Don't Hate Me Because I'm Bloggerful!!!

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [21 April 2009]

2009-04-21T20:17:00.004-05:00

Hai...

Yes, I've been quiet on the Idol-blogging front for a while. Due to a combination of work and personal and other-stupid reasons, I've often missed the live broadcast of the performance show, but I have been following along. Sometimes, I've caught it at 9PM, and sometimes at 10:30PM, and sometimes at 5AM on Wednesday. But I have been paying attention.

Last week, as I'm sure you know, Idol "made history" when the judges used their first-ever "judges' save" to save Matt Giraud from elimination. Reaction to this choice in the Idol-verse was mixed -- to be generous -- but I for one applauded (literally) the decision, because I thought he did, indeed, deserve another chance.

As a result of the judges' decision last week, two Idols will go home this week, and there are no more save opportunities available for the judges -- or the Idols. Because the stakes are THAT MUCH HIGHER this week, I decided to make the extra effort to live-ish blog this week's performance show.

Join me, after the jump...

Three notes, before I begin:

1) I made it to the DVR of this episode around the time Fringe started, so it's only a live-ish blog. Accordingly, I won't be bothering with time codes. I'll simply record my thoughts as I watch the recording, and maybe as I replay it to make sure I didn't miss something.

2) Regardless of (1) above, I'll try my best to make this "live"-ish. These really are my insta-reactions to what I'm hearing.

3) And finally, my monitor died this past week, and my backup monitor sucks rocks. So I can't see much of what's actually on the screen. So I will miss outrageous outfits and weird hand gestures and all of that. Sorry. But isn't that okay, because I'll be actually evaluating these "singers" in this "singing competition" based on their "singing"??? amirite???

Okay -- let's go!

* * *

Top 7 Week (Part 2) is "Disco Week"...I foresee great peril for several of tonite's contestants...also, i hope the producers / directors have figured out how to get all of the judges involved this week without running overtime...

Ryan: recap...history...Simon is "dressed for the occasion" (whatever that means)...

1) Lil Rounds -- "I'm Every Woman", by Chaka Khan (also covered by Whitney Houston)...Lil has been rumored to be on the verge of elimination for weeks...she has not lived up to her original billing, and Simon is way past done with her...and this performance shows why...very middling, nothing stands out here...where's the range???

Randy: sounded so wild to me...still didn't really show me what kind of artist you could be...
Kara: all of America has been waiting for you to sing Chaka Khan...not sure it was worth the wait...you've been every other woman but yourself...still didn't tell me who you are as an artist...
Paula: Lil is sick...i appluad your strong vocals...
Simon: you look sad...

Lil: I had fun tonite

Simon: i'm glad you had fun, because i think this is the last week we're going to see you...no originality, very copycat, the arrangement and the vocals were a mess...sorry...

2) Kris Allen -- "She Works Hard For The Money", by Donna Summer...one of Summers' late-period disco hits...Wait! is this Matt? No! always get these two confused...Kris is playing the guitar, and is very Mraz-ian in this performance...the Idol-verse seems to be split about whether Kris or Matt is more likely to hit the top 4...only one of them will...this is a'ight for me, dawg, but it's light years beyond what Lil just did...

Kara: took a risk with that arrangement, and it paid off big-time...
Paula: classy Santana-feel to that (THANK YOU -- couldn't place it -- Ed.)...(something about shopping in the women's department)...originality...contender...

(Paula and Simon proceed to fight about Paula's, ahem, "influenced" comments about Kris shopping in the women's department...)

Simon: complete polar opposite to Lil...original, not karaoke...fantastic performance...
Randy: you know who you are, you're ready for the big-time, dawg...

3) Danny Gokey -- "September", by Earth, Wind & Fire (of course!!!)...this is not just "karaoke" -- it's "karaoke like Taylor Hicks!"...watch the judges slobber all over this...i'm so tired of Danny...please let Lil and Danny go home this week...

Randy: you turned this into something that really worked for you tonite...good job...
Kara: incredible vocalist...your pitch is right on...solid...
Paula: one of the sexiest voices ever...
Simon: i agree with what everyone else says about the vocals...but as a performance, i didn't get any kind of star power...the performance overall was a bit awkward...

Paula: i'll still see you in the finals!!!

4) Allison Irahea -- "Hot Stuff", by Donna Summer...one of my favorite DS songs...this should be good (I hope, crossing fingers)...okay, I'm deep in the tank for Allison, and I know this is different, but I have to say, I'm really lovin' this arrangement...sounds like P!nk crossed with Pat Benatar crossed with Deborah Harry crossed with Bonnie Raitt...wow! I really dug that...

Randy: i didn't love the arrangement, but you can really sing...i love you...
Kara: I agree, i didn't love the arrangement, i loved the vocal...
Paula: you don't compromise, you brought it, you hit it off the chart...
Simon: brilliant performance...

5) Adam Lambert -- "If I Can't Have You", by Yvonne Elliman...okay, while Adam is doing his thing, lemme rant for a minute...Adam is unique and almost always perfect at what he's trying to do...but I don't really like his schtick...it's waaaaaaaay too self-indulgent...back to this "performance"...waaaaaaaay too predictable and "haven't I heard this before?" (For Me!)...let's watch the judges eat it up!...

Randy: ready right now...hot one tonite America!
Kara: brilliant...most memorable...inspiring...
Paula: felt your pain...fascinating, brilliant...you will be in the finals...
Simon: something we weren't expecting...original...memorable...vocals were immaculate...

(props to Adam, again, for giving a shout-out to Michael Someone for helping out with the arrangement...at least Adam is willing to share credit where it is due...)

6) Matt Giraud -- "Stayin' Alive", by The Bee Gees...wait is this Kris? No! it's Matt...always get these two confused...very Timberlake-ian...or Mraz-ian...can't tell...perfectly okay...

Randy: didn't love the song choice, didn't love the arrangement, but you can really sing...
Kara: you brought disco back (see, even Kara thinks it was Timberlake-ian)...
Paula: you pick songs like I bowl -- this was a strike...
Simon: sorry to put a damper on this, but i didn't like that performance...a bit desperate...vocals not great...no originality...

7) Anoop Desai -- "Dim All The Lights", by Donna Summer...another of Donna Summer's lesser hits...seriously? three Donna Summer songs??? Anoop does his usual Michael Bolton schtick...not digging this...

Randy: rough last note...didn't love the arrangement...but you can sing!
Kara: great song choice...sounded like it could be on the radio...last two weeks, your best performances...
Paula: you look fantastic (I guess he's wearing pink)...smile more...
Simon: mediocre at best...horrible version of that song...your worst performance by a mile...

* * *

"Disco Week" is an increasingly-difficult theme for Idol. The demographics are obviously trending against the show on this, as a "theme" that highlights songs that are more than three decades old will not resonate with the younger viewers that Idol is shedding in droves. "Disco" is a genre that still has yet to acquire "retro cool" status -- and may never acquire that status -- for viewers whose musical touchstones include "the '80's", "grunge", "pre-millenial teen pop", and -- "ZOMG!" -- "Hanna Montana!".

I'm not suprised there was no "mentor" this week, for two reasons. The first -- banal -- reason being, the mentor segments would've pushed the show over its DVR-time-limit again, which Fox has learned is increasingly not acceptable. [Note there were also only limited pre- and post-performance segments, while each contestant got the four-judge critique treatment this week.] The second reason being, name any "disco"-era mentor who would've not been out-of-element on this show this week. 60-year-old Donna Summer, who provided three songs this week? 62-year-old Barry Gibb, who provided two songs this week and was woefully on the wrong show last year? SRSLY??? [P.S. No offense to Donna Summer, Barry Gibb, or anyone else who might've been tapped.]

* * *

Insta-Rankings (For Me!):

1-4 [alphabetically]) Adam, Allison, Kris, Matt
5-6 [alphabetically]) Anoop, Danny

7) Lil

(no insta-gaps at the top...with the combination of the uncomfortable theme and the two-people-going-home-tonite thing, I'd hate to be an odds-maker tonite...)

* * *

Who SHOULD go home? Lil and Danny (or Anoop, who cares?)...

Who WILL go home? Sadly, probably Allison and Matt...

* * *

In case you've forgotten who "TPTB" plan to be in the finals, Paula reminded you tonite: Adam and Danny...

* * *

UPDATED WEDNESDAY MORNING

sigh...the DialIdol results are in, and they make me very sad:

1) Lil
2) Adam
3) Danny
4) Anoop
5) Matt
6) Kris
7) Allison

America, WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING???

This Week In The Last Two Weeks In Tonight In American Idol [03 March 2009]

2009-03-03T22:26:00.021-05:00

PRE-SHOW: We missed the live broadcast of last week's Idol Semifinal show, so we couldn't live-ish blog it. But then we saw it. And we were glad we missed it. That may have been the worst Idol performance show we have ever seen seen.

In case you missed Wednesday's dreadful performance show and Thursday's equally-dreadful results show, the Idols who made it through were: Kris Allen, Allison Iraheta, and Adam Lambert. For those of you who were scoring at home -- or even for those of you who were all alone -- that makes four males and two females making it through in the first two weeks.

Our preliminary prediction for this week -- Idol will figure out how to advance more females in to the finals, so we'll have a 6-6 split...

:00: Ryan tells us the Idols "have said goodbye to their families"...we are so glad we have ditched the whole "let's give the Idols the results in front of their families" thing...that was wrong...

:02: Ryan and Simon agree that Simon should be picking more of the songs...we actually agree with this -- Simon is the only judge to whom you need to pay attention...

:04: first up tonite is Von Smith...he sings "You're All I Need"...this, we think, is a cover of a Mary J. track feat. Method Man...

okay, seriously, this is quite good...better than every performance last week...rite out the block, dawg!!!

Randy agrees with us...Kara agrees with us...Paula agrees with us...

Simon: you remind me of Clay Aiken...sang very well...

Rite out the box, Von has set the bar...

:14: Taylor Vaifanua is up next...she's singing "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys...

this is actually quite good...this is one of my favorite Keys songs, and Taylor is doing it quite justice...

but the song is a subdued song, and this might not have been the best choice...

it's so hard to sing Alicia Keys and do it "right"

oh noes...Kara is complaining that she doesn't know her personality..."what's it like to go shopping with Taylor?"

SRSLY???

Paula says we heard this in Hollywood...hey, did they show this???

Simon -- RIGHTFULLY! -- calls Kara out on the "shopping" comment...but he also agrees that she doesn't stand out..."bland"...

Randy gets a delayed comment: you didn't tell us anything special about you...

Ryan makes a "Simon wears the same shirt every show" joke...even though it was Kara who made the "shopping" comment...

SRSLSY???

:26: Next up is Alex Wagner-Trugman...Alex is taking on "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Billy Joel's favorite concert partner, Elton John...

...he starts out okay, but then he quickly rocket-man's into Hicksville-karaoke-land...

Paula: showman...

Simon: we had fun watching you, but not listening to you...

Randy: "crazy in a buck-wild sort of way"

Kara: you're honest...

:30: So, after three performances...

Von: yes-eligible...Taylor: wildcard-eligible...Alex: no...

:36: Ryan: "the first ABBA song ever live on Idol..."

you seriously have no idea how pleased -- the first ABBA sing -- and depressed -- ABBA -- we are, at the same time...

Arianna Afsar is the Idol...the choice: "The Winner Takes It All", which -- we are embarrassed to admit -- is one of our "favorite" ABBA songs...

this starts out horribly, but does get narginally better...but not mush...

but, no...

Simon: absolutely terrible...

Randy: [whatevs]...Kara: [whatevs]...Paula: old-fashioned [whatevs]...

Paula can't remember how the name of the group is pronounced...

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE PAULA!!!

Uh, Arianna: no...

:47: Next up is local-to-me Ju'Not Joyner...he's singing the craptacular "Hey There, Delilah" by the Plain White T's...

okay, this is a really bad choice...mostly because this song really suxxx...

there's no way he gets good marks for this...

Randy: pulled back, smart choice...

Kara: smooth...but you were holding back...

Paula: [struggles, which is not good]

Simon: better than I thought it was going to be...

We were wrong? can't be...

:58: Kristen McNamara is reunited with Nathaniel (coming...), with whom she clashed in H'Wood...Kristen's chartreuse extensions are gone...

Kristen is taking on "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman...

we would call this "competent karaoke"...there is no reason for Kristen to advance based on this listless performance...

This may be the best losing performance of the season...we enjoyed it for 90 seconds -- but we don't ever want to hear it again...

Kara: should be doing Kelly Clarkson...P!nk...

THANK GOD FOR KARA D!!!

even Randy calls it "karaoke"...

After six...

1) Von

2) Taylor
3) Ju'Not

4-6) Alex, Arianna, Kristen

1:04: Nathaniel Marshall, "drama queen", is up next...

He's singing "I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meatloaf....

countdown to Simon saying "...too Broadway..." begins in 3...2..1...

also, we're not digging his "look" tonite...

the judges literally are speechless...

and Kara breaks out the first "karaoke" comment for Nathaniel...

Ryan does the whole "simon has teh gey!" joke here, which is obviously a joke on nathaniel here...so cruel...

uh, no...

1:17: Felicia Barton is next...she's taking on "No One" from Alicia Keys...

this is the young woman who was subbed in at the last minute for the other woman who was disqualified for being an industry ringer...

let us take the opportunity to remark how we appreciate how Idol is trying to contemporize itself this season...

Felicia starts out very Keys-esque but then degenerates into whack-ness...

sorry, blew it...

Paula: gorgeous...

Simon: [totally agrees with us]

Randy: hott! made it your own...

Kara: problem with some of those notes...noticed you...

Felicia has good odds to make it through because she is already a "wildcard"...

we're just sayin'...

1:23: Next up is Scott MacIntyre...he of the vision difficulties...

he is taking on "Mandolin Rain" by Bruce Hornsby...

HEY! that was actually listenable!

...judges [blah blah blah]

Simon: you're growing on me...

After nine...

1) Von

2-4) Taylor, Ju'Not, Scott

5) Felicia

6-9) Alex, Arianna, Kristen, Nathaniel

1:34: next up is Kendall Beard...

Kendall might be this season's Kellie Pickler...she's taking on "This One's For The Girls" by Martina McBride...

yeah, def channeling Pickler and Carrie Underwood in the same performance...

uh, no...

Paula: best outfit...

Simon: you're def a country girl...

1:43: Next up is Jorge Nunez...he's taking on "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" by Elton John...

not bad, but very Elliott Yamin-esque for me...which means, maybe gets through, but...

Simon: [givin' him props...]

judges: pimpin' you, dawg'...

1:53: Last up tonite is Lil Rounds...she's taking on "Be Without You" by Mary J....

this is very competent for me, but it is not blowing me away...

sorry, i don't think she makes it through on votes this week...maybe as a wildcard candidate

Simon: brilliant, but bad song choice

all the judges are pimping her, even though that was just a'ight for me, dawg...

after twelve, our first impression is:

1) Von

2) Lil

3-7) Jorge, Ju'Not, Kendall, Scott, Taylor

8-12) Alex, Arianna, Felicia, Kristen, Nathaniel

* * *

Likely to make it through this week -- first impressions (alphabetically...):

Von Swift; Lil Rounds; Ju'Not Joyner

* * *

Darkhorse candidates this week (alphabetically...):

Scott MacIntyre; Taylor Vaifanua

OSCAR 2009: DHMBIB's Liveblog

2009-02-22T20:45:00.039-05:00

We're back to liveblog this year's Academy Award ceremony. And if you've ever seen our previous liveblogs of this "event", you already know it's gonna be pretty half-assed.

Let's go!

(for previous Oscar liveblogs, click the tags on this post...)
8:45ish PM: Faithful Reader KG is hosting her annual Oscar party once again, and once again everything is spectacular.

8:46ish PM: Due to some technical issues, we're a little late getting started. What did we miss? Hugh Jackman told some jokes. Anne Hathaway was a good sport. Frank Langella was an even better sport. Oh, and HJ gave millions of viewers around the world the mental image of Meryl Streep on steroids. AND WE'RE STILL TRYING TO EAT DINNER!!!

8:48 PM: Best Supporting Actress...Penelope Cruz! Hey, shock -- we're 0-1 in the contest!

Penenlope says something in Spanish. We don't speak Spanish.

8:51: A car company spends our money to thank us for giving them our money to pay for commercials during the Oscars. Awesome.

SUCK IT, AMERICAN TAXPAYERS!!!

8:54: Tina Fey and Steve Martin bring the funny to the presentation of Best Original Screenplay..."Milk"! We're 0-2!!!

This year, we adopted the daring contest strategy of going with "Slumdog" in every category.

Yeah, we have no freakin' idea what we're doing...

Wait, Tom DeLonge is an Oscar-winning gay ex-Mormon screenwriter?

8:59: Tina and Steve stick around for the other screenplay category, Best Adapted Screenplay...

Oh, for the screenplay awards, Tina and Steve are *reading* parts of the screenplay, that "set the stage" for the film clip that follows...

This is going to be a very long nite...

The winner..."Slumdog Millionaire"! We're 1-2!

9:03: Only 3 (and 1/2?) hours to go!!!

9:04: Jennifer Anniston and Jack Black?

"Throughout the evening, we're going to be showing you a 2008 movie yearbook..."

ZOMG NO! SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME NOW!!!

9:05: What's the over-under on when the Academy will start handing out awards for "Best Voice Actor/Actress"

9:06: Best Animated Feature..."WALL-E"! We're 2-2!

9:08: Best Short Film, Animated..."La Maison En Petits Cubes"

True story: ahead of the Grammys two weeks ago, we messaged Faithful Reader KG and told her we would not be liveblogging the Grammys but would be participating in the comments on the liveblog at Idolator. Later, she sent me a reply. Here's part of the actual text of that reply: "...These are way different from the Oscars. No one thanks their spouses, or apparently is expected to." Oh, Faithful Reader KG. You are SO an Oscar person.

Another way the Grammys are diffferent: waaaaay more M.I.A.

9:15: We took a break, and we HOPE we missed one of those Yearbook things...

Daniel Craig and Sarah Jessica Parker present Best Art Direction, even though no one has any idea what the hell art direction is..."The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button!" We've lost count...

And, the first play-out of the night! Who had 9:18???

9:20: Sarah and Danny stay out to present Costume Design..."The Duchess"!

Three-time Grammy winner Fergie now has an Oscar to add to her mantle! AWESOME!!!

9:23: And, Sarah and Danny stay out for Best Makeup..."Benjamin Button"!

9:26: When we learned that, sadly, we did not miss the "Romance Yearbook" Who are these people, BTW?

This yearbook has a Coldplay song for the soundtrack. Too bad WE CAN'T FREAKIN' STAND COLDPLAY, or else we might know which song it is...

9:31: Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller...what an odd combo...and why is Stiller wearing that ugly-ass beard? A: BECAUSE HE'S NOT FUNNY!!!

Oh, I get it -- this is a parody of that interview that Joaquin Pheonix did on Letterman or whatevs, we missed it...

The award is Cinematography..."Slumdog"!

And now, our strategy looks a little better...

9:36: We're sorry, were you trying to read a liveblog? Jessica Biel is on...

9:40: We had some...administrative duties to perform (yeah!), so we missed that entertaining piece with James Franco and Seth Rogen

9:45: Best Short Film, Live Action..."Spiezeugland (Toyland)"!

As usual, we have absolutely nothing funny to say about that ["as usual" -- Eds.]

9:53: We were about to tae another break during Hugh Jackman's salute to musicals...but then Beyonce hit the stage, and we were glad we stuck around...

A couple of years ago, we suggested that AMPAS do everything it possibly could to ensure Beyonce would perform at the ceremony...it looks like someone is finally listening to us...

[pat selves on back...]

10:02: Since we're only 90 FREAKIN MINUTES in to this death slog, let's give out only our second major, because, why the hell not? Supporting Actor...

This year, we five random former winners who each give an introduction for one of the nominees...Cuba Gooding Jr. (snickers...)

10:08: Best Supporting Actor...Heath Ledger! obvs, moron...

His Family accepts the award, which was a very nice thing for the Academy to arrange

10:11: Can't say anything about that emotional moment.

10:11:30: Oh good -- another one of these idiotic Yearbook thingies...it's a good thing we set aside time for these things, and not oh, performances of the Original Song nominees...No, we didn't need to see any of those...

10:15: Who should we choose to give out the award for Documentary Feature, this award for a serious film about a very bad thing in real life? Oh, I don't know, maybe a FUCKING POLITICAL COMEDIAN? Yeah, that sounds about right...

Best Documentary Feature..."man On Wire"!

10:17: Comedian dude sticks around for Documentary Short..."Smile Pinki"...DHMBIB's readers will find this hard to believe, but we did not see any of these Documentary Shorts...

10:22: The "Post-Production" Yearbrook has "Tick Tick Boom" by The Hives as its soundtrack, and no one here ('cept for us) knows what this is...

10:25: Speaking of songs and artists no one knows, here's Will Smith! Presenting the award for Visual Effects, because why the hell not?

Best Visual Effects..."Benjamin Button"! Didn't see it, BTW...

10:28: Oh, NOW he gets jiggy wit the sound categories...

Sound Editing..."The Dark Knight"!

Sound Mixing..."Slumdog"!

Memo to selves: remember in the next 12 months to figure out what the hell is the difference between "sound editing" and "sound mixing". Or, to continue to not give a shit, whatevs...

10:33: What the hell is Smith still doing here? Oh, another award..."Editing" is now in the "post-production bloc" of the show...

Editing..."Slumdog"!

10:40: Hacktacular comedian and comic actor Eddie Murphy is somehow exactly the right choice to present The Jean Hirsholt Humanitarian Award to JERRY FUCKING LEWIS [types that imagining Professor Frink's voice...]. This is the portion of the evening when the party we're at mutes the TV to do a trivia contest, so, sadly, we have no idea what Jerry Lewis is saying. But we're sure its very humanitarian. And unfunny.

10:50: We're back with the volume, and the orchestra is playing some kind of monatge, so it must be time for the sound categories...looks like M.I.A. is m.i.a. this evening

[Ha! bet ya didn't see THAT coming...]

10:52: Alicia Keys and Zac Efron (ZOMG!!!!!11!!11one!!1) are here to present the sound awards...first up: Original Score..."Slumdog"!

10:55: And here are the nominees for Original Song, which are being presented in one mash-up medley, because why the hell not? We don't have TIME for full performances of these songs because there are THREE of them, people! If we performed all THREE of these songs, we'd go over by 23 minutes, instead of 13 minutes, doncha know???

Okay, here's that one song from "Slumdog" that had Oscar offering to allow M.I.A. to perform in a freakin' bed if she would just stop griping about the fact that she just had a baby barely a week ago and get her lazy ass on a plane to Hollywood...

And here's that one song from WALL-E by Peter Gabriel, which Peter Gabriel reused to perform because he's somewhat of an insufferable prick, or maybe was pissed off about this whole medley thing, yeah that works...John Legend bravely offers to be not a prick and step up and give Oscar viewers ninety watchable-listenable seconds...

And here's that other song from "Slumdog" which did not have M.I.A. on it...

And ta-da that's it! And the winner is "Jai Ho" from "Slumdog", and now the music categories are gone, so we can get all these brown people off the stage and go back to giving awards to Jerry Lewis...

11:05: Two people we don't know are here to present the award for Best Foreign Language Film..."Departures"! This Japanese dude actually makes a joke about his film, but no one gets it, and the director very awkardly jumps to a reaction shot of the audience, who are silent. And then, the Japanese dude is played out. This awkward moment is the most unintentionally hilarious moment of the evening.

11:10: Queen Latifah introduces the death montage, and she sings...she is good...

11:19: Here's Reese Witherspoon to present the award for Best Director...ZOMG, only four awards to go and we still have 40 minutes to kill...maybe we can reprise the Original Song medley???

Best Director...Danny Boyle for "Slumdog Millionaire"...no one here is shocked...

11:25: They really are trying to hit that 12:00 uptime, aren't they? The Best Actress montage begins...

11:30: Which color crayon in the jumbo box most closely resembles Sophia Loren's skin tone? Is it "burnt sienna"? What the hell, let's go with "burnt sienna"

11:33: Best Actress...Kate Winslet finally wins her long-overdue Oscar, and absolutely no one is shocked...her acceptance speech is far-and-away the most genuine and emotional of the nite...

and how great is it that she asked her dad to whistle so she would know where in the theater he was, and he did, and she shouted out and waved to him...

"I'm sorry, Meryl, but you'll have to just suck that up!"...classic!

11:36: The Best Actor montage begins...

11:43: Best Actor...Sean Penn wins in a non-upset that everyone has been predicting for the last month even though Mickey Rourke was considered a lock around New Years Day...

..and we are very proud to say we marked Penn, one of our all-time favorite actors, on our ballots this year...

interestingly, the Wikipedia page for Best Actor Winners was updated before Penn had even begun his acceptance speech...

11:47: Steven Spielberg introduces a Best Picture montage that honors the current crop of nominees and some previous classic winners...this, along with Penn's and Winslet's -- especially Winslet -- overly-long acceptance speeches practically guarantee we'll miss our 12PM upcut...but! Oscar, you still get a trophy just for participating!

11:52: Finally, the nominees for Best Picture are announced..."Slumdog Millionaire"! And once again, no one is surprised...

11:54: If "Slumdog Millionaire" had only one nominated "Producer" why are there like eleventy billion people on the stage? Someone at the party just said: "I think everyone who has ever seen the movie is on stage right now"

11:55: BREAKING: Hugh Jackman says good night! We made it before midnight!

we're signing off now...edits and updates to follow over the next day or so...

-- DHMBIB

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [18 February 2009]

2009-02-19T00:11:00.020-05:00

I didn't have the chance to watch Idol live on Wednesday due to previous commitments. But that's okay, because there really isn't much point to "live-blogging" the "results show", because the only important takeaway is "who left?".

But also as a result of said previous commitment, I don't know "who left?".

So, I'm doing an after-the-fact semi-live-ish-blog in which I'll offer up my first impressions on some of the changes that result from the new semi-final elimination scheme...

More -- or less -- as always, after the jump...
[Due to the timing of this, and the whole "tell us who left!" thingy, we won't be bothering with time codes...sue us! -- Eds.]

Ryan: 24 million votes after Tuesday's performance episode, almost 10 million more than "at this time last year"...okay, that's impressive...

Ryan: Kara, who disappointed you last night?

Kara: Stevie, Casey, Stephen...
Randy: Simon...
Kara: Simon...

Ryan: I'm not talking about after the show, I'm talking about during the telecast

CHECK PLEASE!

I can't be bothered to unpack this group performance, because it's late, but I am actually glad we'll get three of these over the next few weeks, because I actually like these...and F'IN' NINE OF THESE PEOPLE* ARE GOING HOME TONITE!

[* not necessarily nine of these people, moron...up to three of these people could come back as wildcards -- Eds.]

Ryan recaps Tuesday nite..."but, it was Tatiana who turned the nite around"...

SRSLY? was Ryan watching the same show I was???

Casey to the stage (she's gone, of course...)

Ryan: unfortunately, you're not in the Top 12

Stephen to the stage (also gone...)

Ryan: you...are...NOT in the Top 12

Alexis to the stage

OK, SRLSY PEOPLE, DID YOU WATCH LAST NITE'S SHOW??? THE FIRST TRACTOR-SEAT-OF-SAFETY HAS ALEXIS' NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!

Ryan: you made it into the Top 12

i am SHOCKED!!!

So, here's a twist, perhaps -- after Ryan tells the semifinalist s/he is safe, s/he who is being roiled by butterflies must sing again...this is a change from previous seasons, when it was the rejectee who had the chance to sing again...to undoubtedly give her/him another chance to use the Idol stage to promote her/his career...

or maybe this is a an Alexis-Grace-only rule, giving voters another chance to hear someone they heard little of in previous weeks?

maybe this bodes well for Ricky Braddy???

Ricky Braddy and Jackie Tohn to the stage (Jackie is gone, but whaddabout Ricky???)

Ryan: Ricky, you are not in the Top 12

Ryan: Jackie, Simon wins, you are also not in the Top 12

Anoop "Dogg" Desai and Michael Sarver to the stage...

Ryan: the person going through to the Top 12 is...Michael

Ryan: ...Anoop heads home

And Rascal Flatts appears on stage to perform "I Don't Want To Be"

Ryan tells us that after 24 million total votes, only 20K separated Michael and Anoop...I guess that's a reminder -- you have to vote for your favorite...

Prediction for the rest of this show and Semifinals Weeks: Danny will make it through tonite, and Anoop is teed up as a "wildcard" finalist...

Oh, this is clever...after Ryan promos the new "American Idol Experience" attraction at Walt Disney World in Orlando -- using a tape of David Cook performing with Carrie Underwood -- he's ready for "the next two contestants"...

wait, why doesn't he name names? Oh, because it's really just Carly Smithson and Michael Johns from last year's finals, here to promote something (which I'm sure has nothing to do with the "American Idol Experience" thingy...)

[reminder: if you've forgotten how awesome the Smithson/Johns duet on "The Letter" was during last year's "final results show", please google your youtubes for the video...please -- Eds.]

holy crap! my editors paused the TiVo and inserted the above before I had any idea what these two crazy kids would be doing here! let's listen and decide whether this compares to last year's "original"...also, find that video!...

Incredible, even though I think last year's performance was slightly better...

Also: Joanna Pacitti -- please watch this video and last year's performance again, and write an essay about...your choice of themes...

Ann Marie, stand up...

Brent, stand up...

Stevie, stand up...

Ryan: none of you made it into the Top 12

Ryan: Danny and Tatiana, to the stage...

Ryan: Paula -- who is it?

Paula: Danny

Ryan: after the break...

Ryan: the person going through to the Top 12 is...Danny

Danny sings again, as Tatiana melts in a pile of tears...

To recap: Alexis Grace, Danny Gokey, and Michael Sarver made it through to the Top 12, with 4th place vote-getter Annop Desai well-positioned for a wildcard birth...

...until next week [?]

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [17 February 2009]

2009-02-17T22:03:00.040-05:00

pre-show-ish: Hai! tonite I'm back with a live-ish first-impression blog. We'll see how this works. [We're doing this from a TVR'd recording, but it is still sorta live-ish, we swear! -- Eds.]

First, a little housekeeping...

There are some changes to this year's semifinal format. We have 36 semifinalists this year, instead of the last few years' 24. For each of the next three weeks, 12 semifinalists will compete on Tuesday, and America will vote, and each week the Top Female, the Top Male, and the next-highest vote-getter (regardless of gender) will advance to the finals. The judges also will be able to advance three "wildcard" contestants to the finals.

Tonite, we begin the first round-of-12-semifinalists. We are two hours tonite...LIVE!!!
8:03: Advice from the judges...blah, blah, blah, in it to win it...blah, blah, blah...bring it...

8:05: Only Simon gets it right -- for the next three weeks, only 25% of the contestants know they will get through...unlike in recent years, when *most* contestants knew they were safe each week...

8:06: Our theme tonite -- hits from the Billboard Hot 100 "since the charts began"...which means the Idols can sing basically any pop song they want from the last 60 years, but which also obviously means we'll have the usual mix of 60's and...er...70's "standards" tonite...

8:07: Our first 12 semis: Jackie Tohn, Ricky Braddy, Alexis Grace, Brent Keith, Stevie Wright, Anoop Desai, Casey Carlson, Michael Sarver, Ann Marie Boskovich, Stephen Fowler, Tatiana Del Toro, and Danny Gokey...

Wow! This is actually a very talented group! Many of these people are going home tomorrow...bummer...

8:07: First up is "Miss Personality" Jackie Tohn...singing Elvis' "A Little Less Conversation"...

...and she turns it into a Kansas City Ramada lounge song...

NO

"folks, don't forget to try the fish..."

also, doing herself no favors with the pants and the shoes...

I won't bother to recap the judges' opinions, cuz I'd be here forever...for the semis, I'll just give my insta-reactions...

gimme a break -- it's been a year since i did this...

8:10: BTW, Simon completely agrees with me...

8:12: Oh great -- three weeks of Ryan asking the families "how did the apple of your eye do? how mean was simon?"

sigh...

8:18: next up is Ricky Braddy...obviously, the intro order will be tonite's performance order...

he sings "A Song For You" by Leon Russell...

damn, this is good...

okay, this is really good...

all the judges agree, but Simon wonders whether he has "any star quality"...

8:22: Yep, here's the family again...this is how we'll fill two hours for the next three weeks...

8:28: All performances this season are available on iTunes. Good call, American Idol...

8:30: Next up: Alexis Grace...one of Idol's many fuschia-haired young moms this season...

...singing "Never Loved A Man" by Aretha Franklin...singing Aretha is almost always a bad choice...let's see how she does...

damn! this is also really quite good...

it will be so hard to "eliminate" nine people tonite...

Simon: best of the three so far..."reminds me of Kelly Clarkson...one to watch..."

8:39: Next up is Brent Keith...and we have our first tape FUBAR of the season? oh, and now the tape is back...

was that Tatiana on the tape?

8:40: Brent is back, and he sings "Hick Town", by Jason Aldean...

this is doing nothing for me...

the judges aren't really digging it either...Brent is in trouble, considering how well Ricky and Alexis have already done...

here come the Bucky Covington comparisons....RUH ROH!

8:44: Brent returns to the couch, and Ryan has already started talking to Brent's wife before Brent even gets there...already, the show has a "going over" feel to it...

8:50: Next up is Stevie Wright...she says she's been wanting to do this "since I was nine years old, when the show began"...

thanks, Stevie, for making me feel REALLY FUCKING OLD!!!

8:51: Stevie is singing "You Belong With Me", by Taylor Swift, another really young artist with whom Stevie connects...

and this is really underwhelming...

NO

Taylor Swift is not a great singer...but Stevie Wright is no Taylor Swift...if you get my drift...

and, SHOCKINGLY!!!, the judges are savaging her...

Simon: "it was terrible...zero chance of you making it through to the next round after that..."

8:55: Next is...Anoop Desai..."Anoop Dogg"...

Anoop is singing "Angel Of Mine" by Monica, which is a terrific song...

okay, this is fantastic...this guy has real potential...he's not Archuleta-esque...he probably needs a new look, but he has the vocal chops...

8:58: Anoop Dogg gets the first Paula Standing-O of the nite!

The judges are not crazy about the song choice, but they all agree he has "it"...if Anoop doesn't make "Top 3" on Wednesday, he's probably a lock as a wildcard...

9:06: Next up is Casey Carlson...Casey's singing "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" by The Police...

there really are like two tiers tonite...this is "Tier 2"...and that's not where Casey wants to be...

Casey gets the first "karaoke" comment of the nite (from Randy)?...the judges are savaging Casey...Casey gets the first "you're beautiful" comment of the nite (from Paula)?

Simon: "threw it all away..."

and, they're right...

9:17: Next up is "oil rigger" and Ryan's "twin", Michael Sarver...he's singing "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw, which is a much better song than most pop critics give it credit for...

okay, when did Rascal Flatts vocalist Gary LeVox substitute himself in this competition for Michael? man, is this weak...

[LeVox is alright, but this IS weak -- Eds.]

the judges agree it was not a good choice, but they all agree they like him and would like to see him continue...

9:23: Next up: Ann Marie Boskovich, a "demo singer" (oh noes! another ringer!!!)...

she's singing "Natural Woman" from Aretha...please scroll back up...

it's "demo singer"-worthy, which puts it around the bottom...WHOA! what was that note?...the VERY bottom of Tier 1...

or maybe the top of Tier 2

OH, WHOA! AGAIN???

TIER 2!!!

top or middle?

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE WATCH: Paula thinks this is Ann Marie's best performance...discuss...

Simon: ruined your one chance...sorry...

9:34: Next up: Stephen Fowler, who's had some trouble remembering his lyrics...tonight, he will try to remember the lyrics to "Rock With You", by Michael Jackson...

okay, this is the "bottom Tier 1 slash top Tier 2" performance...

did AI producers deliberately give us 3 good performers every week, and 1 maybe-good performer each week, so there'd be an obvious Top 12?

the judges are not happy with this...

Simon: i wish you HAD forgotten the lyrics...corny...

[even Randy agrees with "corny"...]

9:44: Next up: everyone's "favorite" contestant, Tatiana Del Toro...

Tatiana, who has obviously won the Nobel Prize multiple times, thinks it would be a great idea to sing Whitney tonite...i'm not sure "which Whitney song?" is a question on which we should waste our time, but the answer is: "Saving All My Love For You"

i'd call this a passable wedding-band performance, but i suspect this is the end -- HOLY SHIT! what was that note?

THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE FOR TATIANA!!!

FUCKING FINALLY!!!

and Randy is giving her props for "moments"...and Kara says "moments"...Paula and her meds can't wait for this show to be over -- she uses the word "beautiful" twice -- but not in reference to Tatiana's looks...Simon doesn't know what to make of her...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT -- SHE'S MAKING IT THROUGH, ISN'T SHE???

9:56: Last up tonite, and I hope they hit their mark, because I have this on DVR, is Danny Gokey...

seriously, "Hero", by Mariah??? seriously???

okay, here's the fourth member of Tier 1

yeah, that was good

both Paula and Kara give "Standing O"-s to this...

* * * * *

DHMBIB's quick insta-analysis coming in a few minutes...

* * * * *

Okay, let's remember the new rules this year: the Top (vote-getting) Female, the Top (vote-getting Male), and the next-highest vote-getter advance...and the judges will select three wildcard contestants from all three weeks...

Here is DHMBIB's insta-analysis from Semifinals Week 1 (asterisk indicates "should advance"; double-asterisk indicates "should be wildcard-worthy"):

1) Alexis Grace* -- far and away the best female performance of the nite, and on reflection the best overall performance of the nite
2) Anoop Desai* -- better than the judges gave him credit for
3) Danny Gokey*
4) Ricky Braddy**

[huge gap here]

[pick a name out of the hat -- does it matter?? -- Eds.]

5) Stephen Fowler
6) Tatiana Del Toro
7) Ann Marie Boskovich
8) Michael Sarver
9) Brent Keith
10) Jackie Tohn
11) Casey Carlson
12) Stevie Wright

* * * * *

after-show-ish: voting may or may not be closed in all time zones, but DialIdol is predicting this:

Women:

1) Alexis Grace

[no other woman is remotely even close...if you saw the show, you're not surprised to read that...]

Men:

1) Danny Gokey [safe]
2) Michael Sarver
3-5) Annop Desai; Ricky Braddy; Brent Keith [too close to call]
6) Stephen Fowler [gone]

* * * * *

"see" you tomorrow...

Grammy 2009: Some Predictions

2009-02-08T17:37:00.002-05:00

It's Grammy nite, 2009, and I'm back again with a few predictions. Even though some of the "early" awards have already been announced, I swear I've been ignoring the news reports. So if this post "predicts" awards that have already been announced, I swear I'm not cheating.

Let's make a few wild-ass-guess predictions, after the jump...

For Grammy 2008, I made 22 predictions, and based on my scoring method, I racked up only 12.5 points. Ugh. Let's do better this year, even though this year is much more challenging.

(I'll score myself this way: 1 point for a correct prediction; 0.5 points for a "should win" or "dark horse" prediction that hits)

(For the full list of nominees see this)

(Also, if you're looking for a cool liveblog of tonite's events, try the only other music blog that matters, Idolator)

* * * * *

1) Record Of The Year
(Award to the Artist and to the Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s) and/or Mixer(s), if other than the artist.)

* Chasing Pavements, Adele

* Viva La Vida, Coldplay

* Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis (Simon Cowell, Clive Davis & Ryan "Alias" Tedder, producers; Craig Durrance, Phil Tan & Ryan "Alias" Tedder, engineers/mixers)

* Paper Planes, M.I.A

* Please Read The Letter, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

As far as I can tell, this is American Idol judge Simon Cowell's first year of Grammy nomination. And, in case you're wondering, Clive Davis has won only three Grammys, which is actually a surprise to me.

This is a very tough category. Plant/Krauss will take home lots of hardware tonite, but probably not in this category. I think better bets are Coldplay (who will also take home lots of hardware) or Leona Lewis.

Prediction: "Bleeding Love"
Dark Horse: "Viva La Vida"

2) Album Of The Year
(Award to the Artist(s) and to the Album Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s)/Mixer(s) & Mastering Engineer(s), if other than the artist.)

* Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends, Coldplay

* Tha Carter III, Lil Wayne

* Year Of The Gentleman, Ne-Yo

* Raising Sand, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

* In Rainbows, Radiohead

All of these albums are worthy of this award. I had Lil Wayne as my "number one album of 2008", and Ne-Yo was my "number four". Plant/Krauss made my 2007 Top 10, but it's eligible here because it was released three weeks into the eligibility year.

Regardless of each of these albums' worthiness, Plant/Krauss are a solid-platinum lock here.

Prediction: "Raising Sand"
Dark Horse: "Viva La Vida"

3) Song Of The Year
(A Songwriter(s) Award. A song is eligible if it was first released or if it first achieved prominence during the Eligibility Year. (Artist names appear in parentheses.) Singles or Tracks only.)

* American Boy
William Adams, Keith Harris, Josh Lopez, Caleb Speir, John Stephens, Estelle Swaray & Kanye West, songwriters (Estelle Featuring Kanye West)
Track from: Shine
[Atlantic/Homeschool; Publishers: Will.I.Am Music/Cherry River Music/Chrysalis Publishing/John Legend Publishing/Cherry River Music/Please Gimme My Publishing/EMI Blackwood Music/Larry Leron Music/Speir Music/Broke, Spoke and Gone Publishing]

* Chasing Pavements
Adele Adkins & Eg White, songwriters (Adele)
Track from: 19
[XL Recordings/Columbia; Publishers: Universal-Songs of Polygram Int.]

* I'm Yours
Jason Mraz, songwriter (Jason Mraz)
Track from: We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
[Atlantic; Publisher: Goo Eyed Music]

* Love Song
Sara Bareilles, songwriter (Sara Bareilles)
Track from: Little Voice
[Epic; Publisher: Tiny Bear Music]

* Viva La Vida
Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland, Will Champion & Chris Martin, songwriters (Coldplay)
Track from: Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends
[Capitol Records; Publishers: Universal Music-MGB Songs]

I have no clue. None of these "songs" are far and away better than the others.

Prediction: "Chasing Pavements"
Dark Horse: "Viva La Vida"

4) Best New Artist
(For a new artist who releases, during the Eligibility Year, the first recording which establishes the public identity of that artist.)

* Adele

* Duffy

* Jonas Brothers

* Lady Antebellum

* Jazmine Sullivan

Another very tough category. All are worthy, but none are head-and-shoulders above the others.

Adele and Duffy -- aren't they the same person? The Jonas Brothers -- my niece likes them. Lady Antebellum -- aren't they a country group?; must be why I've never heard their music. Jazmine Sullivan -- sorry, her R&B does nothing for me.

Prediction: Adele
Dark Horse: The Jonas Brothers

LOW-HANGING FRUIT

This category includes predictions I am guaranteed* to get right, mostly because the nominees made it to the Big Four.

(*guarantee not valid in any state -- Eds.)

5) Best Rock Album

Prediction: "Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends"

You don't need to know who the other nominees are. Only Coldplay made it to the AOTY category.

6) Best Alternative Music Album

Prediction: "In Rainbows"

See above, and this is the last time I'll write this.

7) Best Contemporary R&B Album

Prediction: "Year Of The Gentleman"

8) Best Rap Album

Prediction: "Tha Carter III"

9) Best Contemporary Folk/Americana Album

Prediction: "Raising Sand"

10) Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals

"Viva La Vida"

NOT QUITE LOW-HANGING FRUIT

This category includes predictions that are contested, but make it to the Big Four.

11) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

Prediction: "Bleeding Love"
Dark Horse: "Chasing Pavements"

12) Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals

Prediction: "Viva La Vida"

13) Best Rap/Sung Collaboration

Prediction: "American Boy"

RANDOM PICKS

14) Best Short Form Music Video

Prediction: "Pork And Beans"

15) Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical

Prediction: will.i.am
Dark Horse: Rick Rubin

16) Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical

Prediction: "Closer"
Dark Horse: "4 Minutes"

17) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

Prediction: "Bleeding Love"
Dark Horse: "Chasing Pavements"

18) Best Male Pop Vocal Performance

Prediction: "Closer"
Dark Horse: "I'm Yours"

* * * * *

Okay, it's 7PM EST, and some of the early winners have already been announced. I can't really go any further without looking like I'm cheating, so I'll stop with these predictions. I'll be back later to score myself.

-- DHMBIB

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [20 May 2008]

2008-05-20T19:01:00.020-05:00

7:58 PM: Top 2 Week -- THE FINALS -- is here. FINALLY!

We'll be live-ish blogging here tonite, but, as always, if you want a PROFESSIONAL liveblog, you should visit Maura here.

They've switched up the format this year, it seems. Davidx2 will sing three songs tonite, but apparently for the first time ever, Cookie is being giving a pass on singing a song he's already sung this season. Stay tuned...

8:01 PM: That funny-ten-years-ago-but-annoying-now boxing announcer guy, Michael "Let's Get Ready To Rumblllllllllllllle!" Buffer, introduces our two finalists, who come out dressed as boxers.

My money's on Cookie.

8:05 PM: Oh, fabulous -- Ryan is keeping the whole "title fight between undefeateds" meme going.

8:08 PM: LickyLoo won the coin toss and will go second, because Dadager told him to. Sigh...

Cookie is rocking the trimmed facial hair tonite. Not making any pretentions about "who he is".

8:10 PM: Advice from the judges? Leave it all on the stage blah blah blah...

8:11 PM: Davids with some nice words for each other...

LickyLoo: this guy's awesome!

Cookie: you've just been one of the consistently nice people...as far as I'm concerned, the competition's over...we're just havin' fun...

8:14 PM: I'm really WAY over the boxing metaphors...

Cookie is up first with his song choice -- "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For", by U2.

This is the first time a U2 song has been cleared for AI. This has fueled speculation today that Bono will be "the biggest star in the world" guest on tomorrow's results show.

Cookie nuDaughtry's this very well, and, yes, makes it his own. That was a great performance.

Ruh-roh! Randy's been drinking from Paula's cup. he calls this "The Duel Of 2007"...

Randy: i'm gonna call you "DC" 'cuz we're "boyz" at this point...i don't think you did everything you could with that, but i loved that scoop-up at the end..that was hot, baby, HOT!!!
Paula: you may not have found what you're looking for, but we have found david cook...david cook has ARRIVED! you're in great voice...
Simon: i thought it was phenomenal...

I think Randy is in the tank for LickyLoo...

8:19 PM: LickyLoo is up next with "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me", by Elton John.

It's a predictable choice, especially given last week's poor stage performance during the modern "With You".

Wait -- I've seen and heard this before...

Oh yeah! -- it's the same GD performance he gives EVERY GD TIME!!!

I say: LickyLoo has no career ahead of him. He has no stage presence whatsoever. No future on the radio. No future on Broadway. A decent selling first album -- "decent" in this environment meaning maybe platinum -- maybe -- but that's it.

But, of course, Randy is in the tank for him already...

Randy: one of the best performances of the season...picked the right time to peak...FLAWLESS!!! MOLTEN HOT!!!
Paula: my heart's still pounding [from the meds??? -- Ed.]...chills up and down my arms [from -- oh, never mind -- Ed.]...the sun is never gonna go down on you...beautiful, sunny, sunny performance...
Simon: i thought last week you were "okay"...i thought tonite's performance was arguably the best you've done so far...

Simon: Round 1 goes to archuleta...

8:27 PM: Round 2 has the contestants tackling their choice of the entrants in the Idol songwriters' contest. For the first time -- not counting Taylor Hicks' revolt in Season 5 -- there is no "common" coronation song. The Idols got to choose which one they wanted to perform.

Cookie is up first, and he's singing a song called "Dream Big" by You.

Cookie's also brought the guitar out. I was skeptical about the decision to allow the Idols to play instruments during their performances, but I've come to enjoy it, and it's probably helped some Idols -- Brooke and Jason, I'm looking at you! -- get further than they should have.

This is song is very Journey-reunion-tastic, but Cookie is rocking the shite out of it!

Randy: the song was just okay for me, but what really made it work for me was you were singing you're face off!
Paula: you took a song that we don't know and made us fall in love with it...
Simon: using the boxing analogy, it was a bit of a lightweight...

Okay, so Simon is in the tank for Archie, too???

Simon: ...i thought the end was okay...bearing in mind, this is supposed to be a winning song, it didn't feel like a winning moment for me...

Audience boos...

The only way LickyLoo can lose this if every other eliminated contestants' fans have gone over to Cookie...

8:37 PM: Up next is LickyLoo, who of course has chosen the very-Idol-tastically-titled "In This Moment".

Of COURSE he's going to win.

Wait, I've heard this before...

(Sigh...)

Randy: wasn't crazy about the song...[and then Randy trots out the "in the zone...you could sing the phonebook" "critique"]...
Paula: on fire tonite...
Simon: you definitely chose the better song...in keeping with the nite...Round 2 goes to archuleta...

8:45 PM: Ryan says Randy and Paula say "it's too close to call"...

Wait -- this is the "singer's choice" round? Like Clive chose a U2 song for Cookie?

Anyways, Cookie says he'll be taking on The World I Know", by Collective Soul. Cookie says he's never sung this before, which is a...fib...because he was supposed to sing this last week before he switched up to sing Switchfoot's "Dare You To Move". In other words, he thought he was safe last week, and he wanted to save this song to go "out" on...

Okay, fibber, or not, that was a great performance. Now, Cookie -- HE has a career ahead of him...

David is very emotional...he gets a "standing O" from the audience.

Randy: very nice job...
Paula: you're standing in your truth...i applaud you...["standing O" from Paula]
Simon: i want to say publicly that you are actually one of the nicest, most sincere contestants we've had...it was a beautiful song, but it was completely and utterly the wrong song choice for you tonite...you should've sung "Billie Jean" or "Hello"...

8:55 PM: LickyLoo finishes up the nite with a reprise of "Imagine" by John Lennon.

And after the "we're sorry, we're so, so sorry" speeches the judges just gave Cookie, LickyLoo can't lose this competition unless possibly he decides to sing the verse about imaging there's no Heaven or Hell.

And...he doesn't sing that verse...

America, here's you're new American Idol -- DAVID ARCHULETA!!!

Randy goes off script and practically announces that the producers have manipulated the contest into a Archuleta-Cook final...

Randy: we thought all season it would come down to this...you are exactly what this show is about -- finding the best singer we can find, AND THE BEST SINGER OF SEASON SEVEN IS RIGHT THERE!!!
Paula: you've left me speechless...you were stunning tonite...
Simon: tonite, we've witnessed one of the great finals...tonite, you came out to win, and what we have witnessed is "a knockout"...

(groan...)

* * * * *

INSTA-REACTION:

David Archuleta has won. I don't see any way he can lose.

David, don't forget to ask Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard how it felt to them, too.

* * * * *

9:00 PM: Hai! Look! There's Ruben right there, singing this year's "yer outta here" song, "Celebrate Me Home". David -- you can ask him about "winning" the show in just, like, 2 MINUTES!!!

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [13 May 2008]

2008-05-13T19:01:00.020-05:00

7:58 PM: Oh, hai!

Top 3 Week is here.

In case you might be glued to a cable news channel right about now, don't bother (depending on your leanings) -- Senator Clinton is projected as a 2-1 winner based on exit polls.

8:02 PM: Ryan says this is "the closest race this show has ever seen".

Wait, which race is he talking about???

8:03 PM: In case you'd rather read a "real" liveblog, try this...

I promise I WON'T check it out until after the show...So you can read an unadulterated, uninformed liveblog...

Because I love you all THAT MUCH!!!!!!1!1one!1

8:05 PM: Top 3 Week has the Idols going home for a victory lap in their hometowns. And also, they all sing 3 songs this week: a judge's choice, a producers' choice, and a personal choice.

First up: Lickey-Lips.

Ruh-roh!!!!!

Lickey-Lips is first singing Paula's choice -- "And So it Goes", by Billy Joel.

It starts as an acoustic performance, and here come the strings and piano.

Appropriately sappy. But I have to confess -- pretty good.

Oh, Banned Archuleta is IN THE HOUSE, DAWG!

Randy: Paula chose a dope song for you...you can sing anything...i would've liked to have seen you seen you playing the piano...but it doesn't matter...you are in the zone! you are in it to win it!!!
Paula: it was a pure and sunny performance...tonite, i thought you were a storyteller...i it was a beautiful performance...
Simon: it was very good...no surprises...a bit predictable...it was good -- i don't think it was outstanding...anyway, good...

8:11 PM: Next up is Broadway Grrrl.

Is Randy in fatigues tonite???

Randy has chosen "If I Ain't Got You", by Alicia Keys.

This is fraught with land mines for Syesha.

Okay, FULL DISCLOSURE...I have been on the Syesha bandwagon for a while now, but that was FREAKIN' AWESOME!

very nice job...

Randy: an amazing job...you are peaking at the right time in this competition...
Paula: difficult to do a song that's so identifiable with such a beautiful artist...you look absolutely stunning...
Simon: you sang that very well...i wish Randy had chosen something where you wouldn't sound so much like the original...overall...and you look gorgeous, BTW...

8:16 PM: Next up -- IN THE PIMP SPOT!!! -- is Nu-Daughtry. Simon has chosen for him "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", by Roberta Flack.

Simon chose this because he wanted to challenge Nu-Daughtry to do something original with a great song.

Oh SNAP!!!

Okay, this is competent, and maybe DIFFERENT -- but #3 of 3..."Sorry!"

Nu-Daughtry has one style.

Randy: been a fan since day-one...loved the high note at the end, but i wish Simon had picked something less predictable...i want you to rock!...i needed more rock from that...
Paula: it's actually about you!...you're my second favorite person who sings that...
Simon: ...maybe biased, but one of your best performances...this is what makes you brilliant, because you take chances...round one goes to Cook-and-Cowell...

8:25 PM: Looks like we're going to 9:30-ish tonite?

Lickey-Lips returns to perform his own choice, "With You", by Chris Brown.

Wait -- who TF is Chris Brown???

Oh yeah...

Oh golly...

Even Lickey-Lips can make me tired of an inescapable Chris Brown track...

But kudos to Lickey-Lips for singing something that is not on the victrola playlists of tonite's W.Va. primary voters...

Not bad...

Randy; ...i applaud that you are trying out something new and young...not sure it was the right song for you...
Paula: ...perfect...right tone for your voice...great job...
Simon: ...applaud you that you didn't do a shrieky ballad...like a chihuahua trying to be a tiger...it's not really you...all a little bit awkward...

[Randy agrees]

Randy: ...not really you...

8:31 PM: Next up is Broadway-Grrrl. Her personal choice is "Fever", a 50-year-old Broadway standard covered by Madonna, among others...

Oh, there's that word -- "Broadway" -- again...

Those of you who had Syesha in your "elimination pool" tonite, are you still confident in your pick???

That was solid, baby!

Randy: "a very, very, interesting song choice"...but you sang it amazingly, amazingly well...a great performance...
Paula: ...i'm surprised you picked this song...i'm surprised you picked this song, but i'm not sure it shows me who Syesha is as an artist...
Simon: ...i think you probably will regret that decision tomorrow...because you had a chance to prove that you are a contemporary recording artist...instead, you did quite a lame cabaret performance...

8:40 PM: Nu-Daughtry returns with his personal choice, "Dare You To Move", by "religious" rockers Switchfoot.

Is Nu-Daughtry becoming the new Nu-Smithson? Technically fine, but nothing to write home about???

That was just "meh" for me...

Is Scott Stapp quietly chuckling right now?

(Yes, I know Scott Stapp had nothing to do with Switchfoot...I don't need your "Dear Shit Fer Brains" letters-to-the-editor about that...)

ZOMG!!! Does that sign actually say: "Cougars 4 Cook"???

Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse???

Randy: ...performance-wise, wasn't your best tonite...a little pitchy...
Paula: ...hard to get a long song in to 90-seconds...just got into it at the end of the song...
Simon: pretty much what i would've expected...all three of you had an okay middle round...one more round to go...

8:43 PM: Lickey-Lips is back with the producers' choice, "Longer", by Dan Fogelberg.

You don't know how much it just hurt me to type that...

Technically perfect, but obviously boring.

Randy: interesting song choice blah blah sing the phone book blah blah in the zone blah blah another hot one from you blah blah
Paula: lovely performance blah blah
Simon: sang the song very well blah blah but the song and the lyrics blah blah good enough to make it through to next week blah blah

[even the judges are tired of carrying Lythgoe's Archuleta-pail-of-water at this point...]

8:52 PM: Broadway Grrrl is back with her producers' choice, "Hit Me Up", by Gia Farrell, from the Happy Feet soundtrack. Never heard of it? Yeah, well, maybe they want her gone...

Sigh...

Actually, I thought that was pretty good...

Randy: Rihanna-esque...just "a'ight" for me...
Paula: liked it, but don't know if it's the type of song that defines you as Syesha-the-artist...don't know if it's enough to get you into the final...
Simon: ...better than the second song...you had your best moment with the Sam Cooke song last week...

THANK YOU!!!

I called Syesha's performance of "A Change Is Gonna Come" last week maybe the best of the season, and people laughed at me...

hmmmmph!

8:58 PM: Last up tonite is Nu-Daughtry, who is taking on one of the most hack-tacular songs of modern movie-pop music -- "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing", performed by Aerosmith and written by Diane Warren.

It's an Aerosmith-worthy performance.

Paula gives the performance one of her standing-O seal-clap responses...

Randy: ...okay for me...very predictable...
Paula: ...where the beginning and the middle and the end is...great performance...SEE YA IN THE FINALS!!!

ZOMG: Diane Warren is in DA HOUSE tonite!!!

Simon: ...one of the great songs of all times...I have to tell you, David Cook wins the nite!!!

okay, so the judges are TOTALLY in the tank AGAINST Syesha...

HRRMRMRMRMPPHPHPHP!!!!!!!!!!!1111one!!111

* * * * *

EARLY NEXT MORNING UPDATE:

The AI "polls" were open for four hours last nite, so the DialIdol numbers weren't "final" until not long before I write this.

If you've been following along, you won't be surprised by the results:

1) David Cook
2) David Archuleta
3) Syesha Mercado ("red light"; predicted to be voted off)

Sigh...

It's too bad, really, for so many reasons. This whole thing has felt "fixed" from the start. And I thought Syesha actually had the best nite last nite!

Sigh...

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [06 May 2008]

2008-05-06T18:59:00.021-05:00

8:00 PM: We're back, with our certain-to-be most challenging live-ish blog yet!

Hey, we've been under a rock for the last three months. Is there anything important happening in the non-Idol world tonite?

Trick question -- there is nothing important in the non-Idol world.

8:02 PM: Our theme tonite is the Rock-n-Roll Hall Of Fame's 500 most "influential" songs in shaping rock-n-roll, or some BS-y thing like that.

Basically..."Idols! Your choice!"

8:03 PM: In other news...With very few precincts reporting...

NC: Obama 66%, Clinton 32% (1%)
IN: Clinton 57%, Obama 43% (36%)

8:04 PM: Cookie draws the "ruh roh!" first spot tonite. Cookie will be taking on "Hungry Like The Wolf", by Duran Duran.

Need I remind anyone that Chris Daughtry was the "shocking elimination" in Top 4 week two years ago???

Honestly, that was just a'ight for me.

Randy: that was an okay song choice...solid performance...that was just okay for you, not amazing...
Paula: your "Hungry Like The Wolf" has left me with a big appetite...
Simon: i thought it was good...a little bit copycat (whaaaa???? copying whom?)...is it good enough to get through to next week? probably yes...

8:10 PM:

NC: Obama 65%, Clinton 34% (5%)
IN: Clinton 56%, Obama 44% (38%)

8:12 PM: Next up is Syesha. Syesha is taking on "Proud Mary", by Ike & Tina Turner. This is an excellent choice by Syesha.

15 seconds in, and I already suspect it'll be a top-3 of the nite performance.

Syesha wisely is wearing a Tina-esque dress that shows lots of her beautiful legs...rowrrr...

Okay, that was fantastic...

Randy: 3d week in a row that Syesha has showed up, and she's in the zone!
Paula: you look like a star...you've turned into a beautiful woman with a magnetic voice and presence...
Simon: a bad, shrieky impersonation of Tina Turner...i didn't have fun...

8:18 PM:

NC: Obama 64%, Clinton 34% (9%)
IN: Clinton 56%, Obama 44% (42%)

8:21 PM: Hey there's that Irish woman with the tattoos who is such a loser she could only manage 6TH FUCKING PLACE!!!

(pouring a little malt liquor on the curb for Carly Smithson...)

8:22 PM: Next up is Dreadlocky. Dreadlocky is taking on...wait for it..."I Shot The Sheriff", by some Jamaican dude and some English dude.

It's predictably shlocky.

Randy: karaoke Bob Marley...nothing special about it...wasn't good for me...
Paula: i wasn't crazy about the performance, or the song...you're so genuine blah blah blah...
Simon: "Jason, stand back"...that was utterly atrocious...that is a song you do not touch...the performing and the singing was as bad as i've ever heard...this was like a first-round audition massacre...

Simon is absolutely right. Is the fix in tonite???

8:27 PM: Last up in Round 1 tonite is Licky-Lips. Licky-Lips is taking on "Stand By Me", by The Drifters.

AND IT'S THE EXACT SAME G-D PERFORMANCE HE GIVES EVERY SINGLE G-D TIME!!!

Which means, stamp his ticket to the finals!!!

Randy: one guy who every time he hits the stage, is trying to win the whole thing! dude was hot!
Paula: you're way beyond your years...you're seasoned already...
Simon: you could've whistled a song and it would've sounded better than the last song...very good choice of song..struggled a little bit at the end..the best performance so far...

8:34 PM:

NC: Obama 63%, Clinton 35% (14%)
IN: Clinton 54%, Obama 46% (52%)

8:36 PM: Okay, I may be the world's biggest fan of The Who, and Cookie will be singing "Baba Fucking O'Reilly". How stoked am I???

So far, it's a little too Cornell-ishly emo for me.

Dude! Roger Daltrey practically SCREAMS this songs!

Okay, now he's picked it up a notch!

I'm liking it better, but I still think he missed a golden opportunity there...

Randy: something a little different going on with you tonite, but that's the David Cook i've grown to love...you're the resident rocker dude, live that out, have fun with that...just be you, cuz you were great...
Paula: i just want more! i want more David Cook! i'm really humbled to sit here and watch your soul (???)
Simon: welcome back, David Cook

8:42 PM:

NC: Obama 63%, Clinton 35% (15%)
IN: Clinton 54%, Obama 46% (54%)

8:44 PM: Syesha comes back with "A Change Is Gonna Come", by Sam Cooke. Another excellent song choice!

Which means Syesha's probably cooked this week. Because it's not one of Sam's better-known songs.

This is Syesha's best nite of the competition. Which means Syesha's probably cooked this week.

That was fucking outstanding!

Randy: i did not love as much as the first song...i didn't love the arrangement...i didn't even like the arrangement with the vocals...

Fuck you, Randy! Have you ever heard this song???

Randy:...felt all disconnected...trying to be something that it wasn't...
Paula: how you orchestrated your vocals -- beautiful...you turned this into a superstar performance...you HAVE changed...you are magnificent...welcome to your dream, Syesha, this is it for you!

At this point, Syesha breaks crying...Paula gives her a standing ovation...

Simon: i have to be fair, and i'm going to agree with Paula...

the audience erupts! and Syesha breaks down even harder...

Simon:...with all due respect, I think Randy got that completely wrong...

I'm going to say it -- that was probably the best performance by any contestant this season...

8:52 PM: Next up is Dreadlocky. Dreadlocky returns with "Mr. Tambourine Man", by Bob Dylan.

Dreadlocky is doing "the Dylan version", not "The Byrds version", complete with acoustic guitar.

And, right out of the gate...

HE FORGOT THE FUCKING LYRICS!

Which only means he'll be tonite's leading vote-getter.

Randy doesn't even bother with criticism...

Randy: tell me, how did you think that was??? (laughs) jason's not in the zone tonite...
Paula: it is what it is...obviously, it didn't blow us a way, but you blow me away...
Simon: Jason, i'd pack your suitcase...

8:57 PM: Last up tonite is Licky Lips, who returns with "Love Me Tender".

Licky-Lips is such a tool -- okay, a young tool -- that he's not even familiar with one of Elvis' most famous ballads.

For some unknown reason, David has decided to perform this song the way Brooke would've performed it if she'd survived last week.

Randy: another great performance...i love how you caressed each word...the hot vocals of the nite right there!
Paula: one of my favorite performances from you...i felt your heart...it was fantastic...beautiful...
Simon: David, you didn't BEAT the competition tonite, you CRUSHED the competition tonite...

INSTA-REACTION:

Based on the performances alone, this is an obvious rank:

1) David A. (barely)
2) Syesha
[big gap]
3) David C.
[WTF???-sized gap]
4) Jason

Jason has openly spoken recently of being tired of the weekly grind. He knows he's already established whatever fanbase (and CD-buying base, and concert-going base, and...) he possibly could. Did Jason tank it tonite?

I'll be back in a bit with more, but now I'm off to get election results.

NC: Obama 60%, Clinton 38% (26%)
IN: Clinton 53%, Obama 47% (68%)

* * * * *

UPDATED:

DialIdol is in with their numbers, and the numbers are not pretty for a certain be-dreadlocked sensitive dude:

1) David C. (safe)
2) David A. (safe)
3) Syesha (safe)
4) Jason (predicted to be voted off)

I haven't been following DialIdol "from Day One", but I have never seen any contestant get the dreaded red light. Whether you believe in conspiracy theories or not, it does indeed look like Jason will celebrate himself home this week.

Also...

NC: Obama +14%
IN: Clinton 51%, Obama 49%

It's over...

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [29 April 2008]

2008-04-29T18:55:00.011-05:00

7:55 PM: Top 5 Week is here, and Neil Diamond is in the house to mentor our Idols.

The Idols will each be singing two songs tonite. Which means we're guaran-damn-teed to miss the 9:00 PM upcut.

Sorry, Hell's Kitchen fans.

8:00 PM: Neil Diamond has an extensive catalog of well-known, well-loved pop hits. But is he a draw for the younger viewers Idol is hemorrhaging these days? We'll find out tomorrow and Thursday, for sure.

8:02 PM: The contestants won't hear from the judges until after their second performance. Is this new?

First up tonite is Jason.

RUH-ROH!!!

Jason will take on "Forever In Blue Jeans" and September Morn". Jason looks uncomfortable during the mentoring session, but ND thinks he'll be fine once he hits the stage.

ND's easy-going strummy pop style actually should fit Jason well.

Okay, here's Jason.

This is actually quite enjoyable. Jason's thin voice disserves him as he tries to hit the higher, more powerful notes, but this is perfectly listenable.

8:07 PM: Here's a new iPod+iTunes commercial I haven't yet seen. "Shut Up And Let Me Go", by The Ting Tings. Not bad. Catchy.

8:09 PM: Next up is David C. David will be taking on "I'm Alive" and "All I Really Need Is You".

ND is surprised by David's song choices, calling them "songs most people have never heard before" and David's choices "gutsy". But ND confesses that David gave him goose bumps during rehearsals.

David's playing an electric guitar sporting the initials of his brother, Adam. David's "rock star" jacket also rocks AC's initials.

David's performance is electric and very Ed-Kowalczyk-tastic, but it doesn't really show off his range. I'm predicting at least one "that was just a'ight for me, Dawg" from the judges.

8:13 PM: Next up is Brooke. Brooke will be taking on "I'm A Believer" with a guitar, and "I Am, I Said" with a piano. ND suggests that she change the line "I was New York-born and -raised" to I was Arizona..."

Neil Diamond week is really exposing the limited vocal ranges of our Idols. I think Brooke has sung only three different notes in this performance.

That was pretty meh overall.

8:19 PM: Next up LickyLips David A. Not surprisingly, David is taking on "Sweet Caroline" and "Coming To America". ND is confident he'll do just fine.

Not surprisingly, LickyLips gives the same performance he gives every time, which means it's by far the best of the nite to this point.

8:23 PM: Last up is Syesha. Syesha is taking on "Hello Again" and "Thank The Lord For The Night Time". ND thinks she'll do great.

Here's Syesha singing "Hello Again", which I will always associate with that scene in Saving Silverman where Neil serenades Jason Biggs from the balcony. Flix it if you have no idea what I'm talking about.

It's got Jack Black and Steve Zahn in it, people!!!

Okay, Syesha is not bad, but she waaaaay oversang that song.

8:25 PM: Ryan brings out all of the Idols for a quick verdict from the judges...

Randy...Jason: okay, a'ight...David C.: very good, very strong...Brooke: better than last week, karaoke...David A.: the bomb...Syesha: in the zone, strong...
Paula...

Paula Abdul Out-Of-It-Scale: 11 out of 10!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paula thinks Jason has already performed twice!!!!!!!!

Paula...Jason: 1st performance, loved hearing lower register...2d performance, your usual charm was missing, not fighting hard enough to make the Top 4...

[after Ryan and the judges inform Paula Jason has only performed once...]

Simon: Paula, who was your favorite?
Paula: David C., you were fantastic...

Simon...you're all very lucky you've got two songs...Jason: forgettable...David C.: just above average...Brooke: a nightmare...

Randaula: NO!

Simon...David A.: amateurish...Syesha: old-fashioned...

Simon: you are Top 5 contestants...i want to see and hear the performance of a lifetime second time around...

8:31 PM: Jason is back with "September Morn".

It's almost exactly as meh-tacular as his first performance.

Jason is in real trouble this week.

Randy: i don't know what's happening for you tonight...that was just another okay, whatever, performance for me...definitely not the best...
Paula: it was safe...you need to get out of your comfort zone...c'mon!
Simon: we don't recognize you at the moment...for the last two weeks, this is not the Jason we put into the competition...there was no attempt to make the arrangement your own...you struggled through both songs...they were both forgettable...

8:36 PM: Next up is David C., singing "All I Really Need Is You".

David's rocking an acoustic guitar this time.

David really knows who he is. I can't wait to see how his style fares against LickyLips in the final.

Very nice, David.

Randy: you rocked the house again!...
Paula: you took two Neil Diamond songs that are not very well known, and you were the only one able to really pull it off...i feel like i'm already looking at the American Idol...
Simon: i'm going to be honest with you -- i thought the first song was okay, i thought the second song was brilliant...you actually made that feel like that song was written this year...you changed the arrangement, you made it work for you...well done...

8:43 PM: Here's Brooke, and she's back in talk-back mode. Brooke is singing "I Am, I Said".

Brooke has more range and power this time. She was listening a little bit to the judges.

This is enjoyable.

Randy: one of the tougher Neil Diamond songs to sing...nice job...
Paula: showed your vulnerability...showed how you connect...everyone loves who you are...that just works...
Simon: i really hated the first song -- it was like a girls' night out at the karaoke bar...but this is the Brooke we like, sitting behind the piano...it wasn't incredible, but it was a million times better than the first song...

8:47 PM: LickyLips is back with "Coming To America".

LickyLips gives THE SAME G-D PERFORMANCE HE GIVES EVERY G-D TIME HE PERFORMS.

I mean, seriously!!!!!!!!

I was actually underwhelmed by that.

Why would I buy a CD from this 1/2-trick pony???

Randy: definitely in the zone...another good performance...
Paula: the right song for...i love you, you're brilliant...
Simon: smart choice of song...

[Simon next says "it ticked all the boxes", which briefly gets Randy and Fox censors nervous because, with his accent, it sounded like he said "tickled the boxes"...i have no idea what that might mean, BTW...]

Simon: absolutely the right performance...

8:54 PM: Next up is Syesha, singing "Thank The Lord For The Night Time".

I haven't heard this song in a while, but I have a vague feeling that she has changed the key to fit her voice. It sounds...off.

I dunno...

Randy: in the zone...coulda been on Broadway...
Paula: first song, that vulnerable song is you, your magic...second song, a whole different side, that's your performance theatre piece...could be a pop singer, Corinne Baily Rae...softness in your voice...

Simon-to-Paula: so you liked her? this is officially the strangest show we have ever done...

Simon: you are a very good actress-singer...i think, however, you may be in trouble tonite...

Syesha: why?

Simon: because there's only five of you left...i don't think you had a really memorable second song like some of the others tonite...

Randaula: we'll see!

Insta-Reaction in 15-ish minutes...

* * * * *

INSTA-REACTION:

1) David C.
2) David A.
[huuuuuuuge gap here]
3) Brooke
4) Syesha
5) Jason

Is there any doubt in the way this contest would be shaping up if this were, say, Season 2? With Michael and Carly gone, no one remaining in the contest comes anywhere near either of the Davids in terms of having the vocal chops to be "the next American Idol". I feel like we're just marking time now, until the inevitable showdown three weeks from now.

And if I'm feeling that, is everyone else? And what does that portend for Idol's struggling ratings, as the feel of inevitability kicks in, and the need to be glued to the teevee every week dissipates?

Of course, this feel of inevitability could also point toward an upcoming SHOCKING! ELIMINATION! -- paging Chris Daughtry! -- so, maybe the fanbases of the remaining contestants should remain fully engaged.

On to tonight's performances...

Although both Davids stayed largely within their comfort zones tonite, David Cook's maturity advantage seems to be playing in his favor in his battle against David Archuleta. While David A. seems to be stuck in his Dadager-dictated Idol-friendly stylistic groove-rut, David Cook's original-for-you-the-viewer arrangements and confident performances continue to wow and impress the judges and voters. And me. I think Cookie took the night, outperforming on two unfamiliar ND songs while LickyLips was just Doolittle-y solid on the two most obvious song choices in the history of American Idol.

Okay, I might be exaggerating a bit, but I'm so over David Archuleta, I can barely articulate it. Seriously, someone thinks this guy will be a star? Clarkson, Underwood, Daughtry?

Srsly???

As for the rest of the bunch, I was most disappointed in Jason tonite. I mildly enjoyed Jason's first performance -- the soft bigotry of low expectations, I suspect -- but after I heard the "now press repeat" second performance, I had to discount his nite by ticking off his "phoning it in" boxes. And I thought ND-nite might actually work with Jason's style. Hmph.

Brooke and Syesha were both just-okay-and-just-a'ight for me tonite. But based on Syesha's history of Bottom-Three-Two-ishness, I'm afraid she'll drift down there again.

Bottom 2:

Jason, Syesha

Who will go?

Sadly, probably Syesha.

* * * * *

Okay, so didya catch Paula telling David C. after his second performance, "I feel like I'm already looking at the American Idol"?

We've already heard the judges tell Cookie that he was the only one who already looked like a star who could be on the radio right now, but I think this is the first time I've heard someone use the two "A" "I" words. This reminded me of the iconic moment from Top 3 Week of Season 3, when after Fantasia Barrino performed "The Greatest Love Of All", Simon's critique consisted solely of him asking her, "What does that say behind you?", to which Fantasia embarrassedly-but-justifiably responded, "American Idol".

Stay tuned...

* * * * *

UPDATED WEDNESDAY AM:

The polls are now closed, and the DialIdol numbers are in...

1) Syesha (safe)
2) David C. (safe)
3) David A.
4) Jason
5) Brooke

Interesting results there. I thought Syesha might be in real trouble after a good and a whaaaaa? performance, and given that her support has always been weaker than the other contestants. But I'm not surprised to see Cookie dominating Archie. I suspect Cookie is the predominant beneficiary of the elimination of Carly Smithson, both because of his stylistic similarities with Carly, and because of the two fanbases' shared desire to stop Archie.

We'll find out later tonite...

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [22 April 2008]

2008-04-22T18:57:00.014-05:00

7:55 PM: Here we are, " ' ready ' " to Live-ishBlog Top 6 Week. Tonight's theme is "Andrew Lloyd Webber", which sounds like an ingenious contrarian response to Idol's sinking ratings among young-ish viewers.

It's not.

8:00 PM: Oh, Jimminy! We've got an expanded "band" this week, which includes instrumentation necessary for ALW.

This is gonna suck. BIG TIME!

8:05 PM: Randy predicts it will be the "toughest nite of the season". He must have heard the rehearsals.

Ryan calls Simon out on his standard "that sounded Broadway" put-down. What should the Idols do? Simon: contemporary.

Each of the judges is squirmingly uncomfortable.

Call your local newspaper, cuz you're about to witness a TRAIN WRECK!

8:06 PM: First up tonite is Syesha.

Guess we know who's likely to go this week?

Maybe not -- ALW predicts Syesha may bring the house down.

Syesha is taking on "One Rock And Roll Too Many" from Starlight Express.

Syesha looks INCREDIBLE in that red dress. The Idol stylists look to be still on a roll.

This is a very-good-by-Syesha-standards performance. Only a modest amount of pitchiness. Great "stage presence" here.

Randy: this might surprise you, but i think not only is this your element, you could be a huge Broadway star...your best performance to-date right there...
Paula: not surprising at all...this is your happy place...you're real good at it...ALW was right -- you brought the house down...
Simon: very sexy...like Michelle Pfeiffer lying on the piano...i agree with Randy, this was one of your strongest performances so far...you showed masses of personality we haven't seen before...you're definitely more confident in this area...

I've been on the Syesha jalopy for a while, and I think that was good. How will it compare to the other 5? We'll see...

8:16 PM: Next up is Jason. Jason is unfamiliar with ALW's work.

Ruh-roh!

Jason is taking on "Memory" from Cats.

Jason doesn't know that it was sung by a "cat" on Broadway.

ALW is skeptical.

Jason has minimal instrumentation -- piano and strings.

This is definitely not Jason's style. This performance is very "breathy". His breathing is very distracting.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Weaker than Syesha, for sure.

Randy: musically, vocally, for me, it was a little bit of a train-wreck...too much melody for you...too big of a song for you...
Paula: people are used to hearing this song by a big female balladeer, and that's not who you are...but it was a very wise choice for you, because it allowed you to put your influence on the song, further identifies your unique being as an artist...

Paula then compares it to Joe Cocker's "You Are So Beautiful To Me"...Randy is skeptical...

Simon: i'm sure it felt to you as for me the longest two minutes of your life...came over as a young guy being forced to sing a song at a wedding you didn't want to sing...you were miserable throughout, i was partly miserable throughout...it's not your style of music...it was a struggle...

Ryan asks Simon, I'm voting at home, how do I vote? Simon: "don't vote".

OUCH!

8:26 PM: Next up is Brooke. Brooke is taking on "You Must Love Me", from Evita.

ALW: "I don't think that girl had a clue about what she was singing about".

OUCH!

So ALW clues Brooke in, and she finally connects with the song.

Brooke messes up for THE SECOND FREAKIN' TIME THIS SEASON and asks to start again.

After that false start, Brooke's light voice doesn't hold up well against the instrumentation. Yep, she's definitely overwhelmed by the arrangement. Plus, a little pitchy.

Randy: for me, this wasn't great...the one thing i liked that you did was you listened to Andrew Lloyd Webber...the one thing you all need to take from tonite is that you need to believe what you're singing...

Probably the most uncomfortable moment I've ever experienced on Idol occurrs next...Paula Abdul is literally speechless, eyes closed, struggling to think of ANYTHING nice to say...

Paula [finally]: you must never start and stop...[a pin drops somewhere]...this is the biggest show and the biggest platform, and you're great enough as an artist to pick up the pieces...what i did love about this performance was you didn't overact...you just were you...anything that became part-and-parcel or broken vocally was an emotional strength of yours...

Brooke is already crying...

Simon: this is why i love live teevee, it was so dramatic!...it completely threw you, you were so tense trying to remember the song, your voice was straining...it actually became quite uncomfortable...this is a tricky one...i think you're gonna be very disappointed when you watch this back...

Ryan asks Brooke why she started over...Brooke confesses to forgetting the lyrics, "the first time i've done that on this show"...apparently, when she stopped-and-started back in Top 12 Week it was NOT because she forgot or was nervous or whatevs...Ryan asks Simon for advice for Brooke, and Simon gallantly tells her she did the right thing and was "brave" to do it...Paula advises Brooke to "sing anything", but Randy agrees that she should've just stopped and restarted...

This whole exchange has a very Wednesday-at-2-minutes-before-the-upcut feel, doesn't it???

8:38 PM: Next up is "plucky little" David A. Ryan invites a bunch of schoolgirls on stage to hug Plucky. It's very weird.

Plucky is taking on "Think Of Me" from Phantom Of The Opera. ALW says the song was written for a diva, and he can't imagine what it will sound like from "a boy".

SMS to ALW: Plucky is not "a boy". He IS "a diva".

ALW tells Plucky to keep his eyes open -- "i just can't watch someone who's got their eyes closed all of the time".

David's performance is, of course, excellent.

A little more "eyes-closed-y" than ALW would want, I suspect, but excellent nonetheless.

Uh, tough call...

PUHLEEEEEEEZE!!!

Randy: you're what this show is about -- if you can sing, you can sing anything...i knew this would be a big nite for you...you even put your own personality in there, a little "Stevie" riffs...dude, it was the bomb! this boy's the one to beat!!!
Paula: absolutely perfect...took a risk on a known theatrical song, and turned it into a pop ballad...perfect...
Simon: pleasant...one of your weakest performances over the last five shows...not a performance to remember...absolutely gonna get you through to next week...forgettable for me, sorry...

Plucky is absolutely safe this week, but props to Simon for sacking up and telling Plucky he's not anointed...

8:47 PM: Next up is Carly, who wants to take on "All I Ask Of You" from Phantom Of The Opera. But ALW clearly saw last week's performance show, and Carly's "daring" cleavage-baring, tattoo-covering outfit, because he says "that's not the song for a girl with a great big chest voice...she's a big, big singer, that girl". I think he also complemented her "shoes":

[image from "Top 7 Week" courtesy americanidol.com, obvs -- Eds.]

ALW persuades Carly to take on her "second choice", "Jesus Christ Superstar", from the show of the same name.

Carly reimagines the track as an Aretha/Earth-Wind-and-Fire-influenced Gospel/R&B number.

This is fantastic! The most electric vocal of the nite!

Carly brought it!!!

That's how Joss Stone would do that song. Take that however you will.

Randy: i don't know if this was your best performance, but it was very good...
Paula: i loved so much that it was so unexpected...i thought at first that it might be in too high of a range for you, but i loved what you did in the chorus...
Simon: other than the fact that it got a little shouty in the middle, it was actually one of my favorite performances of the nite...

Ricky gives Carly a t-shirt that reads "SIMON LOVES ME (this week)". Cute, but won't win her any votes from people that just don't connect with her.

8:55 PM: Looks like we'll be "up-cut-challenged" again tonite.

Our last Idol tonite is David C. David is taking on "The Music Of The Night", from Phantom Of The Opera. ALW calls it "the most sensual, the most sexy song I've ever written".

David predictably gives the song his Cornell-Daughtry-inspired Andrea Bocelli treatment.

And he predictably NAILS IT!

Randy: i've said it before [you've already said it tonite!!! -- Eds.], i'll say it again -- if you can really sing, you can sing anything...dude, that was an amazing vocal performance...unbelievable...another hot, molten-hot lava bomb tonite, RIGHT THERE!
Paula: this song just proved more and more that you are so well-rounded as a performer...you have a beautiful instrument...fantastic...
Simon: i think you made the most of the song...this is not the side of you i like...i much prefer the grittier, more raw...too rounded-off...but you made the most of the song -- you were good...

INSTA-REACTION COMING MOMENTARILY...

* * * * *

SORTA-INSTA-REACTION:

1) David C.
2) Carly
[smallish gap]
3) David A.
4) Syesha
[biggish gap]
5) Jason
["Ticket To Ride"-sized gap]
6) Brooke

I knew it would be a tough week for the Idols, as few of them had the range of skills to meet the challenges of the Andrew Lloyd Webber songbook.

I think David Cook's take on a "staple" was not only great, but was better than I expected. David Archuleta also was as-good-as-I-expected.

But the real revelations for me were Carly Smithson and Syesha Mercado. Both turned in riveting, memorable performances of potential-train-wreck songs. Carly showed me why she's clearly Top 4 material, and Syesha showed me I haven't been crazy to be on her jalopy-bandwagon-thingy. If nothing else from this exercise, Syesha has a clear potential future on Broadway.

Jason severely underwhelmed me, with his overly-breathy performance. Dude needs to learn how to sing without excessive instrumentation covering up his technical flaws.

And what to say about Brooke? How about, "goodbye".

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [15 April 2008]

2008-04-15T18:56:00.023-05:00

7:55 PM: Top 7 Week is here, and tonite's "theme" -- or possibly just "mentor" -- is Mariah Carey.

Mariah, whom no one on Idol should ever sing.

Mariah, who just oh-so-coincidentally has a new album dropping...wait for it...TODAY!

8:00 PM: It's on!

Minnie Driver and Teri Hatcher are in the house tonite. I guess TPTB insist on perpetuating the myth that Ryan is an "eligible bachelor".

Ryan reminds us that last week's elimination of Michael Johns was "shocking(!)", and that every vote is "important". So, Irish-Americans For Carly, time to step it up!

Okay, Mariah is just a "mentor" this week. Whew!

8:04 PM: So maybe the Idols are doing an all-Mariah show after all? This will be bad for everyone, except possibly Syesha and Carly.

Write. It. Down.

8:05 PM: First up tonite is David A.

Ruh roh!

David is taking on "We Are Not Afraid", which is not only a MARIAH FUCKING CAREY song, but is also a WHITNEY FUCKING HOUSTON song. This could be a very. bad. idea.

David's performance is good, but I must confess I'm tiring of his one-trick-cough-Clay-Aiken-cough-pony act.

Randy: worried about tonite...you picked one of the toughest songs...i've said it before...you can sing anything...that was THA BOMB!
Paula: i know Mariah was beaming, because you made her proud...
Simon: i would agree...that was very good...you set the benchmark for the guys...you performed that very well...

8:13 PM: Next up, interestingly, is Carly. Is David Cook next???

BTW, I'm LOVING Carly's look tonite. She's covered up her sleeve tatoo -- and is rocking her "shoes" in the process.

Carly is taking on "Without You", but of course she's doing Mariah's cover of the Badfinger track. Mariah encourages Carly to go outside her normal range and take a chance.

I'm digging Carly's restrained opening, and her power finish. Very faithful to both the original and the cover.

Randy: i like that you challenged yourself with this big song...i liked the middle and the power...but you gotta believe and trust in yourself that you've got that lower range too...the beginning was a little loosey-goosey for me...it was good...
Paula: I loved that you showed vocal restraint...you made it your own...
Simon: I wanted to hear you sing this song before Mariah nite...did you pull it off? i don't think you did...
[audience boos]
Simon: i think you're over-thinking everything...i think you're wound-up...i think it was an okay version...
Paula: you gotta trust yourself...
Randy: you can do it, you can do it...

8:24 PM: Next up is Syesha, who has to be the "favorite" on Mariah nite. Syesha is taking on "Vanishing", one of the great Mariah songs long-forgotten from her debut album -- ya know, the one with "Vision Of Love" on it???

Syesha is not stealing her golden opportunity to shine.

This is pitchy and unnecessarily screamy. Much worse than Carly.

But, like Carly, Syesha is ROCKING that champagne-colored dress.

Randy: the toughest song of the nite vocally...you did a good job on it, all things considered...a couple of pitchy moments...
Paula: you're smart because you picked a song that not many people know, and can't compare you to her...tonite was unbelievably magical...
Simon: technically, very good indeed...but at this stage of the competition, i wouldn't have picked a song that not too many people know...
Paula: but people loved it, i don't think it matters whether they knew it...
Ryan: how do you feel about the show so far?
Simon: David Archuleta has stolen the show, and he's the one to beat...
Paula: and Syesha...

Okay, SERIOUSLY!

Are the judges in the tank for Syesha tonite? In the anti-tank for Carly?

Carly was MUCH better than Syesha tonite.

WTF WAS THAT???

8:33 PM: Next up is Brooke.

Idol's stylists have really stepped it up tonite. All of the women look fabulous!

Brooke will be taking on "Hero", which Mariah tells us she wrote for Gloria Estefan. Brooke is strumming a guitar while rehearsing with Mariah.

But now she's playing the piano instead?

Okay, it just hit me why Brooke is still on Idol.

Clive wants her as his Norah-killer.

That's the only explanation.

Her performance is good, but nothing spectacular.

Randy: i liked the whole singer-songwriter vibe...i was digging it until the bridge...it threw me a little bit...
[BREAKING! Brooke White talks back to an Idol judge. Brooke, some unsolicited advice -- STFU!]
Randy: at the end, i could feel you losing a little self-confidence...
Paula: every ounce of you is totally authentic to who you are...this unplugged version was a very brave thing to do...you sounded good, except for a few off notes...
Simon: i don't think you had much choice other than to do what you did...other than that, it was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun...the vital ingredient -- the bit in the middle -- was missing, the important part, because i don't think your voice is strong enough to carry that song...
[thus proceeds an argument among the judges and Ryan along the lines of "Where's The Beef?"]

8:39 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee. Kristy Lee is taking on "Forever".

That was not bad at all. Kristy Lee has brought it 2 weeks in a row.

Who woulda thunk it a month ago???

Randy: i didn't think that was amazing -- there were a coupla pitchy notes in the first part...but you definitely started stepping up towards the end...
Paula: it wasn't just the end...i think you're a very smart girl because you have this all worked out in your plans...Kristy Lee Cook, i'm like "ohmigod!" i was blown away...you could have a hit with that in country...
Simon: you didn't give me chills...i think you managed with what you could...a little bit whiney at times...but it wasn't ever going to be an advantage at times...i think you were quite smart...it just wasn't great...
Paula: ALL THE GIRLS LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONITE!

8:48 PM: Next up is David C. David is taking on "Always Be My Baby". Mariah is surprised, because she's never envisioned Chris Daughtry singing one of her songs.

Oh, quel suprise. David gives the song the full-on Daughtry-Stapp treatment. Throw in a little...Cornell...for good measure.

Hey, it was great in that Daughtry way. David knows who he is.

Randy: more than almost anyone on this show right now, you're ready to make an album...you're a hot recording artist...that was the most brilliant performance yet this season...
[Randy gives David a Standing O!]
Paula: that song could be on a movie soundtrack right now...and who knows -- maybe it just will...you're it!
Randy: it was like coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air...it was original, it was daring, it stood out by a mile, and this is the sign of a great potential artist -- someone who takes risks...

8:57 PM: Looks like someone is going to miss the upcut! And I hope my TiVo holds out this week!

Last up tonite is Jason. Jason is taking on "I Don't Wanna Cry", which is only the second-best track on Mariah's debut album.

Jason has set a high bar for himself.

Jason is performing with a bandette of 2 acoustic guitarists and a bongo-er.

That was a nice performance, but I think David C. took him on "making it your own"

Randy: i didn't really love that...i felt like i was at a weird beach luau and somebody was playing some music in the distance...i didn't really get it...
[Simon doesn't know what a "luau" is]
Paula: i'd love to be at that luau, listening all nite long...you're getting so confident and so in that zone...
Simon: i'm going to have to agree with Paula...it wasn't the best vocal, but it was identifiably you...it was a cool version...the guys completely won the nite...

INSTA-REACTION coming in a few minutes...

* * * * *

WaPo teevee columnist Lisa de Moraes also watches and blogs about Idol for washingtonpost.com -- she "watches American Idol so you don't have to". de Moraes believes that Simon is the only judge worth listening to.

Well, tonite, Simon got it right -- the men completely dominated the women. They didn't just dominate -- I think, tonite, every one of the men was better than every one of the women.

Here is my INSTA-RANK:

1) David C.
2) David A.
3) Jason
4) Carly
5) Kristy Lee
6) Brooke
7) Syesha

It's hard for me to write that, for multiple reasons. It's hard for me to rank David A. so high, because he annoys me on so, so many levels. It's hard for me to rank Jason so high, because he's a YouTube sensation, and nothing more. It's hard for me to rank Carly so low, because she can actually sing -- this is a "singing competiton", right Simon??? And it's hard for me to rank Syesha at the bottom, because I like her.

But this is how I feel about tonite's performances.

Which is not how I feel the results are going to go.

Three points to take away:

1) David C. is still the front-runner. Even though I believe David A. has a "bigger fanbase" than David C., David C. is probably most helped by the elimination of Michael. Plus, David C. is still "bringing it", and his take on "Always Be My Baby", though Daughtry-esque, was still unique and my favorite of the nite. We'll see how this plays out, as the "weaker" contestants are eliminated, and their fanbases shift loyalties.

2) Brooke, Kristy Lee, and Syesha are still surviving by exceeding low expectations. By all rights, the Idol "Final Four" should have been a "struggle to the death" between (in NO particular order) Carly, David A., David C., and Michael. Michael's elimination last week obviously scuttled that possibility, but, SERIOUSLY, is there anyone who can explain why Kristy Lee is STILL in this competition???

3) Carly is in REAL trouble tonite. I thought Carly actually gave the BEST performance among the women tonite, but the bar is very high for her. Did the judges help or hurt her when they repeatedly stressed -- the truth -- that she needs to have more confidence in herself and her performance? Carly has one of the "weaknesses" that plagued Katharine McPhee 2 years ago -- she looks uncomfortable on the stage, not knowing where -- or how -- to stand, or how to engage the audience. Recall that Kat outlasted Chris Daughtry, so things could still work in her favor, but it would help if she "opened up" a bit more. She still looks like she's performing on an 8'x10' stage in the back of the bar.

* * * * *

PREDICTED BOTTOM THREE:

Carly, Kristy Lee, Syesha

* * * * *

WHO'S GOING HOME?:

Carly...sadly...

* * * * *

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE:

It was going to be only about 7/10, until that whole "where's the beef?" thing started. Maybe more like 8/10.

* * * * *

SUGGESTED POSSIBLE BLOG-POST TITLES FOR BLOGGERS WHO WILL RECAP TONIGHT'S SHOW TOMORROW:

UPDATED!!! (sorry, long day):

Yeah, those headlines below would obviously be more appropriate for THURSDAY's write-up of WEDNESDAY's elimination show. Some better headlines for WEDNESDAY's write-up of TUESDAY's performance might be:

* "American Idol Wants To Know: Who Will Still Be There Next Week?"
* "American Idol Wants To Know: Whose 'Fantasy' Will End This Week?"
* Our American Idols Gave It Their All This Week, But Who Will Survive?"
* Our American Idols Say To The Voting Public: 'Don't Forget About Us'"

* * * * *

POSSIBLE RESULTS-SHOW THURSDAY HEADLINES:

* "American Idol Toys With [eliminated Idol]'s 'Emotions', Destroys [his/her] Dreams Anyway"
* "American Idol Destroys [eliminated Idol]'s 'Fantasy' Of Being Your Next American Idol"
* [elimnated Idol] Gave It [his/her] All, But That Was Not Enough To Avoid Elimination from American Idol"
* "American Idol Viewers Turn Out To Be A 'Heartbreaker' For [elimiated Idol]'s Dreams"
* "American Idol Viewers To [elimnated Idol]: 'We DON'T Belong Together'"

* * * * *

UPDATED, AFTER "THE POLLS" HAVE CLOSED:

DialIdol has some interesting numbers for us this morning...

1) David C.
2) David A.
3) Jason
4) Kristy Lee
(above all "safe"; below all "not safe")
5) Carly
6) Brooke
7) Syesha

Hmmm, looks an awful lot like my list, with only Carly and Kristy Lee flipped at 4-5 -- and with the caveat that Kristy Lee is safe at #4. Also, DialIdol has Brooke and Syesha with almost exactly the same vote, while Carly has an approximate 20% lead on both. That gives me hope that Carly may survive one more week, and perhaps start listening to the people who are trying to help her.

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [8 April 2008]

2008-04-08T19:03:00.017-05:00

8:00 PM: A quick reminder -- this is Idol Gives Back week. The telethon returns tomorrow, airing from 7:30-10:00 PM EST. No "Psych! We're not eliminating anyone this week!" shenanigans this year -- we'll have a proper results show on Thursday.

Tonite's "Top 8 Nite" theme is "Inspirational Songs".

And I'm already dreading this.

8:03 PM: First up is Michael Johns, and his inspirational song of choice is..."Dream On", by Aerosmith?

Srsly???

This is very "karaoke" to me, honestly.

Altho Michael does nail the Steve Tyler "falsetto" parts.

Randy: important week, we find out who you are...pretty good song choice for you, but some pitch problems...I still don't believe that's who you are...I don't buy that you're an Aerosmith-type singer...it was just a'ight for me...

[the audience disagrees...Michael talks back -- why are the Idols doing that this season???]

Randy [channeling his inner-Simon (eww -- Ed.)]: this is a singing competition...it's not about dreams, it's about singing...
Paula: I couldn't disagree more...perfect song for you...you sound as good as you look...I thought my chihuahuas were going to join you onstage...
Simon: very good performance...but I don't like when you do an impersonation of a rockstar...I prefer it with the blues R&B thing in your voice...a little bit "wanna-be"-ish...

Randy and Simon are largely in agreement against Paula, which almost never happens...which means Michael is already vulnerable...

Ryan makes a gay joke about Paula's "chihuahuas"...ha ha...

8:12 PM: Up next is Syesha Mercado. Syesha is taking on "I Believe" by Fantasia.

I've been on the Syesha bandwagon for a while, and I think this is fantastic.

I think the backing singers are overwhelming her a bit, but WOW does Syesha have a powerful voice...

Randy: took on another tiger this week...Fantasia has that special connection with her songs that you were lacking...it was just okay for me...

And Syesha is also talking back...WOW, Randy is on fire this week...

Paula: not many people can take on Fantasia and her songs...I think you flipped it and made it your own...hands down, one of your strongest nites...
Simon: technically, you sang it very well...what it lacked for me was that big wave of emotion...last week you did Whitney, this week Fantasia -- I want to find out who you are...

8:18 PM: Next up is Jason Castro. Jason is taking on "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". But he's taking on the ukelele-dominated arrangement of Hawaiian Bruddah Iz.

Prediction: "Bruddah Iz ukelele" -- or some variation thereof -- will top tomorrow's "Google Trends" charts.

This is passable and interesting but mostly "forgettable" for me, to use Idol's terms.

Randy: Jason Castro is back in the hunt! That was the hottest of the nite right there! That was blazing, molten hot!

Dude, what were you listening to???

Paula: You have the most definitive sound...perfect song...I love that version...you did a great job...

Paula Abdul Out-Of-It Scale: 8/10. At least!

Simon: first time I heard that version, I wasn't sure...second time, loved it...third time [motions to Jason], loved it!

Okay, the judges are in the tank for Jason tonite...Trying to slow the momentum of David Cook???

That was a fucking YouTube video. It was not American idol. And it will be no more than potentially Jason's "biggest hit".

Write it down.

8:26 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook. Kristy makes the shocking(!) decision to perform a...wait for it!...COUNTRY SONG! "Anyway", by Martina McBride.

The underwhelm continues, as Kristy has trouble finding the pitch.

At least the audience loved that big note.

Randy: pitchy, but I loved that for you...
Paula: you outdid yourself...your best so far...
Simon: I thought you were very good indeed...tonite, you looked like a star...

Okay, I've obviously slipped down the rabbit hole...are the judges deliberately trying to shake up the competition this week???

8:35 PM: Next up is David Cook. David is taking on "Innocent", by Our Lady Peace.

I like David, but he's all over the place here. He can't seem to decide if tonite he's channeling Live, Dave Matthews, or Puddle of Mudd.

Uh, yeah.

Randy: I'm not sure this was one of your strongest weeks...I didn't quite get it...
Paula: ...and tonite was no exception of you being so good...

Simon cuts off Paula and her medically-induced rambling non-sequitur...

Simon: I didn't like this performance very much at all...teense weensy bit pompous...weakest performance -- not anywhere near as good as the last two weeks...

8:39 PM: Next up is Carly Smithson. Carly is taking on "The Show Must Go On" by Queen.

Carly has changed up her sartorial style a bit this week, in response to Simon's criticisms last week.

As always, Carly gives us the best "rockstar" performance of the nite.

Randy: started out good...pitchy in the middle...ended up okay...it was just okay for me...didn't quite hit the mark...
Paula: that's something I'm actually going to agree with a little bit...as always, your voice was perfect...I didn't feel the connection -- didn't feel engaged with you...
Simon: you look good...unusual choice of song...oversang it, to the point where you lost control of it towards the end...came over as an angry performance, which felt out-of-kilter with the evening...you chose the wrong song, and you might be in a bit of trouble this week...

8:48 PM: Next up is David Archuleta. David is concerned that he might have "awakened the neighbors" with his "loud" "practicing" this week.

Eww.

David is taking on "Angels", originally by Robbie Williams and covered recently by Jessica Simpson.

A Jessica Simpson song makes it to American Idol. Maybe we really are in the End Times???

David is playing the piano, and I don't mean "playing the piano", but playing the piano.

Randy: I loved the runs at the end [eww -- Ed.]...that was your hottest moment of the whole season...LOVED IT!!!
Paula: that sums it up for me...fantastic!...
Simon: best song choice of the nite...one of the best pop songs written...not your best vocal, tho...a bit nasally...I'm nit-picking, because you are going to SAIL THROUGH...

8:57 PM: Yep, we're gonna run late again tonite.

Last up tonite is Brooke White. Brooke is taking on "You've Got A Friend", written by Carole King and also famously performed by James Taylor.

Surprisingly, because it was just onstage, Brooke is NOT "playing the piano".

Oh wait -- the piano is still onstage, but someone else is playing, while Brooke is singing.

Okay, this is actually a very nice performance.

Randy: I liked that...wasn't your best performance...it was okay, a'ight...
Paula: one of my favorite songs growing up...a perfect way to close the evening...you're definitive...
Simon: it was like a pleasant walk in the park...it was nice...was it original? no was it pleasant? yes...

And...we're 5 minutes late on the upcut...the better to screw over Dancing With The Stars...

Back in a bit with an Insta-Reaction...

* * * * *

INSTA-REACTION: Tonite felt really "upside-down" for me. Some of the "better performances" -- and the "better judges' comments" -- came from some Idols who I've thought are at the bottom of the competition. And some of my "favorites" came up short tonite.

Here is my RANKING for tonite, which is not the same as my PREDICTION about who's in trouble:

1) Brooke
2) Syesha
3) Kristy Lee
{gap}
4) David A.
5) Carly
6) Jason
{gap}
7) David C.
8) Michael

I think there were lots of poor song choices tonite. Cook, Smithson & Johns, especially, I'm looking at YOU. And I think some of the weaker contestants helped themselves by choosing songs especially suited to their styles. The judges were lukewarm on Brooke's rendition of "You've Got A Friend", but I think it was probably the best performance on a mediocre nite -- and I suspect the producers agree with me, because she got the final spot. Also, kudos to Kristy Lee for continuing to embrace her inner Kellie Pickler. It paid off for the second week in a row. Finally, Syesha. I've been on her bandwagon for a while, and I think -- in spite of the judges comments -- that she acquitted herself well this week, even though she had the bad luck of going first.

Don't talk to me about Jason "I'm YouTube-ular!!!" Castro. Sorry, Dawg, but I wasn't feelin' that. It wasn't even "just a'ight" for me.

* * * * *

Okay, so I called the performances, but I haven't predicted the Bottom 3.

I think there's a better than 50-50 chance the Bottom 3 this week will be (in no particular order): Carly, David C., Michael. All had an "off" week this week, and each was particularly panned by one-or-more of the judges. As I think these three are really Top 5 material, I'm afraid this week will produce the first truly "shocking elimination" of the season. Of the three, I'd say Michael is in the most trouble.

Check in later to see whether I'm (I hope not!) right.

-- DHMBIB

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [2 April 2008]

2008-04-02T19:59:00.004-05:00

The "Top 9 Week" "Results Show" has just started. No "liveblog" tonite, because liveblogging a one-hour results show when only about 60 seconds worth of bloggable news is made is boring and pointless.

The Idols are group-singing Dolly Parton's "9 To 5", truly an American classic.

Am I the only one hoping Idol will give us a truly "shocking" elimination tonite and reduce the number of Idols from "9 To 5"?

Wouldn't it be nice to see Kristy Lee, Ramiele, Jason, and DAVID FUCKING ARCHULETA all go home tonite???

Am I the only one?

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [1 April 2008]

2008-04-01T18:54:00.017-05:00

7:55 PM: "Top 9 Week" is here, and apparently Country-Music-and-American Legend-Icon Dolly Parton is the first "mentor" of Season 7. This week's theme is "The Dolly Parton Songbook" or somesuch.

If you believe the spoilers -- hey! didyaknow it's April Fools' Day??? -- we have one Idol performing a completely obvious choice, and another Idol THANKFULLY staying away from a possible backlash-inducing choice.

7:58 PM (According to my PC clock, but, eh...): Ryan starts off with an obvious April Fools' joke about the show being pre-empted in favor of a celebrity Moment Of Truth starring Simon Cowell.

Ha ha.

8:02 PM: First up is Brooke White. Brooke will be taking on "Jolene", and maybe playing a guitar instead of a piano. Dolly thinks it's a good choice.

"Jolene" is the quintessential "singer-songwriter" song, so it's easily adaptable, but it's also perfect for Brooke.

Brooke is playing guitar, and is joined by a couple of other musicians doing violin and so on.

That was a good performance, but not great.

Randy: That was a good performance, but not great...pitch problems in the middle...but it was alright...
Paula: What's great about you is that you're consistent...you are who you are...you have an emotional connection with every song you perform...
Simon: I totally disagree with Paula, because I think what was lacking on that song was any emotion...I think all of you looked very odd together with a group...wasn't one of your best performances...

I have to agree with Simon -- and Randy -- it sounded fine, but emotionless...Brooke trades on her "emotional connections", and that was just...lacking...

8:08 PM: In case you didn't know, high-minded pop culture surrendered to brain-meltingly stupid pop culture today.

Today was the release of Alvin & The Chipmunks on DVD.

8:10 PM: Next up is David Cook. Ryan and David briefly discuss the kerfuffle about how he's been "borrowing" other rockers' "different" arrangements of well-known songs and all-the-while accepting praise for being "original".

David tells Ryan he'll be performing his own arrangement of "Little Sparrow" tonite. Dolly loves David's voice.

David is playing a guitar tonite.

That was a really good arrangement -- not "best of season" good, but really good.

I became impressed with David early. He's clearly this season's Chris Daughtry -- he has one style and he's really good at adapting songs to it. This is more than enough to get him through this week.

Randy: You know what I love that you've been doin? You're a rocker, but you've been showing you've got this unbelievable range...another hot, consistent performance...
Paula: I like your haircut...I've never heard a guy do that song -- it was fantastic...shows how well-rounded you are as an artist...
Simon: I'm not going to say it was as good as last week, but if you can make a song about sparrows good, which you did, congratulations...

8:14 PM: Next up is Ramiele Malubay. Ramiele will be taking on "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind". Dolly thinks it's a good choice for Ramiele.

Who exactly is styling Ramiele this season? Her "suspenders dress-over-white tee" thing is almost as bad as her "high-waisted-shorts" thing last week.

This is okay. Just...okay.

Randy: I wasn't jumpin' up and down, but I wasn't mad at you either...it was a'ight...you showed signs of strength, conviction...6.5 out of 10...
Paula: I'm proud of you, very proud of you...I was a little worried you weren't gonna connect, but you had a great 1:30 and you connected and you were having FUN...
Simon: We're not gonna remember this in 10 years, are we?...it was cute, you sang quite well...overall I think you sang well, but it was forgettable, and very reminiscent of something you'd see on a cruise ship...

Apparently, Simon takes a lot of cruises...

8:22 PM: Next up is Jason Castro. Ryan and Jason waste time by talking about Jason's fan mail.

Jason will be taking on "Travelin' Thru". Dolly thinks it's a great choice because he's going a little "outside of what he's been doin'".

Jason proceeds to do EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING MEDIOCRE THING HE DOES EVERY WEEK!!!

Oh, but the stoner-with-the-dreadlocks is soooooooooo dreeeeaaaaaaaaamy!!!!!!

Randy: It started rough, but by the time you hit the middle, you picked it up...singer-songwriter vibe...it was pretty good...you worked it out...
Paula: To me, one of your strongest performances...you seemed so comfortable, you let go, your voice was strong and rich...
Simon: This is the point where I lose my season-pass to Dollywood, because I didn't like that at all...it sounded like the same song from before...didn't sing it particularly well...this kind of music doesn't suit you...if this had been the first time I'd seen you or heard you, I wouldn't get it...sorry...

8:27 PM: Next up is Carly Smithson. Carly is taking on "Here You Come Again", which was not written by Dolly. Dolly thinks it's a great choice for Carly's voice, and says "she killed it".

Carly gives the song a Celine-in-Vegas-but-acoustic-laid-back-lounge arrangement.

AND SHE FUCKING KILLS IT!

In the good way.

The judges are practically speechless.

Randy: I do believe that that will probably be one of the better performances of the nite...nice job...
Paula: Glorious...such an amazing talent...and THAT VOICE!...
[then, Paula and Randy fight about Randy's criticism of Carly last week]
Simon: I thought it was good, I didn't think it was great...

Then, Simon launches into an odd attack on Carly's style, and I don't mean her vocals...

Simon: I also think that you've got to have a word with whoever's dressing you at the moment...I think at this stage -- without being rude -- you've got to start looking like a star, and I'm not seeing that progression at the moment...

Obvs, this all makes Carly very uncomfortable, but kudos to Carly for biting her lip...Ryan snips back about how people could say the same about Simon's style, and then they get into a snit about whether Simon doesn't like country music, about which we have spent 6+ seasons learning THAT HE FUCKING HATES "COUNTRY MUSIC" OKAY PEOPLE???

8:35 PM: Next up is David Archuleta. David is taking on "Smokey Mountain Memories". David brought Dolly to tears. Who knew Dolly was really just a 12-year-old girl under all that wig and makeup???

Dolly thinks he has "the voice to become a really great, great singer".

Do you think David's Stage Dadzilla tried to put the moves on Dolly? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Okay, this is good. David really CAN sing.

I still don't want him to win.

Randy: David is back tonite...I stand corrected -- that was THE BEST PERFORMANCE of the nite...
Paula: Amazing tone...strong...beautiful...glorious...
Simon: You know I had issues with your choice-of-song last week...this week -- absolutely. on. the. money...

8:39 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook. Kristy Lee is taking on "Coat Of Many Colors". Dolly thinks she "made it her own".

Dolly Parton is one of the best songwriters in American history. This is a song about Dolly's life growing up in poverty and literally how her mother made clothes from discarded rags, and about being proud that her family loved her so much to give her anything she needed, in spite of circumstances.

Kristy Lee "Lurleen Lumpkins" it up, like she does everything. But it's pretty good.

Randy: Country music is definitely your wheelhouse...very nice performance...this is kinda "the Kristy Lee week"...
Paula: You look stunning...your best performance...
Simon: I thought last week was your best performance...pleasant but forgettable...

8:47 PM: Next up is Syesha Mercado. To absolutely no one's surprise, Syesha is taking on "I Will Always Love You", because...

...THIS IS THE ONLY FUCKING DOLLY PARTON SONG SHE COULD SING.

AND SHE STILL HAS TO SING THE WHITNEY HOUSTON VERSION!!!

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Okay, this is just pageanty. But that may be the best Syesha can do.

OH! Nice job holding that note!

Randy: You took on the biggest tiger of the nite...and I think you did pretty good...but it's still hard for me to hear anybody else sing that song...it was alright...
Paula: You look gorgeous...velvety tone to your voice...growing and growing...connecting with the audience so much more...
Simon: You forget what a brilliant songwriter Dolly Parton is...this is one of the best pop songs ever written...I almost wish YOU had not gotten it in a strange way, because the first part was good, and the second part -- as I had a feeling, unfortunately -- paled to the Whitney version...I don't know if it really helped you that much...it was a good, not a fantastic version of the song...

8:55 PM: Last up is Michael Johns. Michael is a big fan -- American "country" singers are big in Australia. Michael is taking on "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right".

Dolly thinks Michael has a great voice, and she thinks she could write some "great songs" for him.

Michael goes with a Withers-via-Cocker-via-Botlon-esque arrangement, complete with gospel-esque backing vocals.

I'm actually digging this.

9 PM is approaching, and the judges are getting the "wrap" signal. "Top 9 Week" is hard, because there's not enough material to justify 90 minutes, but it's hard to squeeze in 9 performances in 60 minutes.

Randy: Bringing it up every week a notch...blazing hot...nice job...
Paula: You're a star, a rock star, a blue star!!!
Simon: Interesting nite tonite...the best I have heard you sing...

* * * * *

INSTA-REACTION:

This is tough. I wrote elsewhere on Monday that I thought an all-Dolly theme tonite was a terrible idea. Not because I dislike Dolly -- LOVE HER!!! -- but she has few pop-ish hits that are familiar to a SIGNIFICANT portion of Idol's fanbase -- as well as to these contestants -- who, recall, were not terribly familiar with The Beatles' catalog. So, the whole nite consisted of much of Idol's audience saying to themselves, "WHAAA?"

I need a few minutes to review my notes and the performances. Come back in a few.

UPDATED: Back!

Wow, I'm still finding it hard to rate the Idols tonite 1-9. Let me try this insta-reaction, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER:

1-3-ish: Carly, David A., Michael
4-6-ish: Brooke, David C., Syesha
7-9-ish: Jason, Kristy Lee, Ramiele

I know that the only "Dolly Parton" song Syesha could sing is "the Whitney version" of "I Will Always Love You", but I really would've loved to hear Brooke, Carly or David C. take this on instead. I think the different arrangement would've made it fresh and interesting.

I think I was right that an all-Dolly nite -- as opposed to a "country nite" -- was not a great idea. Most of the idols struggled with material that was unfamiliar to both them and us.

The performances really bunched together tonite. Only Carly, the two Davids, and Michael gave performances that I feel confident in saying "safe" about tonite.

Which only means that the Bottom 3 will come from those 4.

Sigh.

* * * * *

Just a reminder: Idol Gives Back airs one week from tomorrow nite, on 9 April 2008. That's "two weeks" earlier than last season, if that matters to you. It's even on at a special time -- it begins at 7:30 PM EST, instead of 8 or 9 PM.

* * * * *

Remember when I noted that the show "started" at 7:58 according to my PC's clock? Well, Hell's Kitchen started at 9:01. So Idol ran over by 3 minutes tonite.

Yep, the DHMBIB archives prove conclusively that Idol always runs over by about 2 minutes on "Top 9 Performance Nite".

Also, that link has a photo of HALEY SCARNATO employing her "show 'em skin and they won't notice you can't sing" strategy of sticking around. She survived "Top 9 Week" but got the hook in "Top 8 Week" even tho she deployed the shortest shorts in the history of the show.

Ah, remember the days?

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [25 March 2008]

2008-03-25T19:02:00.027-05:00

8:00 PM: We're back for more Idol live-blogging. Tonite's theme is "Songs From The Year You Were Born".

8:01 PM: First up is Ramiele, born in 1987. She's taking on "Alone" by Heart.

Ramiele starts off her usual moussy self. When the "rock" part of the song kicks in, she brings the power better than she has all season.

But she's waaaaay off pitch. And shouty.

Randy agrees: not the right song choice...a little too big of a song...not quite your thing...pitchy...
Paula: I'm glad America has heard your big voice...I hope you make it through, because you're a big talent in a small package...
Simon: I don't think it was as bad as Randy said...a little bit shrieky and shouty in the middle...but after surviving last week, I think you'll make it through on that performance...

And what up with those fingerless black "Breakfast At Meth-Head Tiffany's" gloves Paula is wearing???

8:10 PM: Next up is Jason, born in 1987. "I've been TOLD I'm an Aries". WTF??? Jason takes on "Fragile", by Sting.

Jason also is playing a guitar. He's better than he was as a kid, obvs.

I must admit I'm not familiar with the song. So I looked it up and found this interesting info at SongFacts: "People who dig this song also like 'Every Breath You Take', 'Shape Of My Heart' and '(I've Had) The Time of My Life'". RUH ROH!

There's a nice Spanish run that actually reminds me of Enrique Eglesias. To the judges...

Randy: one of my favorite songs...very good choice...didn't do anything different with it...I'm still waiting for that breakout vocal from you...nice
Paula: staying true to who you are...beautiful song...didn't see anything different that made us go "wow"...playing it safe...that's who you are...
Simon: you've had two bad weeks, and it's time you start taking this a little more seriously...that was the equivalent of someone singing outside the subway system...too clumsy, too laid back, too much in your own world...you're someone who's proved you're potentially a winner, but you're not gonna win if you keep doing that week after week...

I have to agree with Simon. Jason has talent, but his laid-back hippie-stoner schtick is only gonna take him so far on this show, and I can't see him developing much of an enduring following post-Idol with that.

8:16 PM: Next up is Syesha, who was born in 1987. Syesha takes on "If I Were Your Woman", by Stephanie Mills.

Okay, I already think this is the best performance of the nite so far, and it's just started.

I've been a bigger fan of Syesha than some of the other Idol boards have been, but that was really good.

Randy: the best I've ever heard you sing...stellar...I'm shocked, I'm lovin' it...another competitor in the competition...
Paula: this will be the moment everyone remembers where Syesha "flipped it" and became the Dark Horse...pitch-perfect...brilliant...
Simon: definitely the best so far...I don't think the ending was as good as Randy thought...there's a limit to your vocal, and that song stretched it...

8:26 PM: Next up is Chikezie, who was born in 1985. Chikezie takes on "If Only For One Night", by Luther Vandross.

Chikezie won't win this competititon unless he REALLY catches fire, but he could easily be what TPTB wanted Ruben Studdard to be -- a handsome, quality modern "true" R&B singer.

That was good, but I still think Syesha was better.

Randy: interesting that you followed Syesha with another old-school number...she moved it around and made it younger-feeling...but you just sounded old-school...i didn't love it for you...it wasn't that hip Chikezie full of energy...boring...
Paula: you are a throwback, but it's a good throwback...I think you did a great job...you did amazing with the textures of your vocals...
Simon: I think you sang it well...the performance was very cheesy...you have to show originality, and I didn't see anything original other than someone trying to copy the original...i miss your personality...

8:37 PM: Next up is Brook White, born in 1983. Brooke's parents are named Kaylene and Brad. It's important that you know that.

Brooke is taking on "Every Breath You Take", by The Police.

ZOMG! Brooke has turned this song into a Tori Amos song!!!

Okay, it's "beautiful", but HELLZ TO THE NO!!!

Also, something happened at the beginning, and she had to restart after a second or so. But she handled it with aplomb.

Randy: very interesting song choice...[compliments her on her professionalism in starting over]...I didn't like the arrangement with the bad...I wish you had continued with just you on the piano...it was just okay for me, a'ight...
Paula: I enjoyed this performance so much more than last week's...we've always wanted contestants who are unique, and have their own niche...and you do...it was consistent, great...
Simon: I totally agree with Randy...should have kept it a piano solo without the band...when the tempo picked up and the band joined in, it made it very old-fashioned...definitely good enough to keep you in for another week...first half with you alone was fantastic...better than last week...

[behind the clock because of a phone call and a quick break]

Insta-ranking, the first five:

1) Syesha
2-3) Brooke, Chikezie
4-5) Jason, Ramiele

Looks like we're only 90 minutes tonite? Thank Gawd!

8:47 PM: Next is Michael Johns, who was born in 1978. Michael, obviously, is the oldest competitor in this year's competition. Will his older song choice be a handicap this week?

Michael is taking on "We Will Rock You", by Queen, and it's a good fit for Michael's style.

Oh, now it's a medley, with "We Are The Champions". Is that a good call???

That might be Michael's best performance yet.

Randy agrees: finally, you believed in yourself and used that voice you've got...for me, that was your best performance yet...
Paula: any time any one of us said you haven't found your right song, we can shut our mouths...fantastic...
Simon: this is the first time with you I saw star potential...tonite, you just got it right...comfortable...for me, the only memorable performance of the nite so far...

8:52 PM: Next is Carly, born in 1983. Carly's parents hadn't settled on a name before she was born. When they were on their way to the hospital, they heard Carly Simon on the radio, and decided that was the name.

Carly is taking on "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", by Bonnie Tyler. It's probably perfect for hear -- she's probably been singing it for years.

Carly is, of course, technically perfect. Do I hear a Celine influence there?

Carly gets the biggest crowd reaction of the nite so far...

Randy: very interesting song choice...liked it, didn't love it...a little harp on the final note...it was a'ight for me...
Paula: what I admire about you is that you could probably take every song I don't like it and make me a believer and make me go buy it...I loved what you did at the end...you stretch yourself...

Randy and Paula are bickering...Randy didn't like the run or the rock song choice...

Simon: something didn't quite work...you were tense, uptight...I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would enjoy it...you've got to lighten up a little bit...

Will Carly hit the bottom three again this week?

9:02 PM: Next up is David A., who was born in 1990.

Uh, yeah. 1990.

David is taking on "You're The Voice". The song was actually written and recorded -- and was a huge hit in Australia -- several years earlier. But David's hook is that it was covered by David Foster and Jeff Pescetto in America in 1990.

Hey! David Foster? Wasn't he just on Idol TWO FREAKIN' WEEKS AGO with Kat McPhee???

I am so bored by David Archuleta.

And this performance is doing nothing for me.

He's obviously safe.

Randy: strange song choice...but you can sing whatever...very nice...
Paula: all of us were trying to figure that out...you could sing the phone book and we'd fall in love with you...
Simon: I didn't like the performance at all...it was reminiscent of a theme-park performance...ghastly...I'd be amazed if you chose that song yourself, because it's not you...

9:12 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook, born in 1984. Kristy Lee is singing -- and I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP -- "God Bless the USA", by Lee Greenwood. This song is the worst "patriotic" song in the history of "patriotic" songs.

Kristy Lee's version is...what...somewhere below karaoke-rific??? Technically fine, but this song is supposed to soar, and that just...floated...

Randy: great song choice...a few pitchy spots in the middle, but a very nice performance...
Paula: very good choice...I've seen better performances from you, but your voice is sounding stronger...
Simon: your best performance by a mile...most clever song choice I have heard in years...Lee Greenwood, brilliant songwriter, brilliant song...a good performance that will keep you in the competition...

9:20 PM: Last up tonite is David C., born in 1982. David is taking on...wait for it..."Billie Jean", by Michael Jackson.

As has been noted elsewhere, David is not really covering Michael J.'s version of "Billie Jean". Instead, David is covering ex-Soundgarden and ex-Audioslave singer Chris Cornell's 2006 version of "Billie Jean", which version was brilliant, in my opinion.

David's performance is a perfect carbon copy of Cornell's performance. And even knowing that, I still think it was the best of the night...

Randy: you're probably the most original, most bold contestant we've ever had...on that performance right there, you might be the one to win the whole lot...HOT!!! BLAZING MOLTEN HOT!!!
Paula [giving standing ovation]...I'm blown away...I can't sit down...I gotta tell you how smart you are, how brave you are, and how willing you are to stretch the boundaries...and you do it right to the edge without going over...[incomprehensible gibberish]...
Simon: that was brave...it could have been either insane or amazing, and I have to tell you, it was amazing...

Insta-reaction, second five:

1) David C.
2) Michael
3) Carly
4) Kristy Lee
5) David A.

* * * * *

So, I've gone back and listened to Chris Cornell's "unplugged" cover of "Billie Jean", and I actually think David C. got the better of Chris tonite. David C.'s rendition of the song might not have been "original", but most of the people who've heard Chris Cornell's haunting version no doubt consider themselves too cool to watch American Idol. So David C. will probably get lots of goodwill over the next few hours from voters who think he "took a chance" and nailed it.

I'm finding it quite the challenge to Insta-Rank the top 10 tonite. The first five to go were largely bland and forgettable, and there were some spectacular performances from the second five.

Biggest Improvement tonite were probably -- surprise! -- Syesha and Kristy Lee. Biggest Un-Improvement tonite were probably Jason and David A., who both continue to underwhelm me. Ramiele was just Ramiele, which means that she once again failed to bust out the big performance she SHOULD need to stick around much longer.

Insta-Rank The Idol Top Ten Performance Show:

1) David C.
2) Michael
3) Carly
[length-of-Soundgarden-era-Chris-Cornell's-hair-sized-gap here]
4) Syesha
5) Brooke
6) Kristy Lee
[length-of-Audioslave-era-Chris-Cornell's-hair-sized-gap here]
7) Chikezie
8) David A.
9) Jason
10) Ramiele

Insta-Prediction As To Tomorrow's Voted Bottom Three:

3) Carly
2) Syesha
1) Chikezie

* * * * *

Chris Cornell, "Billie Jean" (Unplugged) [mp3, via YSI]
Chris Cornell, "Billie Jean" (Unplugged) [mp3, via zShare]

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [12 March 2008] -- Part I

2008-03-12T20:41:00.005-05:00

No liveblog tonite, because, what's the point of liveblogging a one-hour "results show", in which only one Idol finalist gets the bad news, and that won't be until the last 2 minutes???

[Also, family business -- Ed.]

But there will be a report later, here, and elsewhere.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- did you check out Idolator today? I reported on last nite's performance show in Maura's absence, and I'll provide tomorrow's results-show write-up.

And exxxtra special thanx to Maura -- and Jess -- for the chance, and the exposure...

Great to see you all again, and let's see each other again later...

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [11 March 2008]

2008-03-11T18:53:00.016-05:00

7:55 PM: It's finally here! Idol begins it finals tonite as the Top 12 take on the songs from the Lennon-McCartney songbook -- but just the pre-Sgt. Pepper stuff, alas.

We'll be live-ish-blogging tonite. So join us live or stop by after the fact and see how stupid our insta-reactions were.

Oh, and one more thing...

Last week, Maura Johnston, editor of our favorite music blog [ahem, our SECOND favorite --Ed.], Idolator, asked me to produce the site's day-after write-ups of this week's shows. I'm super-stoked about this, of course, so make sure to swing by over there tomorrow and Thursday to see my more-considered view of this week's shows.

8:02 PM: The new set, "bigger and better than ever!"...elicits yawns from me...

8:03 PM: The Beatles were apparently pretty good songwriters back in the 60's...

8:06 PM: But Simon disses "She Loves You". Ooh!

8:08 PM: Syesha Mercado opens the nite with "Got To Get You Into My Life", which I had predicted Chikezie would take on. It's quite flat at the beginning, but she picks up the steam, and the finish is okay for me.

Randy: started rough, pitchy, but you started having fun with it...it was alright for me...
Paula: started off pitched, but midway through, you found the song...and then, there was Syesha...look great, sounded fantastic...
Simon: I thought it was better than "alright"...great choice of song...you looked nervous, but you were much better than last week...

8:15 PM: Okay, I still can't get over this new JC Penney ad featuring Robert Plant & Alison Krauss' "Killing The Blues".

Raising Sand. HEAR IT!

8:18 PM: Next up is Chikezie, who takes on "She's A Woman". Ryan promises it will be "original".

Chikezie starts off with a Blue Grass-Americana vibe, with banjos and such. Then he rocks it out fiercely!

HOLY COW!!! He's got this place on fire!

That was dynamite!!!

I predicted last week that Chikezie would step it up a bit, and he's doing it.

Randy: loved the arrangement...who knew 6you had that falsetto...CHIKEZIE SMASHED IT!
Paula: when Ryan asked me what people should do, and I said those who take a risk, the greater the reward if they change it up...I knew once you hit the top 12, this was what was going to happen...the reward paid off, my dear...
Simon: I'm really surprised that I actually agree with these two...
[Chikezie starts whooping!]
Simon:...what I really liked about that, is you've actually changed over the course of the week...you controlled the stage, it didn't control you...you were terrific...

8:24 PM: Poor Ramiele Malubey, a "favorite" of mine, but not in the I-think-she's-gonna-win way, is gonna have a really tough time following that!

Ramiele takes on "In My Life". It's definitely a change-of-pace after Chikezie's Ruben-Studdard-on-Taylor-Hicks [eww -- Ed.] routine.

It's a very nice jazz-lounge-esque take on the song, but it's just a little too slow and winceful for my tastes.

But she does look great in that dress.

Randy: it was kinda pretty, but it was also kinda pretty boring for me...I was waiting for you to do something special and interesting with it, but it just kinda laid there for me...
Paula: you look very pretty tonite...
[it's always a bad sign when the first thing Paula tells you is that you look very pretty -- and she sounds like she's struggling to say something nice]
Paula:...you're an amazing singer, and your voice allows you to go lots of places, and you need to take advantage of that...i think your holding back...
Simon: I was bored to tears throughout the entire song...dreary song choice which did absolutely nothing for you...forgettable, boring, and I expect a lot better from you, because you're better than that...

Even Randy is not sure if she'll make it through. Ruh-roh.

8:35 PM: Next up is Jason Castro. He'll shine in comparison to that dreary performance. Jason tells us in the intro that when he first starting to sing, he fell in love with "Yesterday". Which obviously explains why he'll be performing "If I Fell".

Note to self: "dreadlocks-and-acoustic-guitar" is the new "frosted-tips-and-beatboxing". Check.

Eh. I didn't like that all. But he's got the girls screaming, and that's worth something, eh?

Even his strumming is sleepy.

Jason feels like he's been coasting a bit recently.

Randy: I like it, I didn't love it...with a melody that classic, you just gotta sing it with a more heartfelt thing...the switches in the melody didn't do it for me, I just kinda tuned that out...
Paula: I disagree with Randy...I think it was heartfelt, and I could feel your heart, and the audience could feel your heart, and I wanna perform open-heart surgery on you right now...oh wait, I mean your special and unique, and that's why we've made a special connection...to you and your heart...
Simon: last week you were incredible...this week, it was all a little bit "student in a bedroom at midnite"...the song was quite boring...Jason is very unique, very different, I'm a big, big fan...will he make the same big impact this week he did last week, no...you need to choose brilliant songs...good enough to stay another week? Deffintely, but not as good as last week...

Someone who looks like Kim Kardashian is in the audience cheering Jason on, and then Ryan and Simon get into another of their "innuendo-wink-wink" fights about getting out of the student dorm at midnite. Did I miss something on TMZ today???

8:45 PM: Next up is Carly Smithson.

Either Nigel misspoke, or something changed at the last minute. Carly will be taking on "Come Together", from the about-as-far-away-as-possible-from-"early"-Beatles Abbey Road. Did Carly and roommate Amanda Overmyer have to fight over this one?

Carly says she performs this song to an acoustic arrangement all together, but tonite she's changing it up a bit.

I'm really not sure about that. It was technically perfect, and her voice is HUGE and STRONG. But I actually think she might have oversang it a bit. I'd like to hear the acoustic version.

But the audience is eating it up, and, of course, the judges can't find enough compliments for Carly.

Randy: confident...not a note out of tune...stellar performance...
Paula: watching you up there, I thought I was already watching a star...I couldn't wait until you made it to the top 12, so you could really shine...
Simon: week after week so far, I think you've chosen the wrong song...until now...this reminds me of Kelly Clarkson 6 years ago...

8:55 PM: Wrapping up Hour One is David Cook. David takes on "Eleanor Rigby"

David nixes the strings and chamber-music sensibilities of the original for an almost-but-not-quite-over-the-top Daughtry-esque rocker. This is pretty powerful, and Daughtry's fans will eat David up this season.

By far, the best performances of the nite have been the near-the-top rockers.

The audience is going nuts!

Randy: started a little pitchy, but once you hit that chorus, it was rockin'!...let it go!...
Paula: I've been saying you're the darkhorse in this race...more than one horse in this race...
Simon: I thought it was brilliant...if this show remains a TALENT competition rather than a POPULARITY competition, you actually could WIN this entire show...

And Simon is right...

HOUR 1 QUICK PIX:

1) David C.
2) Chikezie
3) Carly
4) Jason
5) Syesha
6) Ramiele

9:05 PM: Brooke White kicks off Hour 2. Brooke will take on "Let It Be", and I'm already dreading the thought of this.

This has always been one of least favorite Beatles "classic", and Phil Spector probably shares a lot of the blame for that.

Brooke's performance is nice, and stronger than the other "slow" numbers tonite. Allowing the contestants to play instruments really does add something to the show, I think.

Randy: I love that you have all this conviction, and you take a song sung by everyone, and you make it heartfelt...
Paula: the emotional connection is what makes people fall in love you...
Simon: once again, one of the best performances of the nite...there's a difference between karaoke and making the performance believable, and that was believable...three weeks in a row...

Brooke left her shoes over by the piano, and Ryan offers to retrieve them for her. This causes Randy and Simon to throw up all kinds of red flags for Ryan, which is obviously another reference to what might be in Ryan's "closet".

9:16 PM: David Hernandez is next, and he takes on "I Saw Her Standing There". Which probably has Simon chuckling right about now.

David H. is insistent that HE, and not Chikezie, will be the one vieing for the votes of Taylor Hicks' "Soul Patrol" this season.

Yeah, too Taylor-esque for me.

Randy: for a song so simple, you tried to do too much...too overdone...
Paula: you know I love your voice, and I think you kinda overdid it a little bit...too many runs...
Simon: no, no, no...corny verging on desperate...it just wasn't very cool...not a particularly strong performance...

Ryan alludes to a "stressful week" and wonders whether David might have "overanalyzed" his song choice. Heh.

9:26 PM: Tomorrow night's filler-filled results show will be 1 hour long, at 9/8 PM. "Kat" McPhee and David Foster will perform.

Amanda Overmyer will perform "You Can't Do That", and after she tells us she's never heard the song before this week -- so who chose it??? -- I'm very worried for her.

Amanda's Janis-by-way-of-Aretha-and-Tina interpretation is, horrible? Is that the word I'm looking for here?

Spirited, but just not good enough for me.

Randy disagrees...: took a Beatles song to a Southern bar and rocked it out...I loved it...
Paula: you're smiling, you look fantastic...you're a star up there...
Simon: I didn't think it was as good as last week...I could only understand about 30% of that...it's a good thing you're in this competition, because you're like a breath of fresh air...but week-on-week, not as good...

9:36 PM: Michael Johns is up next, and he's taking on "Across The Universe", which is a beautiful, but difficult song.

Michael starts out with the backing of only an acoustic guitar, but gradually adds instrumentation, and makes it powerful.

For me, Michael is okay, but, like Carly, he always seems to be...lacking...something.

Randy feels it too...:wasn't your best performance...I kept waiting for something to happen...a little sleepy, just "a'ight"...
Paula: I disagree...you sing beautifully...your quiet confidence, and the way you connected...brilliant...
Simon: I agree with Randy...it was solid, but monotonous...Carly did something brilliant -- now is the time when you have to do something different...I keep waiting for you to do something different...

9:42 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook who, in a SHOCKING! move, will turn "Eight Days A Week" into a country song.

Wait, isn't this Lurleen Lumpkin singing "I Finally Bagged Me A Homer"???

A country-fied version of "Faithfully" was interesting last week. This is horrible. This would get no where near country radio today. Or ever, one hopes.

Randy: i actually liked the arrangement, but I think you were trying to force some runs into it...shoulda kept it like a jig...I'm torn by that...half of me likes it, half of me doesn't...
Paula: I didn't enjoy it, and I'll tell you why...
[whoa! I can't remember the last time I heard Paula say "I didn't like it"]
Paula:...you can't take what we say -- "go for the country thing -- too much to heart...you've gotta make it your own...
Simon: horrendous...sounded like Dolly Parton on helium...very brave but probably foolish thing to do...that song doesn't work in that style...

9:52 PM: We're racing against the clock now. Last up tonite is David Archuleta. David, because he's only like 12 years old, is not familiar with the songs of the 60's. He chose "We Can Work It Out" because he loves Stevie Wonder's version.

BREAKING! DAVID ARCHULETA forgets the lyrics.

David Archuleta will not win this competition.

Also, this is a pretty weak performance. even without the forgetting-the-lyrics, it would be hard for the judges to pimp this with a straight face.

Randy: you know I like you...this week was not on point for you...this is not your style...it felt forced...
Paula: not your best week...forgetting the lyrics -- never let it show on your face...
Simon: that was a mess...your weakest performance so far...

10:00-ish PM: There will be mentors! Ugh.

Wow, Hour 1 ended with such a bang, that Hour 2 was a real let down. Or maybe it's just hard for me to liveblog for 2 hours.

HOUR 2 QUICK PIX:

1) Brooke
2) Michael
3) David H.
4) Amanda
5) David A.
6) Kristy Lee

* * *

BREAKING: AMERICANS WHO STILL HAVE "MODEMS" IN THEIR "'PUTERS" SRSLY LURVS THEM SOME DAVID ARCHULETA: America's 60-year-old grandmothers, their 10-year-old granddaughters, and disillusioned Ron Paul supporters feared on Tuesday nite that poor little David Archuleta, after bravely overcoming his fight with winning Star Search, might lose his chance to be America's Next Top Idol due to forgetting the words to his song, more than once. America-Hating "judge" Simon Cowell called Little David's performance "a mess" and "your worst performance so far", but that didn't stop our nation's robo-dailers from casting their "votes" for Little David. The polls may now be closed, in both Mississippi and Texas, and on the internets, and here is what you had to say:

1) David Archuleta ("Not predicted to be voted off")
2) Brooke White
3) Chikezie
4) Carly Smithson
5) Amanda Overmyer
6) David Cook
7) Kristy Lee Cook
8) Jason Castro
9) Michael Johns
10) Ramiele Malubay
11) David Hernandez
12) Syesha Mercado

It may or may not be too bad for David A.'s "modem-loving" demographic that no one has a "modem" or even a "computer" anymore. Everyone now votes for the favorite Idols using iPhones and "i hrt crly" "SMS" thingies. Hooray!

We'll talk again on Wednesday / Thursday.

Oscars 2008: DHMBIB's Liveblog

2008-02-24T20:32:00.030-05:00

Longtime readers may remember our terrible, boring liveblog of last year's Oscars. Our dear friend and faithful reader KG is hosting her annual Oscar party, and we're there.

So many questions this year! Will John Stewart be funny? Will this thing end before 12:30???

Find out with us, after the jump...

8:33 PM: The long death march begins.

8:37 PM: John Stewart gets off a great line about Hilary Clinton that I wasn't quick enough to record.

8:39 PM: And now, a great line about "staying the course" with Iraq war films, and not letting "the audience" win.

The verdict is in -- John Stewart is funny. This may be somewhat watchable.

8:42 PM: Wow!!! They're mixing it up this year. The first award is for Costume Design!!!

The whole room faints!

Jennifer Garner looks smashing in her own costume.

And the Oscar goes to...

"Elizabeth: The Golden Age"

8:47 PM: George Clooney!

He's funny too! He makes a joke about how long the ceremony always is!!!

And, we have our first -- trust me, not our only -- "let's look back at the last 80 years!!!" montage...

It's gonna be a long nite...

8:51 PM: John Stewart: "Our next presenter is one of the funniest people I know. And I think she's presenting with Steve Carrell."

Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell appear. The writers have a funny setup about the two of them awarding the "documentary" Oscar, except they're really presenting the "animated feature" award.

And the award goes to...

"Ratatouille"...SHOCKING!!!

8:55 PM: A very nervous Katherine Heigl is the appropriate choice to present the award for Makeup, as she typically wears more than was used in all of the nominated films.

ZING!

And the award goes to...

"La Vie En Rose"

"NORBIT" WAS ROBBED!!!

8:59 PM: Our first nominated song..."Working Song"...time for me to take a breakzzzzzzzzzzzz...

9:06 PM: Finally back from what seems like the world's longest commercial break, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson appears to present the award for "Visual Effects".

And the award goes to...

"The Golden Compass" FTW!!!

Everyone here seems to think that's an upset.

9:09 PM: Bang! Bang! Bang! If they keep giving out awards at this rate, they'll never make it to 12:30!!!

Cate Blanchett presents the award for Art Direction.

And the award goes to...

"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street".

Everyone here is doing equally poorly in our pools. Maybe I have a chance this year!!!

9:15 PM: The appearance of J-Hud must mean we're getting the "Supporting Actor" category now.

And the award goes to...

Javier Bardem, "No Country For Old Men".

No one here is surprised. I think we all got that right.

9:20 PM: "Oscar's salute to binoculars and periscopes"! FTW!!!

9:24 PM: That one actress fom "Felicity" introduces another nominated song. Everyone gets up to go to the bar.

9:29 PM: I missed the presentation, but the award for "Short Film -- Live Action" goes to...

"Le Mozart Des Pickpockets (The Mozart Of Pickpockets)".

9:31 PM: Jerry Seinfeld in bee character presents the award for "Short Film -- Animated" to...

"Peter & The Wolf".

I have no idea who I picked in these categories. A "short film" to me is a music video.

Uh...SNOOP DOGG WUZ ROBBED!!!

9:34 PM: Alan Arkin's appearance must mean it's time for "Best Supporting Actress".

And the award goes to...

Tilda Swinton!

Only one of us got that right. And it wasn't me!

9:44 PM: See, this is just mean. This is as close as Jessica Alba will ever get to an Oscar, and they don't even let her present anything. She's just announcing some of the "technical" awards given earlier in the evening.

9:46 PM: Josh Brolin and James McAvoy present the award for "Best Adapted Screenplay". No one here doubts the outcome.

The Coen brothers FTW!!! "No Country For Old Men".

9:50 PM: The Academy Dude introduces a video about "how the nominees are determined and the ballots are counted". Even THIS is funny.

Well done, Oscar. Well done.

9:53 PM: ZOMG!!! HANNAH MONTANA IS ON THE OSCARS!!!

Miley Cyrus, looking beautiful but talking like a 15-year-old ("awesome"), introduces another nominated song.

Don't be surprised if you see her on this stage many more times.

10:00 PM: Two of our party guests have gotten 8 categories correct out of 10.

I have 4 correct. I feel pretty good about that.

10:01: John Stewart announces Dame Judy Dench and Halle Berry. But out come Seth Rogan and some other dude I don't know who proceed to do a "I get to be Dame Judy. No I do." routine that's somehow less funny than my description.

And the award for "Sound Editing" goes to...

"The Bourne Ultimatum".

10:04 PM: The pair stick around for "Sound Editing".

WHY ARE THEY STILL DOING THIS UNFUNNY SHTICK???

And the winner is...

"The Bourne Ultimatum".

10:10 PM: Wait, what's Forrest Whitaker doing on the stage? It's only 10PM -- it's not time for Best Actress!

What??? BEST ACTRESS???

And the award goes to...

Marion Cotillard FTW!!!

Only one guest at the party called that.

10:18 PM: Colin Farell presents another nominated song. We all agree it's not entertaining.

10:22 PM: Jack Nicholson appears to introduce a montage about all of the "Best Picture" winners in Oscar's 80-year history.

We get to see every one of the 79.

EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN' ONE!!!

10:28 PM: Renee Zellweger in a beautiful dress and a short new bob presents the award for "Film Editing".

And the award goes to...

"The Bourne Ultimatum".

I'm "grading" the ballot of AC, wonderful husband of my dear friend KG. "The Bourne Ultimatum" seems to have been his favorite film this year, or maybe the only film he saw this year. Anyway, he's cleaning up over the last hour or so.

10:31 PM: Nicole Kidman presents the Lifetime Achievement Award to Robert Boyle, a famed Art Director.

This is the point in the evening when we play "The R. Bradley Koerner Memorial Trivia Contest".

CONTROVERSY!!! I am called upon to determine the source of the line "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". It is, in fact, originally from "The Bridge On The River Kwai".

10:42 PM: Penelope Cruz presents the award for "Foreign Language Film". Shockingly, I haven't seen any of the nominees.

And the award goes to...

"The Counterfeiters".

10:45 PM: Our last nominated song. Man, these songs are terrible. Didn't Beyonce perform a song in a movie this year???

10:50 PM: John Travolta presents the award for "Original Song".

FINALLY!!! NO MORE OF THESE "NOMINATED" SONGS!!! I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

And the award goes to...

"Falling Slowly", from "Once".

10:56 PM: One of the winners in the Original Song category didn't get to speak before the orchestra played them off. John Stewart called her back on stage and let her give her acceptance speech. Very classy.

10:59 PM: Cameron Diaz looks outstanding in that dress, and she presents the award for "Cinematography".

And the award goes to...

"There Will Be Blood".

Oddly, it's the first award of the night for the 8-time nominee.

11:03 PM: The "folks who left us this year" tribute. I missed the introduction, but KG was right about this -- the room was silent when Heath Ledger was shown at the end.

11:09 PM: Someone whose name I missed comes out to present the award for "Original Score".

And the award goes to...

"Atonement".

My man AC is cleaning up! He might win this thing.

11:11 PM: Tom Hanks comes out to introduce a group of soldiers in Iraq, who present the award for "Documentary Short".

This is really cool.

And the award goes to...

"Freeheld".

AND AC HAS TIED FOR THE LEAD!!!

Tom Hanks sticks around to present the award for "Documentary Feature".

And the award goes to...

"Taxi To The Dark Side".

No one here got that right.

11:24 PM: Harrison Ford presents the award for "Original Screenplay".

And the award goes to...

Diablo Cody for "Juno". Is this an upset???

11:30 PM: Helen Mirren walks onstage after a montage of Best Actor winners plays. I wonder what's happening now???

And the award goes to...

Daniel Day Lewis for "There Will Be Blood".

I'm hearing rumblings of a possible tie in the pool.

11:36 PM: ZOMG!!! ONLY TWO AWARDS LEFT! THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY FINISH UP ON TIME THIS YEAR!!!

11:42 PM: Martin Scorsese presents the award for "Best Director" after a nice "guys who won this earlier" montage.

And the award goes to...

The Coen brothers. No surprise there...

Stay on stage, guys. "Best Picture" is coming up.

11:44 PM: Denzel Washington presents the award for "Best Picture".

What, is Oscar renting the Kodak by the minute or something???

And the award goes to...

"No Country For Old Men". Again, no surprise there...

11:47 PM: ZOMG!!! IT'S OVER!!!!

What am I gonna do for the next 30+ minutes???

2008 Grammy Awards: Wrapup

2008-02-24T17:24:00.000-05:00

[image courtesy AP; H/T Idolator -- Ed.]

So, I haven't posted a post-Grammy writeup because I'm still in shock-and-awe about a particular Academy choice. Can you guess what that choice is???

Longtime readers -- all three of them -- know that I had called an Amy Winehouse sweep on Grammy nite. Many scoffed at me -- how could "Umbrella" lose for Record Of The Year??? -- but I called it because I felt it.

The evening sure seemed to be shaping up to support my prediction.

Which is why Herbie Hancock's win for Album Of The Year was so shocking to me.

Think about it like this...

There are about 180K members of the National Academy Of Recording Arts And Sciences (NARAS). AOTY is one of the categories in which all members can vote. To win AOTY -- or any category -- a nominee must have more than 20% of the total vote, and usually has [we suspect; we obviously don't know -- Ed.] between 25-30% of the vote.

Amy Winehouse won ROTY, SOTY and "Best Female Pop Vocal Performance" for the song "Rehab", taking down "Umbrella" in the 2 "big" categories, "Best Pop Vocal Album" for Back To Black, and BNA. Amy also helped Mark Ronson win for "Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical", mostly for his work on Back To Black.

Herbie Hancock won, of course, the award for "Best Contemporary Jazz Album", although he lost in his only other non-AOTY nominated category, "Best Jazz Instrumental Solo", where Michael Brecker's "Anagram" took the award over Herbie's "Both Sides Now".

After giving Amy all those awards -- and "slighting" "Umbrella" in the process -- after going 1000 extra miles to ensure that Amy would be able to "be a part of" the ceremony even though visa problems kept her out of the US, and after putting Amy in a position to do something -- sweep "The Big Four" -- that had only been done once, and had not been done in 27 years -- more than "half" of "Grammy's life" ago -- the Academy spurned the best record of the decade in favor of awarding a "lifetime achievement award" to an artist three decades past his prime for his career-capping album of Starbucks background music???

Seriously???

Herbie's album had sold only 40,000 copies going in to the ceremony. Amy's record had sold nearly 40 times that number.

Do the math on this one. Somewhere between 25-30% of the Academy members voted for River even though, obviously, not all of them had heard it.

And that's assuming there were no shenanigans involved.

But, kudos to Herbie Hancock! You have joined such legendary music biz luminaries as Ray Charles (2005), Steely Dan (2001), Carlos Santana (2000), Bob Dylan (1998), and Tony Bennett (1995) in the category of "legends who recently have won AOTY when they shouldn't have because the Academy wanted to honor a lifetime of work".

And congratulations to Amy Winehouse, who became the sixth female artist to take home five Grammys in one night. Amy joins The Dixie Chicks (2007), Beyonce (2004), Norah Jones (2003), Alicia Keys (2002), and Lauryn Hill (1998) in this prestigious category.

* * * * *

I made some predictions, pre-Grammy. How did I do?

I'll score myself this way: 1 point for a correct prediction for "will win" or in the comments; 0.5 points for picking the winner as a "should win"; and 0.25 points for picking the winner as a "darkhorse".

[category -- winner -- score]

1) Record Of The Year -- Amy Winehouse, "Rehab" -- 1 point

2) Album Of The Year -- Herbie Hancock, River: The Joni Letters -- 0 points [don't even get us started -- Ed.]

3) Song Of The Year -- Amy Winehouse, "Rehab" -- 1 point

4) Best New Artist -- Amy Winehouse -- 1 point

5) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance -- Amy Winehouse, "Rehab" -- 1 point

6) Best Male Pop Vocal Performance -- Justin Timberlake, "What Goes Around, Comes Around" -- 0 points

7) Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals -- Maroon 5, "Makes Me Wonder -- 0.25 points ("For a possible upset, I'd look at Maroon 5, who famously got the Best New Artist nod over Kanye West 3 years ago. Grammy might like the chance to say, 'Hey, see that wasn't THAT bad a call!'")

8) Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals -- Robert Plant & Alison Krauss, "Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)" -- 1 point

9) Best Pop Vocal Album -- Amy Winehouse, Back To Black -- 1 point

10) Best Dance Recording -- Justin Timberlake, "LoveStoned/I Think She Knows" -- 0 points

11) Best Electronic/Dance Album -- The Chemical Brothers, We Are The Night -- 0 points

12) Best Rock Album -- Foo Fighters, Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace -- 1 point

13) Best Alternative Music Album -- The White Stripes, Icky Thump -- 0 points (although I did think The Stripes could take this)

14) Best R&B Song -- Alicia Keys, "No One" -- 0 points

15) Best Rap Solo Performance -- Kanye West, "Stronger" -- 1 point

16) Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group -- Common Featuring Kanye West, "Southside" -- 0 points

17) Best Rap/Sung Collaboration -- Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z, "Umbrella" -- 1 point

18) Best Rap Song -- Kanye West, "Good Life" -- 0 points

19) Best Rap Album -- Kanye West, Graduation -- 1 point

20) Best Female Country Vocal Performance -- Carrie Underwood, "Before He Cheats" -- 1 point

21) Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media -- The Beatles, Love -- 0 points

22) Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical -- Mark Ronson -- 1 point

I count 12.25 points, which is terrible. But in my defense, for timing reasons, I left some low-hanging-fruit on the table (e.g., Best Country Song -- "Before He Cheats"), and I also forgot to pick a winner in the "Best Short Form Music Video" category, and I woulda picked Johnny Cash for sure.

The 2008 Grammys: Some Predictions

2008-02-10T17:33:00.000-05:00

Some time ago, faithful reader KG took me to task for not having written anything about the Grammys, set to air tonite at 8PM Eastern. I got busy with some other stuff over the winter, but I did want to throw out a few predictions for the record, and I'm getting in just under the line...

Meta prediction: Amy Winehouse will sweep. History will be made.

Amy Winehouse is nominated for six Grammys tonite, including for all four of "The Big Four". No female artist has ever won more than 5 Grammys on a single nite, although that's happened 4 times in the last 6 years. And only once has someone swept "The Big Four" categories, and it's been 27 years since that happened.

I'm predicting that Grammy wants to make a statement tonite in support of the artistry of Amy Winehouse, like they made a statement last year in support of the free speech rights of the Dixie Chicks. I'm predicting Amy will sweep tonite. That means there will be "upsets", and some pretty big ones, too.

[nominee info courtesy grammy.com -- Ed.]

1) Record Of The Year
(Award to the Artist and to the Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s) and/or Mixer(s), if other than the artist.)

* Irreplaceable
Beyoncé
Beyoncé Knowles, S. Smith & Stargate, producers; Jim Caruana, Jason Goldstein & Geoff Rice, engineers/mixers
Track from: B'Day
[Sony Urban Music/Columbia/Music World Productions]

* The Pretender
Foo Fighters
Gil Norton, producer; Adrian Bushby & Rich Costey, engineers/mixers
[Roswell/RCA Records]

* Umbrella
Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z
Kuk Harrell, Terius "The Dream" Nash & C. "Tricky" Stewart, producers; Kuk Harrell & Manny Marroquin, engineers/mixers
Track from: Good Girl Gone Bad
[Def Jam]

* What Goes Around…Comes Around
Justin Timberlake
Nate (Danja) Hills, Timbaland & Justin Timberlake, producers; Jimmy Douglass & Timbaland, engineers/mixers
[Jive/Zomba]

* Rehab
Amy Winehouse
Mark Ronson, producer; Tom Elmhirst, Vaughan Merrick, Dom Morley, Mark Ronson & Gabriel Roth, engineers/mixers
Track from: Back To Black
[Universal Republic Records]

Will win: "Rehab", Amy Winehouse
Should win: "Umbrella", Rihanna feat. Jay-Z

Seriously, "Umbrella" was the biggest record of the year. We all know that. But "Crazy" was the biggest record of 2006, and it lost to "Not Ready To Make Nice". I'm just sayin'...

2) Album Of The Year
(Award to the Artist(s) and to the Album Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s)/Mixer(s) & Mastering Engineer(s), if other than the artist.)

* Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Foo Fighters
Gil Norton, producer; Adrian Bushby & Rich Costey, engineers/mixers; Brian Gardner, mastering engineer
[Roswell/RCA Records]

* These Days
Vince Gill
John Anderson, Guy Clark, Rodney Crowell, Diana Krall & The Del McCoury Band, featured artists; Vince Gill, John Hobbs & Justin Niebank, producers; Neal Cappellino & Justin Niebank, engineers/mixers; Adam Ayan, mastering engineer
[MCA Nashville]

* River: The Joni Letters
Herbie Hancock
Leonard Cohen, Norah Jones, Joni Mitchell, Corinne Bailey Rae, Luciana Souza & Tina Turner, featured artists; Herbie Hancock & Larry Klein, producers; Helik Hadar, engineer/mixer; Bernie Grundman, mastering engineer
[Verve]

* Graduation
Kanye West
Dwele, Lil Wayne, Mos Def & T-Pain, featured artists; Warryn "Baby Dubb" Campbell, Mike Dean, Eric Hudson, Brian "Allday" Miller, Nottz, Patrick "Plain Pat" Reynolds, Gee Roberson, Toomp & Kanye West, producers; Craig Bauer, Bruce Buechner, Andrew Dawson, Mike Dean, Anthony Kilhoffer, Greg Koller, Manny Marroquin, Nottz Raw, Tony Rey, Seiji Sekine, Paul Sheehy & D. Sloan, engineers/mixers; Vlado Meller, mastering engineer
[Roc-A-Fella Records]

* Back To Black
Amy Winehouse
Mark Ronson & Salaam Remi, producers; Tom Elmhirst, Vaughan Merrick, Dom Morley, Gary Noble, Derek Pacuk, Matt Paul, Mark Ronson, Gabriel Roth & Franklin Socorro, engineers/mixers; Stuart Hawkes, mastering engineer
[Universal Republic Records]

Will win: Back To Black, Amy Winehouse

I think Amy's a lock here, but if you're looking for a possible "upset", I'd go with Kanye West's Graduation.

3) Song Of The Year
(A Songwriter(s) Award. A song is eligible if it was first released or if it first achieved prominence during the Eligibility Year. (Artist names appear in parentheses.) Singles or Tracks only.)

* Before He Cheats
Josh Kear & Chris Tompkins, songwriters (Carrie Underwood)
Track from: Some Hearts
[19 Recordings/Arista Nashville; Publishers: Big Loud Shirt Industries, Mighty Underdog Music/Sony/ATV Cross Keys]

* Hey There Delilah
Tom Higgenson, songwriter (Plain White T's)
Track from: Every Second Counts
[Hollywood Records/Fearless Records; Publisher: So Happy Publishing]

* Like A Star
Corinne Bailey Rae, songwriter (Corinne Bailey Rae)
Track from: Corinne Bailey Rae
[Capitol Records; Publisher: Global Talent Publishing]

* Rehab
Amy Winehouse, songwriter (Amy Winehouse)
Track from: Back To Black
[Universal Republic Records; Publisher: EMI Music Publishing]

* Umbrella
Shawn Carter, Kuk Harrell, Terius "Dream" Nash & Christopher Stewart,
songwriters (Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z)
Track from: Good Girl Gone Bad
[Def Jam; Publisher: Peer Music]

Will win: "Rehab", Amy Winehouse
Should win: "Umbrella", Shawn Carter, Kuk Harrell, Terius "Dream" Nash & Christopher Stewart

Don't make me repeat myself...

4) Best New Artist
(For a new artist who releases, during the Eligibility Year, the first recording which establishes the public identity of that artist.)

* Feist

* Ledisi

* Paramore

* Taylor Swift

* Amy Winehouse

Will win: Amy Winehouse

I think Amy's a lock here, but if you're looking for a possible "upset", I'd go with Feist.

5) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)

* Candyman
Christina Aguilera
[RCA Records]

* 1234
Feist
Track from: The Reminder
[Cherry Tree / Interscope Records]

* Big Girls Don't Cry
Fergie
Track from: The Dutchess
[A&M Records]

* Say It Right
Nelly Furtado
Track from: Loose
[Geffen]

* Rehab
Amy Winehouse
Track from: Back To Black
[Universal Republic Records]

Will win: Amy Winehouse

I think Amy's a lock here, but if you're looking for a possible "upset", I'd go with Feist or Xtina as a dark horse.

6) Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)

* Everything
Michael Bublé
Track from: Call Me Irresponsible
[143 Records/Reprise]

* Belief
John Mayer
Track from: The Village Sessions
[Columbia/Aware]

* Dance Tonight
Paul McCartney
Track from: Memory Almost Full
[MPL/Hear Music]

* Amazing
Seal
[Warner Bros.]

* What Goes Around...Comes Around
Justin Timberlake
[Jive]

Will win: I have no clue, honestly. For my prediction, I think I'll guess Michael Buble.

7) Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
(For established duos or groups, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)

* (You Want To) Make A Memory
Bon Jovi
Track from: Lost Highway
[Island/Mercury]

* Home
Daughtry
[RCA Records/19 Recordings]

* Makes Me Wonder
Maroon 5
Track from: It Won't Be Soon Before Long
[Octone/A&M Records]

* Hey There Delilah
Plain White T's
Track from: Every Second Counts
[Hollywood Records]

* Window In The Skies
U2
Track from: U218 - Singles
[Interscope Records]

Will win: I think Daughtry is the favorite here in a tough category. For a possible upset, I'd look at Maroon 5, who famously got the Best New Artist nod over Kanye West 3 years ago. Grammy might like the chance to say, "Hey, see that wasn't THAT bad a call!"

8) Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals
(For a collaborative performance, with vocals, by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)

* Steppin' Out
Tony Bennett & Christina Aguilera
Track from: Duets: An American Classic
[Columbia]

* Beautiful Liar
Beyoncé & Shakira
Track from: B'Day (Deluxe Edition)
[Columbia/Sony Urban]

* Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
[Rounder Records]

* The Sweet Escape
Gwen Stefani & Akon
Track from: The Sweet Escape
[Interscope Records]

* Give It To Me
Timbaland Featuring Nelly Furtado & Justin Timberlake
Track from: Timbaland Presents: Shock Value
[Mosley/Blackground/Interscope Records]

Will win: "Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)", Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

This is another extremely competitive category. Picking a winner here is hard. I'm going with Robert Plant & Alison Krauss, for a couple of reasons. This was a collaboration that didn't sound so good in theory but produced one of the year's best and most acclaimed albums. Also, Alison Krauss has more Grammys than any female artist in history, so they obviously like her. A good pick also would be Tony Bennett & Xtina (two more Grammy favorites).

9) Best Pop Vocal Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)

* Lost Highway
Bon Jovi
[Island/Mercury]

* The Reminder
Feist
[Cherry Tree/Interscope Records]

* It Won't Be Soon Before Long
Maroon 5
[Octone/A&M Records]

* Memory Almost Full
Paul McCartney
[MPL/Hear Music]

* Back To Black
Amy Winehouse
[Universal Republic Records]

Will win: Back To Black, Amy Winehouse

I think Amy's a lock here. A good pick for an upset is Feist or Paul McCartney

10) Best Dance Recording
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances. Vocal or Instrumental. Singles or tracks only.)

* Do It Again
The Chemical Brothers
Tom Rowlands & Ed Simons, producers
Track from: We Are The Night
[Astralwerks]

* D.A.N.C.E.
Justice
Gaspard Auge & Xavier de Rosnay, producers; Gaspard Auge & Xavier de Rosnay, mixers
Track from: †
[Downtown/Vice/Ed Banger]

* Love Today
Mika
Jodi Marr, John Merchant, Mika & Greg Wells, producers; Greg Wells, mixer
Track from: Life In Cartoon Motion
[Casablanca/Universal Republic Records]

* Don't Stop The Music
Rihanna
Stargate, producer; Phil Tan, mixer
Track from: Good Girl Gone Bad
[Def Jam]

* LoveStoned/I Think She Knows
Justin Timberlake
Nate (Danja) Hills, Timbaland & Justin Timberlake, producers; Jimmy Douglass & Timbaland, mixers
Track from: FutureSex/LoveSounds
[Jive/Zomba]

Will win: "D.A.N.C.E.", Justice

"D.A.N.C.E." is the one song from this genre that people who don't listen to "dance" music knew this year. But I'll give Rihanna close to even odds for an upset. "Don't Stop The Music" was big in clubs over the summer but fizzled then at radio. It's being pushed now again, and it has recently exploded on radio. A lot of that boost came after the ballots were filled out, but she may have converted enough voters at the end for the upset.

11) Best Electronic/Dance Album
(For vocal or instrumental albums. Albums only.)

* We Are The Night
The Chemical Brothers
[Astralwerks]

* †
Justice
[Downtown/Vice/Ed Banger]

* Sound Of Silver
LCD Soundsystem
[Capitol Records/DFA]

* We Are Pilots
Shiny Toy Guns
[Universal Motown]

* Elements Of Life
Tiësto
[Ultra Records]

Will win: Sound Of Silver, LCD Soundsystem

Sound Of Silver was not just a good record, it was on every pop critic's "Best Of '07" list, taking more than a few 3d-or-highers.

12) Best Rock Album
(Vocal or Instrumental. Includes Hard Rock and Metal.)

* Daughtry
Daughtry
[RCA Records]

* Revival
John Fogerty
[Fantasy]

* Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Foo Fighters
[Roswell/RCA Records]

* Magic
Bruce Springsteen
[Columbia]

* Sky Blue Sky
Wilco
[Nonesuch Records]

Will win: Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace, Foo Fighters

The Foos pretty much have to win this one. This was the only "Rock" album that made the cut for AOTY.

13) Best Alternative Music Album
(Vocal or Instrumental.)

* Alright, Still...
Lily Allen
[Capitol Records]

* Neon Bible
Arcade Fire
[Merge Records]

* Volta
Bjork
[Elektra/Atlantic]

* Wincing The Night Away
The Shins
[Sub Pop]

* Icky Thump
The White Stripes
[Third Man/Warner Bros.]

Will win: Neon Bible, Arcade Fire
Should win: Alright, Still, Lily Allen

This is the category that always infuriates me, because this is where Grammy dumps all the albums that they can't figure out where else to put them. Lily Allen, Arcade Fire and the White Stripes should not be in the same category.

But, there they are. So my pick is based on the fact that Neon Bible was the most critically-acclaimed album of the spring, and although its stock fell by the end of the year -- it really is overrated folks, it's okay to say that -- I think it will hold on FTW. I don't think I would call Lily Allen a "good" pick if you're looking for an upset, because I think she'll still be behind the White Stripes. But I want Lily Allen to win, so that's why I picked her.

14) Best R&B Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parentheses.) Singles or Tracks only.)

* Beautiful Flower
India.Arie & Joyce Simpson, songwriters (India.Arie)
[Universal Republic Records; Publishers: Gold & Iron Music Publishing, WB Music Corp.]

* Hate That I Love You
Mikkel S. Eriksen, Tor Erik Hermansen & Shaffer Smith, songwriters (Rihanna Featuring Ne-Yo)
Track from: Good Girl Gone Bad
[Def Jam Recordings; Publishers: EMI April Music, Sony/ATV Tunes]

* No One
Dirty Harry, Kerry Brothers & Alicia Keys, songwriters (Alicia Keys)
[J Records/MBK Entertainment; Publishers: Lellow Productions/EMI April Music, Book Of Daniel Music/EMI Music Publishing, D. Harry Productions]

* Teachme
Ivan Barias, Adam W. Blackstone, Randall C. Bowland, Carvin Haggins, Johnnie Smith II & Corey Latif Williams, songwriters (Musiq Soulchild)
Track from: Luvanmusiq
[Atlantic; Publishers: Nivrac Tyke/Universal Publishing, Latif Music/Universal Publishing, Tetra Grammaton/Universal Music Publishing, Melodic Piano Productions, HC 1030 Publishing]

* When I See U
Louis Biancaniello, Waynne Nugent, Erika Nuri, Kevin Risto, Janet Sewel & Sam Watters, songwriters (Fantasia)
Track from: Fantasia
[J Records/19 Records/S Records; Publishers: Breakthrough Creations/EMI April Music, S.M.Y. Publishing/Sony/ATV Tunes, Break North Music/Sony/ATV Music Publishing, Wayne Writers/Sony/ATV Tunes, J. Sewell Publishing, Golden The Super Kid Music]

Will win: I have no idea
Should win: "Hate That I Love You"

At first glance, this looks like a way for Grammy to compensate for snubbing "Umbrella". But Rihanna didn't get a songwriting credit on either song, so she's not "up" for a Grammy here or for "Umbrella"-the-song. So, I have no idea what that means.

15) Best Rap Solo Performance
(For a solo Rap performance. Singles or Tracks only.)

* The People
Common
Track from: Finding Forever
[Geffen]

* I Get Money
50 Cent
Track from: Curtis
[Shady/Aftermath/Interscope Records]

* Show Me What You Got
Jay-Z
Track from: Kingdom Come
[Roc-A-Fella Records]

* Big Things Poppin' (Do It)
T.I.
[Grand Hustle/Atlantic]

* Stronger
Kanye West
Track from: Graduation
[Roc-A-Fella Records]

Will win: "Stronger", Kanye West

I think Kanye's a lock here.

16) Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group
(For duo, group or collaborative performances of Rap only. Singles or Tracks only.)

* Southside
Common Featuring Kanye West
Track from: Finding Forever
[Geffen]

* Make It Rain
Fat Joe Featuring Lil Wayne
Track from: Me, Myself & I
[Terror Squad Entertainment]

* Party Like A Rockstar
Shop Boyz
Track from: Rockstar Mentality
[OnDeck/Universal Republic Records]

* Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You)
UGK Featuring OutKast
[Jive]

* Better Than I've Ever Been
Kanye West, Nas & KRS-One
[Nike]

Will win: "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You)", UGK feat. Outkast

Kanye squaring off against himself is not good for his chances. Also, the death of UGK's Pimp C in December was somewhat shocking to the biz. I'm sure they got lots of sympathy votes for that.

17) Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
(For a Rap/Sung collaborative performance by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)

* I Wanna Love You
Akon Featuring Snoop Dogg
Track from: Konvicted
[SRC/Universal Motown]

* Kiss, Kiss
Chris Brown & T-Pain
[Jive]

* Let It Go
Keyshia Cole Featuring Missy Elliott & Lil' Kim
Track from: Just Like You
[Confidential Records/Geffen]

* Umbrella
Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z
Track from: Good Girl Gone Bad
[Def Jam Recordings]

* Good Life
Kanye West Featuring T-Pain
Track from: Graduation
[Roc-A-Fella]

Will win: SERIOUSLY???

Okay, so you're Grammy. And you want to give 6 awards to Amy Winehouse. But the hardest part of that is you have to snub "Umbrella" for ROTY and SOTY. What to do?

Oh, look -- here's a category where we can get awards to Rihanna & Jay-Z without foiling our master plan!!!

Rihanna & Jay-Z FTW!

18) Best Rap Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parentheses.) Singles or Tracks only.)

* Ayo Technology
Nate (Danja) Hills, Curtis Jackson, Timothy Mosley & Justin Timberlake,
songwriters (50 Cent Featuring Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)
Track from: Curtis
[Shady/Aftermath/Interscope Records; Publishers: 50 Cent Music Publishing/Virginia Beach Music/Danjahandz Music/WB Music Corp./Tenman Tunes]

* Big Things Poppin' (Do It)
Clifford Harris & Byron Thomas, songwriters (T.I.)
[Grand Hustle/Atlantic; Publishers: Crown Club Publishing/Warner Chappell Music, Fresh Is The Word]

* Can't Tell Me Nothing
Aldrin Davis & Kanye West, songwriters (Kanye West)
Track from: Graduation
[Roc-A-Fella; Publishers: Very Good Beats/Hip Hop Since 1978]

* Crank That (Soulja Boy)
Soulja Boy Tell'Em, songwriter (Soulja Boy Tell'Em)
[Collipark/Interscope Records; Publisher: Element 9 Recordings]

* Good Life
Aldrin Davis, Mike Dean, Faheem Najm & Kanye West, songwriters (J. Ingram & Q. Jones, songwriters)(Kanye West Featuring T-Pain)
Track from: Graduation
[Roc-A-Fella; Publishers: Yellow Brick Road Music/Eiseman Music/EMI Blackwood Music/Please Gimme My Publishing/Careers BMG Music Publishing, Warner-Tamerlane Publishing]

Will win: I have no idea.
Should win: "Can't Tell Me Nothing", Aldrin Davis & Kanye West

Here's the second time Kanye is nominated against himself, meaning that he can only take home 6 awards tonite, unless there's some "tie" shenanigans going on. I like "Can't Tell Me Nothing" better than the also-good "Good Life", so I cast my vote there. As for the other nominees, "Ayo Technology" is an awful song, even though it's got some big names attached to it. And I can't see Grammy giving the nod to a teenage one-hit-MySpace-wonder, so "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" should be outta luck. Maybe T.I. would have a chance at an upset over Kanye if it weren't for those pesky weapons charges that threaten to put him away for a long time.

19) Best Rap Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)

* Finding Forever
Common
[Geffen]

* Kingdom Come
Jay-Z
[Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam Recordings]

* Hip Hop Is Dead
Nas
[Def Jam/Columbia/The Jones Experience]

* T.I. vs T.I.P.
T.I.
[Grand Hustle/Atlantic]

* Graduation
Kanye West
[Roc-A-Fella Records]

Will win: Graduation, Kanye West

Here's another chance for Grammy to hand out a "consolation" prize for its "award-up Amy and screw everyone else" plan.

And also, how often do you see five rap albums on a list of nominations and the weakest comes from Jay-Z???

20) Best Female Country Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)

* Simple Love
Alison Krauss
Track from: A Hundred Miles Or More: A Collection
[Rounder]

* Famous In A Small Town
Miranda Lambert
Track from: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
[Columbia Nashville]

* Nothin' Better To Do
LeAnn Rimes
[Curb Records]

* Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood
Track from: Some Hearts
[19 Recordings/Arista Nashville]

* Heaven, Heartache And The Power Of Love
Trisha Yearwood
[Big Machine Records]

Will win: "Before He Cheats", Carrie Underwood
Should win: "Famous In A Small Town", Miranda Lambert

Back in December, "Before He Cheats" moved into 3d place on Billboard's most-weeks-on-the-Hot-100-all-time list. This is incredibly difficult to accomplish, but it also means that it was on the radio for over a year. It's the one song that every voter in this category will have heard about 10,000 times. And it's certainly not bad.

I gave Miranda Lambert my "should win" vote because I like her and I want her to win. Plus, this is actually her "biggest" radio hit to date, which I was surprised to learn today.

21) Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media
(Award to the Artist(s) and/or Producer(s) of a majority of the tracks on the album, or to the individual(s) actively responsible for the concept and musical direction and for the selection of artists, songs and producers, as applicable.)

* Across The Universe
(Various Artists)
T Bone Burnett, Elliot Goldenthal & Teese Gohl, producers
[Interscope Records]

* Dreamgirls
(Beyoncé Knowles, Jennifer Hudson & Anika Noni Rose)
Harvey Mason, Jr., Randy Spendlove, Matt Sullivan & Damon Thomas, producers
[Music World Music/Sony Urban Music/Columbia/Sony Music Soundtrax]

* Hairspray
(Various Artists)
Marc Shaiman, producer
[New Line Records]

* Love
(The Beatles)
George Martin & Giles Martin, producers
[Apple Records/Capitol Records]

* Once
Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Glen Hansard, producer
[Canvasback/Columbia/Sony Music Soundtrax]

Will win: I have no idea

Good luck handicapping this one! I'll throw my vote out there for Across The Universe.

22) Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical
(A Producer's Award. (Artists names appear in parentheses.))

* Howard Benson
• Daughtry (Daughtry) (A)
• Devils & Angels (Mêlée) (A)
• Direction (The Starting Line) (A)
• Five Score And Seven Years Ago (Relient K) (A)
• Stay Inside (Sound The Alarm) (A)

* Joe Chiccarelli
• Mercy (Burden Brothers) (A)
• The Narcotic Story (Oxbow) (A)
• Nightmoves (Kurt Elling) (A)
• Wincing The Night Away (The Shins) (A)

* Mike Elizondo
• It Won't Be Soon Before Long (Maroon 5) (A)
• Under The Blacklight (Rilo Kiley) (A)

* Mark Ronson
• Back To Black (Amy Winehouse) (T)
• Littlest Things (Lily Allen) (T)
• Rehab (Amy Winehouse) (T)
• Version (Mark Ronson) (A)
• You Know I'm No Good (Amy Winehouse) (T)

* Timbaland
• Come Around (M.I.A. Featuring Timbaland) (T)
• Give It To Me (Timbaland Featuring Nelly Furtado & Justin Timberlake) (T)
• Make Me Better (Fabolous Featuring Ne-Yo) (S)
• Timbaland Presents: Shock Value (Timbaland) (A)
• The Way I Are (Timbaland Featuring Keri Hilson & D.O.E.) (S)

Will win: Mark Ronson

This category -- way down at #93 on Grammy's official list -- is actually a Leading Indicator tonite for my "Grammy wants to award-up Amy" theory. If Mark Ronson wins this award, look for a big nite for Amy Winehouse. If Timbaland or possibly Howard Benson win this award, look for big nites for Kanye West and Rihanna.

* * * * *

I probably won't be "liveblogging" this year's telecast -- or maybe I'll change my mind, who knows??? Anyway, Idolator's Maura Johnston will be liveblogging, so if you're looking for that kind of thing, I suggest you head over there -- you might even see me there, too!!!

The Year In Music, 2007: The Best CD's Of The Year

2008-02-10T17:14:00.000-05:00

As expected, DHMBIB is a little bit late with our "Best CD's of '07" post. But here it is. And for those of you have been regular readers of our posts here -- or elsewhere across the tubes -- this list should come as no surprise.

Read on for the full list...

The ranking is in the ever-popular "1-to-10" style, with a caveat. Read on.

1) Amy Winehouse, Back To Black

DHMBIB's Album Of The Year [well, obvs...it is "number 1", after all -- Ed.]

Grammy Nominations: 6+1

* Album Of The Year
* Record Of The Year -- "Rehab"
* Song Of The Year -- "Rehab"
* Best New Artist
* Best Female Pop Vocal Performance -- "Rehab"
* Best Pop Vocal Album

* Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical -- Mark Ronson ("Back To Black", "Rehab", "You Know I'm No Good" [Amy Winehouse]; "Littlest Things" [Lily Allen]; Version [Mark Ronson])

2007 Nationwide Mercury Prize Short List

Put quite simply, Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson have created a masterpiece of popular music. Ronson replaced the retro-jazz-diva-meets-hip-hop sound of Amy's first album, the Salaam Remi-produced Frank, with a retro-jazz-diva-meets-Motown-and-Brill-building-and-classic-soul motif. [Remi also contributed knob-twiddling assistance on the new album]. For the band, Ronson brought in The Dap-Kings, the band that together with Sharon Jones has single-handedly revived the classic soul sound of the 60's and 70's. Married to the sound are Amy's heart-wrenching, poetic lyrics about love, loss, betrayal, anger, depression, and addictions of all kinds. Singing those vulnerable-yet-defiant lyrics is a one-in-a-million voice. It was a big gamble for all involved, working outside their normal comfort zones, but Amy and Ronson have pulled it off here and produced an album that will be in the upper ranges of critics' "Best Of ..." lists for years to come.

Were it not for Amy's tabloid-captured troubles, she would probably be considered a lock to sweep her 6 Grammy nominations. Even considering the stiff competition Amy faces from Kanye West and Rihanna, among others, Back To Black is that good. However, in the real world, Amy's behavior has turned off many a fan and critic, and her upset loss of the prestigious Nationwide Mercury Prize in September 2007 was widely seen as both a plea and a warning. It remains to be seen how Grammy voters will react to developments in Amy's life over the last year.

If Amy does well with her 6 nominations, she has history within her sights. No female artist has ever won more than 5 Grammys on the same nite, although that's happened 5 times now, including 4 times in the last 6 years. And only once has an artist swept "the Big Four". The main reason for the latter is that it is rare that a "new artist" [BNA] comes along with the chops to write [SOTY] one of the best records [ROTY] on one of the best albums of the year [AOTY]. Amy Winehouse is that artist. In spite of Amy's tabloid adventures, you would not be making a bad bet to put your money on Amy to sweep her categories.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Amy Winehouse
Back To Black
Mark Ronson

* * * * *

2) Kanye West, Graduation

DHMBIB's Hip-Hop/Rap Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 6

* Album Of The Year
* Best Rap Solo Performance -- "Stronger"
* Best Rap/Sung Collaboration -- "Good Life" (feat. T-Pain)
* Best Rap Song -- "Can't Tell Me Nothing"
* Best Rap Song -- "Good Life" (feat. T-Pain)
* Best Rap Album

[Kanye also is nominated for 2 Grammys for work he did outside of Graduation.]

It's hard to overstate the accomplishments of Kanye West in the last seven years. After spending about three years as one of hip-hop's most original and unorthodox producers -- Kanye loved to build songs around samples from artists who were obscure or outside the realm of most hip-hop fans and performers -- Kanye finally convinced his friend -- and production client -- Jay-Z to give Kanye a shot with a record deal. Kanye did not blow his shot. In barely 3 1/2 years, Kanye West as a performer has produced 3 of the 50-or-so best hip-hop albums of all time.

Graduation picks up exactly where 2004's The College Dropout and 2006's Late Registration left off, and is surely at least the equal of either of those excellent records. Sonically, Kanye is still making us all say "whaaaaa???" at some of his samples -- Daft Punk in "Stronger"; Steely Dan in "Champion" -- but it is this willingness to consciously appeal to non-traditional hip-hop fans with samples that they recognize and enjoy that has made Kanye perhaps the most popular hip-hopper across multiple demographic groups.

Graduation would appear to be the strongest competitor to Back To Black in the AOTY race, and although we're pulling for Amy around here, an AOTY win for Graduation would not be undeserved.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Kanye West
Graduation

* * * * *

3) Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad

DHMBIB's Pop/R&B/Dance Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 6

* Record Of The Year -- "Umbrella" (feat. Jay-Z)
* Song Of The Year -- "Umbrella" (feat. Jay-Z)
* Best Dance Recording -- "Don't Stop The Music"
* Best R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals -- "Hate That I Love You" (feat. Ne-Yo)
* Best R&B Song -- "Hate That I Love You" (feat. Ne-Yo)
* Best Rap/Sung Collaboration -- "Unmbrella" (feat. Jay-Z)

[Rihanna is personally eligible to win 4 Grammys -- she is not credited as a songwriter on the 2 nominated songs and thus is not eligible to win those awards.]

Since first appearing on the scene in 2005, Rihanna has had trouble shaking a perception as a nasally Beyonce knockoff whose albums were little more than filler to surround her handful of minor pop hits. Though popular among international club-goers for her Carribean-influenced sound, the Barbados native was not catching on with fickle pop fans in the US, and she looked to be about to blow her chance.

Even though she had put out 2 albums a mere eight months apart in 2005 and 2006, the still only 18-year-old Rihanna raced back to the studio in early 2007 to record her third album. Label head Jay-Z, for whom Rihanna's failure to catch fire was very much a reflection on his decision-making as well, decided that a new formula and new personnel were needed. Added to Rihanna's long-time production team were superproducer Timbaland, Tim's male muse Justin Timberlake, Ne-Yo, the Swedish superproducer team Stargate, and the team of Christopher "Tricky" Stewart and Terius "The-Dream" Nash.

Whatever the cost of assembling this near "dream team" of high-wattage talent, the result was certainly a smashing success. Stewart and Nash brought along the song "Umbrella", which Nash had actually written for Britney Spears (she never responded to his offer) and was also offered to Mary J. Blige (who didn't say "yes" fast enough). "Umbrella", released as a single in March, quickly became a ubiquitous world-wide phenomenon, hitting #1 in 27 different countries and propelling Rihanna to international pop superstardom.

Even though many critics feared the "too many cooks" aspect of the ensuing album Good Girl Gone Bad would render it a sonic mess, it's actually responsible for the album being so accessible and listenable. In short, there's something here for everyone -- "Shut Up And Drive" rocks more than any song on any other "Pop/R&B/Dance" record this year, and also is, 25 years later, "Little Red Corvette" from the female's perspective; longtime fans of Rihanna's euro-club bangers will love "Don't Stop The Music" and "Push Up On Me"; fans of Rihanna's balladry will love her collaboration with Ne-Yo, "Hate That I Love You"; fans of Timbaland's style will eat up "Sell Me Candy"; fans of Rihanna's R&B contemporaries can get behind "Say It", and so on. Probably because there is so much that is so different, Good Girl Gone Bad also stands out as Rihanna's first album that truly needs to be heard all the way through, again and again.

2007 admittedly was very weak in the "Pop/R&B/Dance" genre, with most of the genres biggest names (Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani, Beyonce, Fergie, etc.) having released new material in 2006. But Good Girl Gone Bad does not stand out simply for a lack of competition. Rihanna and her team have produced a record that most pop starlets only dream about. Rihanna's new-found international superstardom is well deserved. We hope she can maintain it for a while.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Rihanna
Good Girl Gone Bad

* * * * *

[Notice anything about the top 3? That they all generated 6 Grammy nominations? Notice anything about the next 7? That not one generated more than 1 Grammy nomination? See any significance in that? No, we don't either -- Ed.]

[DHMBIB's numbers 4 through 10 albums of the year all could share the number 4 honor. They are all different records, with different intended audiences, and different ways in which they challenge the listener. Consider these rankings fluid -- on any other list-making day, we might have ordered them differently -- Ed.]

4) Fall Out Boy, Infinity On High

DHMBIB's Modern Rock Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 0

Rihanna is not the only artist on this list to breakthrough to superstardom with help from Jay-Z in 2007. Jay-Z had long been an ardent proponent of Fall Out Boy -- he did have financial incentives of course -- but his appearance on Infinity On High's leadoff track, the outstanding "Thriller", gave FOB some valuable street-cred to go along with adoration they had cultivated among teens and "emo kids".

Of all the albums on this list, Infinity On High made by far the fewest "Best Of '07" lists I saw. Much of that is undoubtedly due to the rock critics' scorn of "emo", or to their image of Fall Out Boy as a band with far too much appeal to teenage girls. Much of it is also undoubtedly due to FOB's polarizing lead figure, bassist Pete Wentz, and his Hollywood associates. But it's too bad the critics didn't give this record its due, because Infinity On High was, in our opinion of course, the best Modern Rock album of the year.

Wentz's songwriting, and Patrick Stump's vocals, show the positive effects of their rise to stardom in 2005 and 2006. The songs are more mature and less quirky, and Stump's singing has definitely gotten stronger. It may sound hyperbolic to some, but Fall Out Boy right now remind us a lot of the artistic and critical growth of The Who around the beginning of the 1970's. We hope they continue to grow stronger, and we hope the critics start sacking up and giving FOB their critical due.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Fall Out Boy
Infinity On High

* * * * *

5) Miranda Lambert, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

DHMBIB's Country Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 1

* Best Female Country Vocal Performance -- "Famous In A Small Town"

Miranda Lambert first achieved national attention when she finished 3d in the inaugural season of Nashville Star, an American Idol-like competition focusing entirely on country music performers. Her debut album, Kerosene, was released in 2004 to critical acclaim but initially modest sales. Then, her barn-burner of a performance of the title track at the 2005 CMA Awards added, well, kerosene to the sales of the record, and eventually it went platinum.

Miranda spent much of 2005 and 2006 touring, and in 2007 released her 2d album, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. But even with a command performance of "Gunpowder And Lead" at the 2007 CMA Awards, Crazy appears to have stalled out in the US with barely 300,000 scans, and that's too bad, because this is one hell of a record.

As every review written about Crazy has noted, this is not just an album of 2 or 3 surefire hit songs surrounded by sound-alike filler. This is an album that top to bottom sounds like an interwoven fabric of material -- probably as close as you can come to a fully-realized "concept album" in modern country music. Miranda is not just a talented singer with a gift for expressing complex emotions with her voice, she is also one of Nashville's best songrwiters -- from the anger of the abused lover in "Gunpowder And Lead" to the way she stands genre cliches on their head in "Famous In A Small Town", Miranda shows here that she is a once-in-a-generation talent, akin to Loretta Lynn or Kris Kristofferson.

Which of course means her label will probably drop her next year. Sigh.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Miranda Lambert
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

* * * * *

6) Lily Allen, Alright, Still

DHMBIB's Brit-Pop Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 1+1

* Best Alternative Music Album

* Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical -- Mark Ronson ("Back To Black", "Rehab", "You Know I'm No Good" [Amy Winehouse]; "Littlest Things" [Lily Allen]; Version [Mark Ronson])

The earliest US-released album on this list, Alright, Still has gotten lost on a lot of critics' year-end lists, likely to due the large number of critically-acclaimed albums released later in the year. Also, some critics' attempts to lump her in with Amy Winehouse in their "British ladies invade the U.S." motifs, combined with the tabloid-headline-grabbing year Amy had, have left Lily Allen little room to grab critical mindshare.

It's too bad that so many people have already forgotten this year-old CD, which was far and away the most fun listen of the year. Lily has an incredible knack for writing subversively humorous -- or is it humorously subversive? -- songs that are sweet and funny, catchy and familiar, and instantly likeable. Throw in another perfect production performance from superstar producer Mark Ronson, and this album is a perfect pop album.

Lily has an engaging personality and is adorable in interviews and on her own blog. She also avoided some of the high-profile tabloid-headline-grabbing activity to which so many of her contemporaries were attracted in 2007. She has already expressed that she may retire after delivering her next record, in order to start a family and spend time with them. We hope she changes her mind, but even if she doesn't, we'll always have Alright, Still, the "fun" album of the year.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Lily Allen
Alright, Still

* * * * *

7) Robert Plant & Alison Krauss, Raising Sand

DHMBIB's Americana Album Of The Year
DHMBIB's Collaboration Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 1

* Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals -- "Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)"

DHMBIB is a HUUUUUGE fan of Alison Krauss. But when we first heard about this project, we were skeptical. We are not fans of most of Krauss' collaborative work outside her work with her modern Blue Grass / Americana band, Union Station. Perhaps it's been her choice of projects, or just the difficulty of meeting high expectations, but these collaborations have largely disappointed.

So it was with trepidation that we approached this project. We have great respect for Robert Plant, of course, but his best days seemingly were long ago. But upon hearing Raising Sand, we realized that not only were our fears unfounded, but that we were amazed at the depth of soul and emotion on this project. The two vocal legends teamed with legendary producer-and-artist T-Bone Burnett to create a truly unique listening experience. Burnett was able to persuade Plant and Krauss to step way outside some of their normal comfort zones, and the result is an inspired creation that came from out of nowhere onto many critics Best-of-'07 lists.

Robert Plant famously played a one-off show with his old mates from Led Zeppelin back in November. This, naturally, led to speculation that Led Zeppelin would embark on a reunion tour. Robert Plant could earn upwards of a gazillion dollars on that tour. But instead, Robert Plant announced that he wanted to tour with Alison Krauss in support of Raising Sand.

Yeah, this record is that good.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Robert Plant
Alison Krauss
Raising Sand
T-Bone Burnett

* * * * *

8) M.I.A., Kala

DHMBIB's What-Do-You-Call-This-Style? Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 0

Maya Arulpragasam -- the artist known as M.I.A. [section 13(d)(3)(K)(iv) of the Music Blogger Style code requires all music bloggers who write about M.I.A. to write out in full, at a minimum, her last name -- Ed.] -- has always been a challenging artist in many ways. Most challenging has been "categorizing" her music. Is it "dance" music? Is it "world" music? Is it "club" music? Is it it "indie"? Is it "pop"?

However you choose to categorize Kala, one thing you can say about it is that it is easily the most political album on this or most other year-end lists. M.I.A. does not shy away from using her work to promote her causes, be those causes third-world poverty, immigrant rights, sexism, racism, or classism. But unlike most artists who make "political" music, M.I.A. never clubs you over the head with her beliefs. And you can bet your ass that you will be snapping and bopping along the whole time.

M.I.A. intended to record a significant part of Kala with superproducer Timbaland, which sounds like a good match in theory. Both are known for using unusual sonic elements to produce something completely unexpected. But visa problems (which provided the inspiration for "Paper Planes") kept M.I.A. out of the United States for most of Tim's free time, so the two only produced one track together, "Come Around". Oddly, it stands out as the weakest track on the album, so I'd say the visa problems actually worked out in her favor.

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

M.I.A.
Kala

* * * * *

9) LCD Soundsystem, Sound Of Silver

DHMBIB's Dance DJ Album Of The Year

Grammy Nominations: 1

* Best Electronic/Dance Album

If you were to synthesize the hundreds of "music critic's best albums of '07" year-end lists in search of some sort of "consensus No. 1" -- to gather some sort of BCS ranking for CDs, as it were -- Sound Of Silver would probably come out on top. I think I saw this CD in the top 3 of more lists this season than every other CD on this list combined.

I agree that it was one of the best of the year. And -- my earlier "coulda pulled them outta my hat" caveat aside -- it would probably be higher on my list if the final track, "New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down", weren't such a downer. Yes, that's stupid, but it's also true, and it needed to be said.

Seriously, from every album I heard "almost" all the way through this year -- and this list plus about ten others is THE LIST of such albums -- "New York..." was the one track I most often skipped over [iTunes tells us that we heard "North American Scum" 3 times as often as we heard "New York..." -- Ed.]. And it doesn't help that the track is not only a downer, but it also clocks in at 5:35, which is waaaaaaay too long for me to be listening to a downer track.

So, James Murphy, kudos to you! You took 9th "this week".

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

LCD Soundsystem
Sound Of Silver
James Murphy

* * * * *

10) Arctic Monkeys, Favourite Worst Nightmare

Grammy Nominations: 0

2007 Nationwide Mercury Prize Short List

In 2006, Britain's Arctic Monkeys became the first act to achieve superstar status largely as a result of an online community of fans reaching critical mass. Their debut album, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, debuted to critical acclaim and strong sales. After the Monkeys were awarded the prestigious Nationwide Mercury Prize later in the year, the Monkeys' status as Britain's premier rock-and-roll group was cemented.

Many critics worried that the Monkeys would fall victim to the dreaded "sophomore slump", both due to the expectations placed on them after taking the NMP, and because they were so young -- leader Alex Turner was only 20 years old when Whatever... dropped. But seeking to capture the momentum of their solid 2006, the Monkeys raced back into the studio to record Favourite Worst Nightmare.

The critics needn't have been concerned. The Monkeys have managed not only to not slump, but Favourite... actually betters their debut, and demonstrates artistic growth and teases a promising future for the band. The critics largely agreed, and honored the Monkeys in 2007 by again placing them on the Short List for the Nationwide Mercury Prize, making the Monkeys the first artist to be on the Short List in 2 consecutive years (alas, they did not win the 2007 award).

READ MORE [wikipedia]:

Arctic Monkeys
Favourite Worst Nightmare
Alex Turner

* * * * *

READ MORE:

Idolator's Idolator Pop '07 Music Critics' Poll
Idolator's round-up of other critics' lists
Village Voice's 2007 Pazz & Jop Poll

Sorry, No Idol Post Last Nite

2008-01-24T07:19:00.000-05:00

Hi all:

I had unexpected work and personal time commitments last nite, and I wasn't able to blog American Idol. I apologize for any "inconvenience" [ha!!! -- Ed.] this may have caused anyone.

I'll probably be up with my thoughts about Wednesday nite's show later on Thursday.

ciaobaby

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [22 January 2008]

2008-01-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

8:00 PM: Tonite, we're in San Diego for our 3d nite of auditions!

8:04 PM: First up is Tetiana Ostapowych. She's singing "Someone To Watch Over Me", a Gershwin classic taken on by many, including Ella Fitzgerald.

It's okay, but doesn't do much for me.

Simon says she's not as good as she thinks she is, which gets Paula and Randy's goat. Tetiana says, "Let me prove you wrong, Simon". He says "okay", and Paula and Randy provide enthusiastic "yes!" votes to get Tetiana to Hollywood.

8:08 PM: Next up is single-father Perrie Cataldo, who takes on "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men.

It sounds good, but to me it also sounds very "karaoke".

Simon, still shell-shocked from the horrible Dallas round, cuts him off for a fast vote, but still waves him through. Paula and Randy agree, and he's through.

8:12 PM: Idol returns with a very ill-timed performance from a 28-year-old from Australia [seriously? Do you need a link??? -- Ed.], Michael Johns. Michael takes on "I've Been Loving You Too Long" by Otis Redding. Taking on Otis is usually not a good idea, but Michael nails it, and he's through.

8:14 PM: Ryan tells us that the "California gold rush could not last forever", and we are treated to a montage of terrible singers...First up: Marat Hayrapetyan...[as you'll notice, we're not even bothering to tell you what these people "sang" -- Ed.]

8:15 PM: Christopher Mitchell...

8:16 PM: Tehilla Lauder...

8:16 PM: Next up is Valerie Reyes, who fancies herself as "the next 'Mariah Carey'". Valerie takes on -- and slaughters -- "Against All Odds", by Phil Collins. She's clueless, of course, and thinks she nailed it. Simon tells her she sounds like a Mariah Carey CD left out in the sun. Randy uses the word "terrible". It's 3 "no" votes for Valerie.

8:22 PM: Time for another montage of "suck". First up: Joseph & Juanita Mejia. Joseph (?) is wearing a poncho and sombrero. Juanita (?) is wearing mime-white-face, and...miming.

It's less entertaining than it reads.

8:23 PM: Ryan warns us against "gimmicks" in Season 7.

8:23 PM: "Gimmick-less" Monique Gibson takes on "I Believe In Miracles" by...wait for it...Whitney Houston. Are you surprised to hear that she is terrible? And she continues to break out additional songs, in the face of Simon's "you can't sing!"...And here come the waterworks!

8:25 PM: Christopher Gibson takes on "The Greatest Love Of All" by...wait for it...Whitney Houston. Ah, is that the theme for this segment? WHITNEY???

Terrible, of course.

Simon: "The reality is, there's not a single person on Planet Earth who would ever pay to hear you sing."

Gibson proceeds to try again. And again. And finally, the judges put us out of our misery.

NEXT!

Oh, wait -- I get it! Their "gimmick" was that they were a team (brother-sister? missed that) auditioning separately.

8:29 PM: Samantha Musa is the last audition on Day 1. Samantha brought her sister along with her, and Simon invites her to judge the audition along with him. She sits on his knee. Yowza!

Samantha takes on "Until You Come Back To Me" by Aretha Franklin. This is good. Maybe the best of Day 1. She's through with "4 yesses".

8:36 PM: Is Blake Boshnack our first "ringer" of the season? He tells us in his "backstory" segment that he's a serial auditioner, and his scrapbook shows us two golden tickets?

Blake takes on "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King. It's not terrible, but Simon cuts him off quickly, and Paula and Randy agree, no.

8:40 PM: Another montage of terrible singers...Sandra Ruiz...

8:40 PM: Sarah Long...Randy compares Sarah to William Hung, which Sarah likens to "the biggest insult ever"...

8:41 PM: We meet Alberto Hurtado, a hippy-dippy new-agey dude, who not only "is" "a big American Idol fan", but he has a "big fan" that says "a big American Idol fan". Alberto sings a self-composition, "Live".

Simon calls it "probably the most depressing song I've ever heard in my life"..."you were the equivalent of a storm cloud on a sunny day".

NEXT!

8:50 PM: Day 2 begins, and we are treated to another montage of bad singing. Aaron Garrett...

8:51 PM: We meet David Archuleta. Aaron is only 16 and has already survived "vocal paralysis". David takes on "Waiting On The World To Change" by John Mayer.

David is pretty good -- he even gets Randy to join him on backing vocals from the table. David also has an appealing backstory.

David is through to Hollywood.

Keep an eye on this one.

8:57 PM: Oh look -- it's "Carly Smithson". She used to be Carly Hennessy before she married a dude [to get that visa??? -- Ed.], with whom she now owns a tattoo shop in San Diego.

Carly reminds us that she was in America from her native Ireland 2 years ago when she auditioned for Idol and was passed through to the Hollywood rounds -- until she found out her visa didn't come through, and she had to withdraw from the competition and return home.

Carly takes on "I Will Always Love You", and, because we already knew she would, nails it, and she's through to Hollywood.

Simon takes a shot across the bow -- he tells her she was not as good now as she was 2 years ago. Let's keep an eye on this one.

Also, and it's stupid to ask, but it must be -- how will viewers react to her extensive ink???

9:00 PM: Carly is one of 31 auditioners from San Diego who get the golden ticket north. Tomorrow nite, we see what Charleston, SC, has to offer.

xoxo

In Support Of Megan Carpentier

2008-01-21T17:08:00.000-05:00

[image courtesy Wonkette / Huffington Post]

About six weeks ago, I began working on a post that I never finished, and thus never published. It was about a raft of personnel changes that had occurred in the previous several weeks/months over at Gawker Media, and speculated a bit about what was driving the changes.

In the days after I began working on that post, other news outlets / blogs ran with analyses that covered the story with more depth -- and insidery info -- than I could ever hope to match. So, there was really no point for my post, and it has languished since in "draft" form, serving mainly as a repository of links and such.

But the changes continue to roll in, and Friday 18 January saw a bloody massacre that left much of the bloggosphere in shock and outrage at a new high-profile change over at Wonkette.

And it's now time for me to write.

The HuffPo's Rachel Sklar has a very good, linkified piece detailing the staff changes among the Gawker Media blogs over the last six months here, so there's no need for me to delve into all of that in this space. Suffice it to say, Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton has made sweeping changes at most of his most-well-known blogs, in some cases editorially steering his writers to be more like traditional reporters (cultivate sources, generate original news reporting, etc.), and in all cases demanding that his writers be more interesting and entertaining. This strategy is all in pursuit of higher page view counts, and thus higher advertising revenues.

A recent change at GM's politically-focused blog, Wonkette, had until-then-professional-lobbyist Megan Carpentier [pictured above -- Ed.] join the staff as an Assistant Editor. Carpentier had previously contributed a "how the sausage gets made" column about lobbying and politics to the site under the pseudonym "Anonymous Lobbyist". When Carpentier joined the Wonkette team full-time, she thought it appropriate to "out" her identity and take editorial responsibility for her posts. I applauded this decision, even though it meant -- as she acknowledged -- that she would also be owning up to her past "anonymous" posts, and thus burning lots of professional bridges, should she ever be in a position where returning to lobbying professionally was back on the table.

Megan is an educated, opinionated, professional, modern, and smart-with-a-smart-sense-of-humor woman. And her posts typically reflected all of these qualities. Longtime Wonkette readers welcomed her insidery-and-XX-infused perspectives on politics and politicians. And it was also neither lost on nor trivial to said readers that, 18 months after founding editor Ana Marie Cox left, Carpentier finally brought the "-ette" back to "Wonkette".

On Friday 18 January, recently-returned Wonkette Managing Editor Ken Layne fired Carpentier, along with recently-sorta-promoted-from-Intern Greg Wasserstrom and longtime "picture-taking-person" Liz ~~Glover~~ Gorman [updated; apologies for the inaccuracy to all affected; H/T HOMOFASCIST -- Ed.].

When I first heard the news that Ken Layne would be returning to Wonkette after a brief sabbatical, I was ecstatic. Layne is one of the funniest bloggosphere-type writers I have ever read. His posts were always reliably not only funny, but spit-out-your-coffee-and-snort-it-out-your-nose funny. Probably 10 of the 20 funniest blog posts I have ever read were written by Ken Layne.

Layne was brought back to Wonkette by Denton as part of Denton's over-arching transformation of many of his blogs. I'll agree that there are many areas in which Wonkette could be "better" -- and thus "more page-viewable" -- and I'm sure that Denton has given Layne wide latitude to implement changes he thinks are necessary.

Carpentier finally opened up over the weekend about what went down, and why, on her personal blog. Please go read that post here. I'm not a fan of cutting-and-pasting wholesale from other blogs, but I want to highlight this part of what Megan had to say:

We [Megan and her Wonkette colleague Jim Newell -- Ed.] found out Ken Layne was starting about the same time everyone else did on January 2nd and were both really super excited. That wore off a little quickly for me, as it was obvious from the get-go that he was not a fan of my writing. He didn't think I was funny and he didn't like when I was serious or rant-y and it was pretty clear to me by last weekend that what happened was going to happen. I was still in the probationary phase of my contract (3 months and I'd get 2 weeks notice), but I figured that he might let that run down before letting me go. I was wrong.

He very politely called me at 5:30 on Friday (which: standard HR practice, truly) to tell me that it had been my last day writing for Wonkette. He told me that the intention of bringing him back was to move the site towards being what it was under him and Alex [Alex Pareene, Layne's former cohort at Wonkette, now at Gawker -- Ed.] and that my voice and writing didn't fit with that vision -- and he's right, it doesn't. In that editorial environment, I would stick out like a sore thumb, and he said he wanted a more uniform tone. He said that I should finish what I was doing, write a goodbye and call it a day. Getting fired sucks, but he wasn't a dick about it.

* * *

So, to some of the stuff that's been said on the comment boards and others. It didn't feel, nor was it presented, like sexism and I doubt seriously that Ken was jealous of me, given that he comes with like 20 some years of experience and his own following. Ken's assessment of my fit with where he wants to take Wonkette is completely accurate, even if the results of that are personally devastating to me. I have no idea whether Nick Denton was informed of or gave any input to Ken about the decision to fire me, though my (admittedly limited) experience with him suggests to me that he was probably like "Do what you think best" if he was told.

Megan is tres cool to be so professional and "I really didn't fit in any more" and "Ken Layne was not a dick about this" about the whole matter, but, still.

Ken Layne, you made the wrong call here.

Ken, Megan was a much-appreciated and much-respected opinionated voice about politics here. Her sense of humor doesn't exactly jibe with your style. But that was okay for me, and, I know, others. Personally, I like what you and Megan both brought to the table, and I'm sorry to see her let go from Wonkette.

My posting will not bring Megan back. I know that.

And I will not be "boycotting" GM sites. Long-time readers and long-time-suffering-listeners know that I think Idolator is the best music-related blog out there [AHEM, the SECOND-BEST music-related blog...the first bestest music-related blog is here -- Ed.], and my first go-to website. And Wonkette is my second go-to blog.

But I do wish you had not made this call. I believe Wonkette's quality will suffer as a result.

I also wish Megan Carpentier all-the-best. Please, Dear Readers, keep up with her and her future exploits. She will continue to contribute to her collaborative "Oy vey! It's early and the coffee hasn't kicked in yet!" alterna-universe-version-of-The-View "Crappy Hour" posts on GM's Jezebel. And it's a sure bet that the brilliant-and-funny-and-talented Megan will end up with a full-time gig writing for Politico or Express or whatever soon.

Good luck, Megan!

-- Rob

READ MORE:

Megan's "Goodbye, Y'all!" post for Wonkette is here.

Megan's personal public blog, which discusses these events is here.

DC Blogger "Big Head Rob" [not affiliated with DHMBIB -- Ed.] has coverage of this story here.

DCist's coverage of the story is here.

Wonkette commenter "HOMOFASCIST" has started up a blog in support of Megan and in support of a reader boycott of Wonkette here.

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [17 January 2008]

2008-01-17T19:49:00.000-05:00

Hi.

I mistakenly was under the impression that Idol was already in 3-nites-a-week mode. It's not. Fox has Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader on tonite. With Miss America.

Good for all that.

More to follow...

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [16 January 2008]

2008-01-16T20:08:00.000-05:00

OOH! A computer crash not only prevented me from liveblogging the start of AI tonite, but because I use my Media Center PC as my "TiVo", I missed at least the first performer. Sorry about that.

I'll be back in a few minutes with more from Dallas.

8:20 PM [real time]: My MCPC keeps track of the "air time" of the programs it records, so I'll be able to associate my posts with "air time", even though it will take me a few minutes to catch up to "real time".

So, I guess you could say I'll be "tape-delay-blogging" for a bit.

8:05 PM: Some woman named Jessica, presumably the first woman named Jessica on tonite's show, is very excited to get the Golden Ticket To Hollywood. I didn't get to see/hear her, so, well, there it is.

8:06 PM: Next up is Paul Stafford. He is singing "Wait For You" by...wait for it...Elliott Yamin.

He is singing it very badly.

But he likes roller coasters! So he gets my vote!

But not the judges' votes.

b-bye

Paul: Simon didn't go down on me like I thought he would, but that's good, 'cuz he goes down on just about everybody.

Uh...

8:14 PM: A commercial for the United States Marine Corps.

IM ON YUR IDOLZ, MISING MY RECRUTING TARGETZ!!1!1

Last year, AI was charging $750K for a 30-second spot.

Your tax dollars at work.

Just sayin'.

8:16 PM: Next up is Beth Maddocks. She is singing "Beautiful Disaster" by...wait for it...Kelly Clarkson.

I'm not feelin' it. And neither are the judges.

Randy makes the painfully obvious "beautiful disaster" joke.

b-bye

8:18 PM: We're treated to a medley of "disaster auditions"...Esteban Deanda...

Simon: It was atrocious

Victoria Metz...

Randy: [shakes head and smiles]

Drucilla Wideman...

Randy: [looks away as if he feels the pain of "irregularity"]

8:18 PM: Next up is Alaina Whitaker. Alaina is singing "Stronger" by Faith Hill. Regular readers of this blog [all three imaginary regular readers -- Ed.] will recall that this is one of my favorite Faith tracks from her best album, Cry.

Wow, that was as good as the rendition performed last year by Baylie Brown [what is it with Texas-and-Oklahoma parents and the way they spell their daughters' names??? -- Ed.]. Baylie was more Faith-esque, while Alaina was more Carrie-Underwood-inspired.

Not surprisingly, the judges wave her through easily.

8:26 PM: Another round of "whaaa???"...Gregory & Mia Tobias...

Judges: [silent]

8:28 PM: Next up is 19-year-old Bruce Dickson. Bruce has never been "intimate" with a woman -- he's never even kissed a woman "on purpose". Bruce even made a "promise" with his father -- complete with a "key" -- that he would remain pure until his wedding day, so his first "kiss" with a woman would be "special", and the "key" would represent the "key" to his heart.

AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Bruce sings "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers.

It's a nice performance, but not good enough for Hollywood.

8:30 PM: Next up is Pia "Zpia" Easley. Pia is another "backup singer". She sings "My Imagination" by Gladys Knight & The Pips.

She nails it.

And she's through to Hollywood.

8:38 PM: Next up is Brandon Green, who says he wants to be a "role model", "not like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton or some of these people". Brandon sings "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates.

Simon calls it forgettable. Paula loves him, because she loves everyone. So, once again, Randy gets the tie-break vote, and Brandon is through to Hollywood.

8:43 PM: Next up is Kayla Hatfield, who is singing "Piece Of My Heart" by Janis Joplin [actually, Big Brother & The Holding Company, but who are "they"??? -- Ed.]. Kayla has a mousy speaking voice...

...and a HUGE singing voice...

...but it's not good enough...

...or is it???

It's one of the rare instances where Simon says "yes" and Paula says "no", and Randy breaks the tie in her favor.

Wow, were the Dallas rounds really that bad???

8:51 PM: Time for another "these people really suck" segment...Erick Mauldin...

Charles Markham...

Tristan Clements...who is channeling everything about Clay Aiken except his vocal abilities...

8:52 PM: Now comes the last audition of the first day. Kady Malloy specializes in doing celebrity "singing impressions". Her Britney is scary-on.

Finally, she sings "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

Simon calls it "the best so far" of all the contestants the judges have seen.

She is easily through to Hollywood.

8:55 PM: Ryan tells us that 12 people made it through on Dallas Day 1.

[times approximate from here on out -- Ed.]

9:01 PM: Next up is Douglas Davidson. Douglas idolizes Xtina Aguilera. Anyways, he sings "Livin' On A Prayer" by ~~Billy Joel~~ Bon Jovi.

It's terrible. But the judges give him another chance.

I have no idea what this, and I don't care.

He's terrible -- he's sweating, and talking to himself, he's drinking water.

Then he breaks into "Livin' On A Prayer" again.

Simon: no one in a million years is going to pay to hear you sing.

Please go away.

9:05 PM: Next up is Angela Reilly. Angela is accompanied by her husband Chad. These two are the "Heidi & Spencer" of AI.

Angela sings "Baby Love" by The Supremes. She's spirited but horrible.

The judges give her another chance. She sings "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar. She kills that too.

b-bye

9:09 PM: Next up is Kyle Ensley. Kyle is a politician who wants us to "vote for [him]" to be the next American Idol. Kyle sings "Somebody To Love" by Queen, and it's quite good.

Simon loves it, Paula loves him, and Randy calls it "glee club". Paula wants to know if he wants this more than being President. Simon wants to know if he'll turn into Clay Aiken. I guess that means Simon thinks Kyle is gay.

Kyle says things that are maybe close to what Simon and Paula want to her, but Dallas has clearly been hell to them, so he's through to Hollywood.

9:13 PM: Next up is Tammy Tuzinski. Tammy tells the judges she will be singing "The Power Of Love" by Celine Dion, to which their response is "big song". Maybe that scared her, or maybe she's stupid -- nah, she's just stupid -- because Tammy actually sings "If You Asked Me To".

She's terrible.

The judges stop her, and she asks if she can start again. The judges point out that she's singing a different song. They ask her which song she wants to sing, and she says "If You Asked Me To". It's a very awkward moment.

She starts over, and again, it's very painful.

Even Randy calls it "awful".

9:17 PM: Next up is Colton Swon. He sings "Boondocks" by Little Big Town. Wow, are they the go-to "country" artist this season?

He's alright, with a lot of heart and effort.

All of the judges are borderline, but, clearly Dallas has been rough for them, so they let him through.

9:21 PM: Funny or cruel? Ryan introduces a "Texas -- where men are men" segment that highlights several transvestites and effeminate men. None are identified by name.

9:23 PM: Next up is Drew Poppelreiter. Drew sings "Check Yes Or No" by George Strait, and he's practically a voice-ringer for George Strait.

Very right-down-the-middle-but-smooth country crooning.

It's not Simon's thing, but Randy digs it, and Paula's on the verge of agreeing with SIMON, until Simon calls her out, and Drew calls her "ma'am", and she changes her mind. So Drew's through.

[hour 2 is very heavy on the back stories. Dallas musta been REALLY BAD -- Ed.]

9:27 PM: Next up is Kyle Reinneck, who is a camp counselor for K-2 kids. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But he still has creepy eyes.

Kyle sings "Never Again" by...wait for it...KELLY CLARKSON...which means there's no way in hell Clive's letting him get anywhere NEAR the finals.

Kyle strikes me as being Clay-esque, except more intense, and creepier.

Also, he can't sing.

Simon: it was a very disturbing, demonic audition.
Randy and Paula both agree that his "face" was wrong, what with the "guyliner" and the whatnot.

b-bye

9:32 PM: Hey! Does anyone remember Kelly Clarkson??? Wasn't she the one who got kicked off AI a few years ago for posing nude years earlier for a website or something? Anyway, we're back in her hometown, and we're treated to a montage of people who collectively butcher "Since You've Been Gone".

Simon: okay, I now officially hate that song!

9:35 PM: Next up is Nina Shaw. Nina is from Kelly's home town of Burleson, TX, and her appearance leads Randy and Paula to reminisce about how they knew that Kelly "had it" way back when, and how mean-ole poopy-headed Simon "didn't get her".

Nina also is abso-freakin'-lutely gorgeous, in a Rihanna-esque way. Which is to say, in an "abso-freakin'-lutely gorgeous" way.

Nina is singing "Run To You" by Whitney Houston.

Why??? Why do Idol contestants insist on taking on Whitney???

Simon calls it "old-fashioned". Paula calls it "pageant-like". The judges give her "two seconds" (Randy) for one more chance.

Nina goes retro-jazzy. Randy gets the first Amy Winehouse name-drop of the season. He likes it. Simon hates it. But Paula likes it, so she's through.

9:42 PM: The last contestant in Dallas is Ronaldo "Birdman" Lapuz. He's dressed up Liberace-style in a cape and furry hat. He sings a song that appears to be an original composition, "We're Brothers Forever".

The performance is a classic auditions-round trainwreck.

The song's lyrics are simple and repetitive, and Randy and Paula -- clearly happy to be entertained after a brutal Dallas stopover -- join Ronaldo on-stage while Simon just laughs.

Guess what the verdict was?

b-bye, but Thnks Fr Th Mmrs.

The segment seems to go on forever.

Prior to 10:00 PM-ish: Ryan tells us that 24 people made it through to Hollywood from the Dallas auditions.

Tune in tomorrow for the San Diego auditions!

xoxo

This Week In Tonight In American Idol [15 January 2008]

2008-01-15T19:55:00.000-05:00

7:55 PM: Live-blogging American Idol took a lot out of me last Winter and Spring. I'm a year older, and a year slower, but with all the crap on the teevee right now, I'm happy to see AI back.

Let's do this...

8:00 PM: "Time Has Come Today" by The Chambers Brothers opens the show. Let's rock!!!

8:03 PM: The new opening sequence is new...how exactly? Maybe some snazzier CGI???

8:04 PM: First stop on the AI7 auditions tour is Philadelphia. Maybe Boyz II Men or The Hooters will make it to Hollywood this year???

I spent three years in Philly, and I still have fond memories of the town.

8:06 PM: First up tonite is ~~Jordan~~ Joey Catalano, who lost 204 lbs. this past year. Thankfully, Joey does not threaten to beat up any of the judges.

He sings "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. He's quite good.

And he's through to Hollywood.

8:12 PM: Next up is Alaa Youakeem. He likes the Bee Gees. He sings "How Deep Is Your Love".

He's likable, but he's not getting through.

Simon-the-jerk puts Paula on the spot to uncomfortably convey to him how bad he was.

8:16 PM: Melanie Nyema is up next. She used to be a backup singer for Taylor Hicks.

She sings "Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield, a song that is like nails-on-the-chalkboard to me.

But she sings it credibly. Simon is skeptical, but Randy and Paula wave her through.

8:20 PM: Next up is James Lewis, who thinks he sounds like Paul Robeson or Eddie Vedder.

He's so bad he actually makes the judges openly laugh.

James pledges to come back next year.

8:27 PM: Here's a "medley" of really horrible singers...Nick Stano...Sybill White...Zhengzhong Yu...

8:29 PM: Finally, Junot Joyner steps up with a fabulous performance of "I Guess That's Why They Call It Blues"...

8:30 PM: Jose Candelaria channels his inner Simon-beloved Il Divo and belts out a quality rendition of "Regressa A Mi", which is an Italian translation of "Unbreak My Heart"...

8:32 PM: Jonathan Baines delivers a nice version of "A Litle More You" by country crooners Little Big Town...

They're all through!

8:34 PM: Next up is Temptress Browne, who has a nice backstory -- her Mom is ill! She played football in high school! -- and ...

...a terrible voice. She butchers "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going", made famous most recently by Jennifer Hudson [why do Idol wannabes continue to perform songs that previous Idols have done better??? -- Ed.]. When the judges tell her no, she cries, and the judges hug her and go out to meet her family.

Cue the waterworks.

8:40 PM: Next up is Mark Hayes. Mark takes on "White Christmas".

It's another chuckle-inducing performance.

8:43 PM: Udgeet "Udi" Sampat is next. His friends tell him he sounds like Frank Sinatra.

He doesn't.

His rendition of "My Way" gets him a ticket...HOME!

Simon: Did you honestly think you had any chance of getting through and winning?
Udi: Yes I do.
Simon: Well then, you're nuts.

8:50 PM: Next up is Alexis Cohen. She's from Allentown, PA. She knows there was a song about Allentown that came out about 25 years ago, but she thinks it was written by Bon Jovi.

BZZT! That song was written by Billy Joel.

She thinks she sounds like Janis Joplin or Grace Slick. She performs "Somebody To Love" by the Jefferson Airplane. She channels her inner Grace Slick, but the judges are not impressed. They tell her she belongs in a cover band.

She doesn't make it through.

And then she melts down. And provides the first bleep-wprthy moments of the season.

Simon says she reminds him of Willem Dafoe. And he's right.

9:04 PM: Next up is Angela Martin. Angela is the focus of another extended backstory tell, another of this year's modifications to the formula.

Angela is a singer who takes on "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" by Stevie Wonder. The judges agree she has a good voice but too many "wedding singer" habits.

But she is very likable, and very good, so the judges pass her through.

9:14 PM: Next up is Alyse Wojciechowski...she turns out to be the first in a series of "shouty" singers...

Oy, my head is hurting...

9:16 PM: Teresa Anello keeps the shout going...

9:17 PM: Brandi Park...oy!...

9:18 PM: Next up is Milo Turk. He reminds me of Johnny Galecki's character on The Big Bang Theory.

He's also 39 years old. So, not eligible.

He sings a song of his own composition called "No Sex Allowed". It's awful.

9:20 PM: Next up is Kristy Lee Cook. Kristy could kick the asses of everyone in the room with both hands tied behind her back.

Kristy sings "Amazing Grace", and she nails it both with power and grace.

She's very appealing and has a great voice. And she'll get to show it off in Hollywood.

9:28 PM: Next up is Ben Haar, who drops a cloak to reveal that he is wearing a Princess-Leia-in-Jedi costume. Randy and Paula tell him he can come back and audition if he gets rid of the chest hair. Simon is appalled.

Whilst Ben is off waxing [er... -- Ed.] we get footage of a few more horrendous auditions...

9:30 PM: Pedro Rivera...no!

9:31 PM: Shekhinah Bathyehudah...uh, no!

9:32 PM: Next up is Paul Marturano, who is very creepy. He sings a song he wrote about his "love" for Paula. It's very stalk-eriffic.

Wow, this is beyond creepy.

Yeah, the judges agree, and Simon asks security to escort Paul out.

9:34 PM: Next up is "a real stalker", Beth Stalker [seriously -- Ed.]. Beth performs the standard "Bewitched, Bothered And Bewildered".

It's a competent but not stand-out performance.

Simon rightly says she won't stand out, but Paula and Randy want to pass her through, so she's off to Hollywood.

9:41 PM: Ben Haar is back, and he's completely waxed but still in his costume. He starts to sing "Don't Cha" by [most famously] the Pussycat Dolls, and he get's about 5 words into it when Simon cuts him off.

Yeah.

Hey, did you know "Don't Cha" was actually written by Gnarls Barkley's Cee-Lo and Sir Mix-A-Lot? I know, right?!?!

9:42 PM: Next up is Chris Watson. Chris performs "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker.

Chris is good. This is really good. I have to call Chris Watson an early favorite to make the finals.

Chris even looks the part.

The judges pass him through easily and cheerfully.

9:49 PM: What is up with the Princess-Leai-worshipping tonite??? Next up is Christina Tolisano, who's also homaging PL, and who sings "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me", but not the Elton John version, "the Roger Daltrey version".

We've heard worse tonite, but it's quite mediocre.

And she's not making it to Hollywood.

And then she melts down. She thinks they passed on her "talent" because of her outfit.

Yeah, you keep thinking that Christina.

9:54 PM: The last contestant to see the judges after 2 days in Philadelphia -- and the immediate successor to Christina Tolisano -- is Brooke White.

Brooke sings "Like A Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae.

It's a pleasant but not a stop-what-you're-doing-and-listen performance. But after the judges' miserable Philadelphia Experiment, Brooke is through easily to Hollywood.

9:58 PM: Ryan tells us that 29 people from the Philadelphia auditions made it through to Hollywood.

9:59 PM: Ryan tells us that tomorrow nite, we'll be in Dallas, hometown of AI1 winner Kelly Clarkson.

The Year In Music, 2007: The Best Music Videos Of The Year

2008-01-01T04:24:00.000-05:00

UPDATED

Hi, kids! Did you know that "record companies", to promote awareness and sales of their "records", used to pay tens of thousands of dollars -- and in some cases, even more than a million dollars -- to make mini-movies showing their "recording artists" lip-synching their "songs" while water-skiing or being trapped in the closet and miscellaneous whatnot, which mini-movies were for some strange reason referred to as "music videos"?

Isn't that just crazy???

I know, right???

Well, even though there are precious few outlets outside of YouTube for playing music videos these days, a few of them are still being made. Below are DHMBIB's favorite videos of 2007.

[Disclaimer: DHMBIB does not spend all our time watching YouTube. Accordingly, we did not see every video in 2007. So please don't write in complaining that we didn't recognize your favorite "Lil Wayne feat. T-Pain & Akon" video. kthxbai -- Ed.]

It's impossible to rank these in any meaningful way. So I'll simply present them in alphabetical order by artist, along with some thoughts about why I loved them so much.

[N.B. Some of the aforementioned "record companies" -- especially labels that are part of Universal Music Group (UMG) -- don't want their videos to be "freely available" on YouTube and other such sites, and they're pretty aggressive with takedown notices. They want to share in ad revenue, so they make the video non-embeddable from YouTube, or they require some sort of pre-roll ad on the video. We have tried to find "free" versions of the videos below, but in some cases we could not. We'll alert you where you face a required "look at this ad!", in case that sort of thing offends you. -- Ed.]

Alanis Morissette, "My Humps"

Back in April, if you asked a friend, "Have you seen the video of Alanis Morissette covering the Black Eyed Peas' 'My Humps'?", the response probably would've been a puzzled "Whaaa???" if your friend wasn't plugged in to the music and celebrity bloggosphere. But indeed, Alanis did record "My Humps", apparently completely on a lark and completely to mock this ridiculous paean to "lady lumps" [is it appropriate to say Alanis was being "ironic" here??? -- Ed.]. She also filmed a video and somewhat quietly loosed it on the world, and the meme exploded in the bloggosphere for a few brief moments in April.

Alanis' "My Humps" was certainly the funniest video I saw all year.

Amy Winehouse, "Back To Black"

The first time I heard this track from Amy's superb album of the same name [Back To Black] -- the first time I really heard it -- I literally stopped dead in my tracks. For me, this song is the centerpiece of the record, and the video does the track complete justice. Cinema verite -- check! Amy metaphorically burying her broken heart -- check!

A few other tracks from Back To Black gained wider public exposure in 2007, but none had a better video than "Back To Black".

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the best video from the best album of the year.

Cold War Kids, "Hang Me Up To Dry":

This is also one of my favorite songs of 2007. I absolutely love the movie-trailer concept and the black-and-white photography. Cinema verite is almost always a good choice.

Fall Out Boy, "I'm Like A Lawyer (Me & You)":

[if the video doesn't appear above, go here]

Even in an era of ladybag-flashing celebutards who are paid by papparazi to tip them off on the next time they'll be heading out to Starbucks or the next time they'll be passing out in the gutter outside that hot new night club, some celebrities insist on occasionally doing The Right Thing and employing their celebrity in support of a good cause. In 2007 emo-scene poster-boy band Fall Out Boy teamed up with the non-profit organization Invisible Children to raise awareness of civil war and forced child soldiering in Uganda. For their part, FOB went to Uganda to film a video for their song, "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)", a gorgeous Babyface-produced tune about love and heartbreak. But they turned the song's protagonist into a Ugandan boy trying to avoid conscription and certain death, just to be with his girlfriend. FOB mostly stay in the background and they thankfully dropped, well, some of the frivolous FOB-ness of the song's title. Throw in some outstanding direction and lush landscapes, and the video is one of the year's best.

Feist, "1234":

This Grammy-nominated video was reportedly shot in one complete take, which, if true, is both impressive and awesome. It is also notable for being the source of about a gajillion "is this a video or is it a commercial for The Gap?" jokes.

"1234" [or however it should be written -- Ed.] may be the most "entertaining" video of the year.

Justice, "D.A.N.C.E.":

I got nothing particularly profound to say about this video, the second on this list to be nominated for a Grammy. I just like it.

"Marshall Eriksen" [Jason Segel], "You Just Got Slapped":

If you don't already know what this is, I probably won't be able to explain it to you. Try going here or here.

My Chemical Romance, "Teenagers":

Hmmm...smells like homage.

Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z), "Umbrella":

[caution: kinda sorta possibly NSFW due to mild artistic sensuality and implied nudity]

["ad-free" unofficial version which may already be gone]

[30-second pre-roll ad-viewing required]

[Click here for non-embeddable official version with 30-second overlay ad]

Really, any of Rihanna's videos from her outsanding 2007 record Good Girl Gone Bad could've ended up on this list. I went with "Umbrella" because its combination of outstanding direction [you almolst can't tell she's not really toe-dancing!], artsy sensuality [19-year-old Rihanna nude! covered only in silver body paint! and wait, is that side-boob at the end???] and Rihanna martial-arting away the CGI'd water to keep us all safe and dry combine to make it leap off the screen and instantly memorable. Plus, "Umbrella" is the song of the year, and this is its video.

Also, by choosing "Umbrella", I get to post this bonus video -- a hilarious cover of "Umbrella" by Italian emo-punks Vanilla Sky:

Snoop Dogg, "Sensual Seduction":

If you have just watched this video, you certainly don't need me to tell you why it's on this list. If you have not just watched this video, stop reading, watch the video, and come back. We'll wait.

Huzzah, sir Snoop!

Diddy: Clever Or Stupid?

2008-01-01T02:02:00.000-05:00

Spinal Tap lead singer David St. Hubbins once said, "It's such a fine line between clever and stupid". Was Diddy clever or stupid when he agreed to appear in a new commercial for the super premium Ciroc vodka with a soundtrack using...wait for it...Kanye West's "Flashing Lights"?

DHMBIB's answer: CLEVER.

And, STUPID.

The clever: Diddy had $100 million reasons to agree to someone else's soundtrack choice for his new commercial. And if that someone likes Kanye better than Diddy, well, money talks.

Or maybe the ad director simply can't tell one black hip-hopper from another???

[DHMBIB would never suggest that an ad director or marketing manager for a British liquor company would confuse one ultra-mega-maniacal hip-hopper with a different ultra-mega-maniacal hip-hopper -- Ed.]

As this "Behind The Scenes" video proves, Diddy knew they were using "Flashing Lights" at least to get the models grooving and moving:

Anyways, if you're too lazy to click the link above, Diddy has signed an agreement with Diageo PLC to...well...it's just so rich that we think the "brand's" MySpace blog says it best:

NEW YORK - Just five years ago, Sean "Diddy" Combs asked Busta Rhymes to "pass the Courvoisier." These days, it's all about the vodka.

The 37-year-old hip-hop mogul has inked a multiyear deal to develop the Ciroc vodka brand — one of Diageo PLC's superpremium lines — for a 50-50 share in the profits.

It's the latest agreement in which a celebrity is going beyond the typical endorser role to share in a brand's rise and fall, such as Jay-Z with Budweiser and 50 Cent with Vitamin Water.

Diageo said the agreement could be worth more than $100 million for Combs over the course of the deal, depending on how well the brand performs.

"It is not an endorsement deal," Combs told The Associated Press on Tuesday night. "This is something that will have my daily attention."

Combs said he wanted to work with Diageo because the company understood that "I'm not just a celebrity endorser, I'm a brand builder. I'm a luxury brand builder."

Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting "movers and shakers" to the line.

"They're looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle," he said. "It's that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who's looking for luxury and looking for something better."

Combs already has his own perfume and clothing line, and serves as chief executive of record company Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment.

"I can't overhype someone into loving vodka," he said. But once consumers actually taste Ciroc, "I think we can convert a lot of people."

I love this: "'It is not an endorsement deal...This is something that will have my daily attention.'" "Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting 'movers and shakers' to the line."

I love the thought of the following made-up conversation between Diddy and whichever member of Danity Kane he may be ~~sleeping~~ working with these days:

Diddy: [sigh]
Aubrey: What's wrong, Puffy?
Diddy: Diddy. My name is "Diddy".
Aubrey: Sorry. "Diddy". What's wrong?
Diddy: Oh, that liquor store at the corner of 3d and Park won't get rid of Vox for Ciroc.
Aubrey: ZOMG!!!
Diddy: I know, right??? And if that weren't enough, they insist on playing that Jay-Z album all the time, which of course sends the wrong subliminal message to shoppers.
Aubrey: ZOMG!!!

The stupid: Odd that he didn't insist his own music be used to promote the brand. Remember, "Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it."

I guess Diddy thinks Kanye can "sell" Diddy's vodka better than Diddy can.

BREAKING: Area Blogger Not Kidnapped By Aliens

2007-12-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

We here at DHMBIB have been remiss about posting recently. In fact, we see that it's been 9 weeks since our last post. That was not our intention. It's just that we got caught up in other life events, like job-related things, moving-related things, blah-blah-blah-related things. And as such.

We are back, and we'll try to make it worth your while for occasionally stopping by and checking us out.

With regard to our "Best CDs of 2007" project, we plan to condense the remaining posts into more-easily-~~writeable~~readable nuggets. And we are also planning on doing some nice, arbitrary "end of the year" stuff.

Thank you for your patronage.

Eds.

BREAKING: "Shakira" Is The New "Bono"

2007-09-30T06:57:00.000-05:00

[image courtesy TMZ via FilmMagic, obvs.]

Pretty much no one who's reading this knows that I've been a HUGE fan of Shakira since long before anyone in the english-as-a-first-language-world had any idea who she is/was. Even my ex-wife -- 11 years ago!!! -- thought it was weird that I so idolized someone whose lyrics I could not understand.

Anyway, on Friday, at Bill Clinton's Global Initiative summit, the Colombian-born Shakira pledged $45 million to help the people of Nicaragua and Peru recover from recent natural disasters there, and to help educate kids throughout Latin America.

No snark here.

Seriously...$45 million.

This story really speaks for itself, and we cannot think of a better "translation" of "this is why we love Shakira".

Shakira, te amo.

The Year In Music, 2007: The Best CDs Of The Year [Part 1] -- Amy Winehouse, Back To Black

2007-09-25T06:55:00.000-05:00

US Release Date: 13 March 2007

Pop Album Of The Year
Classic R&B/Soul Album Of The Year
_____ Album Of The Year

Album Of The Year

No, I'm not being redundant with that last entry.

Back To Black is not only the best album of the year in any genre, it will also be nominated for the AOTY Grammy and right now has to be considered the favorite to win.

Yes, this record is that good.

* * * * *

Amy Winehouse first hit my radar screen the same way she hit a lot of other people's screens -- as the object of a story about how she was really drunk and screwed something up. The comment section gets lit up by people laughing at her, and then about halfway down, someone pipes in: "hey, Amy Winehouse is really quite talented, you should check her out".

While minding my own business and doing some web surfing back on October 18, 2006, I came across this headline and short piece in Stereogum:

Charlotte Church Covers Michael Jackson

And why do you care? 'Cause her duet partner, Amy Winehouse, is plastered. From the classical singer's terrible variety show. Quite amusing.

Quite amusing, indeed. I chuckled at the clip at the time, but I was intrigued by the entreaties of so many of her fans to check her out. Amy's appearance on The Charlotte Church Show was in support of the release of Back To Black in the UK. The buzz around the record in the British music mags was growing louder by the day. Her label seeded a few tracks to some opinion-makers in the States who were instantly hooked. I first heard some tracks in December, and I knew I was going to have this record.

Every time I hear Amy sing now, I cry a little bit more for that clip of "Beat It", because damnit, that could have been fucking terrific!

* * * * *

[Necessary disclosure: I started working on this post a loooooooong time ago. For lots of reasons, I didn't finish it in a timely manner. I've finally decided to just wrap it up and roll with it. I have included a few things that have happened since the end of June -- this series was supposed to be, after all, a wrap-up of the first 6 months of the year -- but I've also excluded some things. We'll cover those important developments later. -- Ed.]

[What kind of fuckery is this??? -- Ed.'s Ed.]

When I started writing this post, I planned to rehash Amy's trainwreck of a spring and summer. But that's been holding this up, and I've already covered a lot of that.

Amy Winehouse has demons. Lots of demons. The booze. The loved-and-lost. The booze. The drugs. The booze. The missed performances. The booze. The love-of-her-life. The booze. The eating disorders. The booze. The cutting. And did I mention the booze?

[image courtesy witz.org and modified by DHMBIB. Left: 2004, at the Nationwide Mercury Prize award ceremony. Right: 2007.]

[apropos of not very much, compare these photos to the EXTREMELY photoshopped cover of Back To Black above. Also, to point it out for no reason at all, among the "editing" that was done on the cover photo was to draw in a bikini top on the tattoo on Amy's left arm. The real tattoo has the subject topless. If you look carefully, you can see that in the video below of Amy performing at the Nationwide Mercury Prize award ceremony -- Ed.]

And everyone already knows about all of that. So, I'll write about something else instead.

* * * * *

Put quite simply, Amy Winehouse and producer Mark Ronson [more on him later -- Ed.] (with some help from Amy's old producer Salaam Remi) have created a masterpiece in Back To Black. To Amy's Shirley Bassey / Billie Holiday / Dinah Washington classic jazz sound, Amy and Ronson added Ronson's trademark retro Motown / Wall of Sound / R&B to produce a unique audio style that seems at once both retro and modern, classic and timeless.

...What kind of fuckery is this?
You made me miss the Slick Rick gig...

["Me & Mr. Jones"]

But Back To Black doesn't just stand out due to the compelling combination of Amy's retro-jazz voice and Mark Ronson's retro-R&B sound. It's Amy's songwriting that completes the perfect storm here.

Back To Black shares the confusion, hurt and anger of a woman going through a stormy relationship and ultimately a fiery breakup. Amy wrote these songs about her relationship and subsequent breakup with her then-former boyfriend, Blake Fielder-Civil [indeed, the pain expressed here is so profound that Amy's fans were shocked to find that Amy and Blake reconciled and secretly married in April 2007]. The lyric sheet reads like a tome of poetry that stands on its own as a narrative of love, loss, betrayal, confusion, anger, regret, and despair. And on top of all of that, coping with these feelings and the additional problems that can cause.

It's okay in a day, I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don’t have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

His face in my dreams, seizing my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked to the soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone...

["Wake Up Alone"]

Here, Amy says "at least I'm not drinking". Turning to booze and other self-medication as a coping mechanism is a theme that courses through the entire record. Indeed, the "black" of the album and song title is both "the black hole of despair and depression" and "so intoxicated I black out":

He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry
Get on without my guy
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to.....

I go back to us

I love you much
It's not enough
You love blow and I love puff
And life is like a pipe
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

Black, black, black, black, black, black, black,
I go back to
I go back to

We only said good-bye with words...

["Back To Black"]

Most people are familiar with Amy from "Rehab", in which Amy defiantly refuses the entreaties of her friends and family that she seek help for her addictions ["they tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no / yes, I've been black, but when I come back, you won't know, know, know..."]. But songs such as the tragic "Back To Black", the mischievous "You Know I'm No Good" [in which "carpet burns" become evidence of infidelity and betrayal], and the haunting "Love Is A Losing Game" are far superior both musically and lyrically:

For you I was a flame,
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came,
Love is a losing game

One I wish I never played,
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band,
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand,
Love is a losing hand

Self-professed, profound
'Til the chips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Tho' I battled blind,
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind,
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds,
And laughed at by the Gods
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

["Love Is A Losing Game"]

From top to bottom, there is not a single "miss" on this record. Amy and Mark Ronson have managed to craft an out-of-nowhere classic that will make the best-of-the-year -- and, for years to come, the best-of-the-decade -- lists of all but the most snobbery of critics.

If you enjoy reading this blog, I can assure you that will enjoy this record and agree with me that Back To Black is the best album of at least the last 3 years.

* * * * *

Probably because Amy's style and Back To Black's sound are so unique in modern popular music, Amy has won the adoration and acclaim of critics and peers of all stripes. I have never seen a review of Back To Black even approaching "mediocre". And Amy's fans among her peers range all the way from hip-hop royalty such as Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, and Ghostface to dancehall-pop fave Shaggy to fellow nu-soul peer Joss Stone to pop royalty such as Justin Timberlake and Paul Weller to modern rockers [and fellow Nationwide Mercury Prize honorees] Arctic Monkeys. Below I've included a couple of my favorite Back To Black "spin-off" tracks: a Jay-Z remix of "Rehab", in which his usual "I'm the best rapper alive!" shtick is filtered through the track's theme of addiction to become a rather humorous I'm-addicted-to-being-the-greatest-and-I-can't-get-up verse ["'oh look, he's relapsin'...just look how he's rappin''...every time I try to get out it pulls me back in..."]; and an Arctic Monkeys cover of "You Know I'm No Good" that is so note-for-note perfect you would think the track is an Arctic Monkeys original if you didn't know any better. Recognizing the genius of this track, they didn't even bother to change the gender-specific lyrics, and that was a great call, as the song may just have fallen apart if they had [or maybe it is still appropriate -- maybe Alex Turner likes teh guys?...don't know, don't care -- Ed.]

* * * * *

[image courtesy the Daily Mail]

Amy Winehouse has drink and drug problems. Amy Winehouse has tantrums backstage and destroys her dressing room.

I have surprising news for you -- Amy Winehouse is a ROCK STAR. And she's behaving like one.

Back in the era of, say, Janis Joplin and Grace Slick, no one would have batted an eye at Amy's behavior. Unfortunately for Amy, however, she lives in an era in which the public has become obsessed with celebrities and all of their foibles and follies. We love to break down our stars and watch them implode under the crush of the paparazzi and the 24x7x365 stream of tawdry celebregossip. To people who know Amy only through the pictures they see on the internet and through her song about refusing to go to rehab, Amy is not a rock star like Janis Joplin, she is a celebrity trainwreck like Britney Spears.

So after Amy's missed and botched performances, her two recent in-and-out stints in rehab [heh], and her bloody fight with her husband Blake, Amy -- like Britney -- appeared to be in danger of losing her career, or [heaven forbid] something far more meaningful. Amy herself was desperately in need of her own triumphant comeback.

Enter the Nationwide Mercury Prize.

The Nationwide Mercury Prize is a peculiar British institution. It is an award created a few years ago by the British equivalent of the RIAA as an alternative to the BRIT awards [a/k/a "the British Grammys"]. I'm still not clear on the "why?" part. Anyway, a panel of "experts" singles out 12 albums by British or Irish artists from the previous year to be recognized for their artistic achievement. In Britain -- and in international music critic circles -- it is considered a singular honor merely to be nominated for this award. To absolutely no one's surprise, Back To Black made this year's "short list" for the award [another British peculiarity about this award is that the list of 12 selected albums is not referred to as a list of "nominees" or "finalists", but as the "short list"].

This was not the first time Amy was on the short list for this prestigious award. In 2004, Amy made the short list for her first album, Frank, although she lost that year to Franz Ferdinand's self-titled debut [Frank was not released in the U.S., but due to the success of Back To Black, Amy's record company has announced plans to release it in the U.S. "later this year"]. The photo above shows Amy at the award ceremony in 2004.

The 2007 award ceremony occurred on Tuesday 4 September, less than 2 weeks after Amy and her husband Blake had a fight that left them both bloodied and cut. Coming just a couple of weeks after Amy was in-and-out of rehab -- twice -- many observers believed Amy maybe had finally gone over the edge. And many wondered whether she would even show up to the Nationwide Mercury Prize award ceremony.

[Image courtesy Getty Images. Amy with Quentin Tarantino at the 2007 Nationwide Mercury Prize award ceremony.]

An early-favorite going in to this year's ceremony [along with the 2006 winners Arctic Monkeys], Amy alas did not win the award [The award went to Klaxons for their album Myths Of The Near Future]. Many observers thought her loss was the first sign of a critical backlash against her antics that could endanger her career.

All artists on the short list are invited to perform at the ceremony, and 11 of the 12 artists performed this year [only Arctic Monkeys, who were on tour in the U.S., did not perform]. In some quarters, Amy's stock had sunk so low that critics began referring to her Mercury performance as a potential "comeback" performance. This was widely seen as her best -- maybe last? -- chance for her to show that she still "had it" and had not become a Britney-Spears-style trainwreck. For her performance, Amy decided to go low-key, turning in a haunting performance of "Love Is A Losing Game", accompanied only by an acoustic guitar. It's a breath-taking performance that brought the house down:

[okay Britney, THAT is how you put on a "comeback" performance -- Ed.]

Okay, two words -- WOW!!! I'm not completely fluent in the singing-ese language, but I think the above roughly translates into "Piss off Klaxons, you've just been pwn3d! All your news coverage are belong to me!"

Those wacky Brits have an end-of-summer awards mini-season. Wednesday 19 September saw two separate music awards ceremonies, the Mobo ["music of black origin"] Awards, and the Vodafone Live Music Awards. That night, Amy picked up the Female Artist Mobo and the Live Female Artist Vodafone award. Amy appeared at the Mobo ceremony and continued her "comeback" tour-de-force with excellent performances of "Tears Dry On Their Own" and "Me & Mr. Jones":

[Amy appears to be having fun head-faking the censors during "Me & Mr. Jones"]

[reviews of Amy's performance of "Tears Dry On Their Own" have been mixed, but her performance of "Me & Mr. Jones" has been widely applauded. We think she did great on both songs -- Ed.]

These fantastic "comeback" performances confirmed that Amy still "has it" and is still a performer not to be missed. If Amy can more-or-less stay out of trouble -- or at least lower her tabloid profile -- and continue showing up and putting on performances like these, she should take that Grammy she so clearly deserves.

* * * * *

Some of the audiovisual goodness from Back To Black...

["You Know I'm No Good"]

["Rehab"]

["Back To Black"]

["Tears Dry On Their Own"]

* * * * *

Here, Amy shows a great sense of humor in a video interview with...wait for it...Kelly Osbourne [huh??? -- Ed.]:

[note: this was clearly recorded on a hand-held DV, so the video is quite shaky. But worth viewing nevertheless -- Ed.]

* * * * *

Amy Winehouse, Back To Black

Reviews / Ratings:

All Music [out of 5]: 4
Entertainment Weekly: A-
The Guardian [out of 5]: 4
IGN [out of 10]: 8.6
The Observer [out of 5]: 4
Pitchfork [out of 10]: 6.4 [what kind of fuckery is this??? actually, read the review, it's better than the rating, which is actually assigned by an editor, and not the reviewer, for some ungodly reason -- Ed.]
Rolling Stone [out of 5]: 3
Yahoo! Music UK [out of 10]: 9

metacritic.com [weighted combined rating, out of 100]: 82

* * * * *

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black [MP3, via YSI]
Amy Winehouse - Back To Black [MP3, via zShare]

Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game [MP3, via YSI]
Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game [MP3, via zShare]

Amy Winehouse - Rehab (remix feat. Pharoahe Monch & Jay-Z) [MP3, via YSI]
Amy Winehouse - Rehab (remix feat. Pharoahe Monch & Jay-Z) [MP3, via zShare]

Arctic Monkeys - You Know I'm No Good [MP3, via YSI]
Arctic Monkeys - You Know I'm No Good [MP3, via zShare]

Video Of The Day: "IDK, my BFF Rose"

2007-09-12T05:54:00.000-05:00

I'm normally not the kind of blogtard who would allow my blog to be used to shill for a commercial product, and that's not what this post is about.

But stick with me on this one. I do have some meta stuff I want to talk about.

Earlier this year, after completing their merger with Cingular Wireless, AT&T Wireless unveiled a series of commercials touting their wireless plans. One commercial [not included here] showed a "mother" chastising her "family" for "throwing away" their rollover minutes, represented in the ad by tiny analog clocks. A follow-up commercial showed a different "mother" chastising her "daughter" for running up the family's wireless bill through excessive text messaging:

This commercial, which has come to be known as "IDK, my BFF Jill", is probably the most polarizing commercial of the year. Everyone I know hates this commercial. Except for me. I love it.

Why? I use this kind of SMS shorthand all the time myself. Not usually in speech, sure, but that's the joke that makes this ad. No one "talks" like this. Now. But soon, we will.

In fact, it's already happening. Educators have already begun the teeth-gnashing and the hair-pulling and the whatnot over students who use SMS shorthand in essays. Some educators are even debating whether they should "teach" SMS shorthand as a way to control the monster that has already been unleashed. I'm not sure what they would "teach" exactly -- is it socially improper for youngsters to write, or say, "WTF" when communicating with their elders? -- but I'm sure we'll work it out. Whatevs.

It's okay, people. Calm down. Breathe. We'll survive this. INBD.

Anyway, most people hoped that "Mom" and "Beth Ann" had completed their nails-on-the-chalkboard reign over our airtime. But recently, AT&T Wireless unveiled a new add, "IDK, my BFF Rose". And, of course, it's my "Video Of The Day". NJOY:

* * * * *

Random thoughts about the above:

* The new [second] clip above was posted to YouTube by user "attmobility". So, AT&T Wireless. How do we feel about advertisers gettin' all up in OurSpace?

* The older [first] clip above was posted to YouTube by [presumably] a regular user. It and other clips of the same ad have already been viewed over 1 million times. Does that make my first question moot?

* The first clip is a rip from the teevee. The second clip comes straight from AT&T. The first clip comes with the Oasis sample still audible at the end. The second clip has the music excised. How do the Gallagher brothers and their record label feel about all of this?

* The actress who plays the "Mom" in these two adds is Orlagh Cassidy, who plays the character "Doris Wolfe" on the CBS soaper Guiding Light. [Don't ask me how I know that. Just know that whenever I see her on the show, I mumble under my breath, "Me paying this bill, that's what's S...NF".] Anyways, I've always been curious how much soap work pays. And how much commercial work pays. And now, how much AT&T Wireless had to pay to get her to come back for another go-round?

* * * * *

Bonus Fall Out Boy video, "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs":

[Note that the video is sponsored by Tag Body Spray. Sigh...]

This Is Why We Love Lily Allen [20 August 2007]

2007-08-20T23:14:00.000-05:00

From Lily's MySpace blog:

Monday, August 20, 2007

hello all

v festival was great, thanks to everybody who came ,

i just want all my fans to know this ,

I have called george bush a c**t at pretty much every show i have played over the past year , that is because I think he is one and i stand by that . You can make up your own mind as to whether you agree with me or not , thats just how i feel . Just because i hate george bush doesnt mean I hate america , quite the opposite , I think the US is a great place and I am really sad that I cant be there for my commitments scheduled for the near future . what i said about George Bush this weekend bears no relation to what happened a couple of weeks ago with my visa , that is an issue with the US immigration service . I just wanted to let you all know that my " foul mouthed tirade " so widely reported over the past couple of days is actually pretty rehearsed and ive beeen saying it long before all this visa issue .

also me raising a drink to Amy , was just that , showing my support for her . I've been around enough substance abuse and alcoholism to know that it's a serious matter , and not to be taken lightly .

im sorry, i wanted to write this because i felt like if i didn't say anything you all might believe the rubbish your being fed .

Lily

Video[s] Of The Day: "Umbrella"

2007-08-19T09:37:00.000-05:00

Hey, anyone remember Mandy Moore?

Well, Mandy is recording again, and she has reinvented herself as something like Paula Cole's or late-career Alanis Morissette's younger sister. Mandy's new record, Wild Hope, is pretty good if you're into that kind of emo-chick pop.

Anyway, Mandy recently covered Rihanna's smash "Umbrella" [not on her new record, unfortunately] for Yahoo! Music's "Cover Art" section [cover songs -- get it?]. Mandy gave it the Wild Hope treatment, and the results are certainly interesting:

[Nice touch performing in front of the monitors showing the original outstanding video for the track.

Maybe soon -- maybe -- I'll have to unpack all that nonsense at the beginning of the clip. Mandy, why are you throwing your early career under the bus like that???]

Okay, that may not be everyone's thing, and I'm a little conflicted about it myself. But the real gem in this episode is that on the Mandy page is a link to "the original" -- which is not, in fact, Rihanna's original video, but is actually RIHANNA HERSELF performing the song live for Yahoo! Music.

I've never seen Rihanna perform live, and I didn't know she had a real "band". Quite rightly, directors keep the band out of sight, because, let's face it, if you've got someone as breathtakingly beautiful as Rihanna on stage, you want to show Rihanna. But this band is terrific, and they really funked and rocked the shit out of that song. The result is an obvious choice for Video Of The Day:

[Okay, we coulda done without the umbrella dancers, and MORE RIHANNA, but still, well done!]

* * * * *

For reference, and also just because, here is the original video for "Umbrella", which is undeniably the most artistically sexy video I've seen in at least 5 years:

Happy Birthday Kelly Ann Collins!!!

2007-08-03T20:13:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday, Kelly Ann Collins!!!!!!!!1!111!1!

Okay, it's really tomorrow -- Sat 4 August -- but I wanted to send my best wishes now because I have a full schedule tomorrow [!!!]. I believe KAC is turning 22 tomorrow. AWWWWWWWWWW!!!

You all should cruise by one of her many, many sites [it's SOOOOOO hard to keep up with KAC!!!] and leave your best wishes.

BTW, tomorrow [4 August] is also Barack Obama's birthday.

Which gives me a great idea...

[images courtesy: (L) Kelly Ann Collins; (R) Wonkette]

Think about it -- we'd only need one really big-ass "American Flag" birthday cake for four -- or maybe eight!!! -- years! Think about everything we could do with the money our country would save in hosting only one birthday party instead of two!!!

You're welcome.

BREAKING: Area Blogger Makes Painfully Obvious Lindsay Lohan / Amy Winehouse "Rehab" Joke

2007-07-24T22:39:00.000-05:00

Well, that didn't take long, now did it?

Less than 12 hours after Lindsay Lohan melted down again, was arrested for DUI, and was shipped off to rehab, some webtard had the genius idea of mashing up clips of our dear LiLo with Amy Winehouse's song "Rehab".

Actually, it's pretty clever -- and it's my "Video Of The Day".

Enjoy:

The Year In Music, 2007: The Best CDs Of The Year [Part 1] -- Lily Allen, Alright, Still

2007-07-23T22:45:00.000-05:00

US Release Date: 30 January 2007

MAINSTREAM POP ALBUM OF THE YEAR
DEBUT ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Okay, let's just get this out of the way right now. Lily Allen is abso-freakin'-lutely adorable. And so is Alright, Still.

We cannot talk about 22-year-old Lily Allen without taking a quick trip through her family background. Lily is what we now in the US might refer to as "celebuspawn". Lily's father is Keith Allen, a middlingly-famous British actor and musician not famous enough that we in the US would know who he is without googling him. Lily's mother is British TV producer Alison Owen.

Lily's celebrity upbringing was both a help and a hindrance to her desire to become a singer in her own right. Fans and detractors -- and potential competitors -- constantly questioned her bona fides, and asked how much her celebrity parentage was helping her career along. Tiring of these barriers, eventually Lily decided to create her music career the new-fashioned way: on MySpace. Indeed, Lily Allen may be the first true "pop star" to emerge entirely from her MySpace presence. [Take THAT, Tila Tequila -- Ed.]

In addition to posting all of her music on MySpace, Lily kept in touch with her fans -- and attracted legions of new fans -- through her MySpace blog, in which she opened up about her life: her body-image issues, her beloved English Bull Terrier, Maggie May [whom she reported missing back in December, but who turned up safe-if-not-so-sound shortly thereafter -- that's Maggie May in the lower-left corner of the CD cover photo], and, perhaps most famously, her "feud" with fellow Brit singer Lady Sovereign:

Dear Lady Sovereign

In response to Miss sovereigns comments , I've spoken to my Dad and he says he'd be happy to adopt you if you think it will give you a leg up .

The 21-year-old rapper - who is enjoying chart success in the US - thinks it is unfair she is attacked in Britain for her sense of style, while Lily is lauded for her quirky dress sense.
Lady Sovereign told the Observer Music Monthly magazine: 'I'm not appreciated. You get some of the media hating people like me 'cause they're chavish but Lily is the biggest chav going and everyone seems to love her.' The 'Public Warning' singer insists she doesn't hate Lily, but thinks she has had it easy, because she is the daughter of successful comic actor Keith Allen.
She added: 'I'm not hating on her but someone like Lily Allen, just 'cause her dad's famous, doesn't have to work as hard as someone like me.' The Wembley-born MC also claims her next album is going to be so controversial, her record label Def Jam will 's**t themselves'.
The rapper - who can count Nas and LL Cool J as her label mates - said: 'If they think my current album is irregular the next one's going to be pretty f**ked up. I've got so many things to say. They're going to s**t themselves.'

Perhaps growing up with famous-for-British-"Hollywood" parents gave Lily a unique perspective on fame and stardom. She seems remarkably humble and self-composed for being a huge break-out popstar. Perhaps that's also due to the fact that she's still just 22 and this all seems so new and remarkable to her.

Back in late May -- it seems like so much longer ago -- Lily had the chance to duet with her idol, Blondie's Debbie Harry, on The Today Show. Lily is still so in awe of her idols that she doesn't want to take the spotlight away from Debbie, not even appearing on stage until after Meredith Viera finishes her interview with Debbie:

And Lily has no problem making herself -- or her fellow break-out stars -- the butt of a joke by, well, looking ridiculous:

[Lily as Amy Winehouse recently on the British teevee show "Friday Night Project" -- Ed.]

But wait -- isn't this post supposed to be about Alright, Still?

Lily's debut CD is a brilliant tour-de-force that mixes elements of brit-pop, ska, R&B, dance, and neo-60's-Motown to produce the best "mainstream pop" CD of the first half of 2007.

Yes, I just wrote that.

Part of it is Mark Ronson's brilliant production work [more on HIM later -- Ed.]. Part of it is Lily's unique and entertaining songwriting. Whether she's writing and singing about the pitfalls facing ladies in the club scene ["Knock 'Em Out", "Friday Night"], past lovers who have done her wrong ["Not Big", "Littlest Things"], her body-image issues ["Everything's Just Wonderful"], or her "little baby brother" Alfie who won't stop smoking weed and pullllllling her hair ["Alfie"], Lily manages to create a nearly perfect concoction of sing-a-long lyrics and head-bouncing music. Ironically, at the tender age of 21 [when she recorded this record] Lily managed to create the precise CD that Geri ["Ginger Spice"] Halliwell spent 10 years of her career struggling -- and not succeeding -- to make.

Part of it is also Lily's sailor-mouth. Brits -- especially female Brits -- can "get away away with" being "foul-mouthed sailors" in ways that Americans can't. Lily also benefits from being a young woman -- out of her 22-year-old mouth, it doesn't sound crass -- in context, it even sounds subversively fun. ["oh, my gosh, you must be joking me / if you think that you'll be poking me", from "Shame For You" -- Ed.]

And speaking of subversive fun, Alright, Still is the most subversively "fun" record of the year. Listen to the three most head-bouncing singles on this CD: "Smile", "LDN", and "Alfie". Listen to the lyrics VERY CAREFULLY. Unless you are the asshole-ex-boyfriend of "Smile", the old-lady-who-got-mugged-in-the-park of "LDN", or the "twat" [= rhymes with "hat", not "hot"] baby brother of "Alfie", you will have no choice but to grin slyly as you bounce your head along, feeling like you are "in" on an inside joke.

Lily Allen's Alright, Still is head-and-shoulders-above-the-crowd one of the best pop records of the year. If Lily can maintain her careful balance of clever songrwriting, ahead-of-the-curve production, and attitude, she just may be able to cultivate that career she's long wanted.

*****

[Lily Allen performing "Everything's Just Wonderful" and "Littlest Things" live at the Bonnaroo Music Festival, 25 June 2007 -- Ed.]

[Lily Allen music video for "Smile" -- Ed.]

[Lily Allen music video for "Alfie" -- Ed.]

[Lily Allen music video for "LDN" -- Ed.]

*****

Still haven't fallen in love with Lily Allen yet? And you need more?

Seriously???

[Lily Allen music video for "Smile" in Simlish -- the "language" for The Sims. Seriously, there is a language for The Sims. This may actually be nerdier than those people who go to Star Trek conventions dressed as Klingons and only speak to each other in Klingon. Seriously. Just sayin' -- Ed.]

Invite Lily to go bowling sometime:

[Lily went bowling with a friend in Japan while on tour in early 2007. We have no idea which bowler is Lily -- Ed.]

*****

Okay, you still aren't sold? This is the last best hope for you...
Lily Allen has a third nipple. And she's not afraid to whip it out and show you.

Check please!

*****

Lily Allen, Alright, Still

Reviews / Ratings:

Blender [out of 5]: 4.5
Pitchfork [out of 10]: 8.3
Rolling Stone [out of 5]: 3.5
Spin [out of 5]: 4

metacritic.com [weighted combined rating, out of 100]: 79

*****

So, what MP3's could I possibly post from this record? All of the hits are ubiquitous by now, and there are some great tracks beyond those hits.

This will plague me over the course of this project.

For Alright, Still, I've decided to post my favorite of the three "hit" tracks, "Alfie", and a great "album" track, "Everything's Just Wonderful". Enjoy!

Lily Allen - Alfie [MP3, via YSI]
Lily Allen - Alfie [MP3, via zShare]

Lily Allen - Everything's Just Wonderful [MP3, via YSI]
Lily Allen - Everything's Just Wonderful [MP3, via zShare]

*****

[Next: This Ain't A Scene, It's A God Damn Great Record -- Ed.]

The Year In Music, 2007: The Best CDs Of The Year [Part 1]

2007-07-23T21:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've been promising and promising forever. I'm ready.

I've been working on a recap of the Best CDs of the Year. I'll be posting about these CDs chronologically based on their US release date. Most posts will discuss why I think the CDs stand out and will includes references to reviews and what other critics or blogs thought about the CD. Some will even have a couple of MP3's.

Of course, my tastes are not everyone's tastes. What I consider to be among the best, may be on your "Worst! CD! Ever!" list. I'll even talk about some of the CDs that recently disappointed me. I should get around to nearly every CD I bought this year, either in a "best of" post or in a recap of some "meh" CDs.

To qualify, the CD had to be released in the US for the first time on or after 1 January 2007. The CD also had to be composed of "new" material, so I will largely be ignoring "Greatest Hits" and other similar compilations. [Note: "CD" includes digital collections, and my evaluation may include "bonus material" available only in digital form.]

I hope to post about at least one CD every day/night. But please bear with me.

Thanks again for your continued support.

DHMBIB

Now, You Too Can Stand Under Rihanna's Um-B-Rella-Ella-Ella-Ay-Ay-Ay

2007-07-23T20:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves...

[image courtesy Totes via Stereogum]

Yes, you're seeing that right. Umbrella-maker Totes has signed up Rihanna to shill a new line of...umbrellas...

This can only mean one thing -- even your grandmother will be singing this song by Labor Day.

Oh yeah -- and this contest is so totes over [ya had to go there, didn't ya Rob? -- Ed.].

BREAKING: "Obama Girl v. Guiliani Girl" Fake Smackdown Leads To "Blogger v. Blogger" Real Smackdown

2007-07-17T19:21:00.000-05:00

WARNING: this post is so "inside", you have to be on the guest list just to read it.

I hope by now you've had the chance to check out the new "Obama Girl" video, which features three "Obama Girls" "fighting" [including pillows!!!] three "Guiliani Girls". Haven't seen it yet??? It was only the #2 meme on the 'tubes on Monday -- after the photoshop hackjob Redbook did on Faith Hill. Anyway, if for some reason you still haven't seen it, you can check it out here. But I should warn you -- you'll probably fall asleep three times just while reading the associated article.

Okay, anyway, our good friends Julia Allison and Rachel Sklar had a big debate recently about whether this video signaled a new low -- or possibly a new high -- for women in the political sphere.

[image courtesy Julia Allison. L: Julia Allison. R: Rachel Sklar.]

And check out the fact that JA is arguing for the "low", while RS is being all "lighten up, girlfriend".

The "transcript" of their possibly-nonexistent "conversation" is courtesy Gawker editor Alex Balk. Which means, of course, I didn't trust it for a second...

...Until our dear friend Julia "endorsed" it on her own blog.

So...Enjoy!!! [P.S. We heartily encourage you to click on the many links in Balk's link-ified post...well worth you time!!! -- Ed.]

* * * * *

Okay, so who are Julia Allison and Rachel Sklar?

Julia Allison fancies herself as "this generation's" Candace Bushnell. She's a "dating 'columnist'" who also has made multiple appearances on the Fox News Channel and was recently hired by Star Magazine as their new [teevee-centric] Editor-At-Large.

Oh, and there's also that thing involving former Representative Harold Ford Jr. (D-TN), but Allison doesn't really like talking about that -- except, of course, for the fact that she does -- so let's just move on.

Rachel Sklar is the editor of Arianna Huffington's Huffington Post: Eat The Press media meta-criticism blog.

Allison is also an occasional contributor to HP's ETP blog.

Allison is also Gawker's best "frenemy".

And Sklar is also Canadian..."Not that there's anything wrong with that..."...

BREAKING: Ask American Celebremag Covers No Questions And They Will STILL Tell You Lies

2007-07-17T00:07:00.001-05:00

RELATED: Offer me $10K and I'll photoshop MYSELF to your specifications...

Fact No. 1: faithful readee Gawker Media recently inaugurated a new blog. Jezebel is a blog devoted to snarking about the world of women's fashion and beauty. Think Cosmo with "These 7 seven tricks WILL NOT blow his mind!!! But the truth about Atoosa Rubinstein just might!!!" [Maybe a LITTLE too inside??? -- Ed.] Their motto -- "Celebrity, Sex, Fashion. Without Airbrushing."

Fact No. 2: Faith Hill is a beautiful woman. Two months away from her 40th birthday, this Mother 0f three lovely girls [and Wife of Tim McGraw] should have no shame over a few lines here and there.

Fact No. 3: EVERY magazine cover you see when you buy your cold medicine and band-aids or whatevs at the CVS is so photoshopped it bears no resemblance to anything you or I would relate to "reality".

[uh...insert "break" here perhaps when this gets fixed -- Ed.]

Fact No. 4: Jezebel famously offered a $10 thousand bounty for a major magazine cover pic "before" the requisite photoshop job. [sorry, we can't find the original offer now -- just trust us -- Ed.]

Fact No. 5: Nick Denton is cutting a check for 10-Large as I write this.

Yes, today, someone emailed Jezebel a "before" pic of Faith Hill on the cover of the July Redbook. And here's the before, along with the after [of course -- you can figure out which is which]:

[image courtesy Jossip via Jezebel]

This story blew up the celebribloggosphere on Monday. Take a look at the differences between these two photos. Among other things that are obviously different:

* the "eye bags"
* the "back fat"
* the right arm -- where is it in "the original" photo?
* the thinner left arm
* the freckles and moles on the left arm
* and, uh, why???
* no, seriously -- why???

Longtime-faithful readers know how much I hate gettin' all Jack Shafer and shit up in y'allz grillz and shit, but...

Assuming the "before" photo is real -- a big assumption -- Redbook -- and Faith Hill -- have lots of questions to answer -- the above questions, to be exact...

...But it also -- OMG totes coincidentally -- put [BRAND NEW!!! GAWKER MEDIA blog] Jezebel on the map...

...And we here at DHMBIB would never be so cynical as to suggest that a brand-new blog...

Two notes:

1) Okay, Jezebel, so you're OK! If you offered to pay me $10K for something bloggable, I might photoshop anything you wanted -- I might even "reverse-photoshop" Redbook's July cover, just for you and your $10K payday.

So, a little more disclosure would be a good thing...Just sayin'...

2) "On The Internet, Nobody Knows You're A Dog."

ciaobaby

Alright, Still...

2007-07-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, seriously, I'm tired of not posting, and then wondering whether I need to apologize for...not posting...

[This is the point where we would probably insert a "jump" code, but that seems to be broken on Blogger right now, so you'll just have to imagine it. It seems that we've been gone so long that lots of things have changed on this site. Please give us "more time" to work these issues out. -- Ed.]

After American Idol wrapped, and I got 2-nights-a-week of my life back, I reconnected with some people in the real world. I also recently had started a new job, and I've worked some late hours recently -- including missing the AI finale due to work commitments. Also, I overcommitted myself on some personal projects. All of that contributed to me just not having a lot of time to post here.

Oh, and one more thing.

As AI was wrapping, I decided I would post my thoughts on some of the best albums of the first-half of 2007. So I began spending all of my free time listening hard to the albums I had picked up, mentally drafting my posts as I went along. Then, as I was about ready to start posting these thoughts, I began to rethink how I wanted to do that. Anyway, I think I'm now ready to go. Check back here at least daily over the next couple of weeks, as I should have lots of interesting new stuff.

Thanks for your support.

ciaobaby

You Maybe Should Or Should Not Hate Pete Wentz, Depending On Whether He's Your Best Friend Or Your Romantic Rival

2007-06-13T20:39:00.001-05:00

[image courtesy stereogum]

~~Alternate post title: "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race". Second alternate post title: "Sugar, We're Goin Down".~~

[Actually, the real title of this post would make a great Fall Out Boy song title...Pete -- call us!!! -- Ed.]

So, didya happen to catch Fall Out Boy's performance at Chicago's Schubas Theatre the other night???

Initial reports after the show were that FOB bassist-and-lyricist-and-Ashlee-Simpson-uhhhhhh-"dater" Pete Wentz went all medieval-and-shit on a "fan" who heckled Pete about Ashlee Simpson or his guyliner or his punny songtitles or something. The above is supposedly a picture of the aftermath of Pete attacking said heckler with a beer bottle.

The scene -- sadly, not Pete's first concert-inflicting beatdown -- is quite adequite, doncha think???

Well, not surprisingly, Pete took to the media the next day to tell his side of the story:

"The story on the Internet is absolutely false," he wrote in an e-mail. "Yes, we were playing an acoustic afterparty for Spin. It was a good time for the most part. Yes, the guy was heckling me and the band, so were other people, most in good fun. But we get heckled onstage all the time, and while I'm a jerk, I'm not the kind of person who would ever lash out at someone simply over this...

"The truth is on the way out the door I had to pass directly next to the guy and I knew it, so I kept my head down and walked out. As I did, the guy reached out and grabbed me and said something I couldn't really hear — it was a glorious use of the English language, though," he continued. "As he grabbed me, I punched him. Yell all you want at me, say whatever, but in a situation like that I will defend myself. After that, of course, it got chaotic, [but] we have several independent witnesses that gave statements saying he grabbed me first ... I am not worried over the outcome, as I was clearly in the right. Anything anyone else is saying or writing is simply not true."

Pete Wentz Offers His Side Of The Fall Out [MTV, via stereogum]

[ah, Stereogum, you guys are SO CLEVER with your post titles -- Ed.]

[i.e., "Don't You Know Who I Think I Am" -- Ed.]

Okay, so there's a he-said-he-said thing going on here. I'm sure I know whose side FOB-singer-and-trucker-hat-and-mutton-chop-model Patrick Stump is on [actually, even though Patrick can't seem to figure out why so many people seem to dislike Pete, that link points to a very interesting interview with Patrick...seriously -- Ed.].

I can't take sides here -- in fact, Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name Of This Post So We Wouldn't Get Sued. So all of this is really prelude to...

...my Video Of The Day:

[video courtesy craigshimala.com via stereogum]

[actually, we're kinda digging FOB's cover of "Beat It". Also, the video clearly shows about a half dozen other fans vid'ding the show -- where are those vids??? -- Ed.]

Supposedly, this camera-phone video was taken by the very-same beat-down victim who left his blood on the dance floor in the photo above.

So, he got film of this, but not of his own celebrity beat down??? So, what do you think -- Sophmore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year???

Leave your thoughts in the comments.

P.S. "Craig" -- Fame < Infamy.

[Ed. note: we at DHMBIB are not FOB or Pete Wentz haters. and if you don't believe us, stay tuned over the next few weeks, as we'll be writing about the best CDs of the first half of '07 [*cough*]Infinity On High[*cough*]]

BREAKING: Area Blogger Posts Bloggosphere's 1 Millionth "Sorry For Not Posting" Post

2007-06-12T15:04:00.000-05:00

Your long national nightmare is over.

Yeah, it's been three weeks. Three weeks during which you've not experienced the joy of reading our ruminations on American Idol [the finale sucked, big time! -- Ed.] and other things vaguely musical and whatnot.

But, we're back. Which is not to say that we were ever "gone". It's just that we had some day-job things suck up more time than we anticipated and blah blah blah.

Thanks for your continued support.

DHMBIB

Caption This! Get Rich Or Die Tryin' [23 May 2007]

2007-05-23T01:38:00.000-05:00

[image courtesy European Photopress Agency via NewYorkTimes.com via Wonkette]

Those eagle-eyed sexy-librarian-cat-lovers over at Wonkette spied this "photo" at NYT.com accompanying a story that was obviously submitted by some communist libtard who hates our freedoms and wants to force Rihanna to wear a burqa in her next Spanish-language video. I mean, c'mon people -- the photographer is European, so this is obviously a photoshop intended to deceive the American people and hip-hop fans about the widespread progress being made in Iraq!!!

Those defeat-o-crats at Wonkette had this to say about this obviously phony photo:

Representatives of the extremist “Guerrilla Unit” [link added -- Ed.] threatened to continue the attacks until American occupiers left Iraq and strict Islamic law was imposed on the country. They would, said one, “Get Fiqh or Die Trying.”

Because Alex and Ken obviously hate our troops and want the terrorists to win, I want to open this photo up to a DHMBIB "Caption This!" contest. As always, leave your comments in the...er, comments. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

* 50 Cent must fight Ja Rule and The Game over there, or else The Game will follow 50 Cent home and fight him here. Ja Rule, however, will stay over there, because he's a *****.

* We're only humans girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take / I love you like a fat kid loves cake / You know my style I say anything to make you smile.

* I don't know what you heard about me / But a ***** can't get a dollar out of me / No Cadillac, no perms, you can't see / That I'm a motherfucking P-I-M-P.

* Girl, I'd take you to the Candy Shop, but...well...ya know...

BREAKING: This Week In Tomorrow Night In American Idol [22 May 2007]

2007-05-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

Surprisingly few rumors have been swirling about who will appear on Wednesday nite's American Idol finale. We suspect this is because the Idol producers have kept a very tight lid on the show -- all the better to keep alive as much suspense as possible going in to the last show of a thoroughly mediocre season.

Anyway, Holly Morris -- a reporter from our local Fox affiliate -- reported tonite that her sources -- some of which apparently include elusive, dodgey sources such as ~~Deep Throat~~ MySpace -- have confirmed that 4 former Idol winners -- Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Carrie Underwood, and Taylor Hicks -- will perform on Wednesday nite. [ah, Taylor Hicks -- that must be why Chris Daughtry performed on Tuesday -- Ed.]

Alas, Morris also refuted the swirling rumors that Britney Spears will be among those performing on Wednesday nite. Take that, Perez!!!

Tune in on Wednesday, and don't forget to check in with your favorite website.

ciaobaby