique. Paula echoes Randy. Simon decides
that he's picked out his two losers for tonight and props her up with
praise and says she deserves to go on next week. WTF-ever, Simon.

Ryan in the red room again. LaKisha is up next. She wants a hug. Ryan,
come on, we know about you and girls. But he gives it his all.

LaKisha is "terrified of animals". I have nothing to say to that.

LaKisha sings "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. I personally think
this is one of Whitney's harder songs to perform, so I'm not sure why the
Idol contestants pick it so much. She does it really well--remarkably
nuanced in parts, belting diva in others. Randy says "another great
performance by the great LaKisha". Paula thinks she'll be working on
"being the next Idol". Simon says it was full of passion and talent and
believability. He loves her outfit. (It's a cool black satin number and
does her figure a lot of favors.) Her mom and aunt are going crazy in the
front row. "I told them not to act up," she says, embarrassed.

Tell me, was the world really crying out for a Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles movie? Maybe I'm too old to get it. #marks calendar for
SPIDER-MAN 3#

Red room again, girls throwing pillows at Ryan. Gina looks like her
outfit got attacked by cats. Maybe that's why LaKisha is terrified of
animals.

Gina shows off her "good luck charms". None of them include AB topless
pictures. (Couldn't resist.)

Gina rocks out "Call Me When You're Sober" by Evanescence. I happen to
think this is one of the best songs of the last 5 years, so I'm a little
biased,
but...she's lacking something. At the same time, it's a ballsy choice, a
good choice for her, etc. It's memorable. And it's the best performance
of the night (take that for what it's worth). Randy likes the rocker chyk
Gina and "this is who I always thought you were". Paula agrees with Randy
but wants her not to oversing because she goes flat (I agree). Simon
loves this Gina (in other words, she's the designated rocker chyk this
year) and "hopes" she makes it through to next week and she "deserves to
be there". Gina loves that kind of singing. Ryan praises her
personality. Gina says she wanted to show Simon the "edgy girl" and gives
a shoutout to the band.

I love the PC/Mac commercial with the security guy asking "Cancel or
Allow?"

I am so sick of "The Wedding Bells" commercials.

Melinda says her friends think she has OCD, but she calls it "equal
opportunity". Chew on one side, then the other, walk on a crack with one
foot, then the other, etc. Pose for one topless picture, then
another...oh, wait. Nevermind.

Melinda is singing "Because I'm A Woman" by Peggy Lee. Those of us of a
certain age remember it as the Enjoli song. ("I can bring home the
bacon/fry it up in a pan/and never let you forget you're a man/Because I'm
a woman/with Enjoli.") She does it very well. Randy calls her "the
hottest one of the night" and calls her "the consummate pro". Paula says
she's "phenomenal" and "likeable". Simon calls her "You little tiger" and
loves it. Loves her enthusiasm for the show (slam at J.Hud). Ryan asks
if she's ready for the top 12. She looks terrified. I personally think
she's just a great actress. She'll sail.

In the retrospect replay, it's easy to see that Haley and Antonella are
completely out of their leagues with the divas and Gina. But we know
voters are insane, so I predict two of the following three are out: Haley,
Antonella, Jordin.

Ryan begs us to vote "even if you think [your favorites] are safe." Will
they never learn? Silly boy.